you have my fucking condolences dude. i know how you feel; i'll spare you the details but im also experiencing the unimaginably unluckiest worst year of my life. just in case, i thought i'd say that i promise you that you dont deserve any of this shit and the world isnt "punishing" you for anything, it's just unfortunately unfair like that all too often. anyways, im sure you're aware but it takes a whole lot to endure chaos like what you've going through. so please be extra proud of yourself for staying on top and pushing through