oh, no! i think im catching feelings!

The restaurant’s shine looked different tonight.

It was the usual one Zucker performed at and where they worked, taking one of their nights off to return to it as guests instead of a chef and waiter. Hau was in his designated table near the front assigned to him for Zucker’s gigs, an open space for dancing in front of the smaller stage opened up to him while he watched Zucker adjust the microphone in front of him and tug at the small strings of the guitar situated in his grasp to test the audio and his instrument before he started. The crowds around them were still bolstering and bustling with activity as meals and chatter filled the room, but it was more quiet up at the front where Hau sat as other PeakWings turned their attention to Zucker starting to gently pluck at the guitar.

Hau watched and listened to Zucker’s usual smile as he tapped the microphone to summon his audience, hearing his introduction to his new song with the excitement in his voice, and to the starting melodies he began to play in a tune that wasn’t as familiar to Hau but still fresh. Hau had the privilege of the “best friend VIP” slot; he already knew the new song since Zucker had run it by him first before the performance, but he could see the glow in old fans that recognized him and newcomers watching in awe when Zucker began with the alternative-like tune. Hau let himself smile, tail gently swinging to the beat, but his eyes casted around the restaurant listlessly, scanning around the familiar pillars and chairs.

Why does it feel… Off in here? He frowned to himself, flopped ears flicking as he tucked his front talons closer to his chest on the table as he glanced up at Zucker again and his soft voice starting to fill the room. The seats beside him were empty, usually filled with other guests, but they were empty and only occupied Hau tonight. Maybe it’s Fumes’ absence? She’s got her new job down in Silverkeep and she’s usually here, maybe that’s why?

But the tug was still there, unbeknownst, and Hau finally sighed in defeated annoyance as he shuffled his wings and settled down again to listen to Zucker’s smooth vocals as per usual. But there was a clicking of talons slowly growing louder, his ears flicking towards them as they were followed by a rumble as a voice questioned from nearby under the music, “Is that seat taken?”

Hau lifted his head and turned, feeling a surprised but joyous lurch in his chest at a timid looking PeakWing with a looming and bulky build, a ragged red mane looking more kempt than it had before and his golden-black eyes shining with his shy smile. Hau perked up instantly, a genuine beam crossing his face as his wings flared out in excitement. There’s a face I haven’t seen in a while!

“Mulholland!” Hau chirped, nodding eagerly and gesturing with his talon to the empty chairs as the red dragon situated himself beside him, folding his wings in. Hau reached for his talons and squeezed them eagerly, still glowing and bubbling with excitement as the words babbled from his mouth, “Three moons, it’s so good to see you! How have you been? How’s schooling? How’s your place here in Glencloud? Are you still in therapy? Are you doing better after everything we discussed last time?”

Mulholland laughed softly at all of his questions, squeezing his talons back and waiting for Hau to take a deep breath and cease the blabber of words before responding softly under the waves of lyrics from Zucker on the stage, “I’ve been good; school has really helped me a lot, and I’m really excited to become a teacher if I can find a job. I just have one more semester to complete, so I’m moving up to Lakeview to finish it instead of flying there from here each day.”

Mulholland hesitated, looking out towards the stage again with a weak smile as his thistle tail curled up to his talons while he plucked at the furs there. “It’s been… A little lonely, to be honest. At least without my usual friends. But I feel well enough to have my own place in Lakeview and go see Chateau potentially, if she wants that. The therapy services at school have helped me a ton.”

Hau’s chest glowed with outpourings of warmth and pride, and he beamed at the larger figure with a smile that took over his entire face. He’s made so many great strides; I knew Lakeview would help guide him towards what he wanted, and I’m so glad he’s giving himself a chance. His talons continued to squeeze the larger ones, hoping the warmth he was feeling spread through his claws along his. “Oh, I’m so glad! It’s so good to hear that you’re doing well!”

