hi im sorry i just really need to vent. today has been a trainwreck of a day
tw i guess swearing. i tried toning it down more here so it's not too bad or anything

so it started last night. my dog wakes me up by howling like a freaking wolf and scared the living shit out of me [keep in mind she sleeps right next to me in her crate so that she doesnt have any accidents] and anyway, i figured she had to pee or something so i took her for a walk at 3 am in the morning because she wouldnt stop howling and after like 10 minutes she finally went to the bathroom and i took her inside. i got back to bed and figured id just fall asleep again but nope! i layed there for 3 hours trying to sleep, finally fell asleep around 6, then woke up at 6:45 to go to school. so overall got no sleep. 

then i got to school. before i even get into the complete shitshow of emotions i'll just tell you how my school day started off. I'm in health class and my teacher is rambling about something not even health related. im paying attention but i look really tired. she makes some stupid comment like "allie are you even awake?? do you have something to even contribute?!" and i said no and she just got pissed at me. she picks on me a lot. last week it was "why dont you get off your butt and actually listen during class?" (I do listen, i dont participate because im generally a quiet person). the week before that i believe it was something about how i "dont have a personality" or some shit like that. i could go on and on. I also forgot my glasses so i couldnt read or draw.

this is the more important paragraph, skip to here if you dont want to read the two other paragraphs
so as some people might know, i do school in hybrid. half the class (group a) goes to school m-t and is virtual the rest of the week, and vice versa. starting today we merged together because they want us all in person now. I cannot even begin to describe how horrible this was. normally it's just group a hanging out- literally 7 people. its nice and fun. today it was 25. the complete and utter chaos. all the guys were screaming and doing weird shit, the teachers were yelling at us (my favorite teacher who's usually really nice just snapped and was really pissed today), and one of the worst parts- the desks. my desk is in the back in the corner. it's a very tight spot. then the fact that the classroom is FILLED with people everywhere. and the fact that we have these visor things on our desks so that we 'dont spread covid'. im already claustrophobic, this was insane. i had a freaking anxiety attack today during religion because of all the yelling, all the chaos, the stupid enclosed space, all the freaking panic of being with people. It's too fucking much man.

hoping tomorrow will be better although honestly i dont know
sorry for the ridiculously long rant i really needed to scream for a second