I'm Sick of the Chase

The brown-furred tom took a deep breath, attempting to slow his heart thundering in his chest. He had been trying to do this for almost the whole day, as the thoughts in his brain continued to whirl around wildly. Volepelt wasn’t the type to overthink what he wanted to do— He was more likely to throw himself into something than pause to think about the consequences, mostly because of his competitive nature. He’d tried to improve on such things, but an old cat couldn’t learn new tricks.

He had always been loyal to his clan— So loyal, in fact, that the thought of leaving it had never crossed his mind. No matter how strained his relationships had become in the past, the tom had never wanted to leave and start a life as a rogue. He truly hadn’t thought that this day would ever come… Even after everything that had happened, the war…

His ears pulled back, and he banished the dark thoughts away. Volepelt’s quality of life had improved dramatically since he had focused on the positive. The warrior had always been of a more optimistic nature, though he had suffered from a period of time where he always assumed the worst would happen. He hadn’t enjoyed who he had been during that time, the anger and bitterness that would engulf him like fire. While Otterspark hadn’t been the entire reason he’d managed to escape that mindedness, she’d at least been the first few drizzles of rain before a storm.

At the thought of the molly, his chest squeezed again. What was she going to think about all this? What if she didn’t feel the same way? Volepelt had confessed his feelings before, but he’d been so much younger then— What he felt had been a pale imitation of love, and he’d been a less mature cat. Now he was more certain than ever, at least in the sense that he needed to state his feelings aloud. Even if Otterspark didn’t feel the same, they couldn’t avoid this conversation forever.

If… If she didn’t feel the same, he’d stop the secret border meetings. He would have to. Volepelt knew that Otterspark knew that, which was probably why this discussion hadn’t happened yet. The tom desperately didn’t want to lose his friend, but their relationship had developed further than one influenced by a truce— If he was faced by her in battle, he didn’t really know if he’d be able to fight her. Such things were dangerous for the two of them as well as their clan, which meant there was no more room for ignorance. They had to talk about it.

The rustling of leaves sounded from across the border and he lifted his ears in anticipation. There was every chance that a patrol could be passing by, so he jumped behind some tall grass and waited. A familiar voice whispered quietly, “Out y’come, lil’ mouse. I saws ya.”

His fur flattened in relief as he revealed himself and let her scent calm him. He flashed her a grin and pressed his muzzle to her ear in greeting. A purr rumbled in his chest at her company, his worries dissipating for a moment. Otterspark always managed to suppress his negative emotions.

She greeted him back with a smile and licked his ear, though her expression quickly grew worried. Her shoulders looked tense. “Y’got a reason for askin’s me out so late? Not that I minds y’company, but… if somethin’s wrong, I want y’ta tell me.”

Guilt enveloped Volepelt. This wasn’t the usual time that they had their meetings— They had gradually formed some kind of routine and they didn’t contact each other outside of these agreed periods unless it was an emergency. It seems that he had still subconsciously been avoiding the talk to his own annoyance. Clearing his throat, he focused on her face and squared his shoulders. He could do this.

“Yeah, okay… So.” He inhaled deeply again, before continuing, “This isn’t going to be easy to admit, but I feel like you might already know.” Volepelt’s skin prickled and his fur raised slightly in his nerves, though he pressed on. “I love you, Otterspark.” 

There was a torturously long silence. Volepelt tried not to throw up.

“‘Course ya do! Me too, buddy.” She gives him a friendly shove and grins devilishly at him. The brown-furred tom believes he might not have a stomach anymore.

Voice a little strained, he smiles back softly. “Yeah, yeah of course… But like… In a more than friendly way.” 

“Oh.”

More silence.

Maybe Volepelt should greet Starclan right now, actually. While he’s wishing for the bottomless puddle to miraculously teleport to him and swallow him whole, Otterspark speaks again. “Tha’s… Uh, I appreciates it, Vole. ‘M sorry, I don’t much know…” She trails off, her paws kneading on the ground.

Instant guilt fills the tom. An apology quickly jumps from his mouth and he jumps up on his paws, scrambling a little, “Ah, I’m so sorry, Otter. I didn’t mean to pressure you. If you don’t feel the same way, that’s completely fine! I’ll respect your choice—”

Otterspark cuts him off, “No! S’not that.” Her ground kneading had increased in intensity, and her ears were now pulling back. The next words that left her were rushed, “S’just… I can’t says it back. Yet or… Maybe ever?” The expression on her face could only be described as broken. Volepelt felt his heart wrench. The molly’s chin trembled, though it calmed after a few moments. “I really cares ‘bout ya, lil’ mouse. I don’t wanna lose ya. I…”

Volepelt understood. He grew closer to her, placing one paw gently on her own still anxiously kneading the ground. “You won’t lose me, I promise.” The tom knew that their meetings still broke the code, however, and such activities needed to be stopped. “What if… I join Lynxclan? Even if you never return my feelings, at least we can fight on the same time. Besides,” He grinned now, tail wagging slightly, “You’d be able to see your best friend every day.”

Her body had mostly stilled, though her tail tip continued to twitch every now and then. His words had seemed to soothe her a little, and her expression had softened. “‘Y’sure? Ya… Ya’d really do that?”

His answer was more certain than he’d ever felt. “No matter what happens between us, you’re my family now.”

———

Despite being nervous to tell the Ravenclan leader about his plans, Volepelt felt more confident about this meeting than the one he’d requested with Otterspark. Everything had started to fall into place (albeit a little messily), but at least Volepelt had some sort of idea of what was laid out for his future. 

He knew after the conversation with Otterspark that he would have to tell Nettlestar. There was no other way— He respected the leader and Ravenclan far too much to do the alternative. If he was going to leave the clan, he would explain why. They deserved it. After all, he’d been born and raised in the clan; while the clan change was terrifying and a little overwhelming, Volepelt was sure that it was the best choice for him. He had served his clan to the best of his ability, but his feelings for Otterspark put the two clans in danger. 

It was a hard decision to make, but one he would make over and over again if given the choice.

Nettlestar’s voice called from inside the leader’s den and Volepelt jumped a little, ripped from his thoughts. He had tried to make himself more presentable, though the tom had never really had much knack for his appearance and usually any hard efforts to maintain clean fur were soon squandered by his impulsive antics. There wasn’t any mud or leaves in his coat, at least. 

“What would you like to speak to me about, Volepelt?” There was no indication in the tom’s tone that suggested he was irritated, only curious. 

Volepelt gulped, though he’d already planned the words he wanted to say. Respectfully, he began, “I wish to join Lynxclan.”

The leader looked thoughtful. After a few moments, he focused on Volepelt’s face and responded, “Can I assume this is for similar reasons to Toadpool?”

Toadpool? He was a little confused, though didn’t wish to pry. Instead, he focused on his own reasoning despite the guilt clawing at his gut. “I’m afraid that my actions have broken the Warrior Code. Because of my… feelings, I think it’d be for the best to not challenge clan loyalties anymore.”

With a small nod of his head, Nettlestar responded, “I understand. I can’t stop you,” He paused, glancing at Volepelt for a moment, “I respect your loyalty to the code and wish you well for the future.” 

Volepelt tried not to think about one day fighting against the leader. Instead, he concentrated on being with Otterspark. Everything would work out.