inadvertantly had the subject brought up in conversation, and just... remembers the bad feels all over again
I'm definitely not a perfect person, and I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my past, and a lot of those mistakes still fill me with regret
But something that bothers me /so much/ is when I'm accused of doing something I didn't -- like, I hate lying, so ultimately I will always own up to my mistakes, but it just jfkld;sfd really bothers me when someone thinks I did something I didn't
And it's even worse when you can't clear the air..... Like, when you know there's just... bad mojo between you and whoever, that you can't just go up and be like 'that thing you think I did, didn't happen btw'
SIGHS
Like, I definitely 100% know I can't be friends with everyone, that I may just not mesh personalities with everyone I meet, regardless of how much I might like or admire them as an artist or w/e similar interestes we may have
But I really, really don't want to be enemies with anyone either. There are a lot of things that happened quite a while back that still bug me, especially with my own actions and attitude, but also including getting blame for things I didn't do. I know those things will never be erased and I really wish they could be.
I wish I could press reset w/ a lot of ppl /moar sigh
LIKE I KNOW I just gotta take it as a lesson and make sure I don't go down that path again, but still sucks. FFFF
Cuz I'm sure regret will plague me for a long time yet..... evEN MOAR SIGH
but to try to end my sad rambles on a more positive note, I am so close to be free to spend money again. ;.;
And also sakuracon is coming up... majority of the time these two things are all I can think about FFFF
(Sweats) I know I'm so late to this party but I just felt like saying a thing I like still do things personally that I want to punt myself out the next available window for?? Like it seems like a never ending cycle of why-did-I-think-that-was-a-good-idea?? Like dude my birth to about 2015 was just rough because I may have never done the same dumb thing twice but I kept finding more dumb things to try? I'm the party sampler of mistakes. But the important part is the fact that you're able to go "Hey, I recognize that what I did was bad and I shouldn't do it again." There are plenty of people who do not get to this part of life and seem to make the same mistakes over and over I also think it's awesome that you register that its impossible to get along with everyone or change someone's mind about something that may have hurt them The best thing here is to maybe try to just continue to be courteous and prevent whatever miscommunication that happened from happening again. Maybe one day the both of you (whoever this person you've had your disagreements with is) will be on well enough terms that you can talk about it and you can find a way to say whatever they thought happened really didn't happen! And maybe you never make up. However, you've done what you can and that's something to at least be proud of. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be upset, but I do hope knowing that helps you heal up a bit :3c
8 years, 5 months ago
If I could go back and punch myself from earlier last year/late 2014 I would not skip a beat. @__@ I completely understand, the only thing that keeps me shoving forward through my embarrassment is that I can learn through my own mistakes and do my best to prevent stuff like that from happening again.
8 years, 5 months ago
Ugh yeah 2014 was just a /horrible/ year all around. o<-<
I still feel bad about a lot of it, too. Some stuff I'm okay w/ and moved on, but I still wish a /lot/ coulda just never happened. I'm not proud of myself that year; I think I'd go back and punch myself too FFFF
But you're right! Just gotta... learn and not let it happen again, and stuff will eventually soften if not fade.
It's just unfortunate when there are misunderstandings stemming from previous attitudes that like... can't properly be cleared cuz bad air. Like, some unrelated stuff too--just in general, that sorta thing really sucks. It makes it take way longer to get over when stuff like that happens o<-<
But sometimes you can't do anything about it. Just gotta... truck along and prove otherwise w/ time I s'pose /wheeze
8 years, 5 months ago
Afajssbdk//leaves you some chocolate ;A; It's always awful when you accepted your own mistakes but the aftermath creates that sort of lingering tension...But hey, the fact that you're aware and are careful to not make that mistake again already make you a better person in my opinion ;w; <3 Hope you feel better soon!!
8 years, 5 months ago
aggressively gobbles chocolate to soothe my sould
yEAH gosh lingering tension is the worst... o<-<
Like it's not so bad if you make mistakes and can eventually work it out, but sometimes stuff is left hanging and it makes things feel really icky.
Thank you tho! ;___; Doing my best!
8 years, 5 months ago
It's alright to feel that way, as much as it stinks. I definitely know where you're coming from. I'm pretty much a hypocrite as I most certainly feel the same way some days, but the most you can do is just continue on with your progression!. We all make mistakes and do or say things we wish we could take back or handle differently. It's all part of the learning process you know?
