heart made of glass

His bed didn't seem as welcome anymore without the extra body in it. Everything felt cold and lifeless to him now that the light he'd called his husband had been snuffed out. His eyes were dull and swollen from tears he had shed as he gazed at the wall across from his bed; his hair was limp and hunger gnawed at the pit of his stomach from days of neglect. Even in the low light that his room held, the unshed tears in his eyes glistened like dewdrops. Trocadero, his Ghost, nudged the side of his face before settling in the crook of his neck. He was careful not to jostle the tattered cloak that was wrapped around his Guardian's body out of respect for him. He was quiet until Seraph’s sniffles, once quiet and far between, erupted into gut-wrenching sobs as he held the cloak to his face to try and muffle his cries.

"Let it out, Guardian... Crying is okay. Crying is good." He murmured and gently snuggled against his neck a little more to try and comfort his Guardian. It was all he could do at the moment.

"I couldn't-- It's my fault he's gone! If I hadn't been so slow, I would have-- I could have--" He couldn't finish the sentence as he wailed into the cloak that once belonged to the Exo he loved more than life itself. His Ghost chirped a few times before nudging against his face again in an attempt to try and wipe some of the tears there.

"We did all we could, Seraph... Things were... Hairy and we did all we could--" He cut off and zipped into the air as Seraph sat up abruptly, face angry. His anger was not directed at the Ghost at his face, however. Instead, it was aimed at himself.

"Did all we could?! I watched him die and it's all my goddamn fault! I didn't keep an eye on him, he did something stupid and he died because of it! He died and he's not coming back," he cried, pain registering in his eyes as more tears fell. "H-He's not... He's d-dead and..." His words had no finish, no ending as he fell back onto the bed and his Ghost nuzzled his cheek, doing his best to wipe away his tears. He understood somewhat of what he was feeling. He too lost someone when Cayde had died, but his pain was not nearly as bad as Seraph’s. He had lost his other half, the love of his life. Seraph fell silent besides the occasional sniffle and hiccup.

"Yes, we did all we could. Just like Ikora said, this was not our fault... C'mon, let's go get some food, you need to eat..." Trocadero chirped, gently nudging Seraph’s cheek. The Guardian silently agreed and stood, his Ghost darting to nuzzle against his neck again. The hood of the tattered cloak flipped up to hide the tear trails that marked the pale blue of his skin as well as his Ghost. His casual clothing was wrinkled in spots, but for the most part clean outside of being worn for a few days without a wash in between. His Ghost stayed close to his neck and let his display dim for just a minute as he got comfortable feeling the gentle beating of the pulse that beat in his neck. Business in the Tower was as normal, but the tone was somber and even more so as Seraph walked out; many fell quiet and watched as he walked past and towards the ramen shop he frequented all too much in the weeks before the incident. He took a seat at the ramen shop, placing his hand on the counter and leaving a small pile of glimmer in its wake. The owner was sympathetic, seeing the cloak that dangled off his body and flapped ever so gently in the breeze that kicked up in the bazaar.

"Your usual, sir?"

"Yes, please..." he croaked, his voice cracking on the last word. The owner gave a small nod and a smile that they hoped would reach his heart as they took only half what Seraph had left on the counter.

"My deepest condolences for your loss... I know how close you two were. I'm here to listen if you ever need to talk about what happened, but only when you want to. You've been a good customer and friend to me."

Seraph only gave a nod, pulling the hood up to hide the empty stool that sat next to him from his gaze. His stool. It made fresh tears well up in his eyes that he was quick to wipe away. He'd cried enough to last a lifetime, but he knew he was just going to cry more. He didn't want to cry right now. The minute the bowl of ramen was set in front of him however, all thoughts left his mind except for how much he needed to eat. He didn't realize how hungry he was as he wolfed the noodles down. Coughing and spluttering erupted from the Guardian as he choked on a bite of his food, his Ghost reminding histo slow down. His mind drifted off to how Cayde could easily slurp down noodles, how he always ate faster than he did. How he'd never see that stupid smile on his face when he won a noodle eating contest. It made him choke on his last bite. He shoved the bowl away and began the trek back to the Tower center. He didn't know what to do for the first time in his immortal life.

When he reached the crossroads, he looked to the path to the hangar, then to his quarters. He took the road now less traveled to the hangar, sitting in the space that Cayde once stood in. He ran his fingers over the spot as tears began to fall again. He could feel Amanda watching him from afar, and heard the wrench on whatever he was working on. Seraph couldn't lift his eyes from the belongings Cayde had left in the alcove he stood by; it made his heart break in his chest again and he fell into sobs again. He laid on his side and cried, hiding his face as he curled into a ball. He soon fell asleep from crying there, the cloak wrapped around his form keeping him warm. Amanda didn't have the heart to tell him that he couldn't sleep there. The shipwright covered the Hunter with the closest thing she had to a blanket, a plain blue tarp, and kept a light on for him. He was broken now, but soon enough he'd mend. Amanda knew he would. After all, he was the strongest Guardian they had. This only proved his strength.