Are you okay

bluespryte 

i do still want to do this btw ahgksdf

IneMiSol

SAME

now that im not getting a room decorated sdjgbhed

bluespryte

im not good at hcing on call but i can try ASKDJFG

IneMiSol 

we can always just wait until later

iiimmm prob not gonna sleep early

... u might tho

bluespryte 

jfhsjdf hard to say

we can try for now im not talking on the call anyway

IneMiSol 

ye!!

itd prob be the next day after the mission

so actual today

bluespryte 

yee

IneMiSol

would wisty go find him

or him go find her

bluespryte 

i think she would go find him agsdjfk she is concerned

,, despite the distraction last night

IneMiSol

fair!

he was with jiemba and david overnight anyway cus they all just crashed in davids room

bluespryte

yeaaa

and wisty was with romeo agkhsdjf

so today it is

prob just comes knocking on his door like 'heyyy auran'

IneMiSol 

looks like death

"eeeeyyy wistyyyyyy"

weak af fingerguns

"... how you doin.."

bluespryte

wisty just blinking at him before she reaches out and pats his shoulder

"i'm pretty good"

"you wanna go sit down?"

IneMiSol

".... yeah"

"you wanna come in, or"

"... party room or outside"

bluespryte 

loops her arm through his

"outside seems good"

"fresh air and quiet is nice"

"we can find a bench"

IneMiSol 

nods and goes along with her

letting her lead

bluespryte

prob goes to a quiet ish park nearby

settles down on a bench by one of the paths

"so"

"what's up?"

IneMiSol 

"whats up with what"

blinking

bluespryte

"with you my dude"

"i mean this lovingly but you look like hell"

IneMiSol

"oh"

"heh,, what else is new"

silence

sighs and rubs his face

"feeling like shit scraped off a boot"

bluespryte

puts an arm around him

"is it about yesterday?"

IneMiSol

huffs

"yeah..."

throws his head back and kinda just slumps on the bench

"just. feeling extremely useless"

"couldn't even shield the right person..."

bluespryte

sighs like "ah"

"i mean, in your defense"

"he couldve gone for jiemba just as easily"

moves her arm around

"and i am fine, not even a bruise"

"it's ok"

IneMiSol

shuts his eyes and just kind of looks in pain

"i know, its stupid"

"everyone was healed, and you're ok, and other people dont think im useless"

"but that doesnt make me... feel any less useless"

"cant fight. i panic every fuckin time. couldnt even land an attack this time. i dont even have weapons that actually do damage, cus i dont want to do damage"

"but like-- in situations like this?? against this kind of people??"

"it feels like the only thing i can do is be a meat shield and even that i did wrong"

"....... sorry. i know this is stupid as hell. you dont have to deal with my bs.."

bluespryte

leans on his side

"i want to deal with your bs, dude"

"i wouldnt ask if i didn't care"

"it's not stupid to feel how you feel, although"

"for the record i wouldnt have wanted you to get hurt instead of me"

"it doesn't have to be your job to protect anybody"

IneMiSol 

"... no, but its the only way i know how"

"its the way ive... always done"

"cus what else am i gonna do? i cant fight"

"and i dont... i dont want the people i love getting hurt..."

sighs

"i wish i could heal like you"

"the powers that could help in a fight without actually hurting others... i didnt even land any"

"cus i was panicking too hard to focus"

bluespryte

sighs and leans back too

"...healing doesn't always feel like enough, either"

"when i have to heal someone, it means i couldn't stop them from getting hurt in the first place"

IneMiSol 

slightly turns his head to look at her still looking defeated af

".... you're right"

"but at least you can... help fixing it

"help make it better"

bluespryte 

gives him a sympathetic look and takes his hand

"we are just starting"

"there's good chance this'll all get better as we get used to it, and as we train more"

"i know that only helps so much right now, but"

"if you want to get better, there are people here who can help"

turns her head to look at him

"...you know you don't have to tell me if you don't want to"

"but is this really just about yesterday?"

IneMiSol 

caught

gives her a "ah, you got me" sad smile

"... it never is, is it?"

"everythings connected in some way"

sighs again

"..... ive always hated fighting, but... the only way i know how to protect people is to put myself in dangers way in exchange"

"i did it... a lot in school, to get my sister away from bad people"

tilts his head

"in a way, not too different from using myself as a shield in a fight"

"but really, other than that... recurring theme, i just... always panic and freeze up in fights, and want to run away as fast as my legs will take me"

"which gets extremely frustrating when you also just... want to protect people"

"how do i protect anyone from a murderous madman if im having a panic attack and cant even land the few disabling abilities i have..."

