12/04/2022

I think I've been in this exact place before, plucking the same wrong strings on my guitar at the exact time as the last, down to the second. I've repeated everything I have done and will do. I am stuck.

I'm coerced with soft coos of a promising future with people who adore me, with money that could be thrown out because of its abundance. Though I've known for years that it's all wrong. I am here, and will forever be right here. I will be sitting here, at 4:32:07 AM playing a song I thought I never thought I had. Shortly though, I'll realize that I've gone through this a million times before, I am caught in a rut of unoriginality and patterns.

With every day that passes being an exact copy of the last. I find that I myself, am a copy of a copy. I am a copy of Axel copying Malakai, a copy of Malakai copying Sterling and I am a copy of Axel copying Sterling. I pretend that none of them have impacted me, I say I've moved on. I've heard lying to yourself only makes it worse, but I'm starting to find comfort in this loop. I'm worried that if I progress with myself, that I'll find life has moved on so much further than me. I put the guitar down at 4:34:53AM, just like I did yesterday and will do tomorrow.