Hide and Seek

“Give me a break!”

Troye rolled his eyes as he watched his son bounce around the room. It was mid-afternoon, and he had just given Edwin his pre-dinner snack. It seems that the food was pure sugar because the child would not settle down.

“Come on now, Edwin,” Troye said a bit more sternly, “I know Eric isn’t around to call the shots, but I’m here to say you need to settle down.”

Edwin, only half minding his father, continued to babble on as he raced from his toys by the television to jumping on the couch. His hair was slightly plastered to his face from his hyperactive sweating, and he had the hugest grin on his face.

“Let’s play a game! Let’s play a game!” Edwin shouted as he rushed over to Troye. “Tag, you’re it!”

Troye shook his head and grasped at Edwin’s shoulders in an attempt to hold the six-year-old in place. “That game is only for when we’re at the park. How about…”

He quickly tried to come up with some game, any game to harbor the boy from going into a complete frenzy. “Chutes and Ladders?”

“Boooooring!”

What else was there to play? What kind of game could keep Edwin from destroying the house without boring him to tears?

Of course!

Troye leaned down to meet his child’s eyes. “How about a couple rounds of hide and seek?”

Edwin’s eyes lit up and he jumped for joy when he heard those words. “Yes! You hide first! I’m the master of hide and seek!”

His father chuckled and tousled his son’s hair. “Alright then. Close your eyes and count to ten. No peeking!”

His words trailed off as he dashed away to find a hiding spot in the tiny apartment. He couldn’t go anywhere too discrete to keep from frustrating his son, but anywhere too obvious would surely bring the game to a dead end. He decided on standing behind some curtains for the first round.

“Eight…nine…ten! Ready or not, here I come!”

Edwin began to prance around the house, calling out for Troye. Troye could hear his son opening cabinets and drawers. He laughed a little bit under his breath. His cries faded in and out as he explored the bedrooms and kitchen. Eventually, footsteps drew near Troye and he could hear Edwin’s heavy breath.

“Papa! I know you’re here!” he yelped, pushing aside pillows on the couch and checking under the coffee table. He looked up at the window and noticed the outline of Troye’s body against the curtain.

“Found ya!”

Brightness filled Troye’s eyes when the curtain was ripped from his view. He looked down and saw his son standing boastfully.

“I knew I’d get ya! I’m a winner!”

Troye smiled and gave his son a high five. “You won this round kiddo, but wait until I get you next time!”

The game continued on for a few more rounds. Edwin hid in the shower, Troye hid in the pantry, and on and on it went.

Troye had just finished counting down for the newest round, and he heard Edwin zoom from the room. He worked slowly, calling out his son’s name in a teasing voice.

As he stepped into the hallway, he heard the phone ring. He groaned and took his phone out of his pocket to check the caller ID. Unknown.

“Wait one minute Ed!” Troye yelled out. “Don’t move an inch! This game ain’t over yet!”

Troye paced the hallway and answered the call. It was one of Eric’s friends. Troye tried to be as patient and polite as possible. He hated answering calls, especially from people he didn’t know that well. Eric had friends who would occasionally call to check up on how the family was doing, and it was a bittersweet kind of annoyance. He appreciated having people who cared, but it was so draining to keep the conversation going. He slumped down against the wall and let his head rest against it.

He closed his eyes and talked as much as he could, trying to let the friend know that life was finally starting to look up. With Eric having that job that treated and paid him well, and with Edwin brightening up their days, their worlds couldn’t be much better. Troye was so thankful for his tiny family because it was genuine and safe. Even when his son drove him a bit mad, he always could rely on that boy for a smile.

His son.

He snapped back into focus and remembered the game that him and his son were playing. How long at it been? Probably only ten minutes at most, but it felt like eternity. He said his farewells to Eric’s friend and promptly hung up.

Troye pushed himself up from the ground and looked around. The hallway was empty except for a few hanging photos of him and his family. He paced around the apartment meticulously, searching for any signs of his son. He wasn’t behind the couch, nor hiding under any tables. This game didn’t seem so exciting anymore. Troye felt a bit of sweat trickle down his neck as he began to fear for the worst.

