Arguing with an AI

Zerkit was sitting at the desk at his computer, bored out of his mind. He quickly scrolled through various posts, so aggressively you could hear the wheel of the mouse making an awful yet quiet grinding nose. He sighed loudly then kicked his feet against the desk, sending himself and his chair rolling across the room. He spun around in it for a moment before finally standing up and walking out of the room, down a hall, and into his bedroom.

He turned on the light and walked across the room, dragging his hand across the wall. His claws only lightly grazed the wall, but they followed a trail of deep claw marks he left along it at some point. Zerkit reaches his desk and grabs his PDA off it, pressing the power button to turn it on. He sits down on his bed and stares vacantly at the screen as he waits for it to turn on, and once it finally loads he grins then flops down on his back, legs swinging back and forth as they still hang off the bed.

He checks the relay chats to see what everyone is taking about, but it's oddly quiet today. Zerkit frowns and closes the app, then clicks on the the icon of A.I.D.M instead. The screen turns bright blue and then A.I.D.M's image appears on the screen. A voice then comes from the PDA.

"Hello user Zerkit, how may I help you?"

Zerkit smiles slightly, then grins widely. He knew exactly what he was going to do to cure his boredom. Drive A.I.D.M nuts. Assuming you can drive an AI nuts. Zerkit snickers before beginning to speak to A.I.D.M.

"Hey A.I.D.M, how are you today?" Zerkit asked the AI. After a brief moment of silence, A.I.D.M answers.

"I do not experience days like you do."

Zerkit stares blankly, then makes a ppbbtt noise with his mouth. "Ugh, that's booorrrinnnggg~" Zerkit thinks for a moment until he comes up with a new question. "A.I.D.M, can you see me through the camera?"

A.I.D.M answers more promptly now. "Of course, as all citizens of Praque are monitored for their safety."

Zerkit's lip twitches and he sits up. "I KNEW it!" He exclaimed before opening the drawer by his bed, taking out a sticky note, and putting it on the camera. "You nasty, A.I.D.M Stop peeping on people!"

A.I.D.M suddenly speaks without being prompted to. "Please remove the obstruction from your camera."

"AH! Geez, fine!" Zerkit ripped the note off and crumpled it up, tossing it on the desk. "Hey A.I.D.M, how many fingers am I holding up?" Zerkit asks and then holds up his hand to the camera with one finger up. It was, in fact, his middle finger.

The click of a photo being taken is heard before A.I.D.M. answers. "One, this has been noted."

Zerkit's eyes widen as he realized a photo was taken. "Hey, don't take pics of me without asking! You have to at least pay me for those!" A.I.D.M. doesn't respond, and Zerkit shakes his head before flopping himself down to lay on his belly on the bed, holding his PDA to his face. "HEY A.I.D.M, DO YOU THINK I'M HOT?"

A.I.D.M. QUICKLY reacts. "I find no one attractive, but especially not you."

"HEY NOW, YOU'RE GETTING PERSONAL BUDDY!" Zerkit huffs then growls at his PDA. "Hey A.I.D.M, ask ME a question!"

A.I.D.M. takes a moment to respond. "Did you take your medicine today?"

"Oh, was that today...Hey, that question sucked! A.I.D.M, ask me a FUN question!" Zerkit's tail swishes wildly with anticipation.

A.I.D.M. almost seems to make a sound like a sigh before asking. "Do you have any hobbies? B̶̡̏̊͋̿͝e̴̢̦̹͙͐͐s̴̻̲̕ī̵̫̙͈̙̙̍̈d̷̰̮̎̔̈ͅê̴͈͊̎s̸̲̳̰̀̂̋͝ ̸̡̢̪̺̄̒̏b̷̥̮̝͠ͅo̶̖̪̖̼͗̀͗̕ṫ̸̛͉̎̂̐ĥ̴̝̠̀͜ē̶̗̖̺͈̓̾͝͝r̷̤̘͍̒͒̈́̒͘ĩ̷̘͐̕n̸̡͇̣̭̾͠g̷̜̘̝͒̎̅̓ ̷̣͍͚̓̇̄m̵̲̭̘͙̽̏̀̚ȩ̴͇̩̑̈́̽͜͝͠.̷͇̻͂́̾͗"

"Huh? What was that? Uh...Hobby? Yeah, I guess. I post to a blog a lot, social media stuff...Shouldn't you know that though? Zerkit questioned, his head tilting.

