Your Son

We were laying on the couch. She had her arms wrapped around me as I rested on her chest. (No, its not weird, I'm two feet tall and shes over three times my size.) The TV was quietly on in the dark as we absentmindedly watched. The rain pattered on the window as the moon shone through.

I was completely comfortable. My hair was messy, I was sprawled out, and the thermostat was turned up.  We had a blanket thrown over us and she had really soft pajamas on. Nothing could be better.

I looked up at her, she looked at me. When I grinned at her, she quietly giggled and pulled me closer. She gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered "I love you" in my ear.

"I love you too," I replied, quite casually.  Saying that caught her, as well as myself to be honest, off guard. I usually wasn't so open like that. She squealed quietly and squeezed me likr a stuffed animal for a second.

I whispered to her, "so, has Francis been over lately?" She thought for a moment, adjusting herself to be comtortable.

"Our baby? Um.... once, if I remember, which I'm not sure if I do," she mumbled, "why?" I nodded, scooting up closer. I hadn't seen Francis in a while, when I did, he was better about talking to me, but he still tried to avoid me.

It wasn't very fun, seeing all his love going to his mother. He's my son... I hope... and I love to see them both happy but, is it wrong to want to be happy too? I sighed and turned my attention back to the TV, but I think I worried Rue.

"Are you ok, sweetie?" She whispered, "is everything alright?" I shrugged and sighed. Everything was normal, if that counts as some form of 'ok'.

"I guess," I sighed, "I just... miss him, yknow?" She put her cheek to mine and aww'ed at me, squeezing her arms around my chest quite hard. I didn't even try to get loose, she was really strong, even though you couldn't tell easily.

"I'm so glad, you're such a nice and caring dad!" She exclaimed, "You love him a lot, don't you?" I closed my eyes and relaxed, the melancholy feeling not quite gone. I put my arms around her neck very loosely, she petted my hair and held me tightly.

"Yeah, I love the kid," I remembered all the times I tried to make everything up to him, things I didn't do but was responsible for, "sometimes I don't think he feels the same, it's pretty obvious." She stopped suddenly, her hands frozen.

"Not true," she said, "Cosmo that's not right at all, not at all." She sat up, but careful not to shake me off, she held on with one hand. Once she was settled, Rue shook her head sadly,  hugging me. "You have no idea, Cosmo."

I shrugged, leaning against her. "He tries to avoid me at all costs, I know why but," I tried not to show the sadness in my voice, but it didn't really work, "is it really wrong to want to spend time with him?" She gasped.

"Cosmo, no!" She put her chin on the top of my head, "oh, my sweetheart, no!" I buried my head next to her neck, I could feel tears coming, but that would burn and make her feel bad for me. "I can only imagine how terrible it is, for someone to be scared of someone who looks just like you, probably one of the most important people to you, too," she said, rocking me back and forth.

I cried, "I just want him to be happy, to be his dad, is that too much, am I not worthy of it?" If I blinked the tears would painfully pour down my cheeks. I tried to breathe normal so she couldn't tell, but it was too much for even me. This had been held back for a long time.

She hugged me, "Oh no, my love, I know how bad it is, but you ARE his dad. He's our son, YOUR son. You're both trying so hard, it even bothers him how far apart you are."  I looked up at her, my eyes red from crying, my face burned but I didn't care.

"Does he really?" I asked.

"He came to me crying, if I remember correctly, he said he felt bad," She insisted. I looked astonished, she nodded to confirm it. I shook my head.

"M-my," I couldn't help it, I had already released my feelings, "My baby? He said that?" She squeezed me so tightly, I squeezed back as tight as physically possible. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't act like this, I should be the strong one- this is si embarassing."

She shrugged, looking at me fondly.
"I'm not telling anyone," she reminded, "you can be a person around me, I won't judge you." I just froze completely, was it possible to love someone this much? My heart beat and my eyes poured. I don't think I trusted anyone this much.

I took my hands and I put them on her face. I closed my eyes and kissed her for a second. When I sat back down, her face was red. She was grinning from ear to ear, her eyes were wide and filled with love.

"HOW IS IT I GET SO MUCH LOVE FROM BOTH MY SON AND MY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND?!" She screamed as she squeezed me. She cackled with happiness before releasing me,  I could've sworn I broke a rib. She apologised and relaxed again.

I curled back up on her chest, she out her arms around me and we returned our focus to the TV. I don't think I was that happy in a long time. I was grinning widely. It was too dark to tell, but felt she was too. We were both just happy to know eachother, not to mention our son.