STS | One Thing at a Time

[Guppywhirl]

At night, Guppywhirl treads carefully through camp. She has a specific goal in her mind, and she wants to acknowledge it before it evades her mind like all of her tasks do. But… this one’s important. important to no one else but her, or maybe Baysnap too if he cared enough. She hasn’t spoken to him in some time. 

No one else in her family cares, or did care. if they did, maybe they would have told her sooner. That she wasn’t loved by either of her parents, and they were mistakes that should have never been real. Now she knows that though, and it’s a bit pointless to hear that coming from anyone’s mouth. She should’ve just been told the truth when she was much younger. Maybe then it would hurt less now. 

She passes by the fresh-kill to see if she can get a late-night snack, but also to see if she could check her surroundings. It's a bit difficult with her injured eye, but she manages to pick out a figure atop the trees, as he seems to always keep himself there. That… must be him, right? Minnowfleet… 

She’s usually not so nervous, but the words Embergaze said to her still ring through her head. 

Minnowfleet, maybe, could be a better one… 

A better dad. But how, and why? No- she knows why. Because anyone can be a better dad than Embergaze. Even someone she doesn’t really know. 

Grabbing a mouse, she walks under a tree that the tabby tom occupies, promptly sitting down and beginning to eat noisily. She takes a bite, swallows, then squeaks out a “Minnowfleet…?” 

She waits a moment, then: “Um, hi Minnowfleet. It's Guppywhirl. Hi. I'm… sad now, for a lot of reasons. But you’re my dad now, so can you help me?”

[Minnowfleet]

Minnowfleet had prepared himself to sleep through the pesky molly's chewing in his ears. He didn't mind any cat's presence when they weren't being noisy. During the moment of pause he hoped she had realized he was asleep and moved on- only to groan internally when she wasn't gone and kept speaking- and then to raise his head with a start. Eyes open in disbelief.  

"Who..." He began, trying to keep his tempter down. "Who told you. Did Daffodilcatcher tell you?" And she was just okay with this? That felt impossible.  He stood to his paws only to turn and face his...daughter. Ears and the highest points of his cheeks red with embarrassment of sorts. "Are you okay with me as your father? Really?" He grumbled- though tone gruff as if he was unhappy his expression had shone everything but that.

[Guppywhirl]

Guppywhirl finishes her mouse rather quickly, just in time for her to actually converse. She licks her maw, ears perked originally, but Daffodilcatcher's name causes her to flatten them. It pricks her eardrums in a bad way. It's hard to imagine how much she used to love her mother. She still does... maybe. She'd have to think on that. 

"No," she replies. "Embergaze told me. And he didn't say that I had to talk to you or nothing. But, maybe, could just... hang out with you." 

She's still continuing to ponder on her mother, then finally she spills: "...Momma doesn't talk to me no more. Don't know if I should talk to her again." 

Guppywhirl waits for his response with bated breath and a tight chest. If he sad no, she wouldn't exactly blame him. This strange cat coming up to him and asking him to be her dad. But she's gotta at least try... 

"Don't... know why he said you're my dad." Her nose twitches. "But if you wanna be my dad, you can be my dad. And Baysnap's dad too." 

It's okay if it doesn't work out. She still has Oliveweb and Hootfrost. Maybe they're not dads, necessarily, but it's still nice.

[Minnowfleet]

The giddyness he had felt had swiftly turned into anger. Embergaze said such shit and didn't even clarify? He wasn't surprised about Daffodilcatcher not speaking to Guppywhirl, with everything happening though he didn't expect it not effect her. But hey- maybe his gifts were working?  

He took a breath, trying to subside a possibly headache from arising. "Guppywhirl, I need you to listen. The reason why Embergaze even said that is because" He met her eyes and though he was once nervous, he realized that if she was upset about it it'd just go back to how things were. He could always just watch from afar, even if it hurt. "I am your father. You and Baysnap's actual father. You could ask your mom if you don't believe me."  

He paused but before she could respond quickly added; "And listen, I wanted to be there but your mother didn't want me to get in the middle of her new mateship and I... I was bitter. I felt used and- dumped and heart broken." Minnowfleet always knew he would feel that way for the rest of his life too. It just felt odd saying out-loud. "It's a bad excuse but I wanted you both to have two happy parent's and well- in the end it didn't really work out." How ironic.

[Guppywhirl]

Guppywhirl tenses up. She's nervous, unsure what Minnowfleet would respond with. Maybe he'd tell her to go kick rocks. 

Guppywhirl, I need you to listen. 

She does, but she can't help but sigh from all the tension she's experiencing. Then... he says it. She doesn't really... feel anything. Happiness, sadness, guilt, anger- nothing's there. Like all of her emotions have already been drained from her, from conversation to conversation. A leaky faucet that just never got repaired, and now nothing can be spent. 

But... now she knows for sure, right? 

When he begins to clarify, to give reasons as to why he wasn't there, she starts to recoil. He sounds a lot like Embergaze did. Everyone always had a reason why they couldn't talk to her or spend time with her or even give a glance in her direction. Why, why couldn't she just have someone?  

