Thank you for your help! It means a lot <3
Critique My Writing
As someone who looks to be an author one day I am always looking for people to critique my writing as it helps me improve it.
So I have a job for you, critique my writing.
Tell me what I need to improve on and stuff like that!
That is all you really have to do.
Many thanks! <3
This is extremely cute! I loved all the descriptions it made me invested in the couple. The first sentence was kind of long and I almost lost the meaning, I think you should split it up and maybe even use direct dialogue instead of summarizing it. I think the “receiving a ‘You’ll see’” looks funny, I think maybe the Y should be lowercase. Even though I didn’t like the rhythm of the first sentence I like most of the others especially “He was the best boyfriend, everything I could ask for, and I am lucky to call him mine.”
You do an excellent job laying out the mood of the piece, only slightly undercut by your choice to break the first and second paragraph. If the two were kept together, you could keep the continuous thought of why the speaker's boyfriend was hiding things, and with its longer length compared to the other, shorter paragraphs, really hammer home the anticipation for what the boyfriend had planned.
You did an incredible job setting up the scene, incorporating emotions, and getting the readers to bond with the characters.
One thing I noticed is that you have a lot of comma splices; I'd recommend looking into practices involving commas and ";" (I forget what that's called. I'm big brain) to avoid those.
Also, when you're putting things in quotations; don't forget to either add a comma to continue the thought/dialogue, or a period to end the dialog.
Superb work otherwise!
Hey, I like it! I think that the formatting is a bit of an odd choice though. That's just an opinion though, so don't take it to heart. I'd love for you to read my writing as well!