the devil made me do it but i also kinda wanted to

   Sure, the last time Evan had decided to try some heroic leap off an apartment building roof, it hadn’t gone so well. But that was so long ago! XVoid, his brother- whoa, he still wasn’t quite used to that one- had saved him from quite literally breaking his ass at the time. But now he had better equipment! That, along with more experience, and a fresh burst of confidence which always accompanied his greatest successes. He even had the “experienced hero” Norman there with him to keep it safe, so what could go wrong?

   “Are you sure you want to do this?” And there was the perpetual spoilsport of the duo. Norman was squinting into the glass jar the size of both their heads that Evan was holding at arm’s length not at all warily. Glowing bugs zipped around inside, too fast to see.

   “Of course I’m sure, Normie! It’s perfectly safe, I got this from the backroom of Horsehead! So it’s gotta give me some cool powers or some shit to keep up with the rest of you. Plus I bet I’ll get muscles and everything.” Evan nodded to himself at the logic. Besides, it’s not like the weird managers would actually have something dangerous.

   “This is about the holiday special isn’t it.” Norman’s eyebrow raise had Evan scowling defensively. His mind jumped back to the reporters covering the heroic shenanigans, and he waved a hand in an attempt to brush off the accusation.

   “NO! Well, listen! I need powers so I can get on the news more often! December doesn't last all year and my face is fucking incredible on tv.” Evan watched as Norman’s skeptical look turned borderline apprehensive. “Listen, if you’re here it can’t go too terribly. And if it goes bad I’m not the only one blamed. You know how much I hate paperwork.” Evan stuck out his tongue and went back to inspecting the jar. There was a faded label on the top that said something close to Oozequitos. He tried to unscrew it, but the top was stuck on by what seemed like a supernatural force.

   “Do you want me to do it?” Norman was snickering as he offered his hand. Evan shot him a look as he tried to unscrew the cap. There wasn’t any particular challenge to it, he just couldn’t get a good grip on the cap. Of course his hands were sweaty. It was courtesy of the goddamn heavy jackets they were wearing in the brisk January air. 

   After a final particularly aggressive attempt, the jar tumbled out of his hands and cracked when it hit the asphalt of the roof. Both Evan and Norman froze, but the latter also squeaked in surprise.

   “What was your plan going to be, exactly? Let one out at a time?” Norman’s voice was distinctly high-pitched as he stared at the cracked jar. They might be imagining it, but it seemed to both of them that the bugs were buzzing faster. Evan shrugged.

   “I mean, for peak success, might as well let them all out at once.” And with that decision, he reeled back his foot and kicked the jar. The glass shattered outwards, missing Evan entirely but causing Norman to drop into the roof from instinct with a muffled shriek. 

   The bugs were buzzing much louder now that they were free from the glass prison. They glowed and hovered about, bobbing in the air around the roof. Norman peeked up from the asphalt warily.

   “Give some warning next time, geez.” Reassured there wasn’t any active danger, he emerged up to his shoulders and put his chin in his hands. “Well? Let’s see your brilliant plan in action, Mr. Scientist.” There was an amused grin on his face as he took in Evan’s hesitance.

   “Honestly, I didn’t think this far ahead. How do you think I could get them to sting me?” He swatted a hand at the nearest bug, and it dodged neatly. Norman shrugged as he eyed the nearest ones, still wary.

   “Surely that glowing can’t be natural. Then again, mosquitoes usually take blood from you, soo… I don’t know what you’re expecting. I’d assume they’re also attracted to carbon dioxide? Y’know, the air you breathe out.” Norman nearly fell back into the roof as one veered too close for comfort, missing the deadpan look Evan sent him.

   “Of fucking course I know what carbon dioxide is, that’s like basic minerals.” Evan saw Norman’s face go through multiple stages of grief. He tried not to snicker and give himself away.

