Hero Recap: Christmas Edition

Hero Recap 12/26 Script

pix if you get kidnapped again we ain't rescuing you -zach
I don't get to choose when I get kidnapped??? -Percy
get gud lol ;D -ly
Lyarrah I trusted you, but you played me. -Percy
like the cheap kazoo you are -zach
Excuse you, I am an oboe. -Percy
wait fr? i always saw u as more of a trombone guy -ly
no no he's not a trombone guy, he's got woodwind vibes -zach
Alright, can we get back to the script writing now? And besides, Zach's the one with trombone energy. -Percy
absolutely not, i am a plastic $5 recorder and proud of it -zach
guys, dms are there for a reason -ly

[Begin Script]

This week on Hero Recap!

[Clip of the iconic mean girls christmas dance, with Pearl, Mumbo, Mr. Goodtimes and Xelqua's faces edited on the girls. Impulse's face is edited onto the mom.]

Welcome to the Hero Recap! My name is Percy Riffs, our writer and cameraman is Zach Lloyd, captions on this report are provided by Lyarrah Kat. The holiday season is upon us! Unfortunately, just because it’s almost Christmas/Hanukkah, doesn’t mean that criminals will stop their villainous ways, so let’s take a look at the mishaps that occurred from the heroes, vigilantes and villains of our city.

Starting with Boatem Incorporated, who have decided that the best way to celebrate the holiday season is to dress up in dresses and perform for charity. This leads to several new fancams as villains try to hold them hostage, only to be defeated by Mr. Goodtimes' massive… chest monster. And by chest monster, we do mean chest monster. An alien pet, given by Xelqua, in the form of a present box.

[Clip of Mr. Goodtimes in a short Christmas dress chasing a criminal, holding a large present box with sharp teeth. Xelqua is flying after them, wearing a tiny Santa hat. Pearl is seen laughing in the background.

Xelqua: This is not what I meant by putting your gifts to good use! Goodtimes!!

Mr. Goodtimes: That's Mister Goodtimes to you, Xelqua! :D

Cameraman (Impulse): At least he hasn't taken off his shirt yet…]

Impulse seems to have come out on top with their little gift exchange, as he shows off his new candy cane prison shank that's about twenty times larger than a normal candy cane, and about fifty times more durable. He's one of the three members of Boatem who have already revealed what they've got for Christmas, as Mumbo Jumbo seems to have obtained a brand new mobile hotspot. Let's just hope he doesn't break it again.

[Clip compilation of Mumbo Jumbo breaking numerous routers and wifi hotspots.]

It's not all fun and games during this time of the year, as during her visit to a children's hospital, False Symmetry accidentally tells a bunch of kids that Santa's not real. She ends up having to call for help from Stress Monster and Iskall, the latter having to dye his hair and beard white, then claim that he is "cyborg Santa". But hey, at least these kids won't have a ruined Christmas.

[Clip of False (Lady Talon on her shoulder) surrounded by crying children. She is clearly distressed, and mouths 'help' at the camera. The falcon is also distressed. The cameraman (Zach) laughs. You can hear barely suppressed laughter from Percy and Lyarrah.]

[Clip of Iskall (in a Santa costume) entertaining the children.]

The Big Eyes Crew have received a much warmer reception, as they've been roped into guarding the Gävle Goat. Unfortunately, they seem to have forgotten that one of them has flame hair.

[Cut to the Gävle Goat on fire, the Big Eyes Crew screaming in the background.]

Speaking of fire, Worm-Man faces off against a villain with fire powers. The fight escalates into a sweetshop, and soon everyone within a five mile radius is covered with sticky marshmallow goo. Let's hope HC's resident science division has something to deal with this mess.

Welsknight on the other hand is dealing with a different sort of mess- the ghost that possessed him refuses to leave, and while they seem to have calmed down slightly, that doesn't stop them from taking Wels' body, hacking into a store display sleigh, riding around town on it, and in the true spirit of Christmas, dueling people with a wrapping paper tube, singing Mariah Carey badly, and attempting to lick a frozen lamppost. His twitter fans are being fed today.

[Clip of "Helsknight" zooming past on a sleigh, fast enough that all the camera catches is a vague gray shape and fire.]

His partner Xvoid has not been faring better, as not only has he discovered that armour is terrible for walking on ice, his mentee EX has decided that "Helsknight" is a great role model, and has chosen to emulate his idol by tying criminals up with Christmas lights. Naturally, this doesn't go well when the 'villain' of the week is Docm77, who has been drinking since the first notes of Christmas songs started playing in malls, and does not appear to be stopping anytime soon.

[Clip (filmed on a phone) of Xvoid trying- and failing to not slip on a patch of ice. He flails around for a bit before his head hits a lamp post with a thunk so loud it's picked up by the phone.

Cameraman (EX): Aw [censored], you good?

Xvoid lies there as he rethinks his life choices.]

So what has Doc been doing for Christmas? Well, he decides that he wants a pet dragon, so he attempts to break spacetime to try and summon a dragon from another realm. Naturally, there's no one crazy enough to stop him.

[Clip of a dragon flying above the city. You can faintly hear maniacal laughter coming from its back.

Percy: I… don't quite know how to explain this.

Cub: Yep, that's Doc alright.]

RenDog is one of the lucky few heroes that have the holidays off, and he celebrates this fact by going to the Ariana Griande x Hatsune Miku Christmas Collab Concert. A couple of uninvited guests show up, but luckily he's there to save the day with the power of love, friendship and incredible violence.

[Clip of RenDog beating up a criminal with a Cyalume glow stick. Someone with blonde hair is doing a wotagei dance in the background to the rhythm of Ren's attacks. One could describe it as "violent wotagei".]

And that's about it for this week's recap! Our cameraman is Zach Lloyd, my name is Percy Riffs, captions on this report were provided by Lyarrah Kat, and we here at Hero Recap wish you all happy holidays. Thanks for watching, and we'll see you next week!

[End Script]

so we agree that xvoid is a flute -zach
you are a heretic and i will dance on your grave, xvoid is clearly a clarinet -ly
Alright, but Cub is clearly a triangle -Percy
elaborate -ly
Responsible for every ting. -Percy
BOOOO -zach
booooooo -ly
:D -Percy

                  

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