First Love, Late Spring

Aegisthus was horrified by intimacy.

 

He always had been. Growing up a noble in Altmer society in Alinor, Summerset with strict social stratification, he was forbidden from much real social interaction. He was expected to hold himself higher than that, serving his only purpose of one day being a powerful mage like his father, who was a retired Psijic. He was only supposed to view love and marriage as something that would improve his social status, much like his parents did, their marriage being loveless and only for the sake of combining their wealths and power.

 

His only friend growing up had been his elder brother, Rumellor, who he looked up to a great bit. Even if Aegis’s parents never believed in him, thinking he was a failure who tarnished their name, Rumellor believed in him. He encouraged Aegis to keep in his magic studies even if he struggled, when no one else would support him.

 

Aegis was timid as a young elf, and he was known to be easily swayed. He let everyone step all over him and use his emotions to their advantage. All it took was one threat from an intruder at the family’s palace door, and he let them in. Little did the young Aegisthus know, that intruder would go on to murder Rumellor who did not yield. Aegis had just thought the intruder was a simple thief, looking for nothing more than to rob the place; not take the life of his brother.

 

Aegis never forgave himself for that. He was responsible for his own brother’s death, after all; he had been the one to let the criminal in, to save his own hide. In short, all Aegis ever grew up knowing was that being close to someone only led to more pain. Aegis’s parents saw his crime as the final straw, and banished him from Summerset, cutting all ties with him. These horrible memories of the isle were long behind the mage, over 2 centuries ago now, but yet they still lingered and tugged at him.

 

Now, he was long ostracized by his own society, branded an Apraxic and his calian (he had worked so hard despite it all to earn) destroyed, and in love with his best friend, a Dunmer Aegis had met in his travels to the province of Skyrim...

 

After the Altmer’s journey of becoming the unlikely Archmage of the College of Winterhold and even more unlikely calling of being the Last Dragonborn (he had just meant to travel to Skyrim to join the College of Winterhold… not get caught up in leading it, and specially not having to suddenly save the entire world), Aegis found himself on the little ashy island north of Skyrim called Solstheim, where he met a Dunmer mercenary going by the name of Teldryn Sero. The two had grown to be quite the pair of friends in the past few days. 

 

At first, Aegis only allied himself with the mercenary out of convenience. Aegis hired him to show him around the island, maybe help him investigate this “Miraak” the cultists who attacked him back on Skyrim mentioned. Teldryn proved to be a more than capable fighter, and very good company. Usually, others would get offended by Aegis’s sarcasm or jokes, but Teldryn actually returned the Altmer’s quipping and leveled with him. Instead of dismissing the mercenary when he left Solstheim, the mage brought him back with him to the mainland; Aegis liked Teldryn too much to let him go.

 

The mage liked the mercenary… a lot. The Dragonborn wasn’t sure if Teldryn felt the same way, and it made him ache, but he was usually good at hiding his feelings and ignoring them. He rarely felt romantic attraction or courted anyone, so Aegis never knew exactly how to deal with his feelings when they did arise, like now.

 

Teldryn seemed to be very familiar with living on the road, not having a real home. Living as a noble, everything had been provided for Aegis, and he never lived in fear of one day waking up without the needs of living. That of course changed when he became an Apraxic, shipped off the Summerset isle with nothing but the clothes on his back and the broken pieces of his calian (he eventually discarded his calian pieces, coming to the conclusion that there would be nothing but pain left for him to return to in Summerset). He had learned to fend for himself in Valenwood, where he was dropped off at, not depending on others for help. It was hard at first, but the Altmer was able to use his magical abilities and knowledge to pick up a few lose jobs helping people, and eventually got used to it.

 

Sometimes Aegis wondered if Teldryn was the same, cast out by his family and left to wander Tamriel alone, or if he just chose to work as a blade-for-hire and live on the road. Aegis was comforted by the Dunmer, even if he wouldn’t admit it easily. He liked his company, which was surprising, as being around others for too long usually annoyed him. Teldryn was different.

 

Aegis hadn’t meant to get close to Teldryn. Especially not this close, where he was currently pining hard for the mercenary, dreaming almost every night of kissing him and holding his hand as they ran through a colorful flower field on an early Second Seed morning, where’d they tire at night and cuddle up next to each other on a silky blanket and admire the constellations above.