His throat felt hoarse as he shouted for his son. “Edwin? Edwin, are you there? Papa can’t find you.”

He kept stooping and craning his neck. His vision became tunneled as he frantically searched for his child. “Alright baby boy, you win, I’m calling it quits! You are the ultimate hide and seek master. Just please come out for Papa?”

He kept calling and calling, his voice grower weaker and his thoughts becoming heavier. He was beginning to assume the worst, and he could feel his heart drop. Edwin was gone. He could feel the emptiness set it as he realized that his son had disappeared. Eric would be devastated if he knew how foolish Troye had been. Leaving a six-year-old unattended? What kind of crappy parent would do that?

Tears began to well up in Troye’s eyes, and his shoulders shook as he broke into a silent sob. His only true family would be shattered without Edwin. No matter how hard it was to take care of him, and no matter how many times he felt like he wasn’t enough, he still couldn’t imagine his life without his child. He would never be able to forgive himself for ruining the only good thing he had in his life…something that both him and Eric shared. It was unforgivable.

What could he do to fix this? Edwin was nowhere to be found. For all Troye knew, Edwin could’ve sneaked out the front door and been snatched away for good. His chest began to tighten with his racing mind. The panicking wasn’t the least bit helpful, but it’s something that he’s always had to deal with. He dug his nails into the palms of his skin to focus. He needed to get help.

Troye reached back into his pocket for his cellphone, his hands shaking as he tried to punch in the numbers. The ringing sound swelled in his ears as he waited for an answer.

“911, what’s your emergency?” a crisp voice on the other end replied. Troye took in a deep breath to steady himself but only managed to reply in a sob:

“I can’t….I can’t find my son.”

The responder’s replies were muffled to him, and his mind felt like static. There was nothing he could think about or process other than the fact that Edwin was missing.

“What do I do? P-please help me…I can’t lose him…he means everything to me, and I never meant for this to happen…”

Troye pressed the phone harder to his ear to hear the replies. Nothing but that blast of static came through. His pleas wouldn’t do any good if he couldn’t provide any information about Edwin. His mind turned to sludge as he continued to shut down. He dropped the phone, the static still blaring through, and wrapped his arms around his head. He saw nothing, felt nothing, heard nothing, except for that painfully dark void of anxiety. Maybe he should just let go.

Troye’s world had gone still. He kept his face buried against his arms, cradling himself on the floor. Tears were running down hot on his cheeks, and he tried to blot them away on his sleeves. The phone had lost its static, and everything was eerily silent.

He sat there, trembling, for hours it seemed. Nothing disturbed him until he heard a faint rattling. The noise grew louder and hit its peak when there was a slamming noise. Troye began to stir when he heard heavy footsteps approaching.

“Baby? Troye, what’s going on babe?”

A familiar grip latched onto his shoulder, and he felt a warm heat surround him. When he lifted his face, he saw the ruffled dark hair and brown eyes that he had fallen in love with so many times before. Eric quickly planted some kisses on Troye’s forehead and cheeks, smothering him with care.

Eric looked at his partner with a mix of compassion and concern. “Troye…what happened? Where’s Edwin?”

Just his name brought Troye to tears. He wrapped himself tighter around Eric and pressed his face into his lover’s shoulder. The comforting embrace brought him a brief moment of courage.

“I lost him, Eric…”

“What do you mean?”

“I was trying so hard to keep an eye on him, but I got a call…and I got carried away. I don’t know where he went, or…”

Eric furrowed his brow. “I know you’re trying, babe. You’re trying so damn hard, and I am so, so, proud of you. We can fix this.”

He reached out his hand to his partner. Troye looked up uncertainly as he intertwined his fingers with Eric. Together, they got up from the floor, and immediately embraced yet again. Things felt a bit more settled for Troye now that he had his anchor to hold him down.

