Everything will be fine

Keeva’s days have started to blur together. The respite she would have when cooking for the crew was her only indication that time is even passing at all, otherwise her days were filled with a seemingly endless sea of new faces ebbing in and out as they pass through her makeshift counseling area. There were so many who were hurt, afraid, grappling with what they had seen and endured in those terrifying moments aboard the Avalon days before. It was only right for Keeva to do what she could to assist. This was what she was good at.

At least, she wanted to think she was good at it. Being turned away from those she had actual connections to, people she cared dearly for in more than just a passing way... it still stung even now. She didn't know what she'd done wrong. At least with Tara, she eventually let her talk. Tiarnan still hadn't, though.

He and Lan both drive her insane in the exact same ways.

It was fine. He'd come around, eventually. She was certain of it. Until then, however, she would just help those who wanted her assistance. She would prove that she was capable of this. She'd help every single person on the Avalon, and then Tiarnan would see that she could help him too. Lancelot would see she could help him. Everyone would see she was capable with this, just like she'd proved her abilities with cooking.

They would see.

Except she could not. No, she’d started to lose sight of everything around her. It felt as though she were trapped in a haze, words of reassurance and comfort seeming to come from her without her thinking about it. Every action she takes feels as though she sees it from the perspective of someone else, someone not possessing her own form, wandering from place to place blindly. The once simple task of staying awake grows harder with each passing moment. She was so tired. How many more people would it take?

No, she can’t sleep now. She can't stop. Every moment she isn’t awake and working is a moment where someone who needs her isn’t receiving help. She needs to do this. She has to.

Is this why Tiarnan overworks himself so much? Are these the things that went through his mind in the late hours, when his never-ending work was the only companion he had?

Were his thoughts so selfish as hers were right now?

She pushes those feelings aside for the moment. They were actively distracting her rather than helping.

She finds herself walking to the 3rd layer of the Avalon, the sight of the forest offering momentary comfort before the task at hand regains her full attention. There was someone more comfortable speaking here that she was supposed to meet with, away from the dark halls and ruined rooms. It was an understandable request.

She hardly took notice of her surroundings as she walked through the abundant plants and trees, a myriad of colors that were a mere smear in her vision. It all faded completely into the background until she arrived at the large tree that had once been her home, a passing landmark that happened to be along the way to her destination. As she strode by, something about it gave her pause, however, as she blearily noted that it was not harmed nearly as much as she had feared; no, it actually seemed completely unharmed from the crash. The entire area around her seemed untouched, in fact, and a quick glance behind her revealed that everything appeared just as it had in the hours before the crash occurred.

They must have made quick work of mending things down here, she thinks to herself before continuing on her way.

It felt as though she had been walking for hours, pushing through the undergrowth and willowy vines that hung down from the trees. She gave a passing nod to the wispy figures of a couple sidhe who were also wandering the trees, but did not stop to speak to them. She’d get to them eventually. Always happy to help close friends of hers.

She blinked, miles coming and going but the landscape remained just as familiar to her as ever. The sight of an enormous tree comes into view, nearly as big as the Avalon in terms of size, striking against the horizon far off in the distance. Seeing this gives Keeva pause once again. How had she already made it to the Summer Palace? Had she really walked that far already?

“I remember it being farther away,” she muses softly to no one in particular. Another moment passes and a sinking feeling settles over her, a sickening dread that catches her by surprise until she realizes that this is not a place of belonging, but that of danger, and that she shouldn’t be here.

Lan, we need to turn back now, she says in her mind, but he doesn’t respond. There is no time to try and prod him again before Keeva notices a familiar face in the clearing ahead of her, stark light against the darkness within the trees behind them.

“Niall?” she whispers to herself, uncertain of how that could be possible. She now raises her voice to a shout, a hint of excitement pushing back the trepidation in her soul as she approaches, reaching out for one of her closest, dearest friends. “Niall! Niall, is that really you?”

The yellowish insect-like fey turns to face her, antenna sticking upright as surprise of their own takes hold before laying back flat against their head as their bright smile turns into a snarl of disgust.

"Why are you here?" they ask with a tone nearly as sharp as their teeth that now glinted dangerously in the light.

Keeva briefly falters as she comes to a sudden stop in the grass, lingering with a hand outstretched before she pulls it back close to her chest. "Me? I—"

Niall does not wait for her to finish her response, instead closing the distance between them in an instant. The trees seem to bend and shake under the weight of Niall's unfettered rage, the low thrum of their wings beating against the air filling Keeva's senses. "You abandoned me," the fey hisses, nearly nose-to-nose with Keeva. They were so close that Keeva could hardly make out their features, eyes and teeth warped together into some monstrous thing. "You left me to suffer alone! Forsaken!"

"I-I'm sorry," she says earnestly, stepping back suddenly. This was unlike her fey friend to be so vicious and full of anger. That dread she had felt before was returning in overwhelming force, making her feel smaller than even Niall’s tiny frame. "I-I didn't have any choice, Niall, I had to—!"

"Lies!" the creature bellows. "Did our pact mean nothing to you? You could have told them no! You could have! He was not under your care, unlike me! You had no obligation to him! We had sworn to help and protect one another, and you forsook that! You forsook me!"

Keeva takes another hasty step back, trying to put some distance between her and her former eidolon. In the same motion, she tries to subtly check behind her for Lancelot for comfort, for any kind of help, but he's not there. No one is there. Even the trees seemed to have abandoned her in favor of retreating into the darkness.

This brief action did not go unnoticed, and only served to enrage Niall further. "I should be the one you look to,” they scream, voice torn with agony and fury as it echoes all around. “Not him! I needed you, caretaker! I needed you and you left me to die!"

Another step back, and yet another, but the rapid sound of her footsteps is drowned out by the sound of Niall’s wings booming loud through the air until she can’t hear anything else. No matter how far she runs away, all she can see is Niall, a wailing presence against the red skies of the Summerlands and the darkness at every corner that seems to bear down on her, slowly crushing her.

"How long before you leave him to die, too?" the fey screams as they rake at the edge of her billowing dress. "How long, Keeva? How many promises will you break next? How many people will die because of your ineptitude? Aren’t you supposed to care? Aren’t you supposed to help people? Failure!”

“I’m sorry!” she screams back, but she can’t face them. She continues to flee.

“You've failed me! You will soon fail Tiarnan! And you know you will fail Lancelot too, caretaker! You will fail them all!"

She tries and tries with every ounce of will within her soul to outrun the clawing creature but trips, falling into the red and black expanse as the grass and plants shatter into pieces all around her, petals like blades beating against her. Lan's reliable wings are not there to guide her flight, her friends are not there to catch her. She is falling, falling, approaching some unknown, with all she can see being a rapid swirl of red and black and wood and leaves and light.

Until suddenly, she connects with the wooden floor with a piercing scream.

She hears a concerned voice in her mind, hazy calls of her name until all too suddenly it becomes clear through her link with her current eidolon, her connection to Lancelot the only thing tangible enough to cling to in her delirious state. Keeva? Keeva?! Are you okay?

She lays on the floor in stunned silence, slowly blinking the interior of the Avalon into existence. Rising slowly, pulling herself upright to sit and get her bearings, she realizes that she was still in her makeshift office, her knee bumped against the chair she must have fallen out of. How long had she been asleep? And since when?

I'm fine, she finally answers, feeling the vague sense of disbelief coming from Lancelot. I’m fine.

Forgive me if I’m just a little concerned for you, Keeva, he chides lightly, but Keeva pushes his presence aside.

It’s fine, she reiterates. Everything will be fine.