 

Since this scared Aegis, this unfamiliar feeling of being so attached and attracted romantically to someone (all while being too well-aware good things can come to a swift end), he decided the best course of action would be to distance himself and try not to attempt to start anything. It would hurt, but at least he wouldn’t be horrified by his own feelings. Hopefully. He still wanted to be around Teldryn, and never let him out of his sight, but he was scared of what he might do if he let his emotions get the better of him (Gods, he wanted to feel how Teldryn’s calloused hands would feel in his so, so badly…).

 

Aegis was of course very bad at distancing himself from Teldryn; a part of him was yelling at him that it would be so easy to just dismiss the Dunmer back to Solstheim (out of sight, out of mind), but no matter how hard Aegis tried and rehearsed in his head how he’d do that, he just couldn’t. It didn’t help that Teldryn was very helpful in a fight. Besides, they were friends, Aegis would never forgive himself for abandoning Teldryn just because his emotions got in the way… He would just have to work on suppressing the butterflies that fluttered up a tempest in his chest whenever Teldryn did as little as just looking the mage’s way.

 

“What’s on your mind?” Teldryn asked Aegis one early morning. They were camping out in a shallow cave, somewhere between Rorikstead and Whiterun, on their way to Riverwood.

 

They had just come back from the crypts of Ustengrav, where the Altmer was tasked to go by the Greybeards to find some kind of horn for them to prove he was Dragonborn. The two Mer did not find it, a note from an unknown person in its place instead, requesting the Dragonborn meet them in Riverwood. Teldryn seemed to be very annoyed by this, ranting all the way from Ustengrav to their current camping spot about how they went through all that trouble running and battling through the dusty, lengthy Nord crypt for nothing; Aegis found Teldryn’s annoyance cute, in a weird way, always finding the snarkiness of the mercenary endearing.

 

“You’re adorable when you’re angry,” the Dragonborn would say in an obviously joking, demeaning voice. Teldryn would scoff, lightly punching the Altmer’s arm, his true expression usually hidden behind his chitin helmet. Aegis wished Teldryn would keep his helmet off more; he was so handsome, with his slick charcoal mohawk and plum tattoos accentuating his sharp, easy on the eyes face, enveloping those dark crimson eyes that Aegis wanted to get lost in forever… If only Aegis could admit he really did find Teldryn cute when he’s angry, without it being a friendly quip.

 

The two Mer were camped out in this cave because of a strong storm that had suddenly hit; it had been raging endlessly all night. It was starting to ease away slightly, but the sky was smothered in an oppressive grey, storm clouds still lingering and pouring down rain. It smelled of fresh pine and moist dirt, the sounds of rainwater dripping onto cold rocks heard at the mouth of the cave. This was Aegis’s favorite kind of weather; he didn’t like being caught in it, and neither did Teldryn, but he loved the distinct smells and comforting rain pouring down.

 

Aegis looked up from his mortar and pestle at the Dunmer standing above him. His gloved hand was on his hip, his other fixing his weathered red scarf around his neck. His helmet was off, and Aegis had to keep himself from jumping right up and kissing the Dunmer on his beautiful lips. It would appear the mage had been deep in thought for longer than he expected.

 

“Just thinking about my past,” the Altmer dismissed. He rummaged through his alchemy bag next to him on his bedroll for nothing in particular. He thumbed over the herbs and feathers in it, pretending to find a specific one. “You know how engrossed I get when I daydream.”

 

Teldryn grumbled, offering a hand when Aegis began to get up, which he took a bit too eagerly. The mercenary huffed, running his other hand through his short charcoal hair after helping the Altmer up. Their hands stayed locked for a moment after Aegis was up, and the mage had to force himself to let go, and remember he had to push his ridiculous pining feelings away.

 

“Again with you being vague,” Teldryn groaned. “We’ve traveled together for about 2 weeks, yet I know nothing about you beyond you being a pretentious mage and the Last Dragonborn.”

 

Aegis scoffed. “Oh, don’t act like you haven’t told your own secrets, Teldryn. I see that ring you always have on your right hand, you know.”

 

Teldryn’s eyes dilated, the redness in them seeming to appear salmon-colored instead. He looked away, tugging at the bands of his chitin armor.

 

“...You know what it is?”