Mulholland nodded with another smile before leaning in closer, wings tenting in to privatize their conversation more from the rumble of noise ringing around them as he murmured, “How about you, Hau? Are you doing well?”

Before Hau could respond, however, Mulholland paused and glanced around for a moment before a confused smile came to his face and tilted his head slightly to the side. “Where’s Elsewhere? I thought he would be here with you.”

Elsewhere. A vicious tug tore through Hau’s chest, one that made him freeze as the pain coursed through him. He touched the fluff guarding his heart with a small whimper of surprise at the aches, wings tucking in a bit tighter as the image of the other PeakWing filled his mind. Oh. That’s… That might explain a few things. Maybe that’s what’s missing? But I’ve been without him before… I don’t know why it hurts this much.

Hau didn’t realize the long silence going unanswered until he blinked back into reality with Mulholland’s concerned eyes still on him, a gentle but worrisome smile on his face. Hau shook his head to try and shake off the aches starting to course through him, giving him a trembling grin and responding with as much chipper as he could muster, “Oh, he’s good! I’m good! He’s just, um… He got busy with his book and his publishing stuff, so he’s back in Vale for a bit. Which is totally fine, since I’m going to school soon anyway for culinary and business things. Very exciting!”

Mulholland nodded along with him, but Hau noticed his searching eyes as they flicked over his face before glancing out at Zucker again as they drifted into the harmonies for a moment. The purple dragon was oblivious to their conversation, eyes closed as his claws continued moving along the guitar with ease and his voice rang clearly through the room that quieted to listen. Hau let his eyes slip to Zucker as well for a distraction, feeling the odd swivel in his chest as he watched and attempted to mush it all down through the sway of the beats. 

I’m fine, Hau told himself, shaking his head again, but his tail was tapping more out of anxious energy instead of the natural thump playing along. He touched his chest again with a small frown, still feeling the dull throbs pulsating underneath. Why does it still hurt? I should be okay… I’m fine, really! It’s fine!

The chair beside him groaned softly, and Hau was alerted to Mulholland standing up and stretching his wings out briefly, rolling his shoulders back before offering Hau a small smile and an extended talon that danced from the faint lights glowering above. As Hau’s eyes arched briefly at the hooked claws, Mulholland invited him out quietly, “Would you like to dance?”

Hau brightened up again, taking the opportunity to whisk his mind to something else as he nodded eagerly, sliding out of his seat and gently looping his talon into Mulholland’s with a warm smile. He let Mulholland guide him onto the dance floor, seeing Zucker’s eyes widen briefly when they caught his before returning back to the rest of the audience he was performing for with questions clearly swimming within but obviously not having the chance to talk.

I bet he recognizes him from the office and the stuff with his egg, Hau noted, sliding into position immediately with one talon on Mulholland’s chest as he scooted in. The large dragon was much more gentle than anyone else would expect, but Hau smiled at the talons that drew him in and wings that were radiating with warmth beside a softened gaze. At least he’s gotten better from that incident. I don’t think he would hurt anyone anymore. His kindness is so abundant.

Mulholland’s wings slipped over his, one of his talons coming up to gently cover Hau’s and squeeze before they started swaying along to the beat, keeping their talons moving at a slightly quickened pace to dance along to the plucks of tunes from the stage above. The lights around them were dimmed, a white pattern of dots sprinkled around the floor and walls from sculpted lights while the rest of the room faded away behind Mulholland’s looming form.

For a few moments, none of them spoke as their talons moved in beat and they both shared small laughs when swaying next to each other. The energy in the room swung around with them, and the bubbles of joy were popping and flowing over Hau again to coat over the anxieties building up. Hau leaned closer to see the small glisten in Mulholland’s eyes, catching a hint of pink on his darker scales as he mused with a grin, “I wish you had come to me more during your time here; I would’ve loved you as a dance partner.”

