The Squad Learns to Say Ass

“So, like…” Diamond twirled her bat in the air, pointing it at the Pokémon surrounding her on this little trek forth. “Why’d’ya guys join the guild, anyways? Seems like a load’a garbage to me.”

“Work’s work.” Treading along the rustic reds of the crumbled canyon’s ground, Jude B. Loomin stood at the back of the group of what he could only surmise were children. His beak mulled over responding with more, only for the fact that work was indeed work, and he had said enough already. Instead he huffed and adjusted his colossal leek.

One eye followed the high walls of the chasm they wandered, the blitzing gleam of the setting sun peeking from just above the rock. If these four had chemistry, they may have embarked closer to sunrise. Jude didn’t particularly care, though. He was going to get the job done.

Diamond flicked the jewel dangling from her bill, the light glistening off of it and annoyingly towards Jude. “Ain’t that the truth. Fuck em. I’m just here on probation,” she assured cooly, a gentle breeze waving across the dunes. “And what about you, uh…” She pointed over to the Sprigatito with her thumb.

"Nora!" said Nora heartily, walking alongside whoever was in front. The weed cat giggled at the use of the forbidden f word, looking half scandalized, half exhilarated. "I'm here because, uh, because um, because Kell wanted to, and I was like 'why not,' and I didn't really have anywhere else to be. And it's fun! And I get paid! In real actual money!" Her eyes practically gleamed at that. "So why are you here if you don't want to be here?" She turned to Diamond. "That seems dumb."

Diamond wrung her wrist around in a circle as she gave her bat a twirl, staring at the distant, climbing rocks above Nora’s head. “Because, I dunno.” She wasn’t accustomed to this heat, Psyduck form or otherwise, and her jacket certainly wasn’t helping - but she’d rather be dripping than chilly. “Did some stuff and they don’t want me running around. Because Pokemon are stupid, that’s why. Because no one gives a crap about anything, and, I dunno. ‘Cause I’m on ‘parole’. It’s a, uh, prison thing.” She glanced skywards. “They had that with humans too.”

“Humans.” Jude scoffed, the essence of grump puppeteering his beak. He squinted some after, watching the weird shapes in the sand-rock surrounding them. “Used to be on parole myself, probably. Glad you’re hanging in there.”

"Oh! You're a human too?" Nora butted in, to Diamond. "Why were you in prison? Did you kill someone?" She looked bedazzled at the prospect. "Don't tell my partner, if you did. He'll get upset. He says killing people is bad because it makes them die. Which, I mean, duh."

Diamond, of course, was no savant of the long-winded. “Oh, yes, I killed four Pokemon,” she stated calmly, pretending to count something out on her fingers. “Or was it five? Six? Yes, I chopped them up into a stew and ate them, because I felt like it. Because they kinda deserved it. For gettin’ in my way. And I’d be careful, ‘cause I wouldn’t mind trying roast cat, too,” she asserted, swinging her bat to rest on her shoulders, and her hands on her bat, to sell the nonchalant persona she built for herself. “Tell Kell I said hi, by the way.”

Odette trailed a short distance behind the group, staring at her paws as she calculated the safety of each step with rigid concentration. Every step risked her falling on her ass, or face-forward, or into some other horribly embarrassing position. The rough, uneven terrain did her no favors; the ground was hot, too, so she tried to stick to the shade.

Finally, as the other members of the adventuring party began to engage in friendly conversation, Odette cautiously lifted her gaze from her paws. The sudden burst of sunlight that plunged over the surrounding cliffs caused her to squint and sneeze.

“Guh,” she reacted, with the same intonation of a middle-aged man prying himself up and out of his armchair. Now that she had informally invited herself into the conversation, she faltered. As she usually did. Tragically, every uncomfortable facet of her human personality had followed her here to this world.

"Um. Why'd I join the Guild…?" Odette mulled it over for a second, as if she wasn't really sure. "This guy, Peri, one of the first Pokémon I met here, wanted to join. 'Dunno why, really, but he was super adamant about it. He said you need two members to start a team, so I said sure, because he said he'd help me get adjusted to this world, kind of like a tour guide, and–"

Fearing she was gabbing too much, she cut it short.

"And so… yeah!" With finality.

"Wow, three humans?" said Nora. "I mean, you didn't say you were one, but I sort of assumed, with the whole 'adjust to this world' thing, and also you seem really awkward, which a lot of humans are. No offense," she put in quickly. "I think it's, like, an adjusting thing? I'm not awkward, though. That's Kell's job."

If it wasn't already obvious, the Sprigatito had a tendency to babble incessantly. One might wonder how in the world her poor partner could stand it. They hadn't known each other more than a week, their first (and only) real mission being a mint-gathering expedition in which Kell had proven his woeful lack of botanical expertise in the most catastrophic way possible, but they hadn't split up yet, which was probably a good sign.

“Uh. None taken?” said Odette; though she was slightly flustered by Nora’s candor, she reminded her of the kids she used to tutor. Kids often weren’t afraid to have their say - which means they weren’t playing the mind games that Odette was so desperately afraid of. “It’s… not just an ‘adjusting’ thing, though.” She sighed woefully. “I think I’m just like that in general.”

Moving along, Diamond eventually sped up and took the front, if only because she was getting rather tired of following behind someone else - the principle of something like that set uneasily in her stomach, like there was some kind of submissiveness in not taking lead. “So like, you feel like the Pokemon here are all fuckin’ weirdos? We’re all humans here, right? Like, almost? What’s the deal with them, anyways? Gettin’ us all together like this?”

“No idea.” Odette didn’t have much to say on the matter, but she did have one speck of information… “It’s weird. It’s like we’re not all getting dragged from the same place. Like… where I come from, actual real-life Pokemon aren’t - weren’t? - a thing. But I’ve talked with a few ex-humans, and not all of our past experiences align. Someone told me that, where they came from, Pokemon were just a part of everyday life. Which is insane.” Unused to her tail, it periodically flopped against the ground and kicked up dust. In her philosophical meanderings, her tail dropped again, like a gong made out of flour.

"We didn't have them at all where I'm from," said Nora.

“Yeah. See?” Odette’s mind flashed to Dr. Artemis, but she was uncertain if she should say anything for now. The idea of summoning humans en masse to the Pokemon world disquieted her, but she hardly understood it.

