SO BEAUTIFUL, SO PAINFUL

All I remember of my first days of consciousness were darkness and snow.

Bitter cold lashing at my mortal shell. Pangs of hunger gnawing at my stomach. Sore, trembling little legs. The ominous hymn of the wind. These sensations are all I could feel, and all that occupied my mind. This is what I was born into. Believing myself to be purposeless, I drifted aimlessly across this foreign world.

The only signs of life were my tracks on the snow.

My existence continued on just like this. An endless trek across white in search of something. Anything. I took some time to rest, but not much. No, I had to keep moving, as if I was running out of time. But only a few days of wandering had actually passed. If I knew of time back then, I would’ve believed it’s been centuries.

…

One day, just as suddenly as I was brought into this world, I was soon about to leave it. Even if you’re born in discomfort, there’s only so far you can push such a weak form. Eventually, I collapsed. Not of my own will, but of my body’s will. My eyes, however, fought to stay open.

Sometimes I wish I succumbed. All I knew was ache and rime, yet my instinct to survive was still so strong. …If I had closed my eyes then, some other unfortunate soul would’ve been given the same purpose as me. And if I had closed my eyes then, I wouldn’t have heard your voice. Maybe it’s a wonderful existence after all.

As my eyelids grew heavy, I heard something new. The crunching of snow… and a soft song, smooth and sweet as honey. That moment is the first time I felt warmth.

In darkness and snow, I met you.

…

Ambrosia Cookie. Your name… I could never forget it. Our memories together will not just be living in my brain, but preserved in my heart.

When you found me, I was weak. Shivering like a leaf, and too feeble to stand. Despite not knowing me, you nursed me back to health, as if I were one of the close comrades who traveled with you. You clothed me in your robes, and you cut your own rations to feed me. I still have more reasons to thank you.

I originally thought it odd that you chose to save a creature like me. Back then, in no way did I resemble you or your friends. I had sharp teeth, I walked on all fours, and I didn’t even speak your language. I was more beast than cookie. But I’ve learned long ago that you’re pure of heart, and differences like these could not matter less when it comes to helping someone.

You don’t see cookie or non-cookie. You see life.

…

As we spent our days together, I realized that you and I come from completely different worlds.

You and the other cookies were soft, round, and friendly. I was brittle, sharp-edged, and scary. You and the other cookies were forged by gentle flames, and all I knew before you was the bitter cold. Your companions watched me with wary eyes, but you extended the same amount of kindness to me as you did your kin, and you gave me the same tender smile.

Though the snow hadn’t ceased yet, I no longer felt cold. By your side, I could only feel radiating warmth.

I didn’t want this to end.