As Always

The day was the same as always.

N’shira woke with the sound of her smaller siblings bickering in her ears.

The scent and sound of fire crackled from the small flames in the kitchen, a delightful breakfast being prepared by who she could only assume was, as always, her mother.

The cool night breeze entered through the open window, filling the room with the scent of sun and sand.

The same as always.

And as always, she would leave at the brink of dawn to bring back a catch for her family. Whether spearing fish or piercing a larger prey with her arrows, the Miqo’te always returned with a meal. She always anticipated it, typically famished with hunger by the time she returned for dinner.

Better get started, then.

N’shira forced herself onto her palms, rising from the comfort of her lightly sheeted bed with a feeble sigh. What she wouldn’t give to lie and slumber just a bit longer… perhaps she would retire early that evening.

The past few nights she had been plagued with dreams that made her restless - that gnashed and clawed at her strange discontent that lay heavy on her heart as of late.

Her life was not bad. She knew this, and knew it well. Despite this… the bickering thoughts in her mind made her doubt. She didn’t want to live isolated and held to such strict standards, especially not for the rest of her life!

The Seeker of the Sun life was… a troublesome one. She could handle the sometimes dawn til near dusk hunting, gathering, or any other request of her tribe. Looking after the little ones when needed was alright as well. As a matter of fact, she rather enjoyed both of these. She enjoyed the beaming smiles that greeted her as she returned home with catch in tow, small tails bristling with excitement as her mother would coo out a thank you alongside a tender pat on the wrist. She enjoyed telling with exaggerated details, the creatures and sights she had stumbled across while on her hunts to four pairs of tiny but eager ears that sat perched at her feet. Normally one or two would eventually find themselves sprawled on her lap, dozing off if the story wasn’t quite exciting enough for their taste.

Now, it was alright. It was wonderful, even. It was what came after that bothered her immensely. The lack of choice and apparent obligation of sustaining the future of her tribe… it was enough to make her skin crawl. She truly did long to go and see what else awaited her in the world. She wanted to be free to make choices for herself. Mentions of this to her parents however had caused a ripple of tension that had lingered since.

Her mother had grabbed her by her forearms, her head shaking with enough strength to make her lightly colored ears sway with the movement as she pleaded with her daughter to simply… reconsider her feelings.

It wasn’t that simple.

Her father looked with what N’shira could only read as a wince, the disappointment clear on his face. It made her heart sting, torn either which way.

She was sure the next nunh would be alright if her father had any say in it, but… the lack of choice made her feel ill. Perhaps this fate was fine for other Miqo’te, but not for her.

Her tribe was extremely self-sufficient. Stable all on their own. And while this was not a bad thing… it did make her feel horrifically alone, and trapped in place. It was as though she was bogged down by an unyielding quicksand that, if struggled in, would drag her further down ‘til her breathing ceased completely.

-

With meeting him however, that had all changed. It had been a few moons prior as she was out and alone, her attention elsewhere as her light steps left footprints across the relatively stable sand. A stranger had slithered in from the corner of her eye. His form slipped out of the small growth of trees that were briefly scattered through the sandy plains, just a few fulms away from where N’shira lingered with bow in hand.

She had found herself startled by the sudden stranger’s appearance, sending her tail bristling and raised as her fingers rested on the base of one of her arrows. As soon as the wary hostility began, the stranger’s arms raised in alarm, his eyes widening. His smooth voice fell naturally from his lips as he soothed her, immediately beginning to de-escalate. “Sorry!” He had peeped out. “I wasn’t aware there were other Miqo’te here. I didn’t mean to starrrtle you - I'm just here to hunt.” He explained softly, his hands lowering as N’shira’s guard lowered ever so slightly. Her grip remained steady on her bow, though the arrow that once was gripped in her hand was slowly released. Sharp green eyes pierced towards him, her brow raised curiously.

“I'm here often. I’ve never seen you… and you sound funny.” She pointed out matter-of-factly, the twinge of confusion clear in her voice. The other Miqo’te smiled nervously, his brow furrowed. “I don’t live here.” He simply explained. “I’m a wanderer of sorrrts. Though I did intend to stay in the area for a few nights. However, if it will be a prrroblem…” he began to dart his eyes. They were so bright - clear and colored like the water of a rocky spring.

