Peace

I've had a lot of time to think lately and I've discovered something. 

When I discovered I was trans I knew right away what my name would be, Felix. I was already using the name for online accounts and interactions so I was used to using and writing it. But since it became my "official" name [ not legal yet but still] I've been at peace. 

I haven't felt abandoned. 

I haven't felt empty

Or lost,

Or disappointed in myself. I haven't blamed myself for losing Felix or any of the other wonderful babies I've lost. It went from an uncontrollable pain that drowned me everyday to an ache in my heart. It won't ever go away but I'm at peace with it. 

I no longer look at this oc and NEED to buy or make art for him to fill the void. I feel free. And because of that I feel as if Felix can finally leave. He can chase mice without having to guide me. He can rest rest wings. 

Thank you Felix for all your love but you can rest now my little warrior. I shall honor your name for the rest of my life. You'll always be my little Lion.