A Beautiful Mess || RP

Gedwyld ||

Marshal Gedwyld strutted through the warren, rather desolate, after their numbers had been culled in the aftermath of war. but no one Gedwyld cared for died, so who is he to care. Slinking through sector 2, he looked around, looking for Dahlia.

Theres been a question on his mind, what better time to start a family than after war. when the warren needs soldiers. he figured Dahlia has had plenty of time to adjust, and figured now was as good as any other time to ask, provided she wasnt in a sour mood. 

Finding his love, he bounded forward, slinking into their shared den and nuzzling into her in greeting."Evening dahling." he purred as affectionate as ever as he flopped down beside her.

Dahlia ||

War hadn't quite defeated the doe, but the weather on the other hand took its toll on Dahlia. She had never chosen a particular preferred weather conditions, but if she decided to make such a decision, winter's chill certainly wouldn't find a place on her favourites list.

She was thankful for the tufts upon her ears, however, appreciating something smaller than her usual desires.

Despite all of this, she remained rather nonchalant in her mannerisms, continuing as usual and sticking to her duties despite the... Peculiar change in management. She hadn't much thought on it, but found herself questioning it for a brief amount of time.

Lying in her den, the small doe lay huddled up in the nest she shared with her mate. She'd remained there, currently relieved of her duties for the evening, unable to think of anything else to occupy her mind with whilst waiting for the next patrol she'd been assigned to partake on. But a voice broke the silence, a familiar one with only fondness in his tone. "Gedwyld?" Dahlia smiled, returning the affectionate gesture from where she lay. "Are you finished for the night, dear?"

Gedwyld ||

The marshal felt his heart melt hearing the doe finally refer to him with more affectionate names. Hearing her speak so softly to him and only him made him melt like ice under her touch.  Snuggling up into her warmth, he took his time to idly groom her to show his affection. 

"that i am, my love, i wanted to proposition something to you, if your in the mood to hear my silly ideas?" he asked, voice a low gentle timbre against her fur

Dahlia ||

She too leaned in to embrace the warmth the buck offered her, her smaller form being towered over. It was like having a blanket to her, snuggling up beside her mate providing comfort and shelter from the chill.

As Gedwyld begun to groom her fur, the doe hardly flinched with the contact as she may have moons ago - before they became the item they were now. The Marshal offered a couple licks on the cheek in return to the larger chestnut rabbit. The silence was pleasant, wonderful, even. She embraced every moment of it, her pessimism out of her mind just for now. Compared to her past experiences with mateship, this was nothing like before. Gedwyld was nothing like Cormorant.

His words of endearment, the names he called her, they warmed her heart more than she'd ever admit. But his voice had broken that peaceful silence, not to her ultimate disappointment, but her ears twitched as he asked a question. "A proposition..? Well, 'silly' isn't so reassuring... But go on," she muttered, burying her face in the buck's fur before pulling back and using her paws to flatten the tufts that spiked up out of place.

Gedwyld ||

He purred, tail wagging behind himself as dahlia returned the affections of grooming. He tilted his head, basking in the attention. He laughed, despite slightly wilting at her wary approach to a question of a question. "What do you think of starting a family?" he asked. 

He pulled back and smiled at her, expecting joy or elation (or as close to that as dahlia would give). He didnt think much of the question at all, finding it natural, as easy as asking for another date or a small favor. He had no idea just how jarring the question could be.

Dahlia ||

"A... family?"

Frankly the thought had glossed over her mind on a couple occasions, but it was swiftly dismissed as quick as one could wave a paw. She felt a pang in her chest, partially a little guilt as she watched the big joyous expression her mate displayed. Dahlia blinked, wary, but her nature would only allow her to question the matter with seriousness.

Voice turning low, the small rabbit eyed him from her lower down point, pursing her lips as she did so. However, once relaxed a little more, she could only frown. "When are you referring to?" She asked inquisitively, though an air of caution was held in her tone. Was he really going into this so soon? They'd only been mates a couple of moons - that wasn't long, was it? To her it had flown by in a matter of seconds. The black doe raised a brow, paws shuffling so that one lay upon the other as she leaned back to view him better. "You mean... You'd like to start- you want that now?"

And he was so... Casual about it? He truly was a difficult puzzle to piece together sometimes, no matter how much she'd grown to adore the buck she had once referred to as a 'fool' on occasion.

Gedwyld ||

He faltered seeing dahlia turn uncomfortable. Ah was something wrong? With her? With him? Did she not want to have his genes? Was she infertile?
Her confusion only confused him and got him worried. He rushed to rectify his blunder, seeing her expression morph into uncertainty.