N’shira’s ear flicked as she processed the words. “A wanderer?” She asked, the bow in her hand loosening and lowering ever so slightly. “Where are you from?” The excitement in her voice betrayed her defensive body language and potentially hostile question, her bristled tail now meaning nothing. The other Miqo’te seemed to sense this, the tension in his legs relaxing as he stood more comfortably. “I’m of the U tribe. It’s south of here - some call it the Forgotten Sprrrings.” He replied with a proud nod, his tail whisking behind him in the process. “I’m U’phel Tia.” He offered his name with a smile.

N’shira blinked, her eyes darting. She knew she looked foolish and unaware. Granted, she was. “Nice to meet you.” She murmured out bashfully. She felt his expectant gaze locked on her. “Oh - ah, N’shira.” She paused. “That’s my name.” She quickly added to her response.

She could hear the amused rumble of a purr in U’phel’s chest from where she stood. “Pleasure to meet yourrr acquaintance, O’A’N’shira.” N’shira flushed at the teasing, lowering her head slightly in embarrassment. “Come now - I’m only teasing. I’ve not hearrrd of the N tribe in this area. Where are you located?”

N’shira motioned with her bow vaguely in the direction of her homeland. “We’re a small tribe… my father left his early tribe with some others,” she explained. “I’m not surprised you’ve not heard of us. I’ve not heard of you.” The surprise was clear on U’phel’s face. It wasn’t often that such a small tribe existed and was not the talk of the area, much less. It was a rare occurrence. “I see… well, if I have your consent, could I perrrhaps snag a piece of game? I’m on my own - I won’t be much of a bother, I hope.” His head bowed slightly towards her, his hair draping softly over his shoulders.

N’shira finally returned the bow to the holster across her back, fully at ease. “I don’t see why not. I don’t imagine you stealing the whole of our hunting territory.” She spoke with mild amusement. She doubted she was supposed to allow this to happen, but… he was alone and passing through. A lost marmot wouldn’t cause mass devastation.

His delight was clear from the twinkle in his eyes. “You have my thanks, N’shira.” The Miqo’te turned slowly on his heel, continuing on the way that he had been heading. N’shira watched for a few heartbeats, contemplating. “Wait!” Her voice traveled over the sand and across the breeze. “You may - with one exception.” U’phel froze in place at that, his ears rotating back to listen. When he found no response his head turned, meeting her gaze again. N’shira purred proudly. “I’ll come with you as an escort, and you’ll tell me about the U tribe… and anywhere else you’ve gone. I’ll make sure you catch one piece of game. No more, no less!” Her voice boomed proudly as she made her way towards him, a skip in her step as she did so.

The mild concern on U’phel’s face slipped away as she did so, the amused sigh leaving his nostrils loud enough for N’shira’s keen sense of sound to pick up on. “I suppose that’s an acceptable deal. Shall you lead the way, then?” N’shira gladly took the lead, her chest puffed out proudly as she gave an expectant and excited smile to U’phel. The Miqo’te began to speak, and N’shira listened with an unbridled interest.

-

As luck may have had it U’phel, in the end, did not stray far. It started as a few short meetings as their paths crossed in the following days. N’shira would deliver him a light scolding before ultimately falling back beside him once more. The young Miqo’te was beginning to find her heart yearning. U’phel had ignited a flame in her chest. What other reason could there be for the rapid pounding of her heart and the sound of her blood rushing through her ears?

Scattered weeks turned to scattered days, and eventually, daily. For moons. Even when N’shira was not out hunting, she would conjure a reason to sneak away, just for a few hours. Just to see U’phel. To feel his affections, if only for a short amount of time.

The fire burned brighter. Even more intense. It was burning her now; finally, she could no longer stand the flames that licked at her emotions.

In the early morning light, N’shira wearily proclaimed her affections for him, the sorrow heavy in her voice with the knowledge that they would be unable to be together. He had gripped her hands firmly.

“I wish things were different.” She had murmured against the cool skin of his chest, beads of tears dampening the skin where they fell. U’phel’s heart was pounding, the sound reverberating in soft pink ears.

It had only been the previous morning, but it felt like eons since then. N’shira hoped that despite the tension of yesterday’s meeting that today would return to normal. That they would share a small kiss, their fingers intertwining as they took a seat beneath the waving foliage of a scarce tree and rested against one another.

She couldn’t wait to see him.

She happily ate the breakfast prepared by her mother, her tail curling in delight as she did so. The flavors of her hard work nourished her, helping herself feel more awake as the faint morning light began to peak through the cracked open shutters.

