what the swallow said

(Or, the chronology of a doomed romance, in three acts. We are never ever getting back together.)

i. Kuraudii is waiting by the river when Irma comes down to meet them. The dress code means nothing when her grandparents are funding the school; she’s in a knee-length evening gown a sea-green affair that shimmers prettily in the evening light. They’re wearing the school-issue black gakuran which would be plain on anyone else but, as she notes in approval, neatly complements the blue-black of their wings. Their shadow casts a long line against the grass at the shore. 

She sits down cross-legged next to them, and they look at her silently, clearly confused. It’s then that Irma belatedly remembers that she and Kuraudii have only talked… oh, once, twice, after Hayashi started that charming Supernatural Beings Club as a means of getting her to “get along” with the human students. 

No matter. She’s eyed Arawareta Akeye for long enough that a pretext is unnecessary. Kawakami Irma is eighteen, beautiful, and the most eligible girl in the history of Mitori High School, and frankly Kuraudii should feel lucky that she’s even deigned to catch their eye. 

She decides to skip straight to the heart of the matter. “Will you go out with me?” she says, and has to hold back a satisfied smile when she hears their breath catch. Hook, line, sinker.

It’s not the first time Irma has confessed to someone, and Kuraudii’s reaction is fairly unremarkable, as the record goes: they stare at her, clearly taken completely off-guard, and she revels in their quiet attention. Of course, she doesn’t consider for a moment that they might say no, or that they might flinch away when she slips her hand into theirs. Still, when they breathe out a quiet “Yes,” she favors them with a smile that’s brighter than the sun. 

-

ii. She keeps on expecting them to tell her they love her. She’s heard it many different times, in slightly less many tones: anticipatory, confident, self-conscious, devoted, wondering. It’s happened so many times Irma has learned to expect it. By now she can pinpoint the exact moment her admirer's voice changes when they think they’ve found a good moment to confess, and picture the crestfallen expression that comes after, which so few try to hide when she won’t say it back. 

Kuraudii doesn’t. Not after the first month, not after the second. After three weeks, Irma finds herself watching them with more attention than she’s paid anyone in months. At first she thinks that they care about her even less than she bothers with the smiling front she puts on for her admirers, which is… completely unacceptable. Even the thought of it makes her furious, but she doesn’t want to believe it. What if, what if. Irma’s mother has told her over and over again to hold her tongue, and she does it now. She keeps watching. 

Things become unbelievably hectic after that, and any thought of her romance with Kuraudii is put on the backburner as Irma becomes embroiled in Inari’s plans and gets to know people more deeply in the span of two months than she’d concerned herself with in three years. Somehow the answer comes to her anyway, somewhere between the innumerable times she has to pull Kuraudii away from Nekobuchi’s den, an exasperated Mori’s cabin, even Sin’s gaming desk with battle plans scribbled in permanent marker across the top. She’s fallen for a person who loves the world. 

-

iii. Irma knows it’s Kuraudii the moment they step through the door of the diner, soaking wet and wild-eyed and their blonde hair plastered to the back of their neck. The high cheekbones and the changed details of the face are all unfamiliar to her, but the eyes are the same. (When her relatives had come to help with the reconstruction of the town, she had described the body, knowing that they couldn't spare the resources to comb the river. Now she knows that they never would have found them anyway.) She motions them into a booth, sending a hard look at the demurring attendant, and waves him away when he tries to speak. 

“What happened?” Kuraudii gasps, nearly brimming over with urgency and grief, never once giving her a chance to speak. "I went to Cheng's and I couldn't find anyone, the school was closed and the owner wouldn't let me into Sin's apartment, and Yorukishi and Mamoru's den is gone too— "

They’re so young. Irma was too, but she’s older now, all of them are, and a hard, invisible tremor shudders through her. But Irma has always had the strength to speak, even when no one else could, and so she interrupts them. “They’re all dead.” 

She answers by rote the babble of questions that follow, even as Kuraudii's dismay bleeds into her from across the table. When they finally fall silent, pulling restlessly at their hair as a thundercloud of thoughts race clearly through their mind, she's not surprised when they stand up. "I have to go," Kuraudii says. "I have to fix this. She's still out there, I can feel it. Kuroyanagi might be gone, but he would have done anything to save her. If we could get the rest of the Club together and track her down— "

"No," Irma says, and finds, to her surprise, that she doesn't feel anything at all. "Atsuko still needs me for the reconstruction effort. I've called in all the reinforcements my clan can spare, and they won't stay unless I'm here to direct them. This town needs a leader who'll make sure a tragedy like this doesn't happen again." Her voice drops an octave: she's not sure if it's from insistence or feeling or both. "We need someone to mediate between humans and supernatural beings." 

Kuraudii looks like she's struck them in the face. She notes, helplessly, unwillingly, just how bright they are: like light is shining out from their skin. "I can't do that." they whisper. "Irma — you know I can't." 

Her smile is the same one she gave her admirers, once upon a time. "Then I suppose this is where we part ways."

Their expression shifts from consternation to acceptance to calculation, the same thoughtfulness that had drawn Irma to them the first day of school year when she'd still thought them a hapless student with wings. "I understand," Kuraudii says, and has the gall to bow to her, straight-backed and formal, wings rustling at their sides. For the first time it occurs to Irma that their professionalism is the same mask as hers, and it catches her so off-guard that she misses the timing to reply when they tell her, "I hope to see you again someday. Give Hayashi my regards." and turn and stride through the double doors, the sheen of wetness on the laminated booth the only sign they were ever there.  

Give her my regards. Like a stranger. She could laugh about this, days or years from now. As Irma moves to leave as well, handing a sheaf of bills to the determinedly aloof waiter, she decides that she won't tell Atsuko about this: if Kuraudii comes back, one day, they can tell her themselves.

-

My worst fear? Hm... humans are generally afraid of death, aren't they? But there's nothing on Earth that could truly hurt me.
Didn't you say that angels can disappear, though? Plus you're in human form right now, so...
I'm not an angel. But I think I would be sad if I died and my friends didn't know I was gone. They'd keep looking for me, and I'd rather they spent their time being happy instead of missing someone who didn't even deserve it.
Hey! What the hell do you mean by that, you chicken-feathered bastard —
Kuraudii, don't be mean to Sin! You promised to be nice to him in Club meetings, remember? And this is an official after-school meeting, so don't give me that look!
Hmph. Alright.
... I don't want to be forgotten.
Did you say something, Kawakami? I didn't catch that.
I said I don't want to be forgotten. When... if I die, I want people to remember me. I don't want to disappear.
Aw, Irma! None of us would ever forget you! Isn't that right, Misao? Sin?
I'd certainly never forget your cooking. Ow! Not the horns! Stop that, I was joking! 
No one in the Club would forget you, Kawakami. I certainly wouldn't. I would never forget any of you. You're all very important to me - except for the demon over there, that is.
Ehh...! Kuraudii, you ruined the moment! Irma's gonna come after you with death in her eyes!
No, it's fine. Thank you, Kuraudii. And... thank all of you as well. Whatever comes, we'll defeat it together. I believe it.