"i mean! Its ok, if you dont want to yet. I just-." he fumbled with his paws."i thought, with lan-hreath being out of combat.. and no more wandering, no.. no sacrafices... i just thought now was a good time as any.." he raised a brow, not to be judgemental but out of genuine confusion. 

"is.. is it not?" he added on. 

Try as he might to pretend hes grown from his mothers teaching and shook off her vile clutches. He still itched to create life with dahlia, almost to an alarming degree of compulsivity.  Truth be told hes been holding back the question all this time. From his perspective, he waited longer than he should have. But he did not fault dahlia for it, he understood that he was raised strangely. But he knew that rabbits who become mates, have kits. Is this not the logical next step?

Dahlia ||

The once calm and comforting air became a little awkward between the two, but they lay there still, talking about their thoughts. At least Gedwyld seemed to be alright with her eventually saying 'no,' but he seemed to want to explain his reasons and thoughts. She didn't blame him, but the corner of Dahlia's mouth twitched as he went on about it all.

"It's... Very soon. That's all." Unless those multiple moons were a long time. Perhaps they were to him? But Dahlia was never the best with being empathetic, the shocking pang in his chest still there but dying down subtly. Her brows furrowed more as she glared at him, then at the ground. But her expression turned from off-put to a mix of what it once was and sorrowful. She shook her head, "no, it's convenient timing, but my question is why? Why now?"

Gently, she exhaled with a sigh. "Gedwyld, I'm not sure about all of it if I'm being honest. That's a lot of commitment, don't you think?" She wanted to get the point to his mind but didn't wish to speak of it all, but she'd have to talk and share someday, wouldn't she? Why now..? "Why are you so eager?" Finally, Dahlia looked back to her mate as her ears shifted back. She pushed her head into her fur a bit, grabbing an ear to toy with. It was odd, she was never so... Thrown-off?

Gedwyld ||

He worried over, as she expressed her uncertainty. Maybe he was in the wrong. Maybe it was too soon, in general. Or maybe just to her, but in any case, too soon was too soon, if she wanted to wait. He could wait. If she did not want kits...  Gedwyld.. did not want to think that far, but he knew in his heart he would come to accept that if thats what dahlia chose. 

"are you worried i wont be commited?" his ears drooped, like a kicked puppy. He had a frivilous reputation sure but meeting dahlia he left that behind.  But to her follow up question... he wasnt sure how to respond. Why was he eager?

"is this.. not, how mateships go..? Im trying to do things the right way. Im sorry if i fuck it up." he laughed a little awkwardly. "i-i want to make sure i do all this the proper way. Yknow i-ive been hit over the head for doing things my mothers way plenty so i thought-" he fumbled over his words as he grew flustered. He knew hes done wrong, but he was having trouble pinpoint what exactly dahlia disliked. He didnt want to scare her away with the ideals that had been planted into him sense kithood, and as such was reluctant to elaborate why he was so eager. Dahlia should be able to pinpoint  he was getting anxious, and hiding something. Not necissarily something nefarious, but lie he was dancing around a key detail like how a child doesnt explain to their parent exactly how something broke when their back was turned. The evidence was there sure, but he was having trouble admitting to it

Dahlia ||

"No, love, that isn't it," she spoke as gentle as she could. For a merciless individual, Dahlia had developed something of a soft spot for the chestnut buck as time has passed by. The look on his face made her feel a little uneasy, as if she had done something wrong, but Dahlia was one to stand her ground. To state when she was displeased.

She remained in silence for w moment, processing the words he spoke. She wanted to tell him to stop then and there but knew deep down that that was not how disagreements were settled and sorted. "Your mother's way?" Echoing his words, light concern and even a hint of curiosity could be heard as she stared at him. She could see that there was obviously something wrong - something peculiarly off and different about her mate. Perhaps his upbringing. He'd never spoken about his family much for someone so open...

"I've my own thoughts on the matter. I... Things take time with me, Gedwyld. Mateship was fast but this is faster. I adore being your mate, I really do, but there's some things that I - maybe we - need to overcome first..." She paused. "You've something you haven't shared with me. I don't expect you to talk about it, but it's obvious, love." She had to be frank. She had to be blunt and honest with him. How his troubles were plain as day by now.

Gedwyld ||

Gedwyld shut up and listened to her. he appreciated her taking the time to level with him, to extend herself out and meet him halfway. to be patient and nudge him when he needed it. it warmed his heart, truly. As she elaborated, he felt himself relax. his tail wagging again even as she expressed that she wasnt unhappy with their mateship. he took a breath, laughing a bit awkwardly as she pointed out the obvious. 