 

“I’m not well-versed on Morrowind history, but yes. That’s Nerevar’s ring, correct? The real one?”

 

“It is. The Moon-and-Star. Just like you, a hero of prophecy, I… I was the Nerevarine. I don’t tell anyone, I don’t really see a point, but honestly…” Teldryn’s eyes darted around the cave, perhaps unsure what to say now that he was finally opening up for once. The Dragonborn eyed him curiously, but respectfully. “Aegis, I feel like we really have a special bond. Both of us are heroes of prophecy, after all.”

 

“Is this a love confession?” Aegis jested, but deep inside his heart ached; he so, so wished Teldryn was actually confessing his love. The mage felt his clenched palms dampen with sweat at just the thought; the two of them, Dragonborn and Nerevarine, together…

 

The mercenary lightly punched the mage on the shoulder, walking to the mouth of the cave to look out as he said, “Ah, you wish, s’wit.” Oh, I sure do bloody wish. “But there, now you know. You got me.”

 

“You should tell me about your adventures sometime,” Aegis said, using his hands to smooth out his navy blue robes. He mentally noted that they were due for a wash, perhaps when they got to Riverwood. “Knowing that you were once in my place… It kind of comforts me, knowing we can relate to each other like that.”

 

Teldryn just hummed, still surveying the storm outside; it didn’t seem to be settling down anytime soon. “Maybe I will, one day.”

 

Aegis took a few steps to stand with Teldryn at the cave’s mouth, smirking as he said, “Who’s being vague now?”

 

The Nerevarine snorted, shaking his head. They settled into a comfortable silence, both admiring the wet Whiterun plains covered in a thick fog as thunder quietly rumbled overhead.

 

Remembering how their conversation first started, Aegis decided he wouldn’t keep the mercenary in the dark anymore. “Do you want to know about my past now?” the Dragonborn tentatively asked, fiddling with the strap of his bag over his shoulder. He had never really told anyone about his upbringing, but he felt he could wholeheartedly confide in Teldryn. 

 

“If you’d like to,” the Dunmer said, with a certain softness in his voice Aegis hadn’t heard before. “You looked troubled when you were deep in thought. If it’s hard for you to—“

 

“I want to tell you, Teldryn. I trust you.”

 

Teldryn’s eyes widened as he turned his head to face the mage. His face seemed to flush very deeply. Before Aegis had time to process any of this, the Dunmer quickly changed his expression back to his usual slyness as he walked away towards Aegis's bedroll. “Alright, just don't bore me to death. Sit down and tell me.”

 

Aegis didn’t tell Teldryn everything in deep detail, but he did give the overview about his neglectful parents, late brother, and ostracization. The mage thought it’d be painful to even recall his past, but he actually felt relieved after sitting down and talking to the Dunmer about it. With how Teldryn listened to Aegis open up with genuine interest and care, he most definitely didn't bore the Nerevarine.

 

“By Azura, Aegis, I…” Teldryn said after Aegis was finished telling his story, giving the mage a worried look. “I had no idea that was how you were raised, that’s… fucked up.”

 

“Do you think less of me now?” Aegis meekly asked, suddenly scared he’d said too much and now Teldryn was going to hate him and leave him and—

 

“You worry too much,” Teldryn snorted. “No, of course I don’t, Aegis. Everything that happened to you growing up wasn’t your fault.”

 

The Dragonborn cocked an eyebrow. “But I killed my brother! I let a thief into our house who killed him, how could that not be my fault? Why would my parents banish me if I hadn’t committed such a horrible crime?”

 

“You didn’t kill him, s’wit, the thief killed him; it was an accident, you had no idea the thief would succeed in killing your brother, and your parents used it as an excuse to throw you out. They were clearly already looking for ways to get rid of you, so they took that opportunity to throw you away.”

 

Aegis sat in silence, ruminating on Teldryn’s words. The mage stroked his ocre beard, wondering why he’d never thought that before. The sound of rain filled the deafening silence. Was the Dunmer right? This whole time, was Aegis really just framed and manipulated? Was he really not responsible for Rumellor’s death?

