the scariest hamlet 96 creepypasta in the universe

This is gonna sound fake but my dudes you GOTTA UNDERSTAND this is SO REAL and I am traumatized so,,, yeah. Anyway one day I came home thinkin bout memes or some shit and I TRIPPED. I looked down and I saw a DVD of the 1996 VERSION OF HAMLET WITH ROBIN FREAKIN WILLIAMS and some other people. I didn’t own this DVD but I happen to love Shakespeare because I am very smart and cultured so I immediately turned on my DVD player and prepared to devote my entire evening to watching some British peeps yell at each other. My scheduled dinner with my ailing niece could wait IT WAS HAMLET TIME BITCHES.

Sadly it seemed this would not come to pass because when I inserted the DVD the player got set on FIRE. I was like OH GOD but the movie continued playing so I was like oh ok cool. There wasn’t a menu screen it just started playing (which was good because my remote was also on fire) but the thing is the LOGOS were WEIRD!!! Like the Castle Rock one was in a SEA OF BLOOD and there was a DEAD GIRL floating in it!!! It stayed on screen for WAY TOO LONG and I was like bro can we get to the movie pleas??? The castle rock text changed it said FUCK OYU WE GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE and I was like ok jeez.

When it got to the movie it SKIPPED OVER like HALF THE MOVIE so it started wen Claudius is talking about boring shit in the throne room. I was like great you couldn’t skip this shit too??? But THEN. THEN I looked in the background and I saw Ophelia bleeding SO HARD out of BOTH HER EYEBALLS and looking RIGHT AT THE SCREEN. I said oh ok I guess that’s dope but whatevs and went to hit fast forward but I burned my hand bc the remote was still on fire. 

Suddenly the screen said NO and I was like no what. It said NONE OF YOU GET TO LOOK AWAY FROM MY SUFFERING ANYMORE. PRAY YOU MARK and I was like my names not mark it’s Mason. NO THATS NOT WHAT THAT— OK YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT NEVERMIND. FINALLY it skipped but only a few seconds to where it first showed hamler. Everything went all quiet and suddenly he had blood ALL OVER HIS MOUTH AND HANDS. Maybe he vampire, I said silently to myself. All the audio was gone and he continued to have the blood so I went this is stupid and THEN. RIGHT when Gertrude and Claudius and all them were fucking off ALL the audio came back SO LOUD that I had to COVER MY EARS. It’s a god thing I did too bc then Ophelia went up to hamlet and started holdin his hamnd and he RIPPED OFF HER ARM with HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD SOUNDS. She was flailing around and screaming so silently nobody could hear and suddenly it showed latex or whatever tf her brothers name is. His face was very creepy and had her blood all over it. He looked frickin TRAUMATIZED and I was like oooo f in the chat m8. The screen said HE DID THIS TO US really fast so I could barely read it (rude) and then cut to Ophelia and Litotes vibin outside in the snow. They were all happy and shit and it made me feel SO nervous and SO FREAKED OUT because I knew something REALLY HORRIFYING was coming up,,, and that was the scene with Helmet and Ophelia that only grown ups can watch.

I watched in mortal terror, unable to keep focus as Polonius came on screen and started saying boring shit nobody gave a fuck about. I was boutta see some shit and I knew it. Ok MAYBE I didn’t actually know what I was about to see but if my parents always made me look away during that scene IT MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY BAD. FOR ALL I KNEW THEY WERE DOING TAXES (as we all know, the government and its excesses is truly the most terrifying thing of all). Oh yeah also the screen kept showing them all dead and sayin dumb shit like I WANT MY DADDY and WHERES MY BIG BROTHER but that’s not important. Suddenly Polonius and Ophelia were alone and I watched with PALPABLE DREAD. Then he kinda pushed her and she SPLATTERED AGAINST THE CHURCH WALL WITH BLOOD AND GORE FLYING EVERYWHERE and it cut to outside

It sounded like they were havin an ARGUMENT!! She was saying I DONT NEED TO TELL YOU ANYTHING and he was all YOURE MY DAUGHTER YOULL DO AS I SAY and she was like FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT and I gasped because OPHELIA SAID FUCK??? OPHELIA CANNOT SAY FUCK ITS A STATISTICAL ANOMALY!!! But the proof was rights there and she just kept swearing and then HE started screaming and swearing and that was even MORE ANOMALOUS,,, then he started making cring noises,, like sobbing and shit,, and talking about how he couldn’t lose her bc she was all he had. I was like bruh what about livery but then it cut to livry on a TRAINN and I was like oh yeah right fronce. but then Ophelia was talkin mad shit about how he’d already lost her and then SHE WAS JUST SITTIN THERE IN FRONT OF RHE TRAIN. ON TGE TRACKS and I was like HOMIE MOVE but she DIDNT. Someone pushed her out of the way and IT WAS POLONIUS. But THEN. Suddenly the screen glitched and Polonius was DEAD and instead she was bein pushed away by HAMLET. And sudden they were doing THE MOST DISGUSTING THING IN THE WORLD: KISSING. I recoiled in horror but fortunately Gamlet started ripping her apart with his bare hands a few seconds later. The screen turned white and text started appearing.