"uhm.. My mum... Ever sense i was a young buck, she always told us, her kits, its a rabbits duty to do certain things.. to accept mercy when its given to us, to avoid elil, to be clever, to res- rest.. respect.. your mother and all she does for you, and to.." he hesitated, acting much like a shy teenager. "To.. reproduce..." he didnt want to think on her lessons again. if he did good by her or not. 

His ears flicked, towards the waterfall near lan-hreath's warren. he felt his heart rate pick up and anxiety twist in his gut. 

despite not wanting to talk about things, he found himself wanted to tell dahlia. tell her everything. like his past was a secret he wanted to share. even if it wasnt necissarily one, it still felt like something to be ashamed of. "For the longest time i lived like that... she said, it was a bucks duty to prove- pro- give.. his genetics for a does use.. and it was a does job to take what was given, if he was handsome enough, her words" he blurted. "and to create new life." he took a breath and went on, this time, more rushed, he wanted to rip it off like a bandaid. he owed her this, he owed her his past

"It was also the does job, to give her children mercy. a mercy that wasnt really a mercy, and i.. i dont want you to do that part... i never stuck around for that part." he let out a breath, before shooting dahlia a crooked, lopsided smile, stressed.

Dahlia ||

Dahlia raised a brow as he explained. She hadn't a clue why a rabbit would feed such nonsense into the minds of her kin. Frankly, she thought it almost stupid, idiotic, but a frown chiselled into the small doe's features as she continued to process the information. It wasn't Gedwyld's fault that he'd come to believe it, nor was it his fault that he didn't exactly see all the faults in the folds of the flawed tale.

She'd furrow her brows. She'd been fed words similar but in a different way. Her old suitor would have agreed on parts, surely. Does do this, does do that. and bucks are responsible for so and so. She thought it was a bunch of shit. She always had done, but as time flew by she'd found herself regrowing her spine, finding her words as well as her ears. She could vocalise her opinions... She could listen to Gedwyld.

Most of her told her to explain that what his mother had fed him - his siblings - was all a bunch of lies told by those who knew no better than a twisted way, but another piece of her mind told her otherwise. There was a better way to deal with this. Sure, she was merciless, but this... This was delicate. If she gushed out her problems she'd have for him to say "no, that's wrong," and expect her to just... Feel better. That wasn't how life worked. That wouldn't help at all... But that one word. It caught her off guard. "Mercy?" And he'd never stuck around to see it?

Oh, Gedwyld...

Steadily, a small paw lifted, hesitating partway but eventually resting softly against the buck's cheek. "Gedwyld. You're worth more than that, you know that." She paused. "Don't you?" She softly bumped her nose against his, pulling his face down to her level as he offered a crooked smile. Dahlia kept the contact, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath in. It was a lot to process, but it must have been a hell of a lot more to express. It was apparent in his tone. He had a lot to work through, didn't he? He - no - they both needed to take their time.

"That's not love, Geddy. This is. And you're doing a mighty good job at it."

Gedwyld ||

He watched as her expressions twisted and twitched. For a moment he feared shed bop him on the head or something, expected it. He had been vauge on purpose, not wanting to relive what shed taught him. He wasnt sure if she really actually understood what gedwyld meant by mercy but he didnt want to touch that topic again. But he thought maybe she did understand, when her face softened and she reached out. 

He broke. He leaned into her touch, tears coming to his eyes and he huffed out a soft sob.  He didnt respond to her initial question. Deep down he knew that he knew her lessons were wrong. But.. it was not as easy as he hoped to shake off what was drilled into him.

"im not sure why my brother named me Gedwyld... but she often told me because i was a mistake. That it was a mistake to reject her... mercy.. to crawl from the pit she tried to drown us in. Sometimes i do feel like a mistake... but.. not with you..." he breathed out against her, nuzzling into her cheek. 

"i hope i am. I hope im doing right by you, i love you, so much." he murmered at her soft praise. She said he was right. He was doing good at loving her. And that made him happy, considering he had no real expirience in loving an individual to this extent.

Dahlia ||

She didn't understand. She likely never would. She hadn't gushed out her own mind but she'd sure as hell witnessed her mate do just that. The tears that tumbled down his cheeks caused a light pang in her chest. Dahlia hadn't much clue how to comfort, how to help him heal from whatever he'd been through, but she knew she could keep on listening. Trying to remain as courteous as possible despite the situation that irked her having been what caused the conversation to begin in the first place. It wasn't that she hated kits, it wasn't that she didn't want them... She did. Just not right now. Not so soon.

Keeping her nose pressed to his face, she sighed in turn at his words. "Mistake?" She blinked, hazel-green eyes shifting from the floor to him again and again, trying to formulate a response... Was a response what was even necessary right now? Did he want tales of her woes to make him feel lighter? Or would he have preferred some silent company?

