Posted by u/glaaassy.iii in r/hedonfm 1 week ago

The Radio Host won’t leave me alone, and I genuinely don’t know what to do.

Guys, I know you’re going to think I’m faking. Like yeah, I know, the rules are that you have to take all these posts as if they’re true, but like I’m sure none of you ever take them seriously. At least not in your heart. I sure didn’t before this. But I deadass don’t know where else to go. I don’t know how much more of this I can take, and I feel like if I tell anyone else they’ll think I’m crazy. But you guys will get it, right? You know what I’m talking about?

For context, I’ve been struggling with amnesia for, fuck, I don’t even know how long it’s been now. I have some friends who’ve been kind enough to at least give me the basics of my past life, but I’ve always had this lingering, uneasy feeling that there’s something they’re not telling me. I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop, have even done my own digging, but no matter how hard I try, something still feels missing. Something bad. I can see it in the winces they try to hide when they look at me. I fucked up at some point, maybe multiple points, and no one will tell me what i did.

I work late night shifts, so usually I drive at night. And believe me, I’d never heard of this shit before in my life. Didn’t ask for it, didn’t do any of the bullshit (sorry if you believe it, but it’s bullshit-) of turning the dial three times and flashing your brake lights while standing on your head or whatever the fuck you’re supposed to do to summon this fucker. It just happened.

One minute, I was staring into the dark of the night and the beam of my highlights on the road, drifting off, listening to some easy listening tunes, you know, that shit you put on when all the other stations are on commercial. The next, the song shifted, and suddenly, it felt real. Personal. And normally, while I tried not to think about the void that lingered in the back of my brain, I had no choice. Do you ever get that feeling of deja vu where you know you’ll never get closure, but all the same, that unease just eats at the back of your mind, like there’s something right in front of your face that you just can’t see? Maybe it’s just an amnesia thing, but I swear, I felt like I was falling into myself, looking at my space in the universe and the scale of my life and not liking what I saw.

Overwhelmed by emotion, I pulled over to the side of the road and tried to calm myself down. It wasn’t my first panic attack after all, I knew that much. I went through the calming breaths, five things you can see, or smell, or touch, or whatever the fuck, I always forget which one comes first, and yeah. I went to touch the dial, glanced to my side, and he was there. I didn’t know who he was at the time, but I know now. The Radio Host.

…After that I’m hesitant to divulge more details. You probably know how this part of the story goes. He sifted through my mind, and while I don’t feel comfortable enough to disclose what in particular I saw, let’s just say he forced me to remember more than I had in the past, and it was less than pleasant. To be honest, I tried to make myself forget most of the details of the first encounter, which was probably helped by mostly believing it wasn’t real. Because how could it be? Men don’t just teleport into your passenger seat and make you relive your worst nightmares on a whim, right?

Except when they do. And they do it over and over again.

This is where my most desperate cry for help is, if I’m being honest. I stalked this forum for hours and hours before making this post, desperately combing to see if anyone else had an experience like mine. I found nothing. Because if it were a one time occasion, I would’ve dismissed it in a heartbeat. Except he keeps teleporting by my side. Over and over again. Sometimes when I’m not even in the car. I’ll be alone in an aisle in the middle of the grocery store, or taking a shortcut through an alley, and in an instant, he’s there. As soon as I feel secure, as soon as I feel a sense of peace and contentment with myself, he appears, and he takes me back, playing music that reminds me of my worst moments, and diving deeper and deeper into memories that I should’ve known I forgot for a reason.

I was a horrible person. Should be in prison, if we’re being entirely honest. But at this point, I just want the torment to end. If he’s reading this, somehow, please, all I ask is for you to leave me alone. What more do you want from me? I’ll do it. Anything, just so I can be forgiven…

Wow, this was really well written! Definitely sent a chill down my spine. You have a bright future in writing some day!