“Uh, yeah, same here," said Diamond. "Although where I’m from, it’s a baby game. For kids.” An insecure assertion, at best. “I grew out of it pretty quick.”

“My brother had the game,” Odette said, popping her mouth in a thoughtful sort of way.

As the conversation shifted into a highschooler's niche, Jude found himself plummeting a million miles away from the present conversation. For all their outfitting and strange markings - their oddities, he had thought they were like him. Of the world. But they weren't.

So he put his stock into the world around them, into the painted bluffs that gave way to mucky nightly greens. A forest jutting from dirt and rock marked the group's path forward, and when he squinted past the light, he saw movement from within. Some blurring sort of inconvenience, large and blue. Largely large, too. Bigger than Jude. Huger.

"Hm." Try as Diamond might, Jude sauntered forward, physically throwing his weight to reach the front of his group. Humans were stupid - anyone from Raphael's world had to be dumber than algae, and that left them blind to however this world worked. He'd protect them for now.

Diamond, taking Jude’s trotting ahead to heart, moved up to his side and gave a not-so-friendly-shove. “Hey, move it, I can-”

A dart of a claw. The blur extended, expanded, painted a path forward - starting with its hand, a brush, so Diamond’s cheek a palette - blood splattered off the cheek, and she stumbled back. “!!!” The duck stumbled back, rolling onto her hind side as her hand quickly rose to cover her cheek.

As blood was drawn and rough flesh arrived, Jude used his large hand to push Diamond back even further. His other swung out towards the Gabite, pushing against the air with a mighty exertion that bore wind. A lot of wind.

Jude used Whirlwind!

The dragon violently fumbled backwards into a tree, where it recovered and made a mad dash for the group!

"Prepare yourselves!" Jude hollered, holding his leek at the ready.

“Wh-What do we do!?” Odette squeaked, instantly forgetting literally everything she had learned from Peri about Moves. Behind Jude, she was paralyzed, without the faintest sense to get out of the way or do anything sensible like that. But then, a spark of brilliance flickered in the detritus of her madly racing thoughts. Desperately fumbling through her pouch, Odette searched for the Blast Seed, muttering frantically as she did so.

"We fight, stupid. Duh." Nora was as nonchalant as could be about the sudden appearance of a dragon in their midst. Not knowing what the fresh hell it was didn't deter her, as she didn't know what the fresh hell a lot of things were, and an unknown thing was just a known thing you didn't know yet.

"Do what Big Jude's doing," she added helpfully. "Blast it. Blast it good." It was unclear what exactly she meant by that, but judging by the weed kitten's unsheathed claws and frizzed-up tail and overall expression of feline ferocity, one would assume it was an at least vaguely combat-related call to action.

“Y-yeah, no shit,” asserted the Psyduck, wiping the blood from her cheek with her elbow and readying herself. Her bat swung up into a juvenile fighting position, centered in front of her - improper for both baseball and combat. “Fucking cheater. It’s a fucking cheater!”

The Gabite lurched forth again, and Diamond stepped forth to get a good swing, despite Jude’s best efforts to protect her - an effort that went wasted as the Gabite reeled back. She swung for the moon and missed among the dirt, overswinging and moving out of position, leaving the Gabite in a wide turn towards Jude!

There - finally - finally! At last, Odette’s paw closed around the Blast Seed, and she snagged the Seed up and out of her pouch. Without wasting a moment to properly look where she was throwing, she stumbled backward onto her hind legs and hurled the thing like the volatile hot potato that it was.

There comes a day when every child witnesses the sound of a sticky-hand colliding with a man's bald ass head, and, more or less, this was that day. As that actual bat slammed into Jude's side like an appreciation for his cut, his muscles rolled, and he fully dropped his colossal leek, grunting violently.

"Hh! You-"

And then he croaked out the sweet serenade of vomit as Odette's explosion assaulted his back. He flew forward in a parade of desperate stumbles, right into the attacking Gabite, who latched onto his fat with a sharp tooth.

The Gabite used Bite!

With a roar and an unscratchable itch on his burning back, Jude gripped the dragon's torso and fully suplexed the slightly larger Pokemon!

Jude used Vital Throw!

"FUCK OFF!" Now the Gabite was right in front of Nora, Odette, and Diamond, with Jude on the ground next to it.

"Bruh. Teach me to do that." Jude's grand ass-spanking maneuver, illegal in most states, captivated Nora with its sheer fuck off-itude. Not only was the giant double hacky sack duck a connoisseur of the sacred arts of tossing a bitch's salad, he was also a brutal professional, a man to be revered. And lord, did the Sprigatito revere him in that moment, watching him slam the Gabite into the ground with maximum disrespect.

Of course, now was the time to act, with the foe properly bamboozled! Nora wiggled her butt a little, priming her pounce… calibrating… calculating… catculating… There! The perfect line of assault!

The small green thing leaped through the air with the grace and poise of a 10 month old kitten performing parkour on the cabinets, which is to say, no grace nor poise to speak of. Right into the Gabite's face she flew, and with a hearty chomp…

Nora used Bite! Right back at'cha, Gabite.

Opposite of Nora’s unconcerned attitude, Odette erupted into a fluster of panicked wailing. “JUDE!” she exclaimed. “Holy SHIT I’m SO SORRY. Oh my GOD. Holy shit!” After Jude finished his naked display of primeval rage against god and everyone, Odette cried out in agony once more. Without Peri to guide her aim or tell her what to do, she really was just a stumbling clown; a pathetic, helpless idiot. Then, in a sudden burst of manic energy, Odette turned on the Gabite. Just moments before, Nora had wound herself up and jumped on the Gabite with all the athletic grace of a foot-and-a-half tall jumping spider. And Odette had seen it.

The Skitty followed suit, bending her chest to the ground and her paws to her chest, tail (awkwardly) poised, and…

Odette used Copycat! Copycat became Nora’s Bite! Sick!

…launched herself at the Gabite’s torso with a hysterical battle cry, sinking her fangs into the soft flesh around its stomach.

