A Tiny Light in the Darkness

He looks on at his trainer, all muscles and hot air, and can’t help but feel proud of him, feel love for him, feel worried for him. He’s always somber when alone with no one but his Pokemon and while he may giggle and laugh in the face of company, when alone, he gets sucked into his thoughts and wears a frown that does not suit him. Truthfully, he would prefer him smiling every day, be happy every day, live life without regrets every day. Yet his actions precede his words and he’s left to pick up the pieces when anger gets the better of his trainer and he gets into more trouble than its worth.

Bruises and marks are nothing new and he’s shown around in the medical wing and in his room, patching up his old wounds because sometimes the medical staff need a break from him and he doesn’t really want to burden anyone but himself it seems. But Eclair can see it and it hurts to see him so stony faced when wrapping bandages or applying ointment when he could to whatever needs healing, saving the blood he spits out for another day, another lesson in pain. Pain might not be something new to him, but he wishes his trainer could take better care of himself.

It’s not the body he’s worried about. His trainer is hale and hearty, being vegan and eating healthily while exercising whenever he can, seeming like a workaholic and a paranoiac about his body that looked a bit obsessive in the Pichu’s eyes. Guy could use a break from all that, eat a little sweets like all the pastries he offers to his Pokemon daily. He could burn off the extra fat easily with the way he exercises, but that’s beside the point. What’s more important is Zack’s mind, a place he can’t reach that would leave his trainer far, far away from him, gazing into the distance as he reminisces or thinks dark thoughts, it matters not to him. It all sinks back into hidden depression and anxiety in his point of view and can lead to anger and resentment, lashing out with his temper that boils and roils in the sea of hatred where he shouldn’t belong, never belonged to. Eclair thinks Zack is resentful of that aspect, but resentful of what, he couldn’t tell.

So he never tries. So instead he acts silly, poking and prodding at him to lighten up and forget about the darkness, forget about the thoughts and the feelings and just live a little, in the present. Live a little, and be happy. It’s all he wants because nearly every Pokemon wants the best for their trainer, even ones under cruel hands. It’s a paradox that could never be solved, but this feeling he feels for his trainer, this love, he wants to let him know how worried he is about Zack and how it’s affecting Tira and Misu. Yes, the twins were worried too, despite their happy go lucky exterior, but they were easily distracted by pastries. He was too, but whenever he looked at that soft smile and those distant eyes, he would once again worry, worry, worry and he would reluctantly eat the soft delicacy in his paws.

Whatever sadness was holding the human back, he couldn’t reach and it frustrated him to no end that he could take the darkness and light it up with a jolt of electricity. His trainer never really opened up to anyone, not even his Pokemon, and he wished that there was more trust between the two of them because they’ve been together since the man was 16 for the love of god and he should really at least let him know what was bothering him. But no, he kept quiet and let his anger do the talking and he had to drag him out of sticky situations, berating him all the while as he smiled and looked sheepish. God, that particular smile he just want to shoot an electric attack at, but too much could potentially kill him so he refrains.

Still, the outbursts were numerous and held a dark something behind their reasoning. He knew that and could see it, when his trainer would remain silent after an angry outburst for hours on end, no doubt thinking dark thoughts that he couldn’t chase away. And it was all so, so ugly to see, ugly to defy as he tried again and again to help his trainer someway. He acts silly because he knows that there’s a smile, a genuine, bright smile, somewhere, but sometimes it was hard to reach so he has to act silly all the time. He wants to play, he wants him to play, it was all a game they played of forgetting the bad and being in the good, the now as they tried to pick up the pieces that were from this man’s past.

He wishes he were a better buddy to him. He wishes that he could find out what was wrong with his trainer. He wishes that Tira and Misu would take this issue more seriously but they had only been born for a short while so what do they know? What do they know of a man, beaten and broken down and angry, hiding away his pain to protect everyone around him? What do they know of a life half lived because something was eating away at you that you couldn’t tell anyone? What do they know of being pushed away with smiles and laughs and watching others with sadness that was too much to bear? Maybe Eclair was exaggerating all this, he didn’t know. He just knew that he had to help somehow, and to be a light in his world, he had to make Zack smile with whatever means possible.

So he smiled. He laughed. He played. He did everything he could for his trainer and he wished that, someday, somehow, his trainer would open up to him and maybe then he could fight against the darkness that was eating away at him.