words i could never say to you

Lieutenant Chevrolet,

It feels rather silly that I'm writing this down on a piece of paper instead of telling you directly, but when you gaze upon me with those eyes filled with annoyance and indifference, I find it hard to speak the words that I wish to say to you. I had to ask Pela for help, and she suggested I write letters if I'm unable to bring up the courage to speak to you - so, here I am, writing to you. Though, I probably won't send these to you - they're embarrassing enough to write, and frankly, I don't wish to burden you with my thoughts and feelings when we're both soldiers fighting on the battlefield.

You're as beautiful as when I first met you when we were children, I wonder if you remembered me hiding behind Serval's back. 

The passing of your parents must have caused a great shock to you to the point that you would return from your long journey. The sadness in your eyes pains me, and for some reason, when the Supreme Guardian was mentioned, that sadness turns into anger. I don't wish to question the reasoning behind it, for you must have your own reasons. According to the Supreme Guardian, they died honorable deaths while they accompanied the Supreme Guardian to the Restricted Zone, but their bodies were never found. 

...Perhaps that anger stemmed from our engagement arranged by our families and you found yourself unable to move on. I wanted to let you know in person that ever since your disappearance, they had cancelled our engagement, but you don't seem to enjoy conversing with me. My father was indifferent to it all, and refused to let the engagement be broken off, but I managed to convince my father otherwise. He wasn't the most happy person about it, but he eventually allowed it after a year of waiting for you to return. Truth to be told, I wish to keep the engagement, but if this engagement was bringing you nothing but unhappiness, I'm more than willing to part with it and let you go.

I wonder if you hate me that much. 

Either way, I'm glad you're safe and well, even after all these years.

I look forward to seeing you more often, Sylvia.

Regards,
Gepard Landau.