Crash
SC log (October 2022)
David leaving to go help his family ends up leading to a mess of a talk between Auran and Jiemba. But at least it led to Auran going to therapy!
IneMiSol
yknow i realize this is gonna hit auran hard af
hes gonna be so fuckin scared that david just leaves and doesnt come back bc of what happened with his last ex
this is right after it rly hits him that hes fallen in love for real with both jiemba and david too
there is gonna be crying sorry jiemba ur gonna get the brunt of it
hes gonna hold himself together until david leaves and then the moment hes alone in that room hes gonna crash hard
Albo
DHDHDHJDJDJD AURAAAN NOOOOO Like of course Jiemba will be there to let him get it all out and give that sweet REASSURANCE that David's just ad willing to make this long distance thing work as they are
Fhshdhdjjd but he is gonna
Let him get his feelings out
Poor thing
IneMiSol
shattered heartbroken sobs
Albo
Jiemba just holding him and petting his head He's probably a lil concerned that Auran is taking it this hard?? But it's because he doesn't know Auran's past relationship history UnU Or at I don't think any of them have gone into detail
IneMiSol
yeah not yet
Albo
Sob Their Sun is gone but not lost forever
- clenches fist- It won't always be night
IneMiSol
wow deep
Albo
Thank u
IneMiSol
fghdfg
honestly auran just holding onto jiemba as tightly as he can
sobbing into his shoulder
not even like the panicked crying hes seen before, this is like
real full-on desperate sobbing
snot and tears
incoherently babbling stuff like "what if he never comes back" "what if we never see him again" "what if he stops caring" and stuff like that
more concerningly, probably saying stuff like "why does this always happen" "why do i even fall for people" "why is everything always taken away"
Albo
henlo i am home now fully if you wanna talk Auran's break down, or we can do it tomorrow since that's when David getting written out will probably happen!
IneMiSol
oh either is fine by me
Albo
I'll be working from home tomorrow, so i'll be more present!
IneMiSol
im still around for now!
hes gonna cry a fuckload the day david leaves but the moment he gets a text back from david after he leaves like "got back safely, love u" hes gonna just go "oh. oh im stupid. ok. its fine."
wiping tears away and smiling again
like a big baby
Albo
GJKLAFDK
all those hours jiemba spends trying to comfort him:
david doing exactly what Jiemba tells auran he would do: Oh its ok now
IneMiSol
IM SORRY JIEMBA HE DOESNT BELIEVE UNTIL HE SEES,,,
Albo
YEAH I GUESS, BUT IT'LL STILL MAKE JIEMBA FEEL SOME KINDA OF WAY LIKE
Is his word not good enough?
IneMiSol
nOOO
Albo
but in the end, he'll be happy Auran's better
IneMiSol
oh 50 shades of mess
Albo
thats just, alot of emotional put out on jiemba's end to feel like a whole lot of nothing in the end, but he'd do it again, no question
IneMiSol
im sorry jiemba hes stupid
weeps
Albo
jgkdljfasdf ITS OKAY
i think it would just hit a lil harder since he's been the emotional support for a lot of folks lately
IneMiSol
the way they're building up things that strike them the wrong way
sweats
Albo
fjalksjfdk i mean, jiemba would make it known in the moment, he's not gonna let it build up
just gonna reinforce that Auran can trust them both is all
IneMiSol
",, right,, im sorry"
hugs jiemba
Albo
I think Jiemba has def reached the point that he DOES love Auran enough to be as open as possible, and that includes mentioning when things do strike him the wrong way! cuz uhhhhhh, he let a lot of stuff slide with his last relationship, and just like Auran doesn't wanna go through a repeat, neither does he jfdlka, especially since he is gonna be one of the main emotional supports for Auran now
IneMiSol
yeaaahhhh
Albo
"Aww you don't have to apologize, Possum....I just...wanted to be open about it, thats all" Big hug back, "I'm glad you're smiling again though"
IneMiSol
sighs and hugs him tighter
",,, can you,, stay with me tonight? just,, until i get used to being alone in the room again"
"sorry im,, asking so many things of you"
".......... its not that.... i dont trust"
"i do"
"i just........... struggle to believe things until i have them objectively, concretely in front of me"
Albo
"Of course, I'd be happy too"
"And really its alright, I'm happy to do it!"