Mulholland chuckled, drawing Hau closer but having a certain look in his eyes that restrained him. He shook his head slightly from Hau’s words, searching around the room again with a small smile. “I didn’t want to get in the way of anything or make anything more confusing than it might’ve already been. It was good to focus on my studies and focus on my own health anyways.”

Hau wrinkled his snout at him, a confused smile returning to his face after Mulholland spun him briefly and returned him to his normal stature. “What do you mean? How would you make things confusing?”

Mulholland blinked, and Hau caught a hint of more pink creasing over his cheeks when the light shone over his face as he gave him a sheepish smile. “Did Elsewhere never tell you?”

Hau felt his wings shift from underneath Mulholland’s, the painful twist coiling through him again as he blinked in mild worry up at the larger dragon with a nervous laugh. “I don’t… I don’t think so, whatever it is. Tell me what?”

Mulholland’s sheepish smile grew, glancing around the room once more before tucking his wings further around Hau to draw him in, a small squeak coming from the plump PeakWing before the larger beast leaned in, whispering under the hushed music, “Elsewhere and I, we… We sort of almost got together. We had feelings for each other.”

Hau stiffened up under his touch, the warm atmosphere suddenly shot cold as his head whipped around to stare at him with a bright flash from the spinning lights. He could feel his jaw go slack, gaping open in shock, and Mulholland blinked at him before pulling his wings away with a small wince, his smile lingering but much smaller this time. “I’m assuming he didn’t tell you, then. I mean, it doesn’t matter now; we’re not together, and I’m not interested in him. You don’t have to worry.”

Hau blinked rapidly for a moment to try and steady himself, surprised at how his body had to stagger for an awareness of his feet to maintain balance. His wings fluffed out a bit to guide him as well, shaking his head as a strained laugh came to the surface, shaking his head once more. “No, no, it’s okay! I mean, if you two were… If you were interested in each other, that’s fine! That’s- That’s totally fine! I don’t know why he would- Why he’d keep that secret from me, though…”

The last few words broke apart on his tongue, cracked through by the pained lurch growing in his chest. He clutched it again with a strained noise, wings folding closer to himself as his breaths suddenly quickened and all of the lights around him suddenly flashed much brighter than they did before. His heart was pounding through into his ears, frantic and loud with thunderous beats. Why do I… Why do I suddenly feel scared? Why is the room suddenly smaller? This isn’t- What’s going on?

“Hau.” A voice spoke from nearby, and Hau jumped when wings tented over him again, this time encasing his head with Mulholland’s and trapping them in a tent tinged red as his wings covered them. He reached up slowly, grasping Hau’s talons digging into his fur to grip them instead as he spoke gently but firmly, “There’s nothing going on between Elsewhere and I, I promise. There are many reasons it didn’t work out between us, and I’m glad it didn’t. It’s okay. Take a few deep breaths.”

Hau did his best, blinking away the small tears that had built up as his own words from training and advice were starting to whisper in his ears, just as soothing as if he were in therapy himself. He closed his eyes and followed Mulholland’s instructions, the enclosed feeling from the darkness helping as he seeped into the deep breaths whooshing through his lungs. Slowly, he felt the tightened chains around his chest finally loosen up as he squeezed Mulholland’s talons again, the solid force guiding him silently. Mulholland didn’t speak any further, staying as the sturdy and silent anchor beside him.

When everything had smoothed away, Hau slowly creaked his eyes open again to see Mulholland’s studying his own. His ears flicked up when Hau’s eyes opened, and he gave his talons a faint squeeze again as he smiled weakly. “Better?”

“Better,” Hau breathed softly, rubbing his face to remove the small artifacts of tears trying to peek through as he gave him a faint smile in return, chuckling softly. “Sorry, I… I really don’t know what came over me. There was just- It was a feeling so strong, and I just- I didn’t know what to do with it. I hadn’t experienced something like that before.”