   Evan was about to continue to defame science when a sharp pricking sensation came from his leg. Even though it was mid-January, he was still going to abide by his trademarked Heated Subject ripped jeans! So it really shouldn’t have been a surprise when one got him in the knee.

   Norman yelled like he was the one stung and zipped back like ten feet. Evan flipped him off as he squinted at the bug which seemed to be in the process of losing its glow. There was a sudden spinning sensation in his stomach not unlike a washing machine, and the dizziness that suddenly overtook him had Evan tripping forward. The asphalt cut into the palms he caught himself with. 

   There was a distinct shrinking sensation, like he was being deflated, which was dumb as he’d fought long and hard for every inch above five feet. His vision fuzzed, and he blinked rapidly, the blurriness not going away. Evan tried to push himself onto his feet, but his hands didn't work how he was used to. He was also suddenly feeling somewhat swamped by his clothes. Flipped to face the sky out of nowhere, Norman’s face was huge as it peered down at him.

   “At least you’re rocking the pink?” Norman’s features were hard to make out, and his voice sounded like it went through a microwave. Evan tried to sit up again and only managed to flip back to face the asphalt. His eyes focused on the flippers in place of hands, and he let out a very normally pitched scream, thank you very much,

   “What am I?! This is so fucking- I couldn’t be anything else?!” His voice was garbled but still clear enough to understand. Norman got the gist and tried to cover up his snort of amusement. Evan cursed his inability to turn and give him the evil eye.

   “I think you’re an axolotl- Zaeden had one at one point. It looked considerably smaller.” Norman poked his side and Evan swatted a flipper at him. “You’re like- pretty big for one of them. You think this counts as your wannabe power?” 

   “I’m no wannabe!!” He wiggled in dismay but gave up from underneath the heavy winter clothes a moment later. The fins around his face waved in discontent.

   “Alright, alright, lemme just-” Norman stole the jacket off Evan’s feeble axolotl body and used it to swat another glowing bug in his direction. His expression far from enthusiastic, “in for a penny, and all that.”

   The bug hovered and seemed to hesitate before going for the easy target. Not one to take a challenge laying down, Evan swallowed it whole. His axolotl face twisting horrifically at the sour taste, Evan felt the swooping sensation and the shriveling once again. What higher power did he piss off to only roll tiny transformations? There was an inkling about the consequences of stealing in the back of his brain, but that voice was the one that sounded a lot like Shawn, which he usually ignored.

   The clothes were much heavier now, and when Norman whipped them away, he just froze to stare in horror. Evan squinted back up at him, noticing the pink puffy jacket Norman always wore when the weather dropped below sixty was notably washed out, color wise.

   “Do I even wanna know, this time?” Evan’s voice was tinny, and higher than usual, which was dumb.

   “Well.. I would say this could be worse but honestly,” Norman seemed to be grappling for the best way to phrase it. It was like whenever he had to break the news of an impending math quiz. Before he could, Evan realized the Oozesquitos were now bigger than him, and didn’t love the idea.

   “Oh you gotta be fZZng kidding m- hello? There’s no way. There’s no fZZin- NO! FZZK! SHZT!” Without even realizing it, the wings against his back were buzzing and he rose into the air. Norman gaped at him from the asphalt as he got higher and higher, censored cussing filling the air all the way up. The glowing bugs avoided him like he was a particularly strange specimen. Pretty damn rich, in Evan’s opinion. 

   A sharp breeze caught him when he got too far up, and sent him careening across the roof, toward the building’s ventilation systems. The last glimpse he caught was of Norman as a picture of panic running across the roof, stopping often to edge around bugs that were bobbing along in the way. 

   “Huh, these vents are surprisingly homey. Surprise, surprise.” At least, that was what Evan meant to say, but all that managed to escape was a shrill scream. Call it his new bee instincts (cause what else would he be, really,) but it was relatively safe and warm compared to the dangerous outside. Other than the hurtling through metal tunnels at like Mach 3, of course. 

