All in your head

The sound of windchimes tinkled through the living room. Bandaged fingers ran across the window sill watching the world below. The sky was a soft orange as the day started to come to a close leaving a pretty glow on the park below. Akira leaned forward, hair falling into his face. Dark brown strands almost seemed to glow in the afternoon light. Watchful eyes tracked everyone that walked in and out of the building. His head slowly lowered onto his hands a soft sigh escaping him. 

Where was he? 

Late. 

Obviously.

Sean was a busy guy. Had fancy work and whatever. Akira stretched his hands out looking over the winding bandages. The sun would be setting soon. And if Sean was walking he would be in danger. Nagging thoughts that Akira quickly tossed to the side. Every Ashuri was born to fight. Armed with magic and weapons. Why did he worry so much. It wasn’t like Sean was peaceful. Akira hummed thoughtfully dusting his hair out of his face. Oh to be peaceful and human and not worry about someone stabbing you in the back every five seconds. Hands rubbed his eyes as another sigh left him. Overthinking. He did that a lot. It wasn’t his fault. Or he wanted to believe it wasn’t. 

Akira found himself in the kitchen stopping for a moment to wonder why he was in there in the first place. His eyes wandered the clean counters before resting on his Minecraft themed water bottle and animal crossing pill keeper. Right. That time of the day again. He slowly pulled out the five colourful pills and one gummy bear turning them over before reluctantly taking the first two. His eyes rest on the pill keeper, finger rubbing the small stickers that Sean had painstakingly created for him. A knock at the door pulled his attention away. Was he finally here? Akira found himself walking away forgetting to take his last pills, far too focused in on ensuring Sean’s safety. 

As usual he summoned his katana before checking the peephole. It was dark in the hall. It wasn’t even that late yet. Did the power go out? He backed up a moment looking back at the dark apartment behind him. He didn’t even notice… Akira took a deep breath checking the peephole one last time. 

Blood. 

Who was that??

Their eyes were dripping blood.

Hands holding a knife in their chest.

Sean??

Akira’s katana clattered as it hit the ground. He fumbled with the locks on the door, panic slowly building up inside him. How did he- what happened to- His thoughts felt so jumbled nothing making sense. He finally managed to unlock the door slamming it open to find an empty hallway lied before him.

Nothing…

He looked left, then he looked right. Nothing was there except the reflection of his own fear stricken face in the mirror before him. Akira rubbed his eyes, slowly ducking down to pick up the kabuki he dropped. Was he ok? Going insane perhaps…what was new… Akira turned the katana over in his hands before desummoning it lest he manage to accidentally hurt himself or someone else. 

“I’m actually insane…” Akira mumbled rubbing his eyes as he stepped into the hall. Empty. Definitely empty. The apartment complex was completely bought out on this floor by Akira’s younger brother leaving Akira completely by himself. No neighbors to worry about. No strangers wandering the halls. The ashuri pulled at the edges of his jacket sleeve, bitting on his lips as he checked his reflection. He hated mirrors. He hated looking at himself. His tear ridden eyes, the tell tale signs of sleepless nights, the bandages that littered his face from previous fights… Akira slowly pulled the bandage from his cheek, rubbing an almost healed wound under it. A cut that seemed to haunt him as he kept ‘accidentally’ opening back up. He watched as the blood dripped down his cheek and onto his hands. Whoops. He didn’t mean to do that. Akira stared at the red substance on his hands zoning out for a moment before looking back up. There it was. Standing behind him. He froze, seeing its black claws around his neck. It’s bloodhungry eyes staring into his soul. Corruption ran rampant over this ashuri’s body. Winding curse mark and eyes where eyes should not be- Akira swung around stabbing at the creature that threatened him. 

His heart stopped.

No one was there. 

Akira laughed taking another breather. Actually insane…He should go back inside…take the rest of his medication. He had to take it on time…Sean always…Where was Sean…Kiku… 

Akira held his sword tightly as he walked down the dark hall. “Kiku…I’m…” he hesitated to say he was scared. He the older brother, the one that survived centuries on his own? Scared? No. He wasn’t scared! He couldn’t be scared! As he reached the elevator he reached out to press the button before pausing. His ears flicked. Someone was coming. A soft ding as the elevator passed every floor. There were only 14 floors in this building. Akira lived on the 13th. Above him was Kiku. From what he knew the floor below him was owned by his little brother as well as the rest of the apartments on this floor. Akira swallowed. It had to be Kiku then! But an uneasy feeling hit him as he remember his little brother was still working and the elevator stopped on his floor. 

Akira struck quickly as the elevator opened. His kabuki made contact with something soft. A terrible wet noise came from its victim. A familiar squelch that Akira hated to hear. This was it. This was how he died. Whoever this was was going to rip his head off and boil him in a stew. This was karma finally taking him. Finally getting revenge. This was-

“Ak-Akira?”

This was Sean.

Akira’s grip loosened and the sword hit the ground. A dark red substance was all over the blade. He backed up slightly not wanting to look up. But he had to. He had to look up. He had to face what he did. Just like he did to his mom and dad. Just like his village. Just like Kiku’s children. He did it again. And he would keep doing it. Because he was broken. Because he deserved to live a life of agony-

“Aha…there goes dinner.” Sean’s voice was calm. Unworried. How- Akira slowly looked up seeing that his sword had hit a Togo box. Curry. Curry…it was just curry. He hit the ground holding his head in his hands. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you! Are you ok Akira?" Though you did kinda scare me ahaha- hey…” Sean talked as if nothing happened. Admittedly this had happened before except last time Sean managed to catch the blade before it hit. Akira slowly looked up meeting Sean’s eyes. 

“I almost- I almost…” Akira couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit what he was capable of.

