He's gone

Stone clambers out of the bed, trying to move as carefully as possible as to not disturb the other man in the bed. His wrist is buzzing and at this blurry hour, he can’t quite remember as to why it is going off right now, Doctor hadn’t requested anything before they went to bed, in fact it was the first one to go to sleep today, leaving Stone up finishing things off.
It’s silenced once he’s gotten out of the bed and he looks down at the sleeping form of Doctor, breathing softly in and out, and between the blankets and it’s thick fur, Stone just wants to climb right back into the bed and just burry his face into the fur. However, as he observes his sleeping lover his mind has cleared and he remembers what he’s having to do and why he has to go, why it was a silent alarm and not one that could wake the both of them up, he doesn’t want Doctor to see this.
It hurts him, not just the leaving, but also leaving in this way – but he knows, he knows that after all this way they’ve come together, he wouldn’t be able to go through with what he must. From the Doctor slowly starting to see him as a friend, to being able to touch & then hug the other man, to then being able to lie in a bed next to him; and then for them to be able to hug in bed. Stone knows that, that has been a lot for the older man, that he’s come so far forward and this, this would break him. It hurts Stone to think about this, but he needs to go, he needs to leave even if he doesn’t want to. Stone isn’t sure if it’s nicer or not that there will be someone behind to miss him this time, that there may even be someone who’s going to try and find him again. 

Leaving like this, 2 am, it’s not ideal, especially not with a sleeping man in the other room and the slight electronic hum of all their machinery, it all feels too much for his bleary head, but also heartbroken body; he didn’t believe heartbreak actually hurt, but here he is. He heads around the house, gathering the items he needs, some already packed away and hidden, others he’s just memorised the location of so that he wouldn’t create any suspicion before this time. It would have been easier to pre-prepare all of this, but he couldn’t, Doctor is incredibly, he would have been able to notice each and every thing that has been moved and then he’d be cornered. Stone freezes for a second, a loud creek coming from the bedroom, his breath catches in the back of his throat and he thinks that his heart may have just stopped at this moment. His mind wonders, he’s trying to work out if he’d like to be spotted right now, if that would make it easier or harder for him to go. The betraying part of his head tells him that if he’s caught, he’d be stopped and he wouldn’t be able to leave, that they could just find someone else who could do Stone’s job for him and they’d get to both go back to bed and forget about this happening. Maybe he’d even be lectured by the man, told that he was being ridiculous and that he should have told him the minute that he found out that they wanted to recall him, a breath hitches in the back of Stone’s throat. He doesn’t need this right now, these wishful thoughts, they’re all so unlikely.
This isn’t what happens though. After a couple of minutes, Stone realises it must have just been the bed, and Doctor has shifted. It’s something they’ve always complained about, but never gotten around to replacing, and now, Stone guesses he’ll never see it be replaced. Even if it has realised Stone isn’t in the bed, it won’t be worried yet, both of them often get out of bed to burn the midnight oil as ideas suddenly strike their minds and they have to get onto it before they forget it all. A bad habit, they both know that, but sometimes an idea is just too tempting to pay true attention to what is best for your body, it wouldn’t give you ideas at this hour if you weren’t allowed to record them. His chest hurts once he resumes what he’s doing, he tries to shove this aside, and just claim that it was the tense minutes that caused it and not his heart cracking for what he’s about to do to the life that he’s created.
Then he realises where he now is, stood next to the coffee maker that sits proud in their kitchen, somehow even standing out against their other tech. He lingers at this coffee machine, the mundane object. Something that he brought with him when Doctor asked him to move in, it was into the spare room at that time, a downgrade from Stone’s own private apartment, but it meant he got to spend more time around Doctor so he said yes, of course he did. He was like a lost puppy, desperate to please and be around the one who praises you. At first Doctor complained about all of the side space that the machine took up, and then that it was impossible to work. Stone did find it very funny to walk in to the older man angrily pressing buttons and huffing as all the machine did in respond was beep, though he stifled that and happily took over the controls. Never before had Stone seen anything electronical that Doctor couldn’t control, of course it had to be the one thing that was Stone’s that stumped him. He stopped complaining however, when Stone started to make coffee and hot chocolate for Doctor more, instead he’d occasionally pat it softly as he walked past or started to prepare food. It became his main place, Stone would be stood beside the coffee machine as Doctor spoke from across the kitchen diner, or he’d lean up against the counter beside it while Doctor cooked, occasionally being fed spare batter – or he’d be told to open his mouth and taste test spoons of slightly too hot food. Though it was always delicious, the rare times it wasn’t quite seasoned to Stone’s taste, Doctor always seemed to be able to pick up the slight nose rumple he gave, and was then able to season it perfectly, at times Stone did question if this was then not to the Doctor’s own taste buds.