   Evan was enjoying it up until the fan, honestly. It was distinctly reminiscent of a roller coaster, spins and sharp turns and all. Then he spotted the spinning wheel of death with the distinctive green goo of his comrades dripping from the blades, and his two stomachs dropped three floors down. That also could’ve been his moderate bee allergy. Straining his wings didn’t do anything to aid an escape from the vent system of doom, and Evan nearly resigned himself to an extremely undignified death. There were some muttered (censored) curses, though.

   At the absolute last second, like antennae-raising, allergy-inducing second,  Norman’s hand stuck out from the wall and caught the tiny mutation that nearly spelled an early demise. He was tossed through the nearest grate, but not without being brushed against some of the glowing goo. Norman had other things to worry about, namely, saving his life, but Evan wasn’t sure whether or not to be grateful when he felt the terrible sensation once more.

   He thought the swearing situation couldn’t get worse. But of course it could. The only thing worse would be not being able to talk at all! And that’s what happened, being some sort of skeleton creature without a voicebox. He cursed whatever decided to be a cosmic dick today, mentally.

   “We gotta fix this quick, y’know. Your brother’s getting back soon.” Norman threw the pile of clothes at Evan’s face before he could even throw up his arms in indignation. Well, bones up in indignation. It was a stupid distinction. He pulled his clothes on while being squinted at in curiosity.

   “You’re allergic to bees right? Are you having a reaction right now?” Norman tilted his head as he shrugged. “Can you even? You don’t exactly.. have a bloodstream either.” Evan pointed at his face (skull) with both hands (finger and wrist bones) and waved them around. He didn’t exactly know what point he was trying to get across, but Norman seemed to get it. 

   “Yeah, yeah. I have an epipen, but if you’re just a skeleton- wait how are your joints connected and moving? Lemme see-” Evan jolted backward and Norman chased him around the hallway they ended up in. Soon enough one or the other tripped over the carpet and they landed in a pile of arms and legs.

   “Stop it! Lemme just! Fix you!” Norman’s face contorted in effort as he tried to jab the epipen into solid bone, while Evan shook his head so fast it literally spun, jaw clattering all the way around. Eventually he gave in and used his powers to phase it into a knee, which Evan privately thought of as cheating. It wouldn’t have been private if he had a goddamn voicebox, but that wasn’t technically relevant.

   He was back to a normal boy moments later, flat on his back on the hallway rug. He shoved Norman’s converse off his face. Weak smiles were exchanged.

   “Well, that sucked.” It was nice to have his voice back, along with the rest of his human perks. The wings had been cool while they lasted. Norman nodded in agreement, likely to the suckiness part, but Evan could imagine he would like wings, too. Even if his true form was a worm.

   “Do you really think that was me as an animal? Hell, that last one was just from a shitty Bullseye halloween section.” Evan watched as Norman picked himself up from the floor, brushing dust off his once-again-pink puffy jacket.

   “I’m just wondering if there are any lingering effects. You think you should check in at the lab at work? Or even swing by my place for a bit ‘til Shawn gets back.” Norman’s worry was uncalled for, and Evan shrugged as he stumbled to his feet. The sneakers hadn’t been entirely shoved back on before their chase. 

   His back cracked as he straightened up, loud, and both their eyes snapped to each other while they widened in unison, Norman’s in concern, Evan’s in excitement. He spun his shoulders one way, his knee the other, and his spine made a sound like firecrackers. Tilting his neck both ways also made satisfying cracks. His wrists clicked when they rotated, and there seemed to be no limit to how many times his fingers could be popped. 

   Cackling, Evan raced towards the stairway, eager to scare the absolute crap out of Shawn when he got home. Norman chased after him with faint worries of chronic joint pain and the side effects of epipen usage. 

   The Oozesquitos had mostly dispersed by then, prepared to mutate the rest of the city. Hypno realized the jar was missing while doing inventory a week later, and shrugged. No big loss, it was stolen from the sewers anyway.