Bauble Bingo | Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,

I feel like I should apologise in advance for my horse’s letter. I wasn't going to write it but she looked like she’d kill me if I didn’t. Frangipane is a sweet horse really, she probably won’t kill you at least (she loves christmas after all and what's christmas without santa?) but better grant one of her wishes to be on the safe side. Actually make that at least two, just in case.

All the best,

Isabel

p.s. I’ve left a bottle of port out for you, thought you might need a drink after this. I know I need one.

___________

Dear Santa,

My minion is writing this for me as I might have accidentally eaten the last letter. No I’m not a goat, I just wanted to see if it was edible. Which it was. I should probably introduce myself. Hi, my name is Frangipane and I have an almond coat(that’s how I got my name) and a long cream tail. I have a white corset marking and white socks in front because I’m cool. An interesting fact about me is I want to be a writer! And I totally don’t read fanfiction, like who would willingly admit to that, how embarassing.

That’s enough of an introduction so moving on quickly, this year I have been nice so I deserve presents. Ok, I knocked the water trough over a couple of times over the year but no-one was harmed. My human needed the extra exercise. And when she fell over in the ice that wasn’t to do with me, I didn’t put the ice there.  I mean yeah the ground was wet but it was only water. And tipping the full wheelbarrow over, well if you had been there you would have done the same. In fact I’ve been soo good my human has only been to hospital once by ambulance this year directly because of me. In fact I’ve been downright heroic, saving her from the horse-eating purple flowers when we went out last week. It wasn’t my fault she fell off when I took evasive action, she didn’t need go to hospital that time so it like, totally doesn’t count.

Anyways, here is my wishlist. Pay attention now.

1. I want more carrots. My evil human has put me on a diet, how rude of her. She only lets me have one measly carrot in each feed. Ok and one when catching me in the field or I run away from her. And one when she turns me out. And one after working. Still, it’s just one carrot. She says I eat everything in sight, well I disagree. The incident with the feedroom, well it only had one lock on it. If she wanted to keep me out she should have tried harder. I mean yes I am a smart and talented horse but I only had to overcome the horse-proof bolt on my stable door and the kick bolt and the lock on the feedroom door all whilst being sneaky so no-one noticed until I’d finished off a bag of chaff. In other news there’s an extra bolt on my stable door now, I really don’t know why.
2. I want the other horses to stop picking on me when I wear the orange rug. Yes I know it doesn’t suit me but it’s not like I chose it. My brown coat next to orange, it's like we're back in the 70's. Not that I'd know personally, I'm not that old. My human might be though, she has a lot more frown lines now compared to when I first met her. And some grey hairs. I could've sworn she never used to have any. Back to the rug,  my human says it’s so we don’t get hit by a car when we go out but it’s so not worth it, my ego can't cope with being seen in something so hideous. Or maybe you could make it disappear? You can do magic, right? You must be able to, otherwise how do you deliver all the presents. Ooh do you have a watch that stops time? I wouldn't mind getting my hands on one of those. You can tell me, I promise I can keep a secret.  Back to the rug again, I tried to eat it but she noticed. She blamed it on the mice though so that’s one positive at least.
3. Ooh I’ve had an idea, you give the other horses a rug that’s even worse than mine that way I can pick on them. Does that count as my wish or one of theirs? Does it mean I get an extra wish? My human says I’m only allowed five, that doesn’t seem right to me. What even is five? I’m not sure I can count past four. My rider dreams of competing Grand Prix one day, apparently you have to be able to count to fifteen to do that. Sounds nearly impossible to me.
4. I want to fly. Your reindeer can fly so why can’t I?
5. I want a new brush, like the one that my minion used to use when I had an itch I couldn’t reach. The old one broke, I don’t know how that happened. Someone must’ve trodden on it.
6. I want some new books. I can’t keep having my servant laughing at what I read, it’s not dignified. I don’t want anything boring though or with long words I can’t pronounce. I've heard about 'Green Eggs with Ham', is that a cookbook? Maybe get that for my servant, she sometimes tries to poison me but I'm not stupid enough to eat it. She waves her arms around talking about antibiotics and stuff but she can't fool me, I know the truth.
7. I want some more films. The internet here is shocking, I can’t be expected to wait ages for something to buffer, it’s like we still have dial-up. I like educational stuff like The Great Escape and The Shawshank Redemption. I promise I won’t show the others. I also like musicals, maybe give some of those as well just in case the other films get confiscated by the prison warden.

Apparently I have more than five wishes, maybe you should check whether my human went to school, I’m not sure she’s counted correctly. I need to go now anyway, my dinner is late so someone needs a telling off.

Lots of love,

Frangipane