The Purple Dinner

Bao ran to keep up with Arcadia as he stalked through the forest, trying to get back to the camp as fast as he could.

“Can- can you slow down?” Bao called out. “I can’t keep up!”

Arcadia turned to look at her but didn’t slow down his pace. “We’ve left Ein alone with Phoen and Allerion. Who brought out the expensive alcohol. Again...” He gave her a pointed look. “They shouldn’t have to deal with that pair drunk by themself.”

Bao let out a small chuckle as she followed the disgruntled Half-Tabaxi. “They aren’t that bad.” She was silent for a second before continuing. “At least, they can’t get into too much trouble in the middle of the woods.”

“You say that but-“Arcadia suddenly stopped, his nose twitching. “What is that smell?”

Bao who had been rushing to keep up with him, walked right into him after his abrupt stop. She didn’t know what he meant for a few seconds before the repugnant smell hit her senses. Her eyes started to water, and she tried to hide bury her nose under her shirt. It could only be described as nauseating.

“Dear Kiabos, what on earth is that?” Bao cried out. She was trying her best not to breath, not wanting to smell the foul odour.

Arcadia wasn’t fairing any better, his sense of smell was superior to Bao’s, so his nose was burning at the scent. He started to muffle curse words under his breath, just knowing it had something to do with their companions. They tried their best cover their noses, but the smell was too strong. And it didn’t get any easier the closer they got either.

As they burst through the trees into the clearing, they could hear Phoen’s cheer ring out.

“Woo!! GO Allerion!” Her excited yell was slurred. The pair exchanged glances before Arcadia let out a groan whilst holding his forehead.

“She’s wasted.” He cursed under his breath. “I thought Ein said they had things under control.”

“Phoen is a force to be reckoned with, do you really thinking she’s going to let herself be controlled?” Bao asked. “Especially if alcohol is concerned.”

The sound of two drunken slurry voices got louder as the pair got closer, turning from random yells into barely legible words.

“-love it.”

“We did good!” Phoen shouted. “Who said we couldn’t cook!”

The pair broken through the last of the trees and were suddenly enveloped in an invisible cloud of what smelt like… death? Before they could ask what was going on, the trio spotted the return of their companions.

“’Cadia!!!” Phoen rushed over to the half-tabaxi, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him over to the fire. Bao watched in surprise as Phoen ignored his protests and made him sit on a log.

As she was about to join them, she was startled by Allerion’s sudden appearance in front of her. His eyes were unfocused, and he wore a drunken lopsided smile.

“M’lady Bao!” He bowed and held out his hand. “We prepared only the very best feast for you! Let me escort you to dinner!”

Bao paused for a second, unsure what to say, but when she saw his big puppy dog eyes, she found herself nodding. Not wanting to let him down, she gave him her hand as he pulled her over to the cooking pot with child-like glee.

Bao saw the look of disgust on Arcadia’s face and as she saw the contents of the pot, she finally understood the smell.  The sight was nothing she had seen before, there was a bubbling purple liquid with whole antlers and hoofs poking out.

“We cooked!” Allerion exclaimed, he looked over at Bao, waiting for her to say something.

Bao stood in silence for a second, not sure how to reply before simply saying, “Ah, I see.”

“What did you cook, a new poison?” Arcadia sputtered out.

Phoen laughed, slapping his back in the process. “Kiabos, you are funny!”

Bao could see Arcadia was about to reply sarcastically so she quickly interjected.

“What did you cook?” She questioned the trio.

This is when Ein stood up and gave the pot a stir. “Phoen had the idea to make you guys a stew, since you’re always cook for us.”

“Did that involve a murder plot?” Arcadia mumbled under his breath.  

Bao playfully glared at him, before turning her attention back to Ein. “What did you put in it?” She tried to phrase her next question carefully. “It’s an… interesting colour?”

“That would be the wild beetroot we found.” Allerion said. “I picked those myself! Phoen and Ein did the hunting.”

“I wrestled a bear!!!” Phoen yelled, jumping up and throwing her arms out wide. “I flamed the shit out of it.”

