Adult Training

TROUTPAW
Troutpaw had a lot on her mind lately. Without her sister to keep her company, she'd fallen into a bout of silence, left alone to her own stewing thoughts in the week that she recovered from Whitecough. She had felt rather useless the whole time- Unable to find any herbs to help her sister, going out and having adventures while she was gone- by the time she had healed and was back up at full strength- Troutpaw couldn't help but feel sad.

It weighed heavily on her mind, the fact she had grown so much while Chubpaw was away. She was bigger than her sister by a great margin and it had only been a week. She began to worry what would happen if they ever separated for longer- if they would grow so different she wouldn't even recognise Chubpaw anymore.

The young Molly let out a soft sigh, ears flattening and a little pout forming on her face.

ROBINSPLASH
By Starclan… Mentoring an apprentice, so long after the last one? The molly was pretty certain that she hadn’t had an apprentice of her own since before her one kits were born, and now her very own children towered over her. That wasn’t to say she didn’t know what she was doing, but it did still take some getting used to looking out for another cat that wasn’t her, her mate, or her own kits. Finding Troutpaw in the apprentice’s den every morning wasn’t the hardest of tasks, even if she didn’t have much of a voice to go by— The younger cat was pretty distinctive marking-wise, so it didn’t hinder her day too badly, even still.

One thing she was hiding especially hard to navigate was the communication of it all. In Robinsplash’s everyday life, she could somewhat rely on another cat to ask the difficult questions while she put her head down and did as she was told. But with an apprentice of her own… Sure, Frecklecall would very happily volunteer to be present and do the hard things for her, but Robinsplash didn’t wish to rely on her or give her any more responsibilities than she already had.

No. She’d do this herself.

Searching for Troutpaw would be a great start. Fortunately, the familiar sound of a sigh reached her ears and she trotted over, expression softly curious. “Troutpaw? What’s… Are you okay?”

TROUTPAW
Troutpaw's ears shot up at the call of her name and the voice of her mentor- forgetting herself for a moment. Just another thing she wasn't quite yet used to- with Chubpaw the attention was always on her sister- the loud one, the fun one, the exciting one, and she could easily fade into the background. Now- out of the nursery and into the... world, she was forced on her own, an individual. Robinsplash was her mentor, something hers entirely and not shared.  She wasn't... quite sure yet how she felt about it. 

Oh. Oh, she'd just went quiet again hadn't she? How long had she been staring at Robinsplash with a blank, unblinking stare as thoughts raced through her head? She opened her mouth for a brief moment to apologize but nothing quite came out. She had... nothing really to apologize for either. Shoot- she's overthinking this now, isn't she? Oh, stars what had Robinsplash even asked? What had she said?

"W... huh?"

An eloquent response that had her wanting to immediately bury her head in the dirt and wordlessly scream. Why was this so freaking hard?

ROBINSPLASH
A small smile appeared on her face as Troutpaw took a moment to get her thoughts into gear. Despite how awkward she might feel herself about mentoring, that couldn’t compare to the brand new world and responsibilities given to an apprentice. The molly suddenly felt very guilty about worrying so much. Hadn’t she raised her five kits to adulthood just fine? They were all different, but Robinsplash would certainly regard them as all wonderful in their own way, which was a success in her eyes. Surely she didn’t need to panic so much about mentoring her new apprentice, knowing all of that. 

She set her shoulders and exhaled quickly, drooping her ears a little as she relaxed. There was obviously something bothering Troutpaw, and Robinsplash wanted to get to the bottom of it. Had she been this reserved as an apprentice herself? She remembers those days only sparingly now, what with her mind full of other things, but she believes she had been similar in a multitude of ways. Somewhere, the two of them had more in common than met the eye… Robinsplash just had to try and find it.

“I asked if you were feeling okay. Your sister is sick right now, isn’t she?” She didn’t know all the details about their relationship, but they seemed close enough. But maybe there was something hidden under the surface, a secret feeling that Troutpaw felt like she couldn’t share. Either that or Robinsplash was prying far too deep. There was really only one way to find out, she supposed.

TROUTPAW
At the mention of her sister, Troutpaw's ears dropped like stones and her expression followed suit. "She's better now..." she mewed, voice soft and barely above a whisper. Her eyes trailed across Robinsplash's paws and the tufts of newleaf grass that cradled them, unable to lift her eyes to meet her mentor's. 

"But I feel like..."

The words get stuck in her throat, something she wanted to say but if she did... it would make it real. She'd left her sister behind, she'd done nothing to help, She went and grew and had fun while her sister was sick and hurting... Weren't they a pair? 

Troutpaw's expression grew more pinched, her mouth pursed as she held back her words and her eyes watered with swallowed tears. For as large as she was, she felt small and her posture made her even more so as she shrank into herself.

ROBINSPLASH
Though she didn't know her apprentice like the back of her paw, the molly did know her enough that this behaviour was a blaring error. Troutpaw was usually very quiet and kept to herself a lot of the time, but she could often be found by her sister's side-- Robinsplash had to admit that she hadn't really noticed that stopping, assuming that they were apart due to Chubpaw's sickness. 