“But you didn’t. Hey…it’s my fault I was late and I know that throws you off. Come on get up. What happened to your face?” Sean’s hand gently touched the other’s cheek. Akira took a shaky breath. He was fine…he was ok…Akira held onto Sean’s hand for a moment before sighing.

“I uh…picked at it again…” Akira whispered eyes never leaving his kabuki that laid untouched on the ground. Any farther and that wouldn’t be curry on that sword. He shuddered crossing his arms over his chest. “I got distracted waiting for you…I was sca-” that word again. Admitting he could get scared was too hard for him.

“It’s ok to get scared. I would be scared too if I was a killer”

What…killer? Akira teared up. He wasn’t a killer. He wasn’t… he never wanted to hurt anyone. Akira slowly looked up trying to defend himself. No one was there. No one…huh. His phone was buzzing. He hesitated to answer it but found it being held up to his ear, “this is Akira?”

“Hey babe! I’m a little late sorry! I’m grabbing food for us so don’t worry about cooking! And don’t forget to take your pills! I’ll be there in ten minutes- Ah do you like curry?”

Sean…

Akira sighed, finding himself smiling, “yeah…yeah pills… I forgot. Thank you.” Akira managed to whispered rubbing his cheek with his free hand. The bandage was still there…he never hurt himself. It was all in his head. Everything was all in his head. “Um…anything but…curry please... Are you ok? Can you make it here alone?”

“I’ll be fine, Akira. You go take your pills ok? Don’t worry about me! I can fend off any slayer no problem!” 

Akira listened to Sean’s voice as he walked back to his room. “Any slayer..” Akira repeated, pausing at his door. He forgot his keys inside. He groaned softly, “ah well…I’m locked out so.. get here soon. And in one piece.”

“Haha were you gonna go looking for me? That’s so cute- you have keys in the planter outside if you forgot!”

“I do?” Akira mumbled looking at the fern next to his door. He faintly heard Sean saying something about not wanting Akira to get locked out anymore. His hands carefully sifted through the dirt to find a dirty pair of keys. “Ok.. get here… soon.” Akira whispered as he unlocked his door. “I love you.” He stopped in the doorway waiting to hear it back. 

“Yeah I will! Ten minutes! See you then!”

With that he hung up. Sean… Akira sighed realizing the other forgot to say it back. No matter. He returned to the counter downing the rest of his pills and looking over the gummy bear treat. 

'Because you deserve a reward for taking care of yourself’

Sean’s words brought a smile to Akira’s face. He savored the blue raspberry flavored gummy before finding himself a spot to lie down on the couch. It was all a waking nightmare. It’s just the schizophrenia. He took a deep breath slowly shutting his eyes. It’s fine. It’s all fine. 

He woke up to the door handle shaking. Was it still happening?? Was he dreaming?? Akira pinched himself but he was definitely not dreaming. The door finally opened to hit the chain lock. A groan came from the other side as a hand reached in and tried to unlock it. 

“S-Sean??” Akira stammered slowly getting up to check on what was happening.

“Akira! I thought you were asleep sorry-” 

Akira opened the door after ensuring it was definitely his partner outside. He quickly relaxed as he hugged onto the other, “please don’t be late again.” He mumbled into the others shirt. 

“I- um- I won’t be. Are you ok? You look like you’ve been crying…” Sean whispered wrapping his arms around the other. Akira didn’t answer. He’d rather not explain that he had been hallucinating for the past hour. Sean slowly waddled in with Akira clinging onto him, “I brought food and I even found a cute little dessert shop nearby-” Akira smiled happy to listen to the other talk. He was alive and well and in one piece. Akira slowly sat at the bar letting Sean turn on the lights and make plates for the two of them. 

“You’re ok right? You’ve been quiet.” Sean finally said breaking a silence.

“I-…” Akira reminded himself he promised the other that he would be more open about his feelings and judging by the worried expression on the others face, Akira was being too secretive. “Sorry. I had a nightmare earlier and…well maybe it was a hallucination. Maybe I’m still hallucinating haha.” Akira’s ears ducked down at that silly thought which Sean ensured he was not. A gentle hand patted Akira’s bandaged one. 

“It was like…my worst nightmare.”

“I heard a lot of ashuri have been living their worst nightmares…it’s like we’ve been cursed ha…you wanna talk about it?” Sean asked leaning against the counter across from him. 

“Promise not to judge me?” 

“If it helps I can share mine too?”

“…no that’s fine. Unless you want to. I’m terrified I’ll hurt someone again. Like someone close to me.” Akira mumbled looking at the food in front of him suddenly not hungry anymore. “I stabbed them and…It felt so real…”

Sean squeezed Akira’s hand, “But it wasn’t. Kiku is fine-”

“It wasn’t Kiku.” 

The silence could be cut by a knife. Akira looked up meeting Sean’s eyes, “if I was to lose control, you would-”

“You won’t.”

“But if I do…”

“Don’t. Akira. You won’t lose control. That’s why you have the pills right? You promised you would be ok. Positive thinking remember.” Sean sounded so serious for once. Akira nodded. He did promise that. He moved his chopsticks around with a quiet sigh.

“I’m scared. I’ll hurt you.” Akira admitted, “but I won’t. Because I love you….yeah. Positive…thinking”

“Positive thinking.” Sean reassured. “I have a similar fear. I understand where you are coming from. You can talk to me about all of this whenever you need to. I love you too, Akira.” 

Akira watched as Sean smiled again. As long as he was safe. As long as everyone was safe. Perhaps he was overthinking it. Maybe ‘spooky’ season was getting to him. Or whatever the kids said now days. Akira sighed finding in himself to finally relax. He would never do that to Sean or Kiku. Never again would his blade be stained with blood of a loved one. It was all in head…everything was all in his…head.