Diamond, meanwhile, was finally recovering from her fuck up just a few moments earlier. Brushing herself off and dismissing the friendly fire as a mere occasion that, in fact, she wasn’t even sure happened, Diamond reared her bat back and rushed forth. As the two cats made themselves a visceral addon to the Gabite’s melee side, though, she instead lurched her body down before taking a short hop up - blocking a flailing dragon arm from the side a’fore bouncing herself atop of Nora’s head, using her as a sort of extra leverage.

“Up here, dipshit!” With a fully cocked hammer, her bat fired forth, swinging wide and towards the Gabite’s face! It connected heartily, a clank echoing out as the duck’s italian-esque boost left her tumbling, falling off to the side and landing with much grace to be desired.

"Hey! I didn't say you could jump on me!" squeaked Nora.

What transpired after Jude's full body takedown was a wedding cake's worth of absolute spectacular beat down. From all corners of the globe did these kids arrive to get their kicks into the dragon, enough so that the fool was hardly able to properly retaliate. The bat to the head came as the last straw, and the Gabite's skull snapped to the side.

Gabite Fainted!

Diamond scoffed and twirled her bat back on to her shoulders, refusing to look in Nora’s direction. “Don’t get your pants in a tussle.”

"I don't have pants!"

Jude eventually rolled to the side, flapping his legs blindly as he jolted to the pains of his back. When he made it to his feet, he did it while rummaging through his sash, procuring an Oran Berry. He schlopped it into his mouth and chewed and let whatever demonic vapors soothe his body.

His ire warbled to the three of his group, each doing their own little sports of idiosyncrasy.

"Where is it that you think you are? A park? A stroll around a lake? We're in a dungeon!" He stomped forward and hefted up that Gabite's body, slinging it lopsided over his shoulder. Wiggling his beak, he glanced at Diamond and her bat. "You shouldn't be wielding that so loosely. Tighten up. Stop exerting every swing. And you, Skitty. I am not immune to your bullshit."

“Yeah, yep, uh-huh,” stated the duck, ever so dismissively yet non-combatively. She was a certified expert at backtalk, and had every bit of practice needed to back that up. “Cool.”

Most wouldn't notice, but Jude had a tail. A teeny tiny little clump of duck feathers. And he was wiggling them viciously.

"Humans don't have training in combat. It starts with being aware of your damn basic surroundings." He started walking to the side, deeper in the forest, where he plopped the unconscious Pokemon. "I don't like you people. Jerks from another world who can't take things seriously. I'll show you how to do this if you'll listen, but I'm not going to let you blast me again." He didn't seem offended in the slightest at Diamond's sass. It wasn't like she had the physical smarts to back it up.

As Jude admonished the two of them, Odette practically sank into the ground. "I'm so, so, so, so sorry," she said, the flush of shame and guilt already burning her cheeks. "I-I didn't mean to! I was - I was trying to be helpful, I didn't think–" Her ears drooped.

"I did tell her to blast," put in Nora cheerfully. "And she sure blasted. So it was, like, half my fault. And half your fault, too, for busting out those epic-looking moves and getting everyone all hyped up. Odette just wanted to be as swag as you; it's not her fault." She hurriedly licked some dust off her fur. "Hey, if you're so much better than everyone else, Jude-itude, why don't you teach us? I can bite really good, but I don't know how to, like, slam people. Sometimes I can spit seeds out fast, but whatever the frick you just did was way swagger. More swag. Swaggiest."

In the midst of her gaslight gatekeep girlbossing, Nora stretched, long and languid, butt up in the air and paws outstretched. She took her time with it, splaying out her claws and yawning massively.

"You can't do what I did. You aren't big enough, and it's not to your strengths." Jude prodded at his beak like a nose with a feathered hand, squinting harder than a Xatu stalking the sun. Nora's whole thing was a can of beans, and since the Makufetch'd wasn't hungry, he turned to Odette.

"I know. It doesn't make it hurt less, and it doesn't make it any less stupid. So you." Somehow, he squinted harder. "We'll work on it, on you not panicking."

Odette nodded vigorously at this, eager to make amends and prove that she was, in fact, not a failure.

"And I do not know how to teach grass types their moves, but there’s merit in looking at what I did. Think about how you can use a Pokemon's weight against them." He made his way back to the path again, hauling up his leek. "We should keep moving."

It was only after the now-leaderlike Jude started pressing the party forth that Diamond willingly decided to hang back, instead maneuvering herself by the Skitty before giving her a quick, albeit apparently discrete, prod in the rib with the foot. “… you. Hey, you…” The Psyduck spoke low, her eyes only rarely looking in Odette’s direction. “Why do you let the big guy walk all over you like that? You’re kinduva. Pussy. …No pun intended.”

"What?" Odette croaked, jolted by the duck's light jab to her side. The insult stung, but she didn't disagree. "I fucked up, Diamond. Big time. I just tossed that Blast thingy like it was a tennis ball or something." She bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes tracking the movement of her paws as she walked. "What if Jude didn't have a way to recover, or any of that magic berry stuff? What if none of us did? You know? He could have died." Her eyes went round at the thought, and she looked back at Diamond.

"Don't you feel bad for hitting him, too?" Hurriedly, she added, "not trying to judge you or anything, but…"

“Ugh. Dude, he’s fine. Look.” Diamond gestured her arm out towards the towering, leek-wielding bastion of a Pokémon. As far as she was concerned, he was just fine. “But dude. You just let him talk to you. Like that. You don’t wanna be a pissbaby, right? That’s the thing with guys like that. Let them say what they want, and they think they can do anything to you.”

Odette stared at Jude’s back. It was still somewhat blemished, marked by the explosion. “You’re… kind of avoiding the question,” she said to Diamond.

The pines here were caught between the jagged limestone walls of the canyon, towering like silent red sentinels over the trees, their subordinates. As the group descended farther into the trees, the ground became more pebbly and rugged. More shrubs began to appear, too, faded summer greens born from a wash of pale brown and rust-red earth.

“Besides,” she continued. “What would I even say? ‘Uh, shut up, Jude - my aim wasn’t bad, you were in the way?’’” She half-imitated Diamond’s more monotone, nonchalant inflection. “That would, like, suck!”