With a thank you and an affectionate swipe of her tail against her mother’s leg, N’shira gathered her propped-up bow and made her way out into the small sandy clearing.

She spotted the deep purple of her father’s hair a few fulms away, a purr forming in her throat as she gathered her pace to meet him. N’yahm rumbled out a soft greeting as N’shira pressed her forehead briefly against his arm, returning the greeting with a smile.

“Headed out?” He asked, though the answer was obvious. N’shira nodded, her nails plucking gently at the string of her bow. “Mmhm. I want to get back earlier today… I can already tell I’m going to be tired.” She spoke with good nature despite the gripe of the words. N’yahm placed a soothing hand on her head. “I’m sure. Be careful, won’t you?” He instructed. A simple request, but a sometimes challenging one. A rumble from her chest was N’shira’s affirmation, pulling her head away from the caring touch. “Of course.” She purred out as she began to step away, lifting her hand to give a small wave. “I’ll see you later.” She bid him farewell, stepping out into the hunting lands. As always.

Her swift footsteps lead her to the meeting spot she and U’phel had decided on in the past. Every morning once the sun had fully breached the horizon, the two would take some time to settle down and relax in a small patch of rough grass that lay beneath a tree. N’shira found it to be an effective start to her day, always brightening her mood. Plus, by the time she had traveled through the area and collected her kills, the scent of the foreign male would inevitably fade away as she returned to the barriers of her tribe.

N’shira seemed to have arrived first today - not an uncommon occurrence. A soft sigh left her lips as she slid the bow from her back and rested against the bark, her eyes peeled across the landscape to search for her lover. Any moment now, she would spot his figure slip from behind a rock and head towards her, excitement showing in his tail, as he always did.

However, he didn’t show.

The anxiety in her stomach weighed down on N’shira like a stone, her heart pounding in her chest. It was extremely unlike him to not make an appearance. Perhaps if he had given her a heads up of his absence it would make sense, but…

N’shira winced as she considered another option. He had only seen this as a one-and-done experience. What if she had scared him off by her words yesterday? Perhaps she should have simply kept her mouth shut.

Defeated, N’shira found her footing as she slid the bow onto her back. She desperately gave one last scan of the area, yearning to spot the dusty brown hair of that U Miqo’te. She did not. N’shira forced herself to pull away from the tree and continue on her path. Waiting for him had wasted hours of her hunt already. She would be returning home even later than usual now. Great. She thought to herself, her lips curling in frustration as tears formed in her eyes. She blinked hard and begrudgingly wiped them away as they fell from her cheeks. She may as well catch something worthwhile to make up for the poor start of the morning.

N’shira’s tail nearly dragged the ground as she slowly traced her way back home. Not only had U’phel’s absence left her weary and confused, but the catch of today was… pitiful. All she could manage to catch were five measly gobies. Hardly enough to fill the bellies of her own household. He clouded her mind through the entire hunt, leaving her concentration broken. Arrows missed by an embarrassing degree, letting her prey bolt to safety before she could even load another arrow.

She just wanted to go home.

The trek back felt even longer than usual. Normally she would recall the events of the morning with fondness, wondering what the next day would bring. However, today it brought nothing but the sharp stab of fear and confusion as the thoughts raced through N’shira’s mind. It was agonizing.

Finally, she spotted the familiar landmarks of her tribe a few hundred yalms out. She sighed in relief, glaring towards the sun that had begun to set, painting the land in its golden orange hues. At least it would be dark by the time she retreated to her bed. Now if only the young ones would let her rest without pestering her…

N’shira’s ears pricked as she approached closer. The sound of combat reached her ears, making her head tilt in confusion, her ear lifting to take in more of the sound. Normally any sort of combat lesson took place shortly after hunters left… Why would they be doing this so late? And even then, those lessons were rare. It’s not as though there were many threats to them. Perhaps the whole universe was off balance now - it felt that way.

The sounds only grew more intense the closer she approached, and suddenly, she felt strangely nervous. Something… didn't feel right. Didn’t sound right. The voices sounded as though the pain was genuine. N’shira found her legs unconsciously bringing herself to a run, her heart racing as she rounded the tall rocks that hid much of the village from view.

The blur of two figures immediately snagged her eye, the two tussling hard in the main clearing. Their voices howled and ripped at her ears, sending a ragged jolt of shock directly through her body. She had never heard anything like it. Few others seemed to remain outside, one or two women crying out in fear while others peeped feebly through the safety of their homes.