Stone suddenly snaps back to attention, to where he’s stood, the hour of the day and what he’s supposed to be doing. He moves to rub the back of his hand against his cheek, feeling something there and he’s slightly shocked to realise that it’s a tear and that he’s crying. He gently bites the tip of his tongue, the realisation of his tears seems to be setting something else off deeper in his body and he’s now biting back a sob. A sharp inhale fights back down the need to curl up and sob against the counter door. Stone doesn’t want to leave.
He always knew that he didn’t want to leave. That the only reason he was because it was his job, and many people have pointed out that he’s loyal to a fault at times, many see his loyalty to Doctor as a fault. His fingers linger against the computer screen of the coffee machine, before quickly typing in a couple of commands to the device; setting the Doctor’s preferred drink & making sure it will set itself off five minutes after the Doctor wakes up. Stone knows that Doctor will be up by then, he always is at that time, and the alarm is set anyway, just in case.
Stone steps back and takes one last look around the place that he’s accepted as his own, that he was welcomed into to become part of him. Guilt floods through Stone’s system as the guilt begins to overtake him again, he can’t linger anymore, if he lingers, he will wimp out. Stone needs to leave. Whether he wants to or not.
The bag goes over his shoulder and Stone heads over to the door, he picks his keys up like he always does before then pausing. They’re not needed where he’s going, and Stone is struggling with the knowledge that it is highly unlikely for him to ever return here. With a soft and focused breath, Stone brings the keys to his lips, placing a soft and gentle kiss on them before returning them to the side. The door is unlocked and he steps out, ensuring that it clicks and locks in place behind him, his back comes to rest against the door for a second. There is no going back for him now, the door has been locked, he has been locked back out of Doctor’s life, his heart aches and he believes that he should have never been allowed in at all, this was going to happen at some point. His attention is once again pulled back into the world by a car coming to a stop just across the road, and a gentle sigh comes from Stone. It’s time to go.
He crosses the road quickly and slides into the passenger seat, carefully tossing his bag into the back seats as the driver looks over at him, concern knitted across their face.
“You okay Stone? It looks like you’ve been crying.” She states, and Stone brings a hand to his face again, wiping his cheek again and it’s wetter than he was expecting it to be.
“I’m as good as I’m ever going to get. Lets get this show on the road.” Before I have to be pulled back away from the front door. The latter half of the sentence remains unsaid, but the silence tells them both everything they need to, and Stone flinches for a second as a hand rubs against his own.
“You let yourself build a life, you’re allowed to mourn it.” She states softly, as if speaking the words any louder would cause a dam to break, and Stone thinks it might. Stone doesn’t respond, he goes to open his mouth, but can already feel the lump forming in his throat so he closes it again and simply curtly nods.
He watches the house leave his view as they drive off, and he doesn’t like to admit he then turned the other way and cried. The driver, she saw this, she heard it but you won’t be getting that out of her, she respects Stone in every way, and she doesn’t want to drag him through what he would consider the indignance. People are allowed to cry, they’re allowed to mourn leaving behind those they love with no explanations, and she must admit, she prayed that she would be left there waiting. That in the morning she’d have to drive away and inform their bosses that Stone did not turn up, that it was on to plan b. The next night she mourned, not for herself but for the grief that she knows she helped dictate, she thought her line of work wouldn’t wake her up at night but it does. She hopes, one day, she will be able to return Stone back to that house, to that man and reunite them. She wouldn’t even mind if she was confronted with what she knows that Doctor can do, she cannot tell him openly, that is against the rules, but if she feels at all threatened, well she wouldn’t be to blame if she let a couple too many words about Stone’s location escape.