As the two engaged in their hushed whispers, Nora grew bored of trying to eavesdrop and was living it up in the landscape, leaping from rock to rust-red rock, trying to run up the walls, and sharpening her claws on the pine or spruce or what fucking ever trees looming above them. The scent of stone baking in the sun was rich and earthy, and here and there tiny trickles of water dripped down the canyon, providing sustenance for ferns and columbines clinging to the rock. Nora had successfully bitten off a low-growing rock fern and was chewing it contentedly as she observed the traces of what looked to be a draconic footprint in the dust. She didn’t feel the need to point it out or anything, though. NBD.

"What do you see?" Jude called Nora after catching sight of her rampant schmovements. His one fully opened eye, as dictated by the law of the Squinty Fucks Coalition formed on the continent, followed the cat loosely why his other watched the road ahead. Once again, movement caught his eye, and he slowed, purposefully relying on the weed cat to take the initiative in scouting.

There was something lurking in the dark of the ferns and rust, goopy and friend shaped. Morbidly so, as though it had been created to market towards children. It made Jude nauseous.

As combat began to rear its ugly head once again, Diamond scoffed at Odette’s assertion and stepped forth - closer towards Jude and whatever mysterious bush-brother awaited. “Whatever, dude. I’m just saying, you’re being a real wuss right now. Like, it sucks you gotta let that green bitch talk for you like that.” Her bat twirled off her shoulders and into her hand. “Not that I care. Do whatever. But you kinda suck.”

“Oh,” said Odette, meekly. Instantly regretting everything she had ever said in her entire life, she fell back for a moment to fight back the hot sting of humiliation.

"Hey!" said Nora. "I'm not a bitch, you're a bitch! Beeeeeyotch!"

As the lurking creature repositioned itself just a bit to the side, Diamond trudged towards the noise, making herself a bit more conscious of not getting another nasty cut on the face. Holding her bat towards the rustling bush, she circled around the ever-present Jude. “You gonna go check it out, or what?”

"No. That's Nora's job," Jude said.

Diamond looked up to the ever-forwards Nora. She seemed to be doing her own thing, as far as Diamond was concerned, and there was something distinctly authoritarian to asking Nora to do anything related to scouting - as if she were applying a job to someone. “Guh.” She prodded Jude with the tip of her bat. “You do it.”

"Already have. It's another dragon, a Goodra." Jude shifted a bit in place. "It's a learning opportunity. You guys need those."

“You’re not some kinda teacher, you know,” she asserted vindictively. “It’s kinda cringe. Just sayin’.”

Jude didn't give the Psyduck a long look, as he was far too focused on the figure in the woods. The vibe was there, though, like a swarm of mosquitoes on a path, just daring a walker to enter their territory.

"Nut up or shut up, Diamond," Jude eventually said, referring to an old Seedot homage.

Suddenly, Odette appeared at Jude’s side. “I want to learn,” she said stoically. “Whatever it is, I want to learn it.” Fueled by the several counts of embarrassment that had occurred in the past five or so minutes, she was ready to learn how to be competent at something, at least, and to maybe possibly earn Jude’s approval.

Odette's eagerness earned her a nod from the gargantuan duck.

"I don't know if it's because of my blood or that I'm a fighting type, but I do a lot of watching." He gestured to the dragon type, who was now staring back, a little to the side, barely illuminated by the descending sun amidst the trees. "You notice things when you watch carefully. See how it's not approaching us? And how it's not leaving, either? Which means it's not disinterested. It's probably wary, waiting for us to advance, where it'll attack because we got too close. It's unavoidable, because we have someone to save ahead.

"So, look around, Odette. What can we do about our foe ahead of us?"

Predictably, Nora shoved herself in where she didn't belong. "We blast it before it sees us!" she said. "Get a surprise attack off. Microwave its vibes."

“It sees us already, Nora,” Jude said.

"Oh. Well, we blast it anyway."

The Skitty angled her head, pondering the Goodra. “Well…” she began hesitantly. “It’s big. Real big. So, even if you wanted to suplex it, you can’t. Uh, unless you can? I’m not sure.”

Flop, went her tail. She strained herself, summoning all her available brain cells to accomplish this task. She examined the landscape first.

Between the mighty firs and pines, the ground sloped and rolled, forming shallow divots of rocky joy. There were some big ass shrubs and little ones, haphazardly clumped around. But nothing else stood out to the cat.

“I’m out of blasting stuff. Maybe we could pick up a big rock and throw it?” she suggested halfheartedly.

“A good idea. Goodra are infamous for being slimy, which means we shouldn’t make contact with it. What do you all have for Special Attacks?”

“Special what now?” Said Odette, befuddled.

"Attacks in special ed?" Nora cocked her head to the side.

"An attack that doesn’t make contact. I have Whirlwind.” Jude squinted and jostled his leek, doing his own bit of calculation.

“Pff,” retorted Diamond, rolling her eyes. “That’s not the kinda special attack I heard about.”

Odette racked her brain. There wasn’t anything Special about most of her Attacks, as far as she could tell, but she remembered screaming so loud at a Pokemon in Mount Unguent that it regained sanity long enough to curse her out. Peri had called that one “Disarming Voice”, and she hadn’t made contact at the time.

“I think I’ve got one,” she said. “Disarming Voice. I scream really loud and other Pokemon really, really hate it.”

"Sounds like a special move to me," said Jude. "If you're the only one with a move like that, you'll be key to taking it down. Pay attention to how it moves when fighting starts. I'll have your back so don't panic."

Jude glanced to the rest of the group. Like a weird owl who couldn't quite rotate his fat neck all the way around.

"Are we ready?"

Diamond grumbled, but if a readied bat was a sign of preparation, she was as ready as she was ever going to be.

“Oh god no,” mumbled Odette, before realizing that was probably not the answer Jude was looking for. “I mean - yes! God yes is what I meant to say. Aha.”

"Wait, stuff that doesn't make contact?" put in Nora. "I can shoot leaves at people. And seeds, and they explode, like, kablam, and shoot seedy bits everywhere. I don't know if you meant, like, long distance stuff, or stuff that doesn't touch the enemy at all, but I've got that, at least. I don't know where the leaves or the seeds come from, by the way. They kind of just… unearth themselves from the ground? Is that special?"