"I just want someone to say they love me," she admits, tears in her eyes. "Embergaze and... Momma. Daffodil. They were happy. But they weren't happy 'cause of me, or Bay." 

She really can't speak for Baysnap. But she wants to hope, in some rotten part in her heart, that they were both hated equally. Hated together, but together nonetheless. It wasn't just her who ruined the family. "Embergaze thought... he could just come home with his new family, and that everything was okay. No hurt, no pain, that everyone is safe and happy. But he lied to me. Said he would go for a walk but never came back." 

She pauses, then with a softness unlike any other: "...Why didn't you run away too, like Embergaze did? When Momma broke you?"

[Minnowfleet]

"I may be lacking in a lot of ways kid but I don't abandon my family. And though I never properly met either of you I loved you little things, and I still fucking do. The moment I heard you and Baysnap's cries from the nursery I couldn't leave. Even when every time I heard Daffodil or Ember speak I froze- or everytime I saw you and your brother leave camp I hated how I couldn't join you so much my heart ached. It was torture but I'm still your parent and, well shit- my job is to be here for you when you have nothing or no one left. I love you guys regardless of how you think you may fuck up." It was as simple as that.  

He was worried that Guppywhirl wasn't angry, or emotional. He wanted to see some life in his kid.  

"Embergaze craved family a lot more than most cats do I think. Enough to abandon what he had to go find more. I'm personally satisfied. I don't remember my early kit-hood and I'm okay with that." Why miss something he never had? Something from so long ago? He had family now he couldn't imagine leaving for anything in the world.  

"When Daffodilcatcher  didn't reciprocate my feelings and my mom's left after I really felt lost. If it wasn't for you guys I think I wouldn't be here." He would've left this camp and gotten sick and died somewhere for sure, or worse been reckless and died in a much more gruesome way.

[Guppywhirl]

Finally her emotions begin to crack. Not that she was ever hiding them, but everything became so overwhelming that nothing came out at all. Until now, when Guppywhirl's tears trail down her face. Despite her heavily-injured eye, it still produces a small amount of moisture. 

She was loved. She likes the feeling and the recognition, that someone isn't just dealing with her. She actually mattered to someone, and they said so. She's not just an annoying gnat, she is someone to have a conversation with.

She smiles. "I love you, Dad." It didn't matter to her whether it was appropriate or not to say such a thing- they've barely had a conversation up until this point. But Guppywhirl was already so overjoyed, and so desperate to find someone to love again. 

"Should I tell Baysnap, or should... should-" She can barely finish her sentence, but she hopes her thoughts get across. She already wants to run off and tell her brother, but then she remembers she's in the middle of a conversation. 

Then, she gasps. "I have a lot to tell you about, lots you missed! Um, I have a best friend, and his name is Hootfrost. And I used to have other friends too- one of them didn't have a name and I lost it in the Dip, but then I got Bubbles! Bubbles is also gone. I also have Oliveweb and Thistlemist, do you know them? I also talk to Maggot sometimes but he never lets me hug him or anything."

Guppywhirl continues to ramble on about things, until hopefully interrupted by Minnowfleet at some point.

[Minnowfleet]

Minnowfleet had wanted to see Guppywhirl emote something- but his chest had an uncomfortable twinge at her tears and he scooted closer to his daughter. Before he could do anything he saw her smile and the words coming out of her mouth felt underserving and foreign. He wanted those words oh so desperately to come out of Daffodilcatcher's mouth in the past- he didn't realize he wanted to hear it from his kids nor that it could ever even happen.  

Before he knew it he was shedding his own tears. They were fast and falling and he didn't even know they were falling until he felt some land on his paws. "Ah shit-" He grumbled, wiping them away. "I love you too Guppy- I really do. Fuck." He didn't know how he could prove it, what words to say that showed he meant it.

"I don't mind you telling your brother. I don't know how he would take it coming from me." Minnowfleet would never admit that he was nervous about telling his son. He wasn't sure if he could handle a look of hurt or pain from Baysnap- or rejection. That was the scariest thing.  

Then Guppywhirl began spewing words at him and he held up a paw. "Okay- okay one thing at a time kid you've got plenty of time, I ain't going anywhere." He practically lived in this tree anyway, so his words weren't false.

[Guppywhirl]

Guppywhirl tries not to cry as she listens to what Minnowfleet has to say, though her tears continue to pour as her father finally says the words- 

I love you too. 

What she's always wanted. It's been a long ways, and the road is still treacherous, but this shelter amongst the storm is more than enough for her. For now, this is what she needs. Baysnap needs it too, most likely. "Okay, I'll tell him." 

She wipes her tears away, and she goes to wipe Minnowfleet's as well. Among the branches, she then views the entirety of the camp below them. No wonder he goes up here frequently. It's sorta relaxing. 

Guppywhirl looks at the smaller tom again, flashing him a toothy grin. She's just happy to be there. "One thing at a time," she repeats. 

She'll spend most of the night up there with him, if he'll allow.