Her eyes frantically followed the two in the center, barely having a moment to see distinguishing figures in the violent movements.

Purple - the color reminding her of home.

Dusty brown - the color she had been desperately peering out over the lands for.

N’shira’s heart stopped. As though now in slow motion, she saw their faces clearly. Through the fangs, the claws, and the blood that leaked crimson from shredded black ears, she was able to identify them.

N’yahm. U’phel.

She must have screamed. The two Miqo’te’s movements slowed slightly and looked towards her, just enough for N’shira to catch the image of her father’s bloodied face, his nose clearly broken. Marks tore across his normally well kept skin, though those comforting golden eyes looked just the same. They now contained an emotion she had never seen from him before. Fear? Betrayal? Shame? A cry for help? She couldn’t read it, and it petrified her.

U’phel scarcely made eye contact with her, the once bright and charming eyes clouded over with whatever intense emotion had corrupted his mind enough to go through with this. She could hardly recognize him, but not from the blood that stained his mouth and leaked freely from the marks of retaliation on his cheeks. His muscular body jerked to reach for his spear that had fallen to the ground, his hands clutching it tightly as he prepared his final attack.

N’shira heard herself scream this time. U’phel’s name slipped from her lips in a desperate attempt to make him stop. Bring him back to reality. It wasn’t too late - maybe she could talk to her father. Maybe she would be brave enough to finally leave. No one had to be hurt anymore, and they would be truly free. No more of these rules! No more of these traditions! They didn’t matter! The world was new, they could go anywhere, do anything, not be held down by the concepts of nunhs, or tribes, or names!! She just wanted it to stop.

The hesitation in U’phel’s grip lasted only for a moment before the spear head vanished, burrowed deep into the flesh beneath him. The sound was sickening. The older Miqo’te looked with fearful disbelief, his chest heaving frantically as he tried to pull away, clawing desperately at the weapon embedded in his stomach. U’phel finally stood, stepping away from the debilitated male whose voice slowly began to grow weaker and more desperate as he feebly tried to get back on his feet. N’yahm’s tail thrashed through the subtle grains of sand, disturbing the ground and sending them flying every which way.

N’shira’s brain screamed for her to run to him. Maybe she could help him somehow, perhaps it wasn’t too late…! If he could just… hold on…

But her legs refused to move. All she could do was meet his terrified eyes, the sheen in them growing weaker by the second. N’yahm’s lips cracked open and let out a gurgle through the crimson as though he were trying to speak. He bared his teeth with clear signs of anguish, his brow furrowing as he finally gave in. He let out a cry of pain that faded into a helpless whimper as his head fell weakly into the sand, landing with a soft thud. Purple hair sprawled into the sand, dirtied with blood and sweat. The nunh’s chest heaved a few times more before stopping altogether, leaving the clearing uncomfortably silent.

A weak cry from one of the females broke the silence, spurring back to life the surviving male. He was riddled with small wounds but seemed otherwise fine, his throat clearing to ease the agitation of his previous yowling. “I’ve defeated the nunh of yourrr tribe. I have proven my strength, and I ask that you accept me in his place so he has not perrrished for naught!” His voice traveled through the otherwise silent clearing, tail twitching intensely as he came down from his high of adrenaline. His eyes met N’shira’s, his chest heaving as he did so.

A whimper of disbelief escaped her lips. She shook her head pathetically, tears finding their way to flow freely from her eyes. U’phel’s brow furrowed, but he said nothing, instead returning his gaze to the lifeless body at his feet. He bent down, carefully and quietly removing the spear that had stolen his life away. “Thank you for the battle, N’yahm.” He simply stated, his hand moving up to softly lower the other male’s eyelids. With that, he gathered his spear and backed away into the nunh’s home. Her father’s home.

N’shira’s legs finally moved. Her steps were shaking and weary as she approached the clearing, the bile in her throat rising as she moved even closer. The others seemed to be trickling from the homes now, a shocked silence aside from the soft cries filling the air that now grew cold as the sun once again made its journey behind the horizon. As always.

The sharp gazes that landed on her were unmistakable. Hostility and sorrow bristled every tail, sending a strangled hiss through every word as they crowded N’yahm’s body.