"..... i guess i just feel like i failed you in some way"

"like i failed to save my sister"

sad stare off into the distance

"... well thats dark."

bluespryte 

wisty just quietly watching

putting pieces together with what she already knows and just gives a soft "...ah."

leans her head back to look at the sky and thinks for a moment

"i do think...it makes perfect sense that you can't think clearly in fights, if it reminds you of something like that"

"but i don't think it means you failed me, or her"

"not that i can pretend to know all the details of that, but"

she sighs

"sometimes bad things just...happen"

"it's easy to feel like it's your fault, or like maybe you could have stopped it if you'd done a little more"

"but it's not a failure, your failure, it's just...life"

"it doesn't make it suck less, but it's not all on your shoulders"

IneMiSol 

he also stares at the sky in silence for a while

".... i predicted her death"

"and wasnt... fast enough to stop it"

half hearted sarcastic chuckle

"it sure feels like it is, even if... rationally i know i couldnt have done anything"

"........... not that... just fights remind me of that in specific"

"... well... barcelona sure fuckin did"

"but here i just... dunno. brain said fuck you i guess"

very long sigh and rubs his face

"...... sorry that was... super out of nowhere"

"... it does make sense though. what you said"

"it does... ring very true"

"even without the context you... kinda nailed it"

huffs out a half-laugh

bluespryte

squeezes his hand

"no, it's okay"

huffs out kind of a laugh too

"i had a feeling"

"there's a lot of things we relate to with each other that we probably shouldn't"

looks at him

"when you saw that, when you predicted it"

"did you try to stop it, as fast as you could?"

"even if it wasn't fast enough?"

IneMiSol 

"i did, but... i could never quite shake off the feeling that i could have done something differently"

"maybe call her instead of trying to run like an idiot"

"by the time i reached her, she--"

voice cracks

goes quiet

"well. the scene wasnt pretty."

bluespryte

lets go of his hand but only to wrap him in a hug instead with a quiet "hey"

"there's no way of knowing any other way would have worked, either"

"you did the best you could at the time with what you had"

"it's not your fault"

"then, or now"

IneMiSol 

he freezes for a bit but then just hugs her back

nodding slowly

and he tenses up like hes holding back tears

hugging her tighter

"... yeah..."

bluespryte

just petting the back of his hair a little bit

"it's ok, you can let it out"

"it's just me, i don't mind"

IneMiSol

"i dont-- i dont think i ever--"

just those chuckles when ur laughing to not cry

"i dont think i ever,, actually let myself process that"

"its been-- god, 10 years? this year"

his voice just sounds completely broken

but he takes a deep breath and the tears go away and he just kinda stares off into nothing in mild confusion like "ah,"

"...... can i only cry when panicking"

"did i ruin my own emotions that badly"

bluespryte 

little smile like "well you're doing better than me on that end, at least"

"i can never seem to cry at all"

petting his hair a bit still

"i understand, though"

"some things you just can't bring yourself to look at"

"it takes a long time to be ready"

"but better late than never, i think"

IneMiSol

tiny huff and nod

"yeah..."

"........ thank you though"

"for..." vague gestures "everything"

bluespryte

another little smile like "oh, sure"

"anytime"

eyes kind of trail off further into the park

kind of haltingly just "there are...things"

"that have happened to me"

"that i know aren't my fault"

"that i couldn't do anything about"

"but it feels like i should have done something more, or sooner"

"and i just think, sometimes it's a little easier if there's someone else to tell you"

"that voice in your head is lying"

IneMiSol

slow nods

"yeah...... cus then-- its an external voice fighting it"

"its louder and heavier"

"when you're fighting yourself, its... much harder..."

bluespryte

"mhmm"

"but it's not as though it's an instant fix, either, so-"

pokes him in the arm

"don't take it as another failure if you don't feel better right away"

"just...try to keep it in mind when your brain is being awful"

IneMiSol

gives her a half smile

"yeah... ill try"

bluespryte 

"good"

"that's all you can ask of yourself"

bluespryte

also i am at work so can’t rly hc but i’d like to imagine she does ask him if he wants to go get ice cream or smth

distraction

and thanks him for telling her adjfhf

IneMiSol 

perfect

he is down for ice cream

gets a head bump and a smile as response for thanking him

bluespryte 

bless

swear to god someday wisty will give more detail than just vague ‘bad things have happened to me’ but that’s still more than shes said before JGHDG

IneMiSol

thats ok aurans not gonna push that dfagjbdg when shes ready shes ready

bluespryte 

when she’s ready she’s ready!

she has opened the door like. a tiny crack. progress

IneMiSol 

grogress!

oh typo

progress!