Holding his horses, a Ponyta homage, Jude wiggled his explosively impressive unibrow at Nora, scritching at his chin with his feathery appendages. The whole thing was coming together like beef and gravy, and, frankly, it almost reminded him of the days when he ran with his crew. With a swing of his leek, he prepared himself.

“It’s special enough. We should all be good to attack, and we should either use our weapons or Special Attacks, so that we don’t compromise ourselves with its goop. I’m going to engage first and blow it towards you guys. Keep scattered if it attacks, and be mindful of your surroundings.”

He hustled out to the woods, the Goodra now eyeing him in what could be assumed was disdain, leaving his companions to chitter.

Nora watched in admiration of the big man's ability to know literally everything about a Pokemon just by looking at it. While normally she would bristle at the audacity of anyone telling her what to do, she made exceptions for learning situations, and she wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to expand her IQ.

Diamond, unfortunately, was only a tenth of a percent as virtuous, especially when it came to matters of being taught or following orders. “Let’s just get this over with.” She unreadied her bat and poked the head into the ground at her side, leaning against it like a little fence. “Actually, I’m kinda curious. Seeds? Never heard of a special attack like that before. Mine uses cards.”

“I’ll show you!” said Nora. “In a bit, though. When we attack.”

Odette clambered up onto a stout rock and lay low, watching intently, waiting to make her move. Even before Jude had fully reached the Goodra, her heart began to race. Her paw pads were slick with moisture, leaving small, damp footprints in the dust of the rock.

The first thing that the Goodra did upon Jude's arrival was blitz to the side, brushing up against trees and rock in the process. A few more things immediately became clearer, such as the deer-horns poking from the dragon type's head and the hardened claws and toes ripping into the dirt and stone. Before Jude could take these new developments in, the Pokemon was upon him, shoving its filthy jutting horns into his foppy body like a knife to a sack of flour.

Goodra used Body Slam!

"Khh!" He held his ground the best he could, but with the Goodra being twice his size, it didn't take him long to barrel backwards. As he went, he reached up, high-fiving through the goop of the dragon to one of its horns. There he stomped, as hard as he could, and saw to directing the Pokemon's momentum to the side, hauling and pulling.

For a moment he froze, overcome by Paralysis. With the Goodra still shoved into his form, he faced his companions - and the dragon type's butt was right on display!

As soon as the dragon's menacing horns came into view, a guttural scream clawed its way out of Odette's throat. It wasn't like she was trying to use a move, either; it ws pure instinct. But as she screamed, a familiar sensation lurched in the core of her being. Her eyes squeezed shut as she focused on that feeling, grabbed hold, and, as if it was a lever, pulled. Hard.

With a sudden surge of energy, she wrenched the psychic power within her and unleashed it, transforming her voice into a powerful, distorted soundwave aimed straight at the Goodra's vulnerable backside.

Odette used Disarming Voice!

"GEEEEEET DUNKED ON!" roared Nora as she followed up Odette's scream with a schmaneuver of her own. Digging her paws into the chalky red canyon soil, she lashed her tail back and forth as an assortment of seeds, bulbs, and plant bits broke free from the ground, spilling dust. She squinted hard, keeping her focus on manipulating her botanical ninja knives, and let them fly at the Goodra's ass, with a vengeance. The seeds exploded on contact, splattering the already gooey dragon with similarly gooey pith.

Nora used Seed Bomb!

"Yeah! See, guys? That's how it's done!" she proclaimed proudly.

Diamond, being the icon of apathy she was, huffed and leaned harder into her bat. “...That’s your special move?” She huffed, disappointment leaving her lungs. “That looks like a normal move to me.”

"Nuh uh! It's totally awesome! Now he's all slimy." Nora paused. "Well, uh, slimier than before?"

“Meh.” Diamond’s enthusiasm picked up for once, her bat now willingly kicked up to her side. “That’s not special. You wanna see a real special move?”

"I'd like to see you do something as cool as blow a guy up with seeds," Nora audibly sulked.

For just a moment, Diamond smirked. “Watch this.”

Taking her bat in two hands, she darted up to the Goodra, spinning her bat into position and getting up close! Diamond was going for broke! Suddenly, her swings were wild and wide, trails of watery mist - perhaps reminiscent of a Water Pulse - and striking far faster than she'd displayed before!

9! 2! Jack!

She struck wide, hitting the far side of the Goodra's rump - the SMACK radiating out as her bat followed through! *Critical hit!* As the Goodra turned, she made a returning swing - which sadly overshot and missed; once again, though, her bat came flying around again, a splash of water blasting off as the bat smacked down upon the gooey mass again! *Critical hit!*

In a good position, Diamond reared back, hoisting her bat down and backwards before dragging along a fanning wave of water behind her - smacking right up between the legs! *A seriously critical hit!* "Blackjack!

"..." She panted and stepped back. As soon as the adrenaline wore off, she'd be tuckered-the-fuck-out, for sure.

Nora scoffed at Diamond's display. As impressive as it was, she couldn't stand her skills (such as they were) being insulted in such a manner. With every wild bat swing came an equally wild eye roll, and even a covert stuck out tongue when the duck's back was turned.

The barrage of slaps bashed into the Goodra with such ferocity that the creature's shifting plates spawned earthquakes as far up as its forehead! It roared something fiercely goopy and wet, batting its tail at Diamond in an attempt to knock her back - after the damage was done.

Though her bat certainly was Gooped Up from the Goodra's ability, her mark had been made.

On its last legs, the dragon attempted to pull back and charge the small duck, only for Jude to push past his paralysis, grab it by the horns again, and summon forth a turf splitting wind. Momentum was forged as he threw the huge dragon into a nearby tree!

Jude used Whirlwind!

"Finish it!" he hollered, preparing for his own attack.

Odette leapt from her rock, spurred by the team's collective ferocity, and let out a victory screech.

Odette used Disarming Voice!

Her moment of glory was short-lived as her paws went flying out from under her, sending her face-first into the ground. Nonetheless, her attack had succeeded in lambasting the gelatin ghoul yet again!

Jude's category 10 Fuck Off Tornado and Odette's Vocaloid performance provided the perfect opportunity for Nora to add her power to the fray once more and prove to everyone once and for all that she was really cool, and she did so with gusto. Razor sharp leaves whipped up around her, glittering and colorful like stained glass windows, and in a gale they flew at the Goodra and impacted its goopy hide.

