The Legend Of Blaussi, Dread Pirate

Twas a seemingly normal day on the high seas when tragedy struck aboard the Tetra Force. A strong galleon pillaged decades ago by the mighty, and fearsome Dread Captain Blaussi. Though if it had not been for her brave crew, she probably would have drowned if we’re being honest with ourselves. For you see Blaussi was a paranoid cat to be sure, and also a child… not literally of course but trust me five minutes with her and you’d say the same thing. I’d know because I sailed the sea’s with her.

Yes, I was indeed the Quartermaster aboard the Tetra Force, and now… reluctantly its captain. How that came to pass however, is the story I wish to tell today. A story of tragedy and of one of my best friends.

“Ahoy, Who you be talkin to over thar ya buttswabber”

“Aye, it’s nothing, keep swabbing.”

Anyway… let’s begin.

The winds were nonexistent and the boat herself was becalmed upon the sea, things were tense as they usually were, but this time I feared things were different.
    “She’s absolutely got the sea madness’ i tells ye” said Ton Of Ash, the lookout idly to me over grog.
    “Aye, think it might be all the water, cats don’t like that much. Which is weird none of us ever questioned it before.” Private Jacks, Star Charter agreed.
    “You both have gall to be besmirching the captain this far out to sea.” I replied calmly as I sipped my grog. You might be asking yourself, what the heck is grog. Truth be told nobody but the chef knows.
    “Oi Hayden, lets be real even you have to admit the capn is even more paranoid than usual, she be locked away in her cabin for days now!” Summer, our Boatswain, noted.

I had to give them that, before locking herself away she had begun randomly suspecting each of us, of planning to make off with the treasure. Something none of us could do when we had been stuck at sea for over a month now. I suppose it would have been prudent of me to have taken their concerns seriously… But how could I have known it would get as bad as it eventually did.

    “YAR! Hayden, get in here you swabdog!” Blaussi requested my presence a few days later. “Why do you insist on speaking like a landie’s stereotype of a pirate?” I asked with exasperation. “Watch your tongue or i’ll claw it out, now focus on this… I think the crew be planning a mutiny and I want to know why and how.” she growled.
    “Well I can’t imagine it has anything to do with you tossing Kimberly overboard last week, for and i quote ‘Conspirin with demons.’ Or how you keep insisting we’re all gonna make off with the loot even though none of us have a boat. Or how you consistently and I do mean consistently, Take all the credit for everything we do.” 

I stared at her and she stared at me. The silence was deafening and also kind of terrifying. Luckily i had my ankle flintlock in place. For it was then that the captain, bless her soul, decided I was In leagues with davy jones. Leaping forward over the mahogany desk, sending maps, tattered and musty flying as she put a knife to my throat.

“You’ll be sleepin with the fishes if you don’t speak with respect to your capn.”
“With all due respect you haven’t even earned the respect I give you. Captain.”
“Yer walkin a thin plank there Hayden, I swear I’ll do it.”
“Then do it, we’ve been over this before, time and time again, I follow you into the depths of hell only for you to sit there and act like I’m against you, as if everyone is. How many crew need to die in your name or by your paw before you get that.”

That of course ended with her telling me to leave her be. Because though the crew probably didn’t believe it, the captain, she wasn’t insane… just troubled. I knew that since the day we met.
Trust issues were the top of her list, and the cause I had yet to discern… but when she opened up enough all those years ago and offered to sail the seas with me as her right paw… How could I refuse? The island was getting boring anyhow.

“I say we just take the ship and put Hayden in charge” Ash grumbled that evening.
“Aye, but you know as well as I that Hayden would never do that, she believes in the power of friendship or some such nonsense.” Jacks replied with a roll of his eyes and a flap of wing.
“Dad, ye bein a dickhole” Summer pointed a hammer at her father.
“Actually, I believe you may be right. We have been marooned here for days, and while I do not wish to confirm her suspicions I may have another plan in mind.” I told them as I finished my gruel.

And so a plan was set in motion that nearly cost me everything. Maybe that’s a tad melodramatic, but it almost cost me something I care deeply about.

“Yer sayin, you want to have a pretend mutiny.” Blaussi asked clearly confused.
“Aye, I will convince the crew that I am fed up with you and wish to do so, Then when it comes time I will spare your life.”
“Ye be implying you could beat me!?”
“The alternative is you beat me, and regain the respect of the crew, because right now they kinda think you’ve lost your touch, If you want respect you-”
“Have to earn it yada yada, I heard this before Hayden, But you just admitted they want me dead.”
“You killed like three crew last month”
“Dead Men tell no tales”
“Yeah that doesn't work when the living ones helped you do it.”
“Fine, but it better be a real duel… if I lose I will submit and follow you, but if you lose, you will not have my mercy.”
“If that is how it must be.”
“Tis”

And so it was set in motion, the crew thinking it was real, and with good reason, started their attack. I Myself had to trust that if I did lose, My friend, would have my back despite her words. As swords clashed and metal sparked, insults thrown. It came close at times, such as when my pistol was scuppered, or when I nearly took off Blauss’s head… the end result however was not as i expected. Nor what the crew expected, having bested everyone singlepawed she held her dual cutlass at my neck. “Tis a well known fact that we follow a code of conduct on this ship. Never give quarter.” Blaussi yelled. “This day I give my word that you all despite being a bunch of swabs… were…” she stared at me, and then them, I knew the next words were supposed to be defeated. I knew this was how it was going to end. And for once I am glad I was wrong. “Justified, in your valiant but unsuccessful attempts to fell the Legendary Dread Pirate Blaussi… Nay thee all had every right to attempt, I suppooooose that means teeeechnically I’m admitting to being a biiiiit uhm… unfair”

“You murdered like 4 of our most ABS” yelled Ashton
“Yes I know”
“And accused Kimberly of Demon Consorting” called Jacks
“She deserved it anyway to be honest but that's not the-”
“And you literally cut off my hoof because you said I was stealing treasure after asking me to fix the hold room door.”
“And ah am sorry okay jeez just let me freaking speak ya scurvy dogs!”

She sheathed her swords “For those reasons as Captain I demote myself to QuarterMaster, and give the hat….to you” and in a swift movement she grabbed her captains hat, and slapped it onto my face. “But if you screw up, you’re totally dead, and no being all sappy or something dumb”

The crew blinked for a minute before cheering in victory. Not that they actually did much to contribute but, I wasn’t going to be the one to tell them that. To this day I still don’t know if I somehow managed to teach her, or if in fact she taught me. But what I do know, is that even if she doesn’t say it or show it, we have a mutual respect, and we will always be friends.

“Blimey! you have been speaking gibberish for ten minutes now, Capn! Just writing down whatever it is you’re writin, speaking of which What ARE you writin?”

“Nothing important, did you swab the poop deck.”

“ARR! I SWABBED IT TWICE”

“Do it again Blau.”

“YAR! YOU BE ON THIN PLANK!”

“Yeah yeah…”