Icicle Sky

The base camp on Europa was cramped, a small smattering of temporary structures thrown up around a firepit that always seemed to be burning low no matter how recently it had been stoked. In the distance loomed the Ziggurat, pulsing with it’s dark power and serving as a clear reminder to why they were all here in the first place. For Xion, the camp was more akin to a cage. He felt suffocated any time he was there, people pressed too close; Darkness pressed too close. Even Elisabeth, accustomed to the Darkness more than any of the others, had taken to standing just outside the camp when she wasn’t out doing, well, whatever it is that she did when she went away.

It was no secret that Xion was struggling with the nature of their excursion here and it was a testament to his fireteam’s respect that nobody had been around to bother him about it, unless you counted Shimmer’s playful jabs at his poor handling of Stasis (which he didn’t). He had never been to Euorpa before this, at least not times that he remembered, and the more Xion saw, the more it was dredging up a lot of questions that he didn’t have the answers to. Stasis had just been the cherry on top of his crumbling composure. Even Echo had been uncharacteristically absent since they had touched down, no doubt dealing with his own confusion. Normally Xion could pack away his baggage and focus on the mission quite easily but it was like this scenario had been dreamed up to test him and so he spent his nights running his mind like a hamster on a wheel.

Xion had come back to camp with Shimmer not even an hour ago and already the restlessness was setting in, the sickly feeling of Darkness swimming around in his system keeping him uncomfortably alert even as exhaustion weighed down his shoulders. Despite the weather and the darkening of the sky he sat at the fire, hunched forward towards it’s feeble warmth. Xion’s only company was a worn radio propped up on a crate that chattered away to itself, words plucked up and carried away by the fierce wind before he could understand them.

Shimmer must have seen him making his futile stand against the elements at some point, her voice cutting like a knife through Xion’s thoughts, “You planning on becoming a permanent feature of that snowdrift Xy?”

He jumped like a spooked animal, turning his head quickly to the Guardian approaching him. Decked in gold and white, Shimmer complimented the blues of Europa nicely, her fiery attitude a perfect contrast to the freezing air. She had been the one who brought him here in the first place and had been a fast ally to Variks and his cause, never breaking stride as she paraded Xion across the planet from one assignment to the next.

“Just wanted to enjoy the beautiful weather we’re having.” Xion said sarcastically as Shimmer took a seat next to him. Distantly he could hear the sound of Zavala’s voice now coming over the radio, reporting ineffectually to the Europan skies.

Shimmer easily drowned the Commander’s voice out with talk about her recent exploits and movie-ready feats, her unflinching bravado settling Xion’s nerves. He let her go until it was evident that she was running out of small talk to make, grateful to have something to focus on that wasn’t inside his head.

“Shimmer, do you ever wonder about who you used to be?” He asked, feeling an immediate shift in his companion’s expression, an unfamiliar tightness capturing her body language. His words hung heavily in the air as Shimmer stayed uncharacteristically silent for a time.

She shrugs stiffly, “Doesn’t matter much does it? I’m Shimmer and that’s all there is to it.” Her voice was tense and cold.

Xion balked at her change in demeanor, turning away, “Sometimes when I’m patrolling I feel like I’m seeing Europa as he would have seen it. As if I’ve walked right into a memory.” Xion looked down at his hands, wringing them in his lap as they started to tremble as they did when his focus was elsewhere, “It’s hard to pull back from that, to remind myself that I’m Mr. 22.”

“You actually remember things from that many resets ago?” Shimmer questioned, curiosity creeping into her voice.

“Yes and no.” Xion says slowly, “There’s something wrong with me, hangs resets every time before it can really wipe everything away. I get flashes of things that must have meant something to Him-me at some point. I have no idea how to get at them on purpose, but technically speaking I have memories from all 21 of my predecessors floating around upstairs.” He pauses for a moment, “Until Echo came ‘round I spent more time stuck inside my own head than I did living.”

Echo was something- no, someone that Shimmer was plenty familiar with, having her fair share of interactions with her friend’s alter over the time they had known each other. They weren’t close by any means, but Echo did seem to take to Shimmer’s act first and think later style better than Xion so the two got along fine.

“It gets harder every day; Like if I spend enough time here He’ll replace me somehow; That I’ll disappear.”

“Listen Xion,” Shimmer placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder, tone soft and serious, “No matter what happens here, what you learn or remember or whatever; No matter how you change, you’ll still be you in the end, even if that you ends up a bit different.” Her uncharacteristic seriousness betrays some of her more personal feelings, a rare moment of transparency sneaking past her usual bravado. “We’re harnessing the Darkness here; There isn’t anybody else out there like us Xy.”

Coming to Europa with Shimmer had been another in a series of fuck yous to the Vanguard. Despite his fear of the Darkness, he couldn’t turn down a chance to make himself just enough of a nuisance; And that was the most (Xion)22 thing he could have done. It was at least a little reassuring to be reminded of that.

“Yeah, yeah I suppose you’re right.” Xion takes a deep breath, “Thanks for listening, and for sitting with me in this stunning Europan weather we’re having.” He laughs quietly at the absurdity of the situation.

“Yeah yeah next time we do this it better be more hospitable or I’m walkin’.” Shimmer replies, standing up and dusting the snow off her armor, “Now I’m heading inside and if I see you still out here by yourself I'm setting this whole snowdrift on fire with you in it.”