the weight of you

It’s not often the case that a trip to The Metaverse would leave the Phantom Thieves weary enough for a group silence, but today had just been one of those days. 

Noah himself ached enough he could not tell where it ended and he began, body sore to a degree where the only information able to be gleaned from it sounded less coherent and more like a long, extended groan. It had been more than enough to thieve his words from him, making the usually chatty (at least to his trusted allies) Noah wearied into temporary muteness. 

At the very least, if nothing else, traipsing through endless dungeons, fighting shadows and shadowselves made for a good workout. Not to mention the strangely bountiful economical benefits—both from all the loot that dropped, and from rendering a gym membership redundant. 

Even so, Noah would definitely need the next days or so to recuperate—just like everyone else. Usually, Panther, Queen and Mona would be the ones acting as medics, but they’d run out of inner energy to effectively do so after a Palace outing that had lasted too long and been filled with way too many enemies. Such is the life of being a masked hero. 

And, like all their other nights of being masked heroes, it would end with everyone going about their separate ways. This time, it’s with a half-hearted series of farewells no one could blame each other for. 

Everyone, of course, except for Noah and Yusuke. 

This had been a recent development—they’d become roommates after the events with Madarame occurred and concluded, and while his friends teased him about his new state of domestic bliss (he’d only grumbled at them to shut it, but that blush was fooling no one), Noah couldn’t deny how much more he preferred his new accommodation. 

The easier commute was one thing, but there’s a certain joy only to be found in a harmonious living situation. After all, home is said to be found in people, not places, but if that were truly the case, then without saying anything too incriminatingly cheesy, Noah truly lucked out enough he almost worried about cashing in on his good fortune for the next several years or so, but that was a silly thought. (And even if it wasn’t—still worth it.)

With one final wave at Akira and the house-petified Morgana, who had been the last two to leave, Noah turns to Yusuke with a grimace. ‘I probably shouldn’t have done that,’ says Noah, and it’s evident by the way his body had staged a protest in a painful twinge at the movement that it was in agreement. 

Yusuke had already been looking at him—something he’d been doing a lot more recently. Which is a stupid statement—they were close friends and roommates, of course he would be looking at Noah, why would that be out of the ordinary, why would anything be out of the ordinary, I’m not overanalysing anything, you are—but a major reason why they got along so well was due to their mutual eye for details in the world around them, and Noah had recently noticed… a pressure. 

Or perhaps it would be more accurate to call it a weight. 

Yusuke’s gaze; storm grey and with unmatched intensity should you have the privilege of having its focus on you, felt… heavy, somehow, pressing into Noah more than it usually did, as if to say I am here. I exist. It was enough to make one squirm, because Yusuke did not do anything that interested him by halves—even though that didn’t necessarily make the squirm-worthy quality of it a negative. 

‘Yes, well, you were ever the reckless and dashing hero today.’ With a gentle nudge, Yusuke slid his arm underneath Noah’s, allowing him to lean onto him as they made their way back. Their warmth mingled into a comfort that was both seamless and familiar, and one Noah often found himself missing when it was not present. ‘And dashing heroes so often deal with the consequences of their reckless actions.’

‘I thought you said once that you liked dashing heroes?’ 

He laughs. The sound is a rich one, and easily pulls a smile from Noah’s own lips. ‘No, not quite. I said that the epic struggle of a hero battling his demons is a beautiful one, and one I quite like experiencing the journey of.’ 

‘Wasn’t I in an epic struggle battling some demons in The Metaverse?’

It’s always like this, their back-and-forths. The two of them could go on forever if given the time and the lack of mortality to. For the both of them, it meant a lot—Yusuke didn’t believe in putting his time and effort in things that did not truly engage him, and Noah was not one for extending pretences for the sake of platitude or flattery. The fact that the both of them would choose to stay spoke volumes. 

‘Literary preferences does not necessarily translate to the actuality, my friend, but we both know you knew this. I would much prefer you unscathed, though I suppose that would also erase my opportunity to tend to you.’ 

There it is again. That weight. In word and in tone; buried in safe labels spoken most warmly but unearthed once again in privileges special enough only to be given to one. Noah wants to say something—about how Yusuke didn’t need an excuse, about everything else that had been left unsaid, but it sits on the tip of his tongue. How sweet the source of suffering; resting on a cliff’s edge so closely, so agonisingly—that it would take the gentlest push to tip it. 

But he can’t. Noah can’t muster up the vulnerability it would take even if it would be so, so easy—

—except it’s not. It’s not, it never has been, and Noah wonders if it ever will be. 

So instead, he says, ‘ugh. I’m hungry.’

Another chuckle. ‘Well, it is fortunately early enough in the evening that our customary delivery place is still open. If you allow me to look after you first, we can give them a call afterwards—perhaps they will do us the kindness of sneaking in some extra side dishes once again.’

‘You know what? That sounds like the best possible thing that could happen right now.’ 

‘I’m certain that given enough time we could both think of better things, but I will accept that compliment with grace irregardless.’

Noah smiles. He’s certain they could as well, but there’s nothing wrong with celebrating the happiness you had now. How was it that his friends described it as again? Domestic bliss? Well. Noah still won’t admit to it, but as he watches Yusuke launch into something he’d found inspiring about today’s trip to The Metaverse, he finds himself on the sweetly agonising brink once more. 

It’s alright. For Yusuke, it was worth it.