Nora used Magical Leaf!

In the aftermath of her leaf-splosion, she shook dust off her fur. "Swag."

Leaf and shrill intermingled like an opera of the forest as the Goodra found itself fucked sixteen ways from Sunday. It roared, both attempting to stand up and pass out, and it wasn’t until Jude hustled forward, pushing past his paralysis, and positioned his hand against the goop’s chest. With a breath, his feathers rustled, and he focused, pushing out with splayed out fingers.

Jude used Force Palm!

“Huah!”

Fat rippled, and the dragon finally flopped to the ground. Mimicking it, Jude stumbled back, quickly overlooking his companions. For once, both of his eyes were past squinting, and were just a little warmer than before.

“Hm! Good going, you all.” He even regarded Diamond’s wild strikes, straight out of Elden Ring.

"Yeah! I did great!" exclaimed Nora. "Uh, we. I mean we. Did great."

“Hm.” Diamond, meanwhile, was doing her darndest to look unperturbed by the fight, the flat tone of voice compromised by the heaving and ho’ing of her chest as she struggled to keep her breath steady. “Whatever. You did okay.” She was struggling to not keel over her bat, which had become the geriatric support for her failing cardio. “Let’s just yet this over with.”

"Wow. You sound like you're dying," observed Nora.

“Every day, I’m dying,” she retorted lightly to Nora. “Huff…”

Odette, for her part, was shaking so hard she almost fell over again. She was staring at the fallen Goodra with wide eyes.

"Woah,” she breathed. She turned to take in the scene around her; Diamond, looking a tinge sickly, Nora’s self-satisfed grin.

A wild thought crossed her mind, and she looked back at the defeated dragon with a hint of awe. "Can we… can we do that again?"

“You did well, all of you.” Also amidst the woes of catching his breath, Jude finished looking over the group. The paralysis seemed to fade as he got used to it, which wasn’t at all how it worked, but Jude was simply both fat and built differently. “There’ll be more as we go. We’re getting pretty deep into the dungeon now. Do we need a breather?”

"Nah. I'm ready to beat some ass," said Nora. "Wait. Wait! No! I meant butts! I'm gonna beat some butts!"

“She said ass,” remarked Diamond lightly. “She’s a big fan.”

“Fan of WHAT?”

"You know you can say ass, right?" said Odette, her voice tinged with amusement. "You can even say shit, if you wanted. Or fuck. Or like…" She hesitated, as if there was a word so vulgar that even a free roaming twelve-year-old shouldn't say. She settled on "Shit-for-brains! That's always a classic."

She seemed… energized. Excited, even, as adrenaline coursed like venom through her veins. She awaited Jude's direction, eager to channel that energy into action, although she was still clearly shaking.

Ah yes. Children. While a joy to be around, to teach, to help understand, they were also so baffling stupid, to Jude, that he could hardly believe that he had once been one. Facing the tide of profanity, he chose to nod and turn to the side, waddling forward.

"You can say what you want, if you care for the intent of what you're saying." That sounded profane enough, and vague enough that he wouldn't elaborate even if asked.

“Meh,” Diamond retorted, as if she found an opportunity to interject something with an ever-deliberate defiance. “You don’t have to care. You guys try way too hard. You ought to take it easy; these guys are no problem.” By now, her breath was starting to compose.

Continuing through the woods without much trouble, a cave soon came into view, one made of red dust rocks. For whatever reason, Jude continued for it, his Leek once again in his grip.

Nora had taken the permission and run with it, delightedly whispering "ass" over and over under her breath as they walked. The cave presented a new opportunity for her to use the unforbidden word, and she loudly exclaimed, "that's a big-ass cave!" and followed Jude and his Leek without hesitation. The existence of a cave naturally made it an imperative to explore its depths as soon as they laid eyes upon it.

Somehow, some way, this chanting was infectious. Before long, Diamond too was muttering ‘ass’ in rhythm with Nora. “Ass,” she remarked to the cave. “Ass?” she inquired to Nora.

"Ass!" said Nora. Then a long, thoughtful pause. "Bitch!"

“Ass…? …Fuck. Ass. …Shit.” Diamond’s words were less thoughtful. Perhaps even hurtful. But, still, with many meanings. “Pissshit.”

“Ass-HOLE!” Odette whooped, pleased as her voice reverberated and bounced along the cave’s interior.

Odette's declaration of the posterior chasm, as well as Nora's and Diamond's own spittle, bounced through the cave. Jude grew more frustrated by the moment at the sheer lack of care for the situation, up until he had a faucet to release his rage.

He found that, once the rock shaking battle-roar reverberated through the cavern, he didn't want to fight. Not particularly. A pleasant jingling followed that screech, as well as stomping feet, so that was nice, at least.

"Aaaaa! AAA! AAAAaaaAaa!" another voice, maybe belonging to the first, sang in fear. Jude stood at the ready - if the ready involved absolutely fucking fleeing at a moments notice.

A time later, a Dreepy made its way down the hall towards the four. Something decently large was chasing it.

Immediately, Odette's ear flattened tightly against her skull as she came to a halt. As the Dreepy flew towards the team like a guided missile, she let out a panicked scream that merged with the Dreepy’s own terrified wailing.

Like a dark veil had been lifted, a dragon, the size of a god-damn monster truck, came barreling out of the darkness, in hot pursuit of the Dreepy. Saliva dripped from the thing’s gaping maw. Every one of its footsteps shook the cavern, a noise that was accompanied by the clack-clack-clack of its jingling scales, echoing on and on, as if there were not just one dragon, but thousands of them.

Within a few yards of the Dreepy, the dragon reached out with its massive claw, generating a powerful draft that sent them tumbling into free-fall mode.

Still screaming, the Dreepy crashed a ways behind Diamond, dredging up clouds of dust and dirt as they hit the ground. In utter fear, they turned and rapidly blinked their yellow eyes: “PLEASE, HELP ME!”