8 years, 5 months ago
yEAH WEEPS
Most of the time I don't really think about these sorts of things, but every now and again something reminds me of a lot of stuff that /still/ bothers me and I'm like 'oh yeah..... okay.jpeg' jfk;af
Mostly just trying to stick to the time softens all and you gotta learn from it thing
Still, sometimes you just gotta sad ramble the feels out tho FFFF
8 years, 5 months ago
YEAHHH and it's good that you let it out rather than let it bottle up because that's how a lot of negativity starts. it's always those quiet sleepless nights when you're like WELL THIS HAPPENED AND IT STINKS
PFFF FF but you're fineeee PUMPS FIST UP IN THE AIR
8 years, 5 months ago
oh god the sleepless nights of mulling over stuff again and again and again tHOSE ARE THE WORST
even when it's about good/exciting stuff it still sucks FFFF
8 years, 5 months ago
8 years, 5 months ago
punches u out of the sky team rocket style
8 years, 5 months ago
8 years, 5 months ago
aww i feel you though orz I try to be nice to people and befriend people that I admire and such but then I do things that sometimes just ruin my reputation/impression on those people and it never feels like I can completely make up for those mess-ups and I wish I could go back and change my actions or words so that wouldn't have happened...but meh I guess that's life and we all learn from our mistakes and just gotta keep moving on and leave the past in the past D; What sucks the most is when you didn't even do anything offensive or bad and people get all butthurt and accuse you of being rude or whatnot and they treat you like some criminal over insignificant things. But in those cases I just kinda go ok...lol and rant a bit and move on and just decide they're not worth being upset over. I hope things will turn out better for you from now on =w=
8 years, 5 months ago
FFFF ranting can be a dangerous thing too, tho, sometimes. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and say stuff you feel then, but won't necessarily feel next week.
I've had the tendency of getting too into things in the past, like building up my opinions and getting involved in stuff I shouldn't have gotten involved in. Ultimately I always end up feeling such horrible regret like wtf why didn't I just stay in my corner. I've become such a recluse when it comes to sharing my opinions on anything anymore jfkld;asf And I find I talk to a lot fewer people because I don't want to risk screwing everything up again jfdkl;
#struggles
8 years, 5 months ago
lol yeah...i tend to rant a lot in public and always have since I hate to pretend i'm some perfect angel without any problems and prefer to be transparent/honest if anything, but recently i ran into problems due to that and not thinking enough before posting/saying certain things so i'm trying my best not to rant about touchy subjects anymore unless it's more of a general rant that's addressing a main issue that isn't anything personal, but even then i'm trying my best to not rant in public cause there's always people who'll misunderstand or get offended by something i say orz I admire people who can keep themselves out of any kind of drama sighs...i need to learn to do that too lol thankfully the few close friends I have and talk to understand me or are willing to listen to me rant on and on about dumb things =w= so that keeps me sane even without having to rant in public xD
8 years, 5 months ago
oH YEah I definitely feel that honesty thing -- Like I don't use private accounts of private posting because I don't want to have that excuse. I've been working really hard on just.. changing how I think, in general. Stuff that might have bothered me before, I'm more strict on 'does this involve me? No? Then it's not my concern'
Which I know a lot of people may not agree with that kind of attitude, but man I just don't have the heart anymore to argue things. 8(;;;
Someone will always disagree and I'd really rather spend my energy thinking positively as much as I can. Like, instead of getting pissy about something out of my control or that doesn't involve me in any way, I could go pet my kitties instead FFFFFF
I've done p well w/ staying out of any sort of drama in 2015, and really really want to keep it that way. o<-<
Too weak for that stuff
Still get sad about 2014 tho that was a really bad year for me FFFF
8 years, 5 months ago
LOL yeah orz same tbh...also idk if it's due to me not exercising anymore like i used to in the past or due to too much stress/anger over different things, but every time i try to rant now and get really anxious or angry about something and type really fast or whatnot, my heart rate suddenly flies through the roof?? like it just gets uncontrollably fast in a split second and it starts to hurt or i can't even count or feel my heartbeat until i pause and let myself calm down before resuming and it's been getting worse ever since it started doing that and now i end up feeling really weak/vulnerable in my heart area after stuff like that so i'm trying to refrain from arguing and ranting too much but there's just so many things that make me so upset it's hard when others bring up stuff like that too;; I used to be fine ranting and all that and my heart never overreacted but now i'm scared for my life orz need to free myself from drama lol;; and exercise =w= and aww i'm glad things are getting better though and wish you luck with that <3 //hugs
8 years, 5 months ago