He goes quiet for a second
"I can see where you're coming from...I do, I just"
"I guess in the end it made me feel like I didn't do enough...and I worry because there...are going be times and situations where concrete, objective...things aren't going to be possible"
"And I won't know how to help"
"Or assure you"
"And that bothers me more than anything else"
IneMiSol
he bites his lip bc ah gonna have to be honest even if it hurts
",, well,, huh,, concrete solutions and ways out of things,,, break the spiral"
"but its not,, always something you're gonna be able to do"
"like-- in this situation,, it wasnt gonna stop until i got the confirmation by myself that my head was lying"
"but being told my head is wrong,, doesnt help. not until theres something that confirms it, like here, or theres a specific way out, like-- back at the end of the fashion show"
"the way i was spiraling there"
"i--" pauses, trying to figure out how to not hurt jiemba ",, the way you basically said 'no, you're wrong' kinda,, did worse"
"and-- im sorry-- im sorry i didnt say anything at the time, but---"
"i didnt,, wanna hurt you"
",, even if i just hurt myself in exchange"
goes quiet again
",, sorry. sorry im. not making sense"
",, its just-- its not always gonna be something that can be fixed"
"it just has to wear off and time out long enough for me to get a clear head again"
Albo
Ah Well! that definitely hurt! And it can be very much seen on Jiemba's face as he sucks at hiding his emotions "Ah...really?"
"I..."
IneMiSol
auran just wincing
"im sorry. im sorry. its not that you did wrong or-- not enough-- you're doing fine, im just-- stupid"
"im sorry, im sorry--"
auran rly just shot himself in the foot here
Albo
"You're not stu--..." He cuts off because apparently that??? Doesn't help-- so now he's just kind of floundering in his head because he?? thought he was helping and now...apparently there are times he's been doing the opposite?? and that really kinda shook him
".....I don't think you're stupid...."
"And...I appreciate you telling...um..." Its very hard to keep his voice from shaking because he feels...really shitty about it
"I appreciate you telling me and I'm...I'm sorry....I hate that I was just...making things worse"
"Now i know and...I'm really glad you're didn't pull any punches here, I needed to know so I don't hurt you anymore"
IneMiSol
"god nonononono im sorry-- its ok, i-- thats in the past" and hes holding jiembas face so fast as gently as he can
"its just,, god i dont know how to explain"
hugs him again bc he doesnt know what to say other than keep apologizing over and over again
"you did what you could, its ok"
"its fine"
doesnt wanna continue trying to explain bc he RLY doesnt wanna hurt jiemba any more than he already did rip
Albo
JGDKLSAJFD SORRY AURAN, Jiemba is an emotional lad and his entire thing is trying to be as helpful as possible so that hurt alot fjlakf, its nothing Auran did, just... one of those not-so-compatible parts of their personalities got nailed here
IneMiSol
yeaahhhh,,
Albo
God Jiemba looks so sad looking at him before he's pulled into the hug
a sniff "But what I did hurt you...how is that fine???"
IneMiSol
".... you didnt know. its okay"
"im not... mad about it"
"just,, mm,, do you,, want the rest of the explanation, or"
",, i dont,,, wanna make you feel worse"
Albo
"I want the rest of the explanation."
"I don't want to hurt you anymore."
IneMiSol
the frown on aurans face
",, okay. im gonna... try to put this down as simply and objectively as i can"
takes a second to try to figure out how to word things
"okay so... i was spiraling about how i cant fight. you basically... shot that down, but in a way that felt... like lying to make me feel better"
"im not-- saying you WERE lying"
"but to my panicked spiraling brain-- thats what it sounded like"
"it made me,, quiet down. because it felt like a 'stop that, you're wrong'"
"again, not-- not your fault"
"you didnt know, its just-- in that state, im not really.... very rational at all. so i need concrete, objective things to snap me out of it"
"the thing david did with going 'yeah you cant fight but you can do this instead' and then give concrete things i could do that didnt involve fighting at all-- that worked, because it's a solution that takes my mind out of the perceived problem and into something else"
"does,, does that make sense??"
"like,, objective, concrete things"
"this situation was different"
"cus here it was,, based on past experiences making my brain go into panic mode thinking they were gonna repeat"
"and that,, theres no helping that, i think"
"the only way is to,, either wait it out until im clear-headed again, or-- get a solid confirmation from the source of anxiety that my head is lying"
"does,, does that make sense,,"
looks like hes bracing for the worst
waiting for jiembas answer
Albo
Jiemba went quiet listening
it made sense but jesus he'd wished he'd known sooner
"Ah...David has always been the one good at that kind of thing huh...."