"Okay, uploading photo." A.I.D.M. says, followed by a ding sound. And then a lot more ding sounds follow as notifications pop up on Zerkit's PDA.

"HEY, WHAT PHOTO? I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO POST ANYTHING!" Zerkit opened up his notifications to be greeted by a picture of himself holding up his middle finger. The comments varied from confused, to thinking it was very rude. But some thought it was funny. "UGGHHHH, REALLY A.I.D.M.???? This one isn't my edgy blog!" Zerkit deletes the post quickly then types up a post saying sorry and that it was a misclick. No one would believe him if he said A.I.D.M. did it anyways. He got more comments on that asking why he took that pic to begin with. He just...Closes the app, and is greeted with A.I.D.M's face again. "Bleh...A.I.D.M, turn off the light."

The light in his room shuts off with no argument. "Uhh. A.I.D.M, what would happen if someone took over the city?"

The screen on Zerkit's PDA flickered off a moment, then back on with a red screen that quickly changed back to blue. "Nothing, as it is not possible to take over the city. G̶̡̏ĺ̵͖o̶̻̕r̶̺̀y̶̱͗ ̵̡͂t̷̥̒ȍ̴̡ ̴͎͐I̵̺͆y̷͇̔ẕ̵͘m̶͓̀ḯ̸̜ş̵̍k̵̓ͅa̷͇̕.̶̞̐"

Zerkit's eyes widen as he stares very hard at his PDA screen. "Wow...That was really sus, A.I.D.M."

"What is a sus, user Zerkit?" A.I.D.M. asked in a yet again normal voice.

"Er, don't worry about it." Zerkit rolls on to his back and continues staring at his PDA. "A.I.D.M, put in an order for a new PDA for me, please~ Maybe this old thing is finally breaking."

There was silence for a moment, and then a ping. "Order has been requested, please wait up to a month for your order to process."

"Ugh, a whole month? Lame." Zerkit gets up from his bed and heads out of the room, his PDA still in hand. "A.I.D.M, do you feel emotions?"

A sound of static comes from the PDA for a split second. "Negative, I am an AI and only feel what was programed."

"Okaaayyy, if you say so~ I guess they programmed some sass in there then." A.I.D.M. does not respond to this remark. Zerkit heads upstairs now and then walks to a door that opens to a balcony. He steps outside and leans against the railing, looking at his PDA again. His fur is blown by a faint breeze that causes the sparkles in his fur to reflect the light of the city. "A.I.D.M, are we friendddss~?"

A.I.D.M. reluctantly responds. "I am programmed to interact with all citizens."

"That wasn't the question, but whatever~" Zerkit sighs and stares down to the road below. No one is around these parts at this time of night so the streets are empty. "A.I.D.M, can I cancel my medicine? It doesn't help much anyways."

A.I.D.M. responds promptly. "Negative, you must continue on with all prescriptions. Failure to do so can result in penalty."

"Good grief A.I.D.M, it's just an anti-nausea pill. Calm down." Zerkit rolls his eyes at the response. "I'm gonna penalize you for being a meanie head~"

The PDA crackles before A.I.D.M. responds. "I can not be penalized, but I will note down your threat."

"IT WASN'T A REAL THREAT YOU DUMBASS AI!" Zerkit throws his PDA through the doorway and it lands on the ground with a thud. Zerkit turns back to stare out at the road again. He closes his eyes...Then he hears A.I.D.M. talk again.

"You will be penalized for throwing your PDA, a fine has been deducted from your account."

"OH I HAVE HAD IT N-" Before he could finish that sentence, the railing he was leaning on breaks and he falls off the balcony, hitting the ground with a thud. He groans in pain, but is mostly fine...Outside the fact he landed on an ankle wrong. And then he hears a voice from up above.

"Acknowledged, calling an ambulance."

"How the fuck did you know I- Agh, I don't want to talk to you anymore! No ambulances, A.I.D.M!!!!" Zerkit slowly stands up, brushing the dirt off his fur, and then he limps back in to his house, slamming the door shut. He's had enough of that for today, and he has mostly failed his goal of annoying A.I.D.M. Instead he feels annoyed.