Mulholland was still studying him even as his wings peeled away from Hau’s head, exposing the atmosphere to him again and letting Hau blink to adjust back to the light. Zucker had moved onto a slower song, the room much dimmer than before and letting Hau breathe out a sigh of relief at the darkness shielding him from any prying eyes. But when he looked up into the hints of Mulholland’s face he could still see, the larger dragon was giving him a look that made the skin under Hau’s fur start to prickle uneasily. 

“What?” He finally questioned, an uncertain laugh leaving him now from Mulholland’s long look. “I just- I’m okay now! Why are you looking at me like that?”

Mulholland blinked slowly, still giving Hau that long look before a faint smile twitched onto his snout again. It seemed to be one with many different meanings, however, and he finally spoke in a softer voice filled more with wonder than anything, “Do you really not know what the emotion was?”

“No?” Hau studied him back, feeling the uneasy tugs within his chest again as his wings folded closer to his body. He felt more trickles of fear washing in now as well, taking a small step instinctively away from Mulholland as his voice wavered slightly, “Should I… Should I know?”

Mulholland relaxed his grip on Hau’s talons in case he needed to be released, but his eyes remained kind albeit filled with shock as he gave Hau another small smile, his voice kept even despite his surprise as he murmured, “Hau, you were jealous. That feeling is jealousy. It’s…” 

He paused for a moment, looking away with a hint of darkness slipping back into his eyes. “It’s one I’m familiar with, so I’d know what it is.”

Hau balked again, the soothing feeling creasing over him to block the other emotions wavering in its defenses as more surprise coursed through him. He let Mulholland come in again and wrapped his talon around Hau’s, resuming their position when Zucker gave Hau a concerned look even through the emotional sways of his song. Hau turned his focus back onto Mulholland’s face, the genuine shock seeping away to make room for confusion again as his tail twitched. “Jealous? Why would… Why would I be jealous? It’s not… I…”

His voice trailed off, however, as he stared around the room. The room his eyes had been searching the entire night, searching for something he didn’t even know he wanted to look for. Some sort of hint of space-like fur, of shining eyes or a shy smile glowing when it met his. Something that even after almost a month after they parted, his eyes looked around for every time.

Because even though he’s gone, he’s still the one I look for. Because I… I wish he was here. Because I wish he was here… All the time. With me. Not just with me, but…

All of it seemed to cumulate into a heavy stone, dropping deep down into Hau’s gut and splashing with the realization as everything finally stopped around him. His other talon came up to cusp his mouth, covering it as he stared with wide eyes at the dragon in front of him. His shoulders and wings suddenly felt more weights along his back, dragging him closer to the floor as he sank. The tears had started again, but Hau could barely feel them behind the growing storm of many different feelings starting to come to the surface.

Mulholland saw his features change and gave him another weak smile, squeezing his talon briefly with one step closer as he whispered with sympathy, “You’ve realized, haven’t you?”

Hau couldn’t respond; everything was transfixed into golden eyes he pleaded would turn into a stunning blue. A deeper yearning for a comforting presence with more wings to wrap around him and laugh with him, give him the nervous smile that made his heart continually ache and throb much more than anything else had before. All of the details he memorized, all of the twisting feelings and the quiet comments of comparisons to Zucker’s relationship with Fumes…

Everything clicked into place, the puzzle piece that hadn’t been filled for months now suddenly slipping into place. But even though things were starting to click into place, the room suddenly seemed much more cold and the world a bit more scary.

“Oh.” Was all that Hau could utter, starting to feel himself keel as the emotions finally reached the surface. He blinked rapidly again, but the stream of tears had started as his head lowered, talons shaking. “Oh.”

And so Hau finally let himself break, seeing Mulholland’s outpouring of concern all over his face as he bundled Hau quietly up in his wings, letting the roar of applause for Zucker muffle the sobs taking over Hau’s body as the younger dragon hid away, consumed by everything coming in while others laughed the night away.