 

The Dunmer awkwardly sighed. “Sorry if I’m taking this too lightly,” he apologized, perhaps taking Aegis’s silence for offense. “I just want you to realize it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve how your parents treated you, and I am genuinely sorry your upbringing was like that. And if I pressured you into talking about it…”

 

“No, Teldryn, you’ve… Your words have really helped me. More than I can express. I’ve never opened up about this. I never realized all along, I was… My parents… Family…” Aegis grasped at the material of his bedroll, feeling a wave of all sorts of emotions that came crashing at him like lightning ripping through the sky, “I’m not a horrible person, I realize that now. Thank you truly, Teldryn, for giving me a second perspective. I think… I feel better about my past, in a way. It will always be hard to remember, but at least I realize now that I didn’t deserve the treatment my parents gave me, and that I’m not the weak Mer they saw me as.”

 

Teldryn put a hand on Aegis’s shoulder, before lifting himself off the bedroll. “Glad to be of service,” the mercenary said, stretching. “Now, would you like me to track down your parents and kill them?”

 

Aegis stood up too, laughing. “As much as I’d love that, there’s no need; I just want to… forget them. It’s no use chasing down the past.”

 

Teldryn smiled tenderly. “Fair enough. Well, I’m always here for you, friend.”

 

Aegis smiled back and nodded, biting his lower lip; if only they could be more , though… 

 

The Dragonborn breathed in before replying, “And I’m here for you, Teldryn, my friend.”

 

Aegis dusted his robes off again (he really hated getting his clothes dirty), walking to be next to Teldryn who was standing at the mouth of the cave again.

 

The storm had finally cleared, and the sun was peeking out and spreading its warmth to the land below and clearing the fog. The grassy plains of Whiterun seemed more full of color, finally free of the fog prison, rolling in the distance to be met by snow-capped mountains climbing towards the Gods. The smell of rain lingered, and Aegis took a deep breath; he never tired of this sweet smell. “The storm’s finally settled,” he commented. “Best be on our way.”

 

“I have eyes too, Aegis,” Teldryn chuckled, slapping Aegis on the back. His hand seemed to linger there for a while, and the Altmer wished he had the guts to tell the Dunmer to keep it there forever (and, perhaps pull him in closer and hug him and…).

 

Teldryn collected his backpack and bedroll off the cave ground, putting them on his back. He opted to not put on his helmet, instead tying it to his backpack. Aegis gathered his equipment as well, making sure to dust them off before putting everything in order on his back.

 

“Does this remind you of it?” Aegis blurted after making sure his items were nicely put together, looking up from his satchel to Teldryn walking out of the cave into the grass. The mercenary turned around, tilting his head in questioning. “Traveling with me. Fulfilling a prophecy to save the world. Does it bring you back to being Nerevarine?”

 

Teldryn looked into the distance, studying the wet, grassy terrain as far as the eye could see. “In a sense, yes. I never much liked my journey being Nerevarine, at least in the beginning, but… this is different. It’s fun. You’re fine company, Aegis. Just don’t let it get to your head.”

 

Aegis smiled, bounding to be by Teldryn’s side. “I’m glad you’re here with me, Teldryn.”

 

The Dunmer shook his head, kicking a rock down the hill they began to descend. “I’m just here because you pay well.”

 

“Hey, don't say that like we didn't just proclaim each other as friends and close confidants! Did us opening up to each other mean nothing to you?”

 

“Shut it, s’wit. I just said don’t let it get to your head.”

 

Aegis beamed; so did Teldryn. Moments like this where they would just play and tease and forget everything else for a few moments were the Altmer’s favorite. No world saving feats, no crawling through spiderwebs in some old ruins and tripping over traps, no fighting gross draugr or bandits who seemed to just be in such an abundance and in every corner of Skyrim… Just banter, jokes, laughter, and friendship.

 

Even if Aegis wanted to go beyond being friends with Teldryn, this was fine for now… It had been so long since the mage had someone to confide in, to share secrets with. He had never felt a romantic pull towards someone like this ever. They hadn’t been friends for long, and Aegis couldn’t wait for their friendship to hopefully bloom into something more; perhaps it was possible… Perhaps Aegis was just being too pessimistic in thinking Teldryn could never like him back. Only time would tell, perhaps.

 

Following a quiet stream flowing down a hill, surrounded by birds singing from glistening beaks and trees swaying in the soft wind, Aegis and Teldryn journeyed off to Riverwood, where their shared adventure would continue into unknown horizons, together.