IneMiSol
im sorry jiemba
Albo
"It makes sense, It'll just....take me a bit to get there since i'm not...used to that"
"Please be...patient with me"
he frowns
"knowing that there's no way i actually could have been any help in this situation...does...does not feel great but"
"I get it....its just...its really hard to see you in that much turmoil and my hands are just"
"tied"
"i just....care too much to not do something so I honestly feel a bit stuck but...I do appreciate you being honest about it"
IneMiSol
"its okay, you're doing what you can-- you're doing your best"
"and i appreciate it a lot, i promise i do"
"and like-- you did help still, even if you couldn't make the anxiety go away-- you being close by helped so much"
"and just,, knowing i don't have to bottle everything up with you"
"i promise it helps"
"if i didnt cry, thatd be more worrying, cus then id just be bottling it all up"
bumps their foreheads together holding jiembas face and brushing his cheeks with his thumbs
"i love you... i promise you help me too"
leans back just enough to look at his eyes and shifts his talking tone much softer
"you make me feel safe! safe enough to be honest and feel things freely, without worrying about those feelings being thrown back against me"
"your hugs are soft and make me feel like melted butter"
"you're funny, and make me laugh, and we have so many stories and adventures shared together"
"you're a great kisser too" kisses his nose "and you're fuckin' hot"
"and i hope,,, i can help you like you help me..."
",,, even if, huuuhhhhh, it usually feels like im the wet rag of a bundle of problems in the relationship--"
Albo
straight up, jiemba was initially getting 0 comfort from Aurans words
HIs best wasn't enough, it wasn't enough with the werewolves back home, it wasn't enough in his last relationship, it wasn't enough in spain, and it wasn't enough earlier
he was was just going to dwell on that
until Auran went into the things he'd done that did help, that did make things better
And tears kinda start welling up in his eyes because he's usually the one giving this reassurance, so experiencing it from someone he care so much for is...a lot
and he's just hanging on to Auran's every word...and snorts out a surprised laugh at the kiss and COMMENT
And he's smiles so stupidly
"Compared to the dumpster fire that was....my first and only relationship, I think a wet rag is an upgrade"
"Especially if that wet rag...showed me I am capable of...loving someone....."
IneMiSol
gets a soft ass smile
and a kiss
"i love you too"
Albo
"Noooo, I haven't officially said, 'I love you Auran', now we have to start over"
IneMiSol
snort-laughs
"well damn what a shame"
"cant believe i have to say 'i love you' again"
Albo
"Yeah, you sure fckin' do!"
"...But yeah...I think I can say with out any sort of...hesitation that..." "
I love you, I love you so much"
"And i'm so glad you find me worth loving"
"Despite my...mistakes"
IneMiSol
hes got such a stupid lovestruck face on
"we all make mistakes"
"i love you too, jiemba..."
Albo
Jiemba fckin' shedding tears and pulling him into to warmest, softest kiss that just leads to MORE kisses. And "I love yous" because he gets a kick out of the feeling of saying it and meaning it
it feels really good, he feels really good
IneMiSol
bless
that was scary but it got resolved rly well good job boys
next time auran be fuckin honest when things hurt challenge
Albo
you know what, good for Auran for being honest (ALBEIT HECKING LATE) and good job for Jiemba for uh,....taking it like a champ
IneMiSol
auran is lowkey sweating at jiemba comparing himself to david tho and kind of internally like "god please no you have different strengths and weaknesses ur dIFFERENT PPL AND I LOVE BOTH OF U PLEASE"
Albo
YEAAAAHHH, normally Jiemba is pretty secure in himself, but he hit a hella low spot here and while he's never felt insecure regarding David before, his mind set was "I hurt him and David didnt"
"David made it better, and I made it worse"
IneMiSol
NOOOO
i get it tho, been there way too many times jfxlhfyl
it sucks
ah, jealousy, the bitch that comes to bite everyones ass if they're close enough to hell
... i guess its a shape of jealousy thats a lot more like feelings of inadequacy and insecurity than the common one but. same butt different poop
Albo
Jiemba's def not going to dwell on it like that, because that won't help things, but he is going to talk to david and ask for advice to help Auran in that regard! Because he's a proud guy, he recognizes he had a weak spot and is willing to improve there!
