Drinking With Family

After their gathering of high grade booze and such, Lily and Caleb return to her house. She sat down on a couch after getting a couple small glasses from the kitchen cupboard.

“Oh so we’re being modest with the drinking? Glasses? Really?” He pops open a bottle and takes a swig.

He plops down on the couch across from her and takes a moment to pop his neck, back, and then his shoulders.

Lily hung her duster before sitting down. She picked up a different bottle, a top shelf whiskey. She awkwardly looked at Caleb before following suit, taking a swig before proceeding to cough a bit. It wasn't communion wine she knew that much.

Lily stared at the nearly empty bottle with a quizzical look. She swore they bought good stuff. "Strange... I feel fine."

“Then clearly…” Caleb polished off the last of his first bottle. “It’s not enough. Or maybe our blood grants is spoooooky alcohol tolerance.” He pops open the second and stares at it. “But first. Alcohol confessions. An old game my old posse used to play. You finish a bottle and you shout whatever the hell is on your chest.”

Lily finished her bottle and hummed in contemplation. There was a lot she want yell about. But she never felt like she deserved to.

"Well... I just.... I'm tired.... So tired.. is it too much to wish for a simple life?" she sighed.

"Oh c'mon... Shout it out! Say it with your chest. Like this-" He stands up. "I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO HIDE MY REAL EXISTENCE TO A BUNCH OF GODDAMN BUREAUCRATS IN BLACK DUSTERS AND FEDERAL COWBOYSS!" He sits back down, seemingly satisfied. "Now you try again, then start on the next bottle."

Lily flinched slightly before clearing her throat. She raised her voice a bit.

"I-I'm tired of not being able to have a quiet life!" She paused.

"Was that better?"

"That's better." He takes a small sip off his bourbon. "Alright. Round two, cheers!"

She perked up a bit, a small smile on her face before opening another high quality whiskey. Went a little bit slower on this one, but still took a few good swigs.

Caleb polished off his second round and took a moment to stare at his hand. "Still... mostly sober it'd seem..." He sounded genuinely dissapointed.

Lily finished hers shortly after him and looked mildly confused. "Hmm..." She looked at empty bottle in her hand and huffed. "Another?" she asked.

"Confessions first." he grunts.

Lily pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. She pointed the empty bottle at Caleb.

"Nathan is fucking asshole and I hate his guts!"

Caleb laughs. "That's the spirit!" He gets the next bottle ready. "Let's see... I'm fucking tired of having to put on a friendly face around the people I fucking hate!"

Lily nodded in agreement. "I know!"

The deputy opened another bottle, smiling a bit as she clinked it against Caleb's. She had to admit, this was kind of nice. Venting frustrations with someone that understood.

Caleb downed his third bottle. Quite thoroughly disappointed he wasn't feeling completely trashed by now. Like it was getting foggy, sure... But it wasn't there yet. "How you feeling?

"Mmm.." Lily blinked a bit, holding the bottle as she leaned against the couch. She seemed to be staring at the ceiling with a sad expression.

"Ah... I think I see." He sets down the freshly emptied bottle. "Wanna talk about whatever's getting you down? Or do you wanna just scream about your problems some more? November 1, 2021

"Caleb... I'm... glad that you're safe but... I'm sorry I... that..." Lily leaned forward, opening another bottle taking sip. "I'm sorry you got hurt..."

"Hey. You shouldn't apologize for me getting cocky and falling waaaay to deep into things." He grunts.

Lily sniffles. "Still just... I should've warned you... But it's not just..." She wiped her eye. "Fucking Nathan... We were there to save you and that bastard almost killed you.... If he did... I... I would've...." Her grip on the bottle tightened before taking a couple gulps.

"It's a miracle he hasn't been hanged for any kind of crimes he committed. Like you go around with that much violence and eventually you get caught for a murder, right?" He cracks open one of the last surviving bottles. "Maybe I'm just seeing myself in more places. Heh. So what you gonna do about the motherfuckers bringing you down?"

Lily scowled a bit, her pale face becoming flushed with pink. It was obvious she was starting to feel the alcohol. She took another gulp and wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

"I'm going to try and prove a su...sspicion I have about him... I think he's actually someone who's supposed to be dead.... But I can't quite prove it..." Lily stood up after polishing off her bottle, grabbed another and began to pace, gesturing as she ranted about Nathan's bullshit.

"There is no way he -hic- knew about Dell. I liked Dell... I miss him... a lot..." There was an awkward pause before she continued. "Dell left way before that s-snake showed up. -hic-"

"So unless he's some kind of psychic or clairvoyant... There's no way he could've known about this... Dell person. Any other leads?"

