Stella Journal

I brought this with me to take notes on wildlife. Draw pictures and whatnot. In these pages you’ll find drawings of trees… people… things. 

if you’re reading this and your name is Moonlight I suggest you put this down for your own sanity. Unless you want your fantasies to be ruined. Then read on.

I left my old name behind. My appearance. My voice. 

My name is Ashe now. I thought it was a fun play on ashes. Maybe it’s not but. I laughed at the time. My godhood is long gone but it seems part of it lingers. 

After publishing my last notes to the survivors I attempted taking my life. 

Seems I’m still here. 

Immortality. 

A blessing.

And a curse.

I sit here under enchanted leaves watching as wandering wisps light the inky black void.

I often people watch now. Polaris and Kroma offered to help me build a house but. Little do they know I took one from their book to make my new place. Hidden behind a babbling waterfall. 

I like living alone. Reminds me to think of those I lost. I made a grave for Netami and Calliope. 

Even myself.

I died when I left my home.

Am I selfish? 

Or did I do the right thing?

Moonlight having a heartbond too me is the only thing I regret. Seems I can’t fully get rid of my past. I was lounging outside today when the Draco showed his face. Something something asking me to come over for dinner. I wonder if he even read the note to his family. Nemesis was dead was all I said in return. To which he responded. 

Oh? I don’t believe we’ve met before. You don’t have to attend the house party, but there will be free food.

Is he playing dumb still.

Despite that free food is free food.

So I went to the new Draco? Pyregem? manor. Starlight was there too. And his…lady… Ugh. Apparently she’s with child. Funny I didn’t see Polaris there. Probably wasn’t invited. Introducing myself as someone that lost their loved one recently after coming through the portal. A broken heartbond. I was lucky enough to survive the calamity. My partner has my eternal thanks.

Sometimes I wonder did I have a strong enough bond with Calliope to leave?

As expected none of them saw through my… lie. I suppose it’s only partially a lie. Soren did have my eternal thanks. The best partner I would ever have. He was headstrong. Dumb. But loveable. What did he see in me?

He loved me in death.

The dinner party was wonderful. I ended up sitting up on the rooftop with that stupid Draco boy. He reminds me of Siren in some weird way. Stupid. But he means well. It’s been a good century since I got here shouldn’t I move on.

But despite that I let him share his hopes for the future. And in turn I told him some of mine. I must say that kid has some guts. Asking me to a date right then and there. A little more out there then before. Perhaps he’s finally leaving the nest.

I was amused enough to say yes. Maybe I’ll regret it later.

Not that it matters he’ll die long before he finds out who I was anyways.

Maybe. Soren was right. I need to live a little.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, I’ve moved in with Draco. Dating has…. well. We aren’t married yet but the ring on my finger is saying otherwise. I found it funny when he gifted me a heartbond. Again. I considered taking out the old one. But what he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him. Ashe Draco doesn’t sound all too bad. I still visit my foxhole from time to time. To draw mostly. 

I still faintly remember Calliope and Netami’s faces.

Moonlight was asking me about kids recently. At first I laughed and said something about well arent we both make or do you have something to tell me. Turns out gender doesn’t matter with his species. Wonderful. Absolutely. Wonderful. I mentioned not wanting kids. Not feeling that we were ready. Whatever excuse I could. He seems Adamant.

I'm complaining about this at tea later.

Four kits according to Morrian. I'm annoyed to say the least. But Moonlight is delighted. Something about wanting to make a nest for me. Stocking up for the quadruplets. Whatever whatever. My life is falling apart.

I’m in my foxhole now. I think I’ll go back to my fox form soon. I wonder what they will look like. How many will survive. If any. I left my heartbond at home so he couldn’t fine me. Not like I need him for this anyways.

Four kits. One survivor. Three died within the first week. Rapid aging. As I suspected my immortality doesn’t pass down to everything. But one. Twilight as I’ve named her. She survived. Her fur is as dark as night with soft white markings. I love her. 

I bit her to test her regen and unlike the others healed in seconds. One of four. Immortal just like me. I suppose I’ll allow Moonlight to help raise her. Only because I hate to say it but I don’t exactly want to spend my whole life struggling to meet ends meet. 

Moonlight was happy to see me home. He’s a good father. I’ll make sure he stays that way. I made three graves for the others with Netami and Calliope. I hope they passed on peacefully to the afterlife.

Starlight passed the other day. I suppose grief finally got the best of him. I didn’t attend the funeral. But I noticed how Moonlight seemed to let go of himself. His heartbond is all that’s keeping him alive. Up to him to let go and move on. 

It seems I’ve forgotten just how mortal everyone is. Twilight has moved on with her adventures. Writing home on occasion. She’s aware of our immortality, We’ll always have each other in the end… When Moonlight lets go you can find me here in the foxhole. 

I’m happy with my life. I’ve done a lot. Saved souls that were destined to rebirth. Got married. Had a child…. 

Are you proud of me Soren?

Memento Mori

Ashe