WHY WASN’T MY LOVE ENOUGH FOR YOU? I KNOW YOU WERE SCARED… I KNOW YOU LOVED ME… BUT YOU MADE MY LIFE HELL TO SPARE YOUR OWN FEELINGS. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED WHAT WAS BEST… I THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE KNEW ME WELL ENOUGH TO MASON WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING. This shit was BORING I was going to get some marshmallows to roast on my burning DVD player. While I was in my sickass open floor plan kitchen (like in hgtv) I heard SCREAMING and it was SO unsettling but then I realized it was just the screams Ophelia does when she finds her dads body. I rolled my eyes and whent back in where I saw more text. WHAT PART OF PRAY YOU MARK DON’T YOU— WELL, I GUESS— NEVERMIND… THIS IS SERIOUS YOU CANT JUST WALK OFF WHILE I’M— oh yeah it’s serious seriously BORING I replied and laughed at my own funi joke. Screaming poured fourth from the speakers and I was like dude chill it’s just a movie and it was like NO THIS IS MY ACTUAL LIFE WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME and I was like oh shit you’re Ophelia??? and she was like NOOOO IM JUST A MAGIC TALKING DVD THAT CAME TO LIFE ONE DAY and I was like oh ok sick proceed. I kind of wished I’d told her to UNPROCEED, though, because then I saw HAMLET goin into OPHELIAS ROOM thru the window like a freak.

He started touching her face with his HANDS and making WEIRD CREEPY scared sounds and she was like CRYING AN DSHIT. I was like hey this scene isn’t in the movie either. I came hear for hamlet movie this sucks. Audio of Ophelia whining about this shit that actually WAS from the movie played then. The DVD said GO ON. LAUGH LIKE YOU HAVE ALL THESE YEARS. …MASON I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU ACTUALLY START LAUGHING— I wasn’t laughing this shit was DUMB and I wanted marshmallows. I put one on a dope ass sword that had suddenly materialized in the room but as I was roasting it SUDDENLY the fire turned into BLOOD!!! Wow dude really mature I said and continued watching just to see it cut to the NUVNERNEY SENE.

Dang we doin the Hamlet speedrun I said. Maybe I’d actually get to do dinner with my niece. Prolly not a good idea since her entire body broke every time she moved a muscle so it wasn’t a very pleasant atmosphere lmao. Anyway it cut away and I could still here them talking. Once again they weren’t talking like Shakespeares they said normal human things like YOU STUPID BITCH and WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM HAMLET and I GASPED because SHAKESPEARE CHARACTERS SWEARING WHAT THE HECK??? Then I remembered I already saw this earlier and stopped caring. I told the DVD hey you already shows me dumb stuff like this and she was all SORRY MY LIFE ISN’T RIVETING FUCKING CINEMA. HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS?!? And then it showed the part where Hamlet was acting DOMESTIC ABUSIVE only this time there was BLOOD GOING EVERYWHERE. I was like oh yeah this is better this is interesting I like this and the words OH COME THE FUCK ON flashed on the screen very fastly. He shoved her face in th wall and it looked weird so I laughed and said haha funny pogchamp and suddenly A VOICE came THROUGH THE SPEAKERS. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME it said. WHAT PART OF THIS IS FUNNY TO YOU I LITERALLY HAD NIGHTMARES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE and I was all that sounds like a you problem this shit is not that scary. MASON I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE GETTING THIS. I TRUSTED HIM MORE THAN MY OWN FAMILY AND HE WENT RABID AND ATTACKED ME. AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO BECAUSE OH YEAH HES A 30 YEAR OLD WAR VETERAN AND blah blah blah some other shit but I wasn’t listening because I realized she was talking like,,, SHE WAS OPHELIA!!! 

You’re NOT just a magic DVD ARE YOU??? I inequitied. She stoped right in the middle of her sentence. …ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME OR DO YOU GENUINELY NOT UNDERSTAND SARCASM?? Oh holly shit she WAS!!! I was suddenly ver nervous bc Ophelia is a weird ass person at the end. Blease don’t hurt me crazy girl!!! I said but she got pissed and was all like NONE OF YOU LISTENED TO ME AND NOW YOURE GOING TO PAY or some dumb shit like that and suddenly IRON MAN BY BLACK SABBATH WAS CAME FROM THE SPEAKERS AND ALL THE WALLS STARTED PORING WITH BLOOD!!!!! I started to DROWN JUST LIKE OPHELIA and I said oh NOOOOOOOO—

—OOOOOOOO I exclamationed some more and I was AWAKE!! “hey uncle wake up you were having a dream” said my dumbass niece. “was it a nice dream” well considering I woke up screaming I think it’s safe to say it WASN’T idiot,,, “Ok first of all go fuck yourself second of all my friend is coming  over in .5 seconds so be cool” so then her friend came over and I was like hey dude what’s up howd you meet my niece and she gave some long boeing ass explanation and I was like ok ok that’s cool shut fuck up and she was like DUDE CAN YOU PLEASE PRAY YOU MARK and I GASPED because THAT WAS THE OPHELIA WORDS!!! She was like OH SHOOT SORRY MY MOMMY SAYS THAT A LOT and I shuddered as I said who is your mommy. MY MOMMY IS OPHELIA HAMLET oh dear god noooooo