Allerion furiously nodded his head. “She did!! It was amazing!” He cried out, as if he was the president of the Phoen Hype Club. “Ein, tell them! Tell them how amazing it was.”

“It was amazing.” Ein said in a deadpan tone.

Arcadia took the ladle from Ein and gave the stew, if you could call it that, a stir. As he moved the contents of the pot around, Bao caught sight of a bear claw poking out.

“Did you…” She let out a nervous chuckle. “Did you put the whole bear in the stew? Skin and all??”

Ein nodded their head. “It’s got to have all the nutrients possible.”

Bao and Arcadia exchanged glances at the horror show in front of them.

“Are you expecting us to eat this?” Arcadia said, not bothering to hide his disturb tone.

“It tastes fffiiinnneee.” Phoen said, dipping a spoon into the pot and then holding it up in front of Arcadia. “Here, try some.”

Bao watched in amusement as he ducked under her arm and backed away, with a drunk Phoen charging towards him, holding the spoon out.

“You are going to try some, aren’t you Lady Bao?” Allerion asked quietly next to her. “Or is it not to your liking? Did we mess up?”

His voice sounded so sad, that Bao picked up the ladle and poured herself a portion into a bowl. “Of course, I’ll try some. It smells… like nothing I’ve had before.”

She brought the spoon up to her mouth and tried not to gag as the smell burned her throat. Luckily, Phoen shouted, “VICTORY!” causing Allerion to look away for a split second which allowed her to throw the bowlful of mush behind her. When Allerion looked back, he noticed her empty bowl.

“You finished already?” He questioned.

“It was so delicious; I couldn’t help myself.” She smiled brightly.

Arcadia was trailing after Phoen back to the fire. He quickly ran over to his waterskin, taking a swig before spitting it out.

“It should taste adequately fine.” Ein said. “It’s got all you need for a healthy and hearty meal.”

“So apart from a whole bear, what else went in?” Bao asked.

“Well, whole beetroot, some carrots we found. A deer.” Ein paused for a second, trying to remember what else they had put in there.

“Some giant mushroom we found.” Phoen interrupted, before taking another swig of her bottle.

This caused Bao to look up shocked. “What kind of mushroom?”

“A large one.” Ein said, “The bigger, the better.”

“Well, it’s definitely something but-“

“It’s poisonous.” Arcadia’s voice rang out. “You can’t tell me it tastes good to you?”

“Ein’s the only one who tried it, but they said it was fine.” Allerion replied.

“It’s got all the nutrients you need.” Ein said. “Why would you need to focus on the taste?”

Bao could tell their question was posed seriously but couldn’t help but giggle as Arcadia grumbled under his breath.

“It was really sweet of you guys to cook for us.” She smiled at them. “Thank you!”

Phoen gave Bao the bottle, “Here, here!” She cheered as Bao took a small sip. As soon as she handed Phoen the bottle back, Allerion quickly took hold of her hand.

“Did you really like it M’lady?” He asked. “Truly?”

“I’ve never had anything like it before. It was interesting!”

He seemed satisfied with that answer as he went over to Phoen and the two of them excitedly talked about what a good job they did, whilst drinking again.

Arcadia walked over to Bao. “What the hell are we going to do?”

Bao thought for a second, “Give it to them to clear their hangover tomorrow?”

Arcadia laughed before grinning at her. “That’s a perfect idea. Don’t you think so Ein?”

“Of course!” Ein said. “It has the prefect ratio of nutrients for a healthy meal. I don’t see why we can’t have it for breakfast as well.” And with that Ein served themself a portion and sat down on one of the free logs.

Bao stealthily pulled out some dried beef that she had in her pack before passing some to Arcadia. “Here, we can eat this, so we don’t go hungry.”

Arcadia gives her an appreciative smile before quickly biting into the meat. The pair them took turns quickly picking at their picnic dinner, whilst making sure the others didn’t catch on. But with Ein quietly enjoying his meal and Allerion and Phoen sharing another drink, they managed to get away with it.

Safe to say that Phoen and Allerion grew more nauseous the next morning after their hearty breakfast, while Arcadia and Bao tried to hide their laughter as the pair spent the morning puking in the bushes.