Compared to many of her companions in the nursery, Tawny had never really wanted to become an apprentice. It had been extremely difficult for her to actually settle into Clan life — in reality, the best part about her new home was the few clanmates that she actually regarded as friends, or… family. Despite this, the calico molly still found it challenging to fully settle in this new way of life, and stop thinking about the one she had left behind. That didn’t mean she wasn’t grateful, of course… but it wasn’t as easy as just going about your day in camp and that was the end of it.
Tawny sighed, staring at her somewhat dishevelled nest. It would be time to go and receive her mentor soon. She still refused to take an apprentice name, wishing to continue to hold on to her previous identity in some way. While she enjoyed being in RavenClan, she still hadn’t completely let go of the old things she cared about. There was the matter of figuring out where her grandmother was — Tawny wasn’t entirely sure if she was still roaming the Valley or dead. She didn’t know if she believed in StarClan, but according to her clanmates, that was where all cats ended up unless they were evil… and her grandmother certainly wasn’t evil.
Although she had so many mixed feelings about it, she did also want to join her friends as apprentices. The alternative to doing that was to… what, leave? Even if she did have an attachment to her grandmother that kept her from being as connected as she could be, she didn’t want to leave RavenClan. That would just mean that she would be by herself and Tawny couldn’t think of anything worse. Despite how much of a loner she pretended to be, she enjoyed being in her clanmates’ company, and even when she’d been travelling as a rogue, her favourite parts had all been about meeting new cats or memories with her only remaining family.
She got up from the nest, shaking out the small debris clinging to her fur. It was about time for her to join her friends in the ceremony, and she was about as ready as she would ever be. Her limbs felt heavy, but Tawny inhaled and then exhaled deeply, her muscles feeling reinvigorated with energy. Her eyes peered out curiously from behind the Nursery’s entrance as the leader of RavenClan spoke out.
“All cats old enough to catch their own prey join below the Leader’s Log.” Nettlestar called out, eyes scanning the gathering crowd.
Tawny was not yet an apprentice, but she knew that this Clan meeting was for her. She joined the group near the Leader’s Log, her paws tingling from a newfound excitement. The molly hadn’t allowed herself to look forward to this moment before… but now that it was upon her, a small smile was growing on her face. Nettlestar called her, Bat and her adoptive family forward — Tawny grinned at all of them, even Kinkkit.
The ceremony was a little nerve-wracking due to her inner thoughts, but being in front of the crowd felt nice. She’d never felt this feeling before: a sense of belonging, an ambition to do well for her clanmates. Before, when it had just been her and her grandmother, there had of course been some of these feelings, but it was different for a whole Clan. Tawny was finally beginning to realise what it meant to be a part of a Clan, and why so many of these cats had decided to either join on or stay in one. It was nice to feel like you were important, even if your part was smaller than others.
Wildblaze stepped forward and they touched noses. Tawny was very happy with Nettlestar’s choice of her mentor, fur slightly fluffing up in happiness. Their relationship with one another had already jumped over the awkward hurdles, and Tawny felt like she would do anything to impress Wildblaze, or at least make her proud. In a way, the warrior was a motherly figure to her, though only faintly. She at least felt close enough to her that the ceremony had been a very pleasant affair rather than a horribly awkward one.
“Are you excited to be an apprentice, Tawny?” There was no judgment in Wildblaze’s voice about the fact that she hadn’t adopted the traditional apprentice suffix, which helped put Tawny at ease. She had been a little nervous that she would be forced to take it, though was very happy to learn that her name was still her choice. Tawny didn’t care if she got weird looks from some of her clanmates because of it, as long as the cats she cared about didn’t judge her for it.
The new apprentice laughed, pushing aside all of her negative thoughts and emotions, her usually confidence returning to her once more. She finally felt like she was ready to begin earning her place here, and didn’t want to scoff at the customs anymore. Mischievous grin growing on her face, she looked up at Wildblaze, eyes twinkling. “I’m excited to beat Kinkpaw’s ass, at the very least.”