"So listen... I think he's Sammy Lions... Which makes se...sense.... Cause we didn't like each other either... But rrrrrr..... Fuck I hate him so much..." Lily stomped her foot angrily, shaking her fist as she continued. She explained the failed jailbreak and her and Tanning's suspicions regarding the Rangers covering up the execution.

"That..." Caleb had just finished his fourth drink. And with it came the gradual realization that the downward spiral had officially begun. Finally... "Well it makes sense... And not bad, changing names and all. So did he change his face too?"

"H-He had to! Nathan looks completely different than Sammy! I could prove my suspicion personally if I could g-get -hic- a hand on the b-bastard..."

Caleb stares at the floor. Humming thoughtfully

"But there is no way that he'd stay still long enough or I'd be able to cast my trick f-fast enough! I could see if he was Sammy Lions!" She ran an angry hand through her hair, knocking her hat off as she paced.

"If Nathan was gone the issue with Jimmy could be solved without his BULLSHIT."

"He owes me a drink... But... Hm... Tell me..." Caleb continued to stare at the floor, chuckling. "Now... This would... it'd be... Would it?"

"Tanning... he could... Hmmm... I just need to touch Nathan.... Skin? Yeah skin would be best... Cause it's still the same body I -hic- assume..."

She stumbled a bit, catching herself on the table. "And Jasmine's gone too. -hic-" Lily pounded a fist on the wood, the other hand gripping the half filled bottle tightly. "EVERYONE I CARE FOR KEEPS GETTING HURT!" sobbed Lily after a moment of silence.

Caleb lumbers his way over to her and gives her a half-hearted hug. "Hey hey... Hey..." He couldn't piece together anything further to say, too much brain fog.

Lily hiccuped in between sobs, wiping her eye. "I... I can't protect everyone..." she sobbed, leaning against Caleb.

"No one can... That's just... that's the fucked up part of life..."

Shanny knocked on lily's door a little bit and cracked the door open to say "miss Mayfair? Are you uhm, busy?" He said a little bit questionably as he saw the bottles

Lily put the half empty bottle down before hugging Caleb, hiccuping.

"Kid... She's kind of having a moment..." He seems very weirded out by being hugged back. Like this is entirely antithetical to every part of who he is. "I'm just trying to help family through some shit... mind like... coming back later... after hangover breakfast maybe?"

Lily stood up, too drunk to care about hiding her horns. Her face was red, tears in her eye and looking just terrible.

"L-Leave! Please!"

Shanny nodded and closed the door.

Lily grabbed the bottle off the table, angrily sitting down on one of her couches. She sobbed in frustration, loud enough to be heard through the door. "No one cares about my time or privacy... No one lets me be..."

Caleb switches to the empty couch to drape himself across it. "By all accounts... why the fuck do you keep just... giving yourself away to these people. You're more... you're... you're more... you're more available then a fuckin five and dime prostitute... You got all these people always coming to you for random bullshit... And your 'Best Friend'" the amount of mockery in his tone at "best Friend" is the strongest form of contempt he's ever directed towards a non-whateley. "Just tells you to do all these things, screams at random people... and then when she... when she doesn't get her way screams some more, tries to guilt trip the... guilt trip the fuck out of you... And then she runs away..."

Lily took a long pull from the bottle before setting it aside. She put her head in her hands as Caleb spoke, sobbing quietly.

"I... I... It's... It's cause..."

Lily cried harder, tears dripping through her fingers.

"I'm afraid they'll hate me! I'm afraid they'll think I'm disgusting for what I really am!" she wailed.

"That's... No... don't do the... the crying thing... That's not good... Lily... Listen th-the..." He slammed his palm into his forehead to try and kick the cobwebs, get the gears turning for what he wanted to say.

"Well maybe...." He rolled his way off the couch, his boots hitting the floor with a thud "Maybe it's... Listen..." He grabbed the last available bottle and took a sip. "Maybe that's not the fucking point!" He suddenly shot up to his full posture. "Maybe... Maybe we're not supposed to be the 'good guys' or the 'moral absolute' or the fucking... the fucking all-giving altruistic pieces of shit who... Who just don't say not to the fuckers who bring them down."

He took a deep breath, then a very long drink. "We shouldn't have to feel ashamed of who or what we are! I don't file down my teeth, or try to fix my nails just because some motherfucker can't see shit! Who the fuck says we have to be the bad guys? The inbred blood wizards that we put down left and right? Who says we have to be everyone's bitch? Who the fuck cares!" Caleb finishes off the bottle. "So what? So fucking what? You're Lily! Not Lillith or whatever you fuckin got placed at birth! You be exactly who you want to be and don't let anyone fucking stop you! People like us... We shouldn't... shouldn't... just let other people keep their boots on our throats! SO FUCK OFF, ANYONE WHO HAS A GODDAMN PROBLEM. WITH WHO WE ARE!"