“Oh, dude, woah woah woah-“ Diamond was far too lethargic to duck (heh) under the dragon as it whizzed past her face, but after a heel turn, she faced down the panicked kid as she gripped her bat. “Dude - calm down.” She looked back over her shoulder-

“K-k-kuh-“ Diamond’s slap to the face gracefully halted the Dreepy's stuttering. “KOMMOMO!!!”

The dragon’s plates glimmered as it stepped forth, the dragon’s true nature revealed as it made its way into the light. Its left half was nigh-pink-and-purple, and slightly iridescent - a chimera of its species; and, in its left claw, a ghostly black silhouette’s eyes popped red: the upper half of a gravely injured Cursola, bound to the Kommo-o’s hand. Whether it was somehow embedded into the flesh, or held with a fierce grip, it was partially phased into the dragon’s palm.

“Cchyyyyyaaaahhhh…” The Cursola’s face grew lucid for a moment. Hints of a Power Gem - a beam of light leaving its body and scathing the ceiling - peeked through, although the next moment it looked nearly ready to pass out.

Nora approached this the way she approached everything: head first, full throttle, no preparation or forethought. No time for such mundane matters when there were asses (or, dare I say, assholes) to be kicked and careers to be ended, even if the aforementioned asses belonged to an absolute unit of a dragon with naught but bloodlust in its raging eyes. The bigger it was, the easier it was to hit, and that was that.

"Woo-hoo! Big boy!" she yelled, her eyes agleam as she readied her Magical Leaves of the non-Devil's Lettuce variety once more. "Yayuh, you're going doooooown!"

With an audible shimmer (somehow), those rainbow leaves went flying, getting into the Kommo-o's personal space and breaking apart upon collision with its metallic skin. They wooshed barely past the Cursola, but perhaps even the wind from their passing would be enough to make him faint, as close to Oblivion as he was.

Nora used Magical Leaf!

"Get 'im!"

The foliage blessed by pixie dust smacked into the Kommo-o like Peter Pan through a window, and some of it did indeed graze the Cursola, who nearly invented a new shade of nausea. This was mostly thanks to how the dragon raised its hand and blocked with the poor ghost type.

Furthering the dead Pokémon's torment, the dragon type slapped its passenger arm against its chest, clanging its scales in a cacophony of doom, sending a wicked shred towards the four-now-five!

The Kommo-o used Clanging Scales!

Furthermore, it raised its arm and aimed at the group-

Only for Jude to charge forward and slap the Cursola!

Jude's Scrappy Activated!

Jude used Force Palm!

The Kommo-o’s deafening clangs reverberated through the air, causing Odette to drop to the ground in a crouch, her ears ringing with the force of the sound. "Oh god - oh fuck-"

As Jude took the forefront, the Skitty scooted backward as fast as physically possible. Gone was the adrenaline and cheer from a job well done; this was a foe far bigger than she had ever anticipated. Her sturdy pink tail provided an ample blockade for the petrified Dreepy, who sheltered behind her.

Still, Jude's advice was fresh in her mind… carefully, tremblingly, she looked for an opening.

Nora hissed as the soundwaves hit, leaving her stunned while the changor rung in her ears in the aftermath. Then the clanging faded to a high-pitched eeeeeeeeeee, which was… marginally better, but still uncomfortable. As painful as that was, she was glad Kell wasn't here; his overly sensitive ass would have been obliterated by a noise that loud.

The shockwaves faded, but Nora was too frazzled to make a move just yet, and followed Odette's example of observing, calculating. Oh, that Cursola was dead dead.

As the others’ attacks were ramping up and openings were being made, Diamond was… struggling to find her place, as un-adaptable as she was. She was strafing left and right, trying her darndest to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was throwing out. Eventually, she stopped her evasive maneuvers, instead planting the head of her bat in the ground and lurching over it.

“This fight’s kinda hard.” She looked dreary for a moment, then opened her beak wide. Yawn…

Diamond used Yawn!

For a moment, a sort of dreariness appeared under the Kommo-o’s eyes - the effectiveness of sleep while being directly attacked probably wasn’t optimal, but it was what Diamond could pull out at the moment.

This attack seemed to particularly agitate the Cursola, however. Vibrating and seeming to tug the Kommo-o’s arm around, it lurched itself towards the ground and manipulated its shadow to latch out towards Diamond, taking some of her energy!

The Cursola used Strength Sap!

It was fighting desperately to keep itself conscious, and sapping Diamond’s attack for its own health seemed to be what it deemed best…

Fed up with the dead slab of coral’s influence, Jude honed in again, being as close and personal as he was. With a yoink, he pulled the ghost type and the Dragon’s arm both to the side, unbinding the pokemon from the hand with one devastating throw of his shoulder.

Jude used Vital Throw!

Flailing and smashing into the ground, the Cursola wheezed like a compressed rubber ball, no longer attached to the dragon type. It didn’t last long after, and sort of drifted off.

The Cursola Fainted!

Fiercely determined to get revenge for its friend, the Kommo-o shoved past Jude by smacking him to the side. Despite his bulwark stature, some things were just too unstoppable, and he floundered to the side, leaving the dragon type more than free to approach Diamond and rain down a smoldering claw!

Kommo-o used Dragon Claw!

"Hit him back, Diamond! Make him your bitch!" cheered Nora from the sidelines, finally getting her wind back.

Diamond would never admit such a thing, but hearing that cheering made her feel a little tingly inside - like, something warm and strange.

“F-fuck.” As the dragon’s claw swung from the side, she tilted the bat off at an angle - it didn’t dampen the force, but at least it was a flat bat and not sharpened claws driving into her.

She tumbled back from the force and only miraculously managed to keep her footing, and, with a quick dart forwards at an angle, was able to swing upwards at the Kommo-o’s flank. Diamond took a wide swing at its thigh!

“Bitch!” Not her coolest line yet, but she was smiling.

"There!" Odette cried out to Nora, her eyes darting to the distracted Kommo-o as it focused on Diamond. "I'm - I’m going to try to attack it from behind. Can you help me?" She spoke quickly, fierce determination burning within her despite the fear that was written all over her face.

Diamond squinted, narrowing her eyes before standing straight up - looking unprepared. “Okay.