She blinked, at some loss of what to say. It was evident that her apprentice wished to say something, but perhaps was struggling with the right words. Robinsplash wanted to be there for Troutpaw, especially if recently breaking away from her sister could negatively impact her psyche. The warrior didn't want to make anymore assumptions (especially since her previous ones had all turned out completely wrong), so she tried to push gently. Maybe Troutpaw just needed some prodding to get the words out.

"You feel like what, Troutpaw?" Her tone was sincere and hardly audible, but loud enough that her apprentice would pick up the question. It was likely that Troutpaw wouldn't want Robinsplash's help at all, but it was both part of her job as a mentor as well as a method of reducing her worry about Troutpaw.

TROUTPAW
She swallowed back the knot in her throat, trying to be strong, trying to be honest with herself and stop keeping everything bottled inside like she always did. But it ached. It hurt and she just wanted to let it all out. The gentle words of Robinsplash were all she needed to break the dam, to let that flood of emotions swell past her usual stoicism.

"I feel like I'm betraying her," she whined out, voice hoarse and small. "I keep getting stronger and having fun wh-while she's been stuck inside."

Large tears formed at the corners of her eyes, beading and falling down her cheeks in heavy drops. "It feels wrong to leave her out of it. She's my sister, she's my twin- it doesn't feel right when I'm not with her-- A soft hiccup cuts off her words that grew louder with every passing moment,

"But..."
It comes out as barely a whisper, 

"I... I can be myself when its just me." Her eyes focused on her paws this whole time, but now she lifted ger gaze to meet Robinsplash, tearstained cheeks, and drippy nose. The words felt traitorous to say, but they tumbled out nonetheless. "I'm not just Chubpaw's shadow- I'm Troutpaw. I can be anything I want and its so so so freeing."

The look in her eyes is pained but hopeful, brimming with conflicted emotions and a million different feelings. The tears began to dry as she swallowed her pain and tried to hold her head high. Tried to be brave. Tried to be honest with herself. 

"Is it wrong to feel like this? Like I'm finally myself... even if it means leaving her behind?"

ROBINSPLASH
As all the emotions spilled from the little apprentice, Robinsplash felt her chest ache. She knew that Troutpaw had family, with both her sister as well as her elderly grandparents... But there had been a tragedy to do with her parents, if she could remember correctly. The dilute calico's ears drooped as she listened to Troutpaw getting whatever she needed off her chest, empathy washing through her. Though their lives hadn't been the same, they both had suffered from a parental loss, right? It would bring sense to the way they similarly dealt with emotional turmoil.

It felt like the right thing to do to bring herself closer to Troutpaw and wrap her tail lightly around her. She remained silent as the apprentice unravelled her words, knowing that if she interrupted Troutpaw would likely never open up like this again. Robinsplash knew this was necessary, even if it did hurt for her right now. She soothed the younger cat's back softly with her tail.

After letting Troutpaw calm down a little, the warrior gathered her courage to speak in-depth about something she hadn't ever really spoken about deeply before. With a deep breath, she responded, "No, of course it isn't. I think it's very brave of you."

She paused for a few moments, before continuing, "I had a brother named Beaversnap. Much like you, I always felt like his shadow-- I never went anywhere without him." Robinsplash flicked an ear anxiously, "It felt safe at the time... But I also wasn't truly myself. I hid behind him, from others and my true self. Leaving him behind hurt us both, but it was also the best decision I ever made." Her expression lit up with a smile now, her shoulders relaxing as the topic changed to a more familiar territory, "I don't think I ever would've fixed things with Frecklecall if I hadn't made that choice and I would do it all over again if given the opportunity."

Her attention landed on Troutpaw's face and she addressed her softly once more, "What I mean to say is: while it might seem like the worst right now, I think it was the right thing to do. You can grow so much more. Besides, if you and Chubpaw love and care for each other, you'll figure things out."

TROUTPAW
With a little sniffle, Troutpaw found it within herself to smile. She leaned into Robinsplash's hold, brushing her head against her mentor's chin. She clung to every single one of her words like a lifeline, soaking them in. She'd never known Robinsplash before she was with Frecklecall- it was before she was even born- But she couldn't imagine a world where they weren't together. 

Troutpaw wondered what it would be like to spread her wings like Robinsplash did, to truly grow and soar. Honestly, she got a bit giddy inside thinking about it though she knew it wouldn't be an overnight change. It would hurt to unstick herself from Chubpaw; side, to take her own path, but it would be better for both of them she hoped. She adored her sister and she knew they would figure things out as well. maybe when they were warriors and they'd taken the time to grow on their own- they could go out together and rekindle everything. 

"Thanks, Robin," She mewed, uneasiness gone from her voice as she felt a soft purr rumble in her throat, a hopeful feeling bubble in her chest. Troutpaw knew she was going to be alright.