He throws the bottle and it crashes against the wall, genuinely startling him.

He regains the confidence in an instant. "So if some whiney bitch with a functional family already thinks she's a right to control your goddamn life? You tell her to shove it up her entitled ass! Someone thinks you should be living life according to their ideas, or anyone else's will? Well you tell em they should be floatin down the river in a goddamn box!"

Lily flinched when the bottle smashed against the wall.

She backed up as far as she could against the couch, holding herself tight. Her eye was wide in fear, more tears falling down her face.

"C...caleb... I have... I can't be proud of how I am!" she yelled, standing up straight.

"I had to file my horns down! Do you know how long they would be if I hadn't!?"

Lily gestured with both her hands to indicate how they'd be.

"I'd have been killed years ago if I hadn't hidden who I am!"

She wiped her eye, sniffling.

"I... I..."

“I… I’m sorry… I forgot that you’re not me. And I’m not you… I…” He runs his hand down his face. Oh how to try and salvage this. “Hiding is… if it’s a necessary evil then that’s what it is. You hide what gets you lynched. But god damnit Lily. Figure out who you are so you can stop hiding your soul for other people…”

He falls back onto the couch. “I’m Caleb. Apollyon. Blackwood. Faithful to the Bottomless Put. Devoted to The Void. That’s what my parents decided my name was… I made that my own…. For better and for worse….”

He stared at the floor. His mind was going a mile a minute and it was increasingly hard to rationalize where he was, mentally speaking.

"I..."

Her hands dropped to her sides as she stared at the floor. She felt lost. But Caleb's words made sense.

"I don't.... I don't know who I am..."

Lily looked at her wrapped hands listlessly, a sense of melancholy permeating the room.

"I'm Lily Mayfair... and I... I... -hic- I'm..." She trailed off.

“But is Lily Mayfair who you want to be…? I took pride in everything I was because I didn’t let it define me. Caleb Apollyon Blackwood isn’t the name of another sadistic sorcerer… it’s the name of a bounty hunter, a free man, and the reclaimed name of someone who can be better… but you’re not me. And I’m not you.” He looks up at her. “So… Who. Are. You? Not Lily Mayfair… not Deputy Mayfair… who is the person across from me? Who does she want to be, for herself? Who is she, to herself?”

Lily stood across from Caleb. She sniffled and wiped her eye again.

"I... I'm L-Lily... Gwynfor... M-Mayfair... and I... I want..."

She really didn't know how to answer him. She never really spent time to figure that out.

Her whole childhood was spent in a compound with her family, learning spells and blood magic. Lilith was talented at it. She was going to be one of the best in the Mayfair branch if she'd kept at her studies. If they hadn't allowed her to head into Virginia City.

Experiencing the outside world changed her perceptions, learning that the world considered her family's work evil. When she finally stood up to her brothers and was branded for it.

That was the end of Lilith in her mind. A namesake that was tainted from her reading of scripture.

Lily however... she was born of a sense of shame. A wilting flower that self-sabotaged its own growth. Forcing herself to never bloom due to shame and self-hatred. She didn't deserve to put down roots like flowers needed to. Didn't deserve to make connections and settle down.

The woman put a hand to the Celtic cross she wore on her neck. It felt oddly suffocating at the moment. Like a collar.

"I... I don't know..."

“Then… find that. Figure that out. Fine if you wanna keep running from who you were…” He stared blankly at the ceiling. “Lord knows I do” His eyes lazily drifted to her. “But for gods sake. Run towards who you want to be. Figure this shot out. Figure out… you figure out… what you believe in, actually genuinely truly. If you don’t stand for anything then… well what are you gonna fall for?”

She walked over and sat next to Caleb, hands in her lap. "Okay... but first... what I know I do want for now... is the save Jasmine and Jimmy... then I... I suppose I will take some time to figure myself out..."

“You better… once you save them… take the time… evaluate. Evaluate some more… get rid of any leeches… fuckin bloodsuckers aren’t what you need… and then… start your goddamn life…”

Lily inhaled deeply before leaning over against Caleb's shoulder, her eye half-closed. She was tired but such an energy draining talk was needed. Especially with someone who understood the root of her problems and had a different view of the world.

"Thank you..."

He grunts. The grunt transitioning into snoring.

It wasn't long before Lily also dozed off, her breathing slow as she slipped into a well earned sleep