“…”

Diamond’s Yawn kicked in! The Kommo-o, after a few moments of lurching around and approaching for another attack, fluttered its eyes - lurching in place as it started to drift off mid-combat. Diamond looked awfully smug…

"It's sleepy, Odette! Let's tag team it!" Eager and prepared, Nora leaped over to the other cat's side. She winced when she landed, the aftershock of that horrible noise still hurting her ears.

With a decisive nod, Odette made her move. “Let’s do this!” Although the beast was certainly sleepy, the pink cat stayed true to her plan, jumping for the Kommo-o’s less-armored backside.

Odette used Assist!

Drawing on Nora’s strength, Odette summoned forth a barrage of pink, razor sharp leaves, swirling into a tornado of doom towards the Kommo-o.

Odette used Magical Leaf!

As the attack hit its mark, she landed on the dragon’s back, raking her claws into its flesh. “Asshole!” she yowled, dead serious this time.

"Hey, you can't copy me! No fair!" yelled Nora, seconds before pouncing on the Kommo-o next to Odette. Rather than do anything fancy this time, she simply chomped, and chomped hard, getting a mouthful of hard, metallic scales. Yech, did this thing never bathe?

Nora used Bite!

“If anything, Nora-” Odette gasped out between breaths, “I’m admiring you! Not copying!” With her claws still firmly embedded in the Kommo-o’s hide, she hung on for dear life.

Diamond took the opportunity to exclaim, “Get a room, you two!”

“No, you!” retorted Nora.

Utterly bamboozled by the gang of children’s coordinated attack, there was absolutely nothing the Kommo-o could do to stave off the damage. Coupled with lower defense thanks to his rustled scales, the combined clobbering accumulated to a full feast of ass-kicking. Still, the beast stood, a bonafide king of the roost, and furthermore shook off its drowsy state. Slamming its jaws together like a zombie freshly resurrected, he stomped dust, and…

Kommo-o used Clanging Scales!

Directly affecting the two pokemon on its back, the abhorred screeching serenade of bone against chitinous steel roared. If that wasn’t enough, immediately after it wildly swung to the side, looking to dislodge the Pokemon on its back. Its new target, then, was Nora.

Before it could move, Jude was back at it, in much worse shape than before. The culmination of everything, even dating back to the blast seed, had taken its toll. He moved on adrenaline and approached the dragon while the others pummeled - and when the Kommo-o made to move, he juxtaposed himself between the dragon and the cat, slamming a fist into the larger Pokemon’s side.

Jude used Rock Smash!

Even with this, the Kommo-o lunged for Nora, claw outstretched.

Diamond didn’t like to admit it, but she was actually growing fond of the others here - well, except that other duck - Juke, was it? - and felt a bit of weight in her heart seeing the dragon lunge forth. Feeling particularly inspired, she darted forth with her bat, flipping it up to interpose between the claw and Nora. It was met with a clang, the duck sliding back and eventually standing but a few inches to the side of the cat. “Don’t make me look lame… go get ‘em.”

The Big Jude taking charge and going head to head with the Kommo-o had put Nora off her guard; so competent and collected was that massive duck and his massive leek that it had seemed the battle was already won, until the dragon decided to make the middle schooler its target. Oh, she saw that swipe coming, all right. She saw it in slow motion, whooshing through the air at a Shelmet's pace, yet still as unavoidable as prophecy. But then there was Diamond standing before her, catching that claw on her baseball bat in the most anime fashion imaginable, and the Sprigatito's little green butt was saved. Now she had no choice to admit she'd been wrong and the duck's special move was impressive as hell, and that was annoying, but it'd have been even more annoying if she died, and in front of people, no less.

And so she would not let Jude and Diamond's valiant attacks be wasted. Nay, not even that copycat Odette, even if she claimed it was admiration. (Pfah! Was cheating off an exam admiration?) With a firm, determined nod, she bared her teeth, dug into the dirt with her claws, and sent a barrage of leaves flying at the great beast.

Nora used Magical Leaf!

"EAT A BUTT!"

Odette, flung from the dragon's back, hit the ground with a hiss. Still, the Kommo-o was not downed, and Big Jude was in trouble.

With her ears still ringing, she jumped to his side. "Jude!" she said, with uncanny bravery. "I've got your back." She inhaled deeply and unleashed an uproarious screech.

Odette used Disarming Voice!

After being blocked by Diamond and salad tossed by Nora, the Kommo-o belched out a shuddering screech as it wobbled in place. It was Odette's attack that finally fell the beast, bits of its scales splitting and chinking to the ground.

The Kommo-o fainted!

In an effort to keep the giant Pokemon from falling onto Diamond and Nora, Jude firmly stepped in and held its corpse, heaving, before tossing it to the side. His breath of relief was very relieving, all things said and done.

"You saved me!" the Dreepy, who may or may not have been in awe, chirped, rather annoyingly rushing right into the midst of the group.

"Yeah, Odette! You fucked him up!" Nora exclaimed, ever the cheerleader of the group. She hardly paid attention to the Dreepy, too caught up in the excitement of victory.

Diamond, also ignoring the Dreepy, crossed her arms and flipped her bat back onto her shoulders. “Easy peasy.”

Wheezing somewhat, Odette turned grateful eyes upon Nora. "Yeah… yeah. Holy… holy fuck. I did it. I did it!" She cackled in exuberation, electrified by equal parts adrenaline and relief. "But you were amazing." She looked to Diamond and Jude, too. "We kicked ASS!"

"KICKED ASSSSSSS!" screamed Nora.

“ASS!” added Diamond.

Wheezing like an extinguished star, Jude gave Odette a thumb-feather up.

Approaching the Dreepy, Odette bowed her head. "You're the missing Dreepy, right? We're here to rescue you!" She practically beamed through the sweat slicking through her fur.

“Oh, okay!” With quivering eyes, the tiny Pokemon bobbed about the air. About a thousand and one emotions seemed to accompany their hyper pandemonium, and it was surely a blessing that the group had actually reached the Pokemon. “How do you do that, exactly?”

“We can use one of these,” Jude said, pulling an orb out of his sash. “When you’re ready.”

"That looks like the Demon Core," remarked Nora, looking at it askance. "You sure that's safe?"

"It will take us to the start of this dungeon, with the Dreepy in tow. It is our quickest way out," clarified Jude.

"Oh. Then let's ride."