“You knew him?” A familiar voice sounded behind her, anguish lacing her words. N’shira’s ears flattened against her head, shaking it in a poor lie. The voice sounded louder now. She must be directly behind her. “You said his name! You knew him?!” The voice yowled in her ear. N’shira let out a choked cry as she turned to face her mother, N’mestha, with bloodshot eyes. “I didn’t know!” She wailed, her tail thrashing with fear. “I… I… I didn’t know he would do this… I didn’t want…” she began feebly, biting at her lip hard enough to break the skin.

“But you brought him here. By speaking with him, you brought him here!” Her mother hissed lowly, her gray tail whipping against N’shira’s leg. “We should have known there was something wrong with you being gone that long - every day! How long have you known him?!” She interrogated. N’shira shrunk further into herself, eventually finding herself curled into her knees and hiding her face. She could feel the eyes on her. There wasn’t a single pair that didn’t look towards her. The warmth of this place now sent a frostbitten chill through her heart, freezing her in utter terror as N’mestha’s voice faded completely. All N’shira could hear was a dull ringing, her heart racing fast enough to threaten to burst from her chest.

She had just wanted to go home.

She doesn’t know how long she sat there. Her body was trembling, shaken to the bone with the bitter cold of night and weakness of the events of the day. She feared to lift her head, petrified that they would still be staring at her, disdain clear in their piercing eyes. Her senses were roused once more as she heard familiar footsteps approaching. Her ears lowered and she threatened to choke out a sob once more, though there were no tears left in her to cry.

A once soothing hand fell gently onto her back, the dulled claws scratching at her comfortingly. “Come inside now, Shirrra. It’s cold.” The smooth voice crooned towards her. It just made her feel ill. “Don’t touch me. Don’t call me that.” She managed to choke out, her nails digging deep into her legs. The hand hesitantly left her, though his presence stayed. Silence fell over them temporarily before U’phel spoke again. “I know this is hard, but this was the only way…” he explained softly, not clarifying further.

N’shira let out a low growl, trembling in anger now. “There were other ways. If you had just… waited…” the growl faded into a broken whimper, her head shaking. “Just go. Please, just go.” She weakly sighed, her tail curling up tight at her feet, only adding more to her layer of protection.

U’phel frowned but did as was asked of him. He rose to his feet, staying still for a moment as he watched her. “As you wish.” He paused. “I have been accepted as nunh, as perrr tradition. I promise I will carrre for you and your family well.”

His words that were intended to be soothing made her taste bile. She bit her tongue to hold in any words, desperate for him to leave. His voice, his scent, his touch, everything was making her feel nauseous. She finally heard him step away in defeat, heading back across the clearing and into the nunh home.

N’shira waited a few more minutes before finally forcing herself to her feet, her eyes glancing over with a pained wince to N’yahm’s body that lay, much more respectfully, with plants and offerings of mourning. N’shira couldn’t bring herself to approach him, the final look he had given her seared into her mind.

Her legs swiftly but silently brought herself to her home, all lights extinguished and deathly silent. N’shira halted in the doorway, her heart pounding as she contemplated. Her eyes squinted as she felt her way around the kitchen, her hands eventually able to locate their water supply. N’shira desperately filled her hunting canteen with the clean water. Her hand felt for the gobies she knew she had caught earlier. Her brow furrowed as she debated with herself. She removed four gobies from her pack, storing them with the other pieces of cold meat so as not to spoil by morning. It wasn’t much, but… hopefully, they would be alright with U’phel there to help with hunts if needed. She knew he could do it.

The one goby that remained would have to be enough to sustain her through the next day. She wouldn’t have time to stop and hunt. She had to leave. She had to leave now.

N’shira glanced in towards her home, her poor vision making it hard to see more than the outlines of the small sets of beds. Enough for her little family.

Her heart let out a sharp ache of sorrow, knowing that those little ears would no longer be able to listen to her stories, nor would she get to see them grow. It hurt worse yet, the normal tenderness of her mother had been so sharply replaced with venomous words and accusations as her world collapsed. To make matters worse - she was not wrong. N’shira’s lip trembled as she forced herself to turn and leave through the door, quickly but quietly.

With one last look to her home, N’shira gripped her supplies and whispered goodbye. Her tail whisked behind her as she made her frantic but stealthy dash out from the only place she had known.

She was scared. She was so, so, scared. But she couldn’t take it anymore. The day had proven her worst fears, and should she stay there more than a few moons, she was sure every aspect of Seeker life she disdained would rear its head.

With tears in her eyes and fear clenching her heart, N’shira ran.

N’shira.

…N’shira…?

…