IneMiSol
aw baby
good
Albo
*he's NOT a proud guy, NOT TOO GOOD FOR HELP
IneMiSol
meanwhile on aurans end: HELP I FUCKED UP AND HURT JIEMBA WHAT DO I DO
Albo
in jiemba's case, I don't think its really jealousy at all? He's not a jealous person, but he's very self reflective and while he felt inadequate compared to david in this moment, he never felt like he had to BE LIKE david...his mind just went straight to "how could i APPROACH this like David did in this situation"
GJAKFDJAKF AURAN STOP PANICKING YOU DID WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE
eventually
IneMiSol
oh fair thats a lot healthier good on u jiemba
lisTEN HE NEVER KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS
he goes straight to "if i hurt him ill make him go away" so it makes him not know how to deal with confrontation
Albo
GJKFALJKSD AURAN SILLY BOY ILU
This wasn't as much a confrontation as it was just...expressing how something made u feel lad, and thats a HEALTHY PART of a relationship BUILT on COMMUNICATION and TRUST
SCARY but healthy
IneMiSol
in his defense his normal method can work depending on the situation
if hes still rational enough it works
its when panics in the mix that you gotta word things very very very objectively
stares tiredly in adhd i do think thats the rejection sensitive dysphoria being a menace bc thats triggered by anything that can be perceived as a rejection
even if its not
and. looks at auran. that boy is definitely not neurotypical
bitch definitely has adhd
Albo
GJKLAJFDKAS
All the more reason for him to be communicative!! Because Jiemba is neurotypical af, and needs the help!
like he does alright, but there are moments like this
IneMiSol
yeaahhhh
things were aurans brain is just wired different
sadly hes probably very much undiagnosed so he doesnt even have like. resources on what could help him even if unmedicated
does he know why he can hyperfocus on one thing he likes for days but not clean up his room? no
one of many reasons why he needs to fuckin go to therapy
Albo
GJAKLFJDKA
Auran get some therapy challenge!!!
IneMiSol
honestly
its not even hard, sc offers it for free
Albo
honestly, watch JIEMBA start going to therapy first to get feed back on how to be a better partner for Auran LOL
IneMiSol
omfg jiemba baby
plEASE UR FINE
THE PROBLEM ISNT ON UR END........
Albo
Jiemba just describing things to them and they're like "....your boyfriend sounds neurodivergent af, why isn't he here"
JGKAJFD LISTEN HE LOVES THIS GUY, HE WANTS TO DO RIGHT BY HIM
IneMiSol
jiemba describing him and the therapists just pinching the bridge of their nose like "please tell him to book an appointment"
Albo
gjkalfjdasl Jiemba blinking, slow nodding goes to auran later like, "So the therapists want you to make an appointment"
IneMiSol
blinks
"oh"
"... why"
Albo
"Well!"
"I made myself an appointment, HOPING i could learn to understand you better...like if there was something I could work on"
"And when i start talking about some of our situations, they kinda"
"Stopped me, and asked me to tell you to book an appointment..."
IneMiSol
blinks again
'... huh"
"ill....... think about it"
hes just confused the rest of the day on why tf would he need therapy
watch him coming to wisty later like "hey do you think i need therapy"
bdnsbdks
like second opinion
......... if she says yes hes gonna be even more confused on why isnt she there too
Albo
"Ah well it is free....and I don't think it could hurt but"
"Yeah, think about it...I'll go with you if you do decide to go though"
"If you want"
GOD SHE BETTER SAY YESS, AND HE BETTER GO
IneMiSol
"..... dad always said therapy was for crazy people........"
"................ but he also never believed me about being a psychic soooooooooo........"
Albo
"My sister went to therapy, and I'm pretty sure Alex goes to therapy and I like to thiiiiiiink they aren't crazy"
"But I think your dad sounds like an asshole"
IneMiSol
tilts his head and taps his chin in thought
"........ little bit sometimes"
"mmm... maybe,, it would help,,"
"if i go,,,"
Albo
Jiemba holds his hands, "I'll go with yoooouu"
"if you go"
IneMiSol
"oh-- okay--"
snort-laughs
"i'll go then,, even if thats kinda terrifying"
"some guy is just judging you as you roll out your entire life story???"
"where do you even start"
Albo
"Its a therapist, not your dad" Jiemba laughs a bit "Start with how you felt after the Paris fiasco"
"Or even explain how you process things when you're in a panicked state, like the way you explained it to me"
"Honestly, you have a lot of things you COULD talk about, its just...a matter of what doors you wanna open at the time"
IneMiSol
".... ah..... the whole feeling like i failed wisty the way i failed my sister........"
"but... yeah..... just gonna take some getting used to....."
Albo
Jiemba frowns at that, but doesn't address it "You've had some practice, I think you'll do fine"
"And they're...better equipped to help you...if you need it"
IneMiSol
rubs his face
"god.... yeah"
sighs
"ill go..."
Albo
you sure fckin will
IneMiSol
hfhgfldjd
Albo
i mean
Jiemba smiles at him, "We'll go"
IneMiSol
lopsided smile and a nod
holds his hand
Albo
they continue to get gayer
IneMiSol
fhkdhdks
every time u think they couldnt get any gayer they surprise u
Albo
honestly
love how intense and then soft they can be
IneMiSol
yeeee