So, as some of you might have noticed, I've been a touch inactive recently. Unfortunately, unlike in the past where I'd vanish for three weeks and then come back with some absurdly detailed project or other, this time its not for project reasons.

In essence: I haven't been sleeping. Period end of story.

Now when I say 'haven't been sleeping', please understand that I do not mean 'I'm having a hard time getting to bed' or 'I keep getting five hours of sleep a night.' I mean I haven't been sleeping at all.

I'd like to guesstimate that I'm averaging around 2-3 hours of sleep a night, and have been for the past three or so weeks. Maybe more, maybe less. Time is kind of meaningless now. I'll get no sleep at all one night, then no sleep at all the next night, and then the third I'll get around five hours, rinse and repeat. It's a decently consistent pattern all things considered. Once you hit the end of day 2 you start seeing spiders (/j)(i do get some minor auditory hallucinations though)

I have been to the doctor two times about this issue and will be going back next weekend. I've been prescribed seemingly every non-addictive sleeping medication in existence and none of it is working. Hilariously Trazadone made me super antsy?? My money is on this whole thing being a fucked up blood chemicals issue.

Because of all that, I missed a string of classes and now I have to drop some classes because I would be literally unable to pass them due to my attendance, which means sending emails about dropping classes which is freaking me the fuck out. The symptoms of ADHD are known to get noticeably worse when someone is tired, so add the executive dysfunction to my horrendous anxiety about emails... while I wouldn't go so far as to say that trying to send them is giving me panic attacks it is really getting there.

I've also been showing up to all of my classes in order to prevent that from happening to more of them, and I'm so tired that I've nearly passed out on campus while walking to my classes multiple times! Going to them is so draining that I get back to my room and quite literally collapse for a couple hours.

Please understand that this is not something that I am sharing for pity points or for attention. I would honestly prefer if people didn't flip their lids saying 'omg im so sorry!' or whatever -- it's fine. To be completely frank I hate seeming (for lack of a better term) 'weak' publicly. I feel like elaborating on what's happening gets the point across better than just saying 'i can't think straight because i'm so tired and i'm stressed out of my mind', though. So. 

I'm sharing this for the following reasons:

1. To assure people that I am not dead
2. To make clear the reasoning behind my extended absence
3. To temper expectations regarding my activity levels

(i think I've only been logging on to post any art that I finish in various servers for the dopamine hit of compliments. not sure i've clicked on my DMs in like. two weeks)

This is partially due to my highly avoidant personality, partially due to social interactions being very energy intensive for me, and partially due to not wanting to start Dramageddon 2 (3?) because if there's anything that tired people are fantastic at, it is unintentionally wreaking havoc on intrapersonal relationships.

In addition, I really only have the energy/brain power for mindless activities, which is mainly relegated to video games. My shiny-Pokemon-only-no-Mass-Outbreaks playthrough of Pokemon Legends Arceus is going swimmingly (have you ever seen a shiny driftblim i am in love)! My various projects? Not so much.

So please don't expect much progress on my Things for the next bit. Unfortunately: I haven't made any progress with TykoBot, I haven't made any progress with the Calling MAP designs, I haven't made any progress with the PMVs I'm working on, etc. The one vague exception to this is apparently 3D modelling, weirdly enough, which I have made... the smallest bit of progress in. Whoopee. 

Whenif I find the energy to draw it's basically only going to be things that make me really happy, so expect a marginal amount of Divinity & Tempest (and maybe Sunstrike or Gambit or Fidgetfire) artwork coming your way. 

If you'd like Content tm, the only things that I can think of which I really have to offer are my Creative Writing assignments that I wrote in the middle of the night (although I know many of you aren't keen on reading things lol)

This one is a one-off about pirates fighting dragons.

This one is about Laia.

Let me know what you think if you end up reading them (criticisms are welcome btw)! Always looking for that dopamine hit especially during this slog ;;w;; (can't think of a better way to put this but DONT FEEL OBLIGATED TO THIS ISN'T A GUILT TRIP SCROLL REALLY FAST IF U START FEELING GUILTY I PROMISE I DONT HAVE THE OBJECT PERMENANCE RN TO REMEMBER THAT I SHARED THESE ONLINE SO I WONT CARE IF U DON'T READ THEM)

anyways. yes. i am going to go eat food now because that's another thing i haven't been doing much of (parosmia gang rise up? parosmia... on adderall... gang rise up.) 

look at them aren't they so cute :)

if i don't respond to any comments on this bulliten, i hope you now at least know why asdfghjk