"You're doing better than most, I assure you," she stated, still keeping contact with her mate. "Gedwyld, I don't understand all of this, you know that. But..." Restlessly, she groomed his cheek. "I want those things-" Dahlia paused. "... With you.. But there are just some things I need to get off my mind first. And, I don't mean to speak on your behalf, but from what I can tell you still have a whole lot to unpack." The black doe nuzzled Gedwyld again with a gentle huff, her half-lopped ears flopping over the top of his head unintentionally. "Let's take this at our own pace, alright? Not your mother's - not my old partner's." Though her idea and concept trailed off at the end, as if hesitant to speak. Odd for a doe so outwardly stern and strong-minded when it came to her words.

Gedwyld ||

Gedwyld admited, sometimes he was slow on uptake.  He can think his way out of tricky situations well enough but in terms of socialization, like the rest of his siblings, he was very stagnant.  From what hes gathered, none of Hefs children became well adjusted save for Fyre, because he was the favorite.  Gedwyld was, in his opinion, one of the worst outcomes of this. he was a failure to her gene pool and a failure to her cause.  however.... Dahlia didnt seem to mind this.  The topic of history has never really come up between them, they were both too skittish to go near the subject in the past, and gedwyld assumed it wasnt a necissary part of relationships.  his assumption was wrong. 

Regardless, he was ready to rectify that mistake and he did. "I probably do.." he spoke gently, shuffling closer and draping himself around her, still scared she'd run.  while he didnt know dahlia has had a mate prior, thats not to say he was all that surprised. Maybe she was hurt like how he was, or maybe on a diffrent level. 

"I can wait. i dont mind waiting." he said simply in response. "And... if your hurting too.. you can tell me, ok?" he prompted, it was an offer, not a demand. he only figured it was fair he listen to her woes after she gave him the time of day to spill his.

Dahlia ||

Although she loved Gedwyld, she knew that even mateship was a step perhaps a little too fast for her - for the both of them, even... At least from the sound of the conversation they had just gone through.

The physical touch would have once irked her, but now she embraced it. She lay there with him so close to her, Gedwyld's movements that would keep her there even pushing a slight smile onto her face. But it soon enough simmered away. It was good to know that he didn't much mind the compromise - or agreement, even. Gedwyld had never once forced her into anything, what with all of his actions thus far having been just playful, executed in the most infuriatingly charming manner. Dahlia loved him for that. She came to this herself, too. No sick advances for the wrong reasons. She knew that he hadn't tried to love her for the sake of kits - they'd just happened to come to adore one another in their own ways.

Perhaps that was some reassurance.

The black doe rolled her shoulders, eyeing the chestnut buck as gently as possible despite her naturally stern features. "It's hardly anything. I had my life in Bogweed - I left it there." The Marshal fumbled with her paws. She didn't wish to move off of Gedwyld and onto her, but surely he'd have to know eventually, right? "My mate had his expectations, and I didn't like them." She pursed her lips lowered her head and gestured to her cheek; two small scrapes.

But the corner of her lip curled up as she chuckled, blinking away water in her eyes. She'd never spoken about this before. Not to anybody. Not even to her own father. "We're a mess, aren't we?" Dahlia smiled.

Gedwyld ||

Seeing her gesture to her old scars, he leaned over, pressing a little kiss to them before pulling back and offering her a little smile. "Thats ok. i dont mind being a mess. i gave up trying to be perfect.. its just, hard to fight the compulsion." he said softly. 

"So your not mad at me?" he asked softly, meeting her gaze hesitantly. he didnt want her to be mad, that was his main concern and while she didnt seem mad he wanted to check. just in case.

Dahlia ||

His gesture to the marks on her face made her almost wince, but she couldn't help but feel warm with the touch. "I suppose I can agree with you there," she muttered, pushing her head under his chin and pushing up as to nudge near his neck. She herself could be a perfectionist, but here, right now, maybe she didn't have to feel like everything had to fit in its place, and that she could feel a certain way and discuss it without feeling ashamed or even angry.

Pulling her head back, her gaze (or, well, half of it) settled into his. "No, no, of course not," she sighed, her words a little gruff. "I think it's a miracle we've been able to discuss without it getting heated... It was almost pleasant in a way... well... as pleasant as such topics could ever be," she mused, blinking at him with a slow shake of her head.

All was calm, and settled. They'd gotten things off of their chest, and recuperation was probably the best thing for both of them. The smaller  rabbit laid against her mate, her head settled onto his shoulder.  For now, she felt almost a little relaxed, as if she was no longer carrying a weight upon her shoulders... She didn't want to leave, not now... A foreign feeling to a workaholic such as herself... It almost made her laugh. "I don't feel like patrolling today."