(Esktober 2022) Ocean

The sun arched just slightly above the sealine, its light turning the sky a beautiful gradient of blues and oranges. To many, the sky was perfect, but to Twelve, it was just a reminder that it was time for him to get to work. He knew he could fit all his chores in easily, like he always did, but he felt especially..off..today. 

Twelve sat on the edge of a cliff, his eyes overlooking the ocean below him with destain. He knew he had to go down there if he wanted clean water to clean with, but he still hated doing it. Infact, he hated it so much, he pondered not even going down there, and just not cleaning today, but that idea didn’t sit right with him. Not cleaning? What else would he do? Besides, his schedule would get thrown way off if he didn’t wipe down the counters and mop like he always did. 

Yet still, even with his mind made up, Twelve didn’t move, and instead only looked down at the water with..regret? Pain? Desire? He wasn’t exactly sure, and that uncertainty enraged him. 

"Why is everything such a chore" he hissed, his voice as full of venom, "I can't even get a feeling right"

Angered, Twelve lowered his ears and turned on his heels. He couldn't bare to look at the water, not if it would make him so emotional. Then again, what didn't anymore. He felt he was at his limit as he tried to find something that didn't get a reaction out of him. Or inleast, anything that wasn't his usual cleaning.

Looking up, his eyes pasted over the metal bucket he would alway carry water in from, the old silver color speckled with bits of rust. Twelve remembered when the bucket was new, with not a single dent in it, the silver shining like warm moonlight. As he looked at the handle, it's wooden gripper worn down from age, his eyes softened.

Why was he even doing this? He remembered that it was important for him to do his chores, and that it was important for him to stay by the lighthouse but..why?

A voice trailed from the smallest section of his memory. A small piece of his past he forgotten, reemerging like a late blooming seed. It was the sound of a male's voice, rough with age but softened by understanding. "It's our sworn duty", they muttered, a small smile in it's voice. "They depend on us to give them safe passage"

Twelve quickly reached out his mind, trying desperately to remember anything else, but to no avail. Whatever it was, it seems to be playing hard to get. 

And even with only that small memory, Twelve couldn't help but feel his body shake as emotions washed over him in waves. Why didn't he remember anything?! Why couldn't he just remember things instead of having these emotions with no known source?!

As his thoughts got louder, his fur spiked in irritation and he found his tail lashing left and right in anger. Soon, his markings were glowing brought with anger, his ears pulled back like a agressive cat's. 

Why can't he ever answer any of his questions?! Why-

Then he felt his tail hit the bucket, making a loud 'thunk' sound. Surprised by the sudden noise, he froze, only moving his head just enough to see what he had hit. Seeing the bucket, his expression turned to fear as he stepped forward and picked it up. He then quickly examined it for any damage, but found nothing. He sighed, relief flooding his emotions and smoothing out his original anger. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he broke it, especially since he doesn't know where he's get a new one. 

Twelve turned back to the cliff, his usually bristled fur flowing in the ocean breeze. It felt so familiar, yet strange, like something was missing..or...someone. instinctively, Twelve reached out his hand, as if hoping someone would take it, but no one did...

Sighing again, Twelve wrapped his tail around the bucket and picked it up before slowly taking the steps down to the bay. He knew he could float but, something about walking down felt right. Once he reached the bottom, he quickly scooped a bucket full of water, stopping for a second to watch two water Esk swimming. Subconsciously, he felt himself take a step towards them, but forced himself to turn back, growling at himself. "Who do you think you are!" He yelled at himself, "You have to protect the lighthouse!"

But why? Why did he have to protect it?

Everything seemed to always circle back to why, and yet, he could never find an answer.

Then another sliver, another fragment of a memory hit him. It was of the old man sitting by the bay, his face turned away. He spoke softly, his voice scratchy as if he was getting sick. "I like to think life is like the ocean."he muttered, a chuckle in his words, "Both can't be stopped, afterall. Life will go on without you, just like the Ocean will carry on when a fish dies."

Twelve sat down next to where he remembered the man had been, turning and looking to where he had seen the man in his memory as if expecting to see him there. 

The man seemed to laugh in the memory before muttering "But here's the kicker, sea life knows this, and thus, they like to have fun before they die. Dolphin and fish leaping out of water for no real reason except for fun, Whales rolling over just to feel the sun on their belly. They all know what's up. Or maybe I'm getting to old. Either way, the lesson is still the same. 

The man seemed to straighten his back, before finishing with his words barely louder then a whisper, "Life will go on without you, so why not have a little fun while you can"

With that, the memory had reached it's end, and Twelve watched as the memory of the man faded and faded till he couldn't remember anymore.

Twelve turned to the bucket, which sat right beside him where the man had been before, then to where the lighthouse was sitting way above him on the cliff, then out towards th ocean. He reached out a paw to grab the bucket but stopped last second, and withdrew his paw slowly.

This isn't what he's want, Twelve just knew it.

Looking out to the sea, Twelve watched as the ocean rippled and swayed with the breeze and gave the smallest 'smile'. It really was a beautiful sight, and yet, he had been ignoring it for years. He turned to look at the lighthouse, where it sat safely above him on the cliff and sighed. The house wasn't going anywhere, he couldn't wait a little longer. Besides, it really was beautiful this time of day.