Lol i lied get click baited suckkkerrrr /j i wouldn’t really say its a break down SJKDH im SORRY i keep posting these i just have no one else to talk to but my laptop i literally dont even care if no one reads this i just want to rant, dont feel pressured to try making me feel better i can do it on my own /g also quick tw for some heavy stuff.

I have been very very unhappy with who i am literally all of my life and thanks to judgy family it’s only growing bigger 🥱 i genuinely hate how i act/ my personality/ the way i talk and everything basically and im very much blaming family haha but seriously i’ve been taught to be myself 💞💞but also don't be..be a different person you’re kind of embarrassing nd annoying and we don't want to be seen with you… :/ and now i see it jaskljda i see how annoying and weird. Not quirky just weird and in a bad way i am and i tried changing like 20 times but i cant change this bitch she never goes away sighs. I don't want this to be more like OHOoo feel pity for meeeEe, i'm genuinely annoyed by who i am and i don't even trust anyone anymore, i dont believe when people compliment me as a person it’s too unreal../.straight up having breakdowns every night like i'm playing a game or something everyday feeling like the ocean is drowning my boat and i cant feel safe anymore and im just so lonely staring at a screen all the time because no one likes me and I miss my friends and talking to them because at least they don't make me feel miserable  but i cant keep lying anymore.../ i cant keep pretending i'm happy when im sitting here so tired and not being able to feel happy for a good hour before my mood changes.. I keep having a feeling i'm gonna have several breakdowns when i go to school and im not ready for that hh. I literally don’t know who I'm living with anymore one day i get encouraged when drawing and one day I get called useless and only doing art which will never get me anywhere in life. I always feel like I'm weighing people I love down and I can't live in this reality anymore.. I genuinely can't feel some emotions sometimes I can't feel “cute '' I dont understand when people say “aww that's adorable '' I might say it sometimes but i can't understand it really?? It’s literally a feeling and i can't understand it. KSLDa. Being online doesn’t spark me anymore yk? I used to use it as a safe place where people don't hate me but it just can't cover this reality i live in where everyone is black and white pretending to be grey in front of people and showing their true colors when you’re trapped alone with them and you have trusted them and still do and cant let go of loving them even tho they let you down multiple times in your life because they’re nice to me sometimes and you look up to them despite the fact that you’re a puppet they can punch whenever they feel frustrated. I only feel joy in shows and music now,, youtube and fandoms it just makes me feel better talking about it JSDLA.it’s like the best thing i could go to when i'm bothered/sad or stuck. If you couldn’t tell by now i hyperfixate so easily but is that even a surprise at this point lolls, i connect to a lot of things and i dont want them to be popular for my own selfish reasons. Anyways enough ranting i have way too much to say but this is gonna take forever. About art now, i dont feel connected to art anymore because ive been trying to make it look good in other peoples eyes instead of mine, ill still do art but i'm probably quitting/taking a break from the selling/trading business because i just want my art for myself honestly. Back to a lil bit of ranting im so sorry if mi becoming more and more obnoxious and different i just cant talk anymore sobs its hard to interact with people.ill be less active from now ig? I'm gonna try working on loving myself and being happy with my art and just in general heh

 im fine now i promise SKDL and also  me being sad or emotional doesnt mean i hate you . i don’t hate anyone /g even if you’ve done something bad i really don’t hate you and yeah i might think you don’t deserve another chance i don’t have a place to hate you in my heart. I just hope you apologize one day because it would make me feel like human. Just yeah to sum things up: im gonna try being more happy and being muuch muuch more less active art wise. Closing comms and all that stuff! It might be a phase and it will go or maybe its my life but it doesn’t change anything heh 

Also might post bulletins and other stuff giving away chars. Im not leaving im just sorting my feelingsss