They began to search the house one last time, making sure to check every nook and cranny. Eric called calmly for his son; when he didn’t hear a reply, his face didn’t give away his anxieties.

The last room that the couple stopped to check was their bedroom. It had a king-sized bed that the whole family could fit into, and slider doors were facing out to always provide a beautiful sunset. Troye loved to sit in that room and watch as the sky would paint the walls with its evening colors.

As they peeked through, everything was quiet. Perhaps the fears shared between the couple had finally set in, for this room was their final hope. If they couldn’t find Edwin here, then real problems would arise.

Eric stepped along the edge of the bed, running his hands along the covers. He froze momentarily, his hand still touching the fabric.

“Where’s your blanket?”

Troye looked down and noticed that his blanket was in fact missing. His favorite blanket. Two years ago, Eric gave Troye a handwoven plaid blanket that he would end up sleeping with every single night from then on. When Eric left for work, that heavy blanket was Troye’s greatest comfort. He would often wrap it around himself and breathe in his partner’s scent to find a sense of ease.

Troye stumbled for words. “I may have thrown it in with the rest of the laundry? I don’t know…”

Eric gave him a look. “We both know that you wash that thing as early in the morning as you can so that it dries for the night. That blanket isn’t in the laundry, babe. Edwin’s gotta have it. Looks like he might’ve taken a pillow as well.”

Troye felt a glimmer of hope spark in his chest. He began to examine the room further. He opened the blinds and turned on the lights in the room to hopefully give him a new perspective. When the room became awash with the golden glow of the sun, him and Eric jumped when they heard a groan.

“Edwin?” they both exclaimed, desperate for another sign.

The noise appeared to be coming from the couple’s walk-in closet. They warily pulled the doors open to reveal the cluttered, dark mess of their clothing piles. When they looked down, they noticed one of the clothing piles was continuing to groan.

“Oh my god!” Troye cried, dropping down to uncover his son. “Edwin, what happened!?”

The little child groggily looked up at both of his parents. He was surrounded by laundry, a pillow, and Troye’s favorite blanket.

Eric couldn’t help but laugh. “It looks like our boy got a bit tuckered out today. What’d you do to him, Troye, make him play Chutes and Ladders?”

Troye let out a hysterical cry as he squeezed his son and held him close. “I thought I lost you! I looked everywhere for you. I….I….”

“Papa…?” Edwin looked up curiously. “You were taking so long on the phone that I decided to sleep. I never left my hiding spot, just like you said.”

Both Eric and Troye swarmed their son with kisses and hugs, sharing smiles and relieved tears. The family was saved, and Troye felt happier than ever.

Much later in the evening, when Edwin was tucked in bed, and the house became a soothing calm, Eric and Troye rested together on the living room couch.

“I’m sorry for all of the stress today, honey…” Troye said, looking up at his partner. Eric rhythmically ran his hand up and down his partner’s arm and gave him a loving glance.

“I should be the one to apologize. I wish I could’ve been there to help more today. Edwin loves you so goddamn much, and I know you love him. It’s still okay to be scared though, babe. That doesn’t make you any less of a wonderful father.”

Troye tried to blink back tears. “You keep saying that, but I don’t think I can explain just how anxious all of this parenting stuff makes me. I feel like I’m the least qualified person for this. I just…I don’t understand how you aren’t afraid.”

Suddenly, Eric shifted to face his partner and held both of their hands. They were locking eyes, and Troye could feel a genuine intensity radiating off of his partner’s amber gaze.

“I am afraid. I really am, love. Parenting will always be an uphill battle. There will always be pitfalls and arguments and tough moments, but those cannot compare to the amount of love and joy we have fostered in our family. I love you, Troye. No matter what you say, I will always love you and believe in you. Edwin has some damn great fathers because we will always care about him. No matter what.”

Eric pulled his lover in and gave him a kiss. It was soft and sweet and full of affection. Troye felt himself melt into a puddle of feelings, just like the first time they kissed. There weren’t enough words to describe the way that man made him feel.

“No matter what.”