Confession of Confessions

Petalcry was feeling off. She wasn’t ill despite the smoke rising far in the distance, and if she were, Needlehawk would have noticed by now. It was worse this morning. She was eating with Turtlepelt, chatting about the coming day.

“I think I’m going to help get some burdock for everyone,” Turtlepelt said. He was holding a brilliant red cardinal between his paws. Yet, despite the colorful feathers, she didn’t find it as dazzling as Turtlepelt’s words.

Petalcry swallowed a mouthful of vole, and took a moment to gather her words. “I think that’ll be good. There’s no telling how burnt everyone will be if the fire spreads,” she replied. Needlehawk would appreciate the extra help, and it would save many cats. It was kind of Turtlepelt to do so. He was such a kind cat, always there for others…

“Are you okay? You’re looking a bit dazed,” he meowed. He was right, she was. Him leaning forward slightly only made it worse. He was so caring, a good cat, a good friend…

Would he ever consider himself something more?

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Petalcry insisted. She stood up and shook herself off. The morning dew was clinging to her. That was why she felt pricking in her pelt, right? “Your patrol should be going soon, right?”

“Oh right, shoot! I’ll be late! Thanks, Petalcry!” Turtlepelt gave another dizzyingly happy smile to her and trotted off.

“You’re welcome, see you later…” Petalcry waved goodbye. She wondered when he’d get back. Maybe he’d have to go farther out, and…

Petalcry groaned and rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t get her thoughts straight around him.

As she had been expecting but vehemently denying, she was sick. Lovesick.

She’d been feeling this way for a while. She HAD to find some help. Who could she turn to? Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t hurt to ask around…

Advice on dealing with a crush. She didn’t have to give specifics. She could at least do that while she waited for him to get back.

---

A trio of apprentices were gathered around the little pool in camp to beat the intense heat. Snailpaw was lounging by the edge, and Shiverpaw and Sneezepaw were enjoying the mist of the little waterfall.

When asked, they had… varying responses.

“Challenge ‘em to a spar!” was Sneezepaw’s immediate reply. Shiverpaw looked at her sister with mild exasperation.

“I’m… not really into fighting,” Petalcry mewed.

Shiverpaw raised her paw. “I could tell you if you tell me how babies are made.”

“Again?” Petalcry remembered the aftermath of the first time…

“This time the real way!”

“...Fine. What do you suggest?”

“First step. Recon. Do you know everything about this cat? Will you give your life and family up for them?”

“What?”

“Are you ready to kill your mom about it?”

“N-no…?”

“Not worth it then. Also, kids: if you want them, don’t.”

“Okay…” Petalcry could see where Shiverpaw was coming from, but her own circumstances weren’t even close to what Silversong and Pigeonheart had going on.

“Oh! Oh! Snailpaw, you got any ideas?” Sneezepaw asked, nudging the half-asleep cat. Snailpaw stirred.

“Hm…? Oh, you should go in with a plan. Learn their likes and dislikes, plan out when, where, and how to pose the question, all of that. If they reject you, then you should still try to be friends,” Snailpaw said. Even when sleepy, he still had a rather mature take on the situation. Petalcry was impressed.

“Alright, thank you, I’ll be going… AFTER I tell Shiverpaw about where kits come from,” Petalcry said, quickly adding the last part when she noticed Shiverpaw’s expectant stare.

Sneezepaw’s tail shot straight up. “I want to know too!”

Snailpaw’s eyes opened fully. His ears were swiveled forward to listen to the fabled lore of kit-making.

Petalcry internally screamed.

---

Maybe she’d have better results talking to some parents. Larkwhisker and Ashtail were sitting by the Leader’s Ledge, so she could chat them up. She asked them both at once, but Larkwhisker was the first to speak.

“Don’t. It’s not worth it.” His gaze traveled to Dovekit, who gave him a rather peeved look. Larkwhisker had brought the kit back to camp, claiming her as his own, but he’d struggled to develop a close relationship. Petalcry didn’t know what happened to his partner, but it was something he didn’t talk about.

“I… can’t just ignore it,” Petalcry said. “And if you’re worried about me having kits, I’m not really the type who… uh… I would if I wanted them, but…”

“Oh? Oh. I get it. Just think it through,” Larkwhisker said. Despite still talking to Petalcry, he couldn’t stop looking at Dovekit.

Was he looking at Dovekit, or was he looking at a sadness projected from his heart?

Ashtail gave him a comforting tap with her tail then waved her paw to get Petalcry’s attention. She touched her paw to her mouth and moved her paw forward, opening her mouth as she did so.

“Just telling them how I feel?” Petalcry asked.

Ashtail nodded and did a few more gestures. Two paws to the chest, if they feel the same, smile, it’s good. Then claws gently raking chest, if they don’t, tap tap on ground, move on.

“Ashtail’s right!” Sorrelfeather chirped. He’d been passing by and quite literally inserted himself into the conversation. “Worst they can say is no!”

“That’s… I know, but I still worry…” Petalcry admitted. “Do I even have the courage to do it?”

“Of course you do! Even if you don’t, it’ll suck to worry about it all the time!” Sorrelfeather replied.

“I know you already worry a lot, but asking them out won’t be a disaster. I doubt they’d hate you,” Larkwhisker added.

Ashtail hugged the air. She - and everyone else - would support Petalcry, that’s what she was saying.

“Thank you all… I need some time to think, but thank you for the answers.” Petalcry waved her tail and walked off.

---

The high ledge overlooking the valley was always a relaxing place to visit in camp. It was isolated from the gathering spots below. She had a lot of time to think about what everyone had said…

“Is that crush still on your mind?” Petalcry turned around to see Creekpelt padding up to sit next to her.

“Yeah… I’m still not sure what to do. It’s been a while, but…” Petalcry sighed. “I’m overthinking this, aren’t I?”

“No, you aren’t. Love is tough,” Creekpelt replied. He stared out at the LynxClan border.

“You’ve been in love before, if I remember correctly.”

“Quite a few times. There’s a few things I’ve learned.”

“Which are?”

“One, don’t date outside your Clan. Two, be honest with them and yourself.”

Petalcry hummed. “You’re speaking very much from experience.”

“I have. And it’s painful.”

“What’s the worst of it?”

“Falling out of love. It’s easy to fall in love, but when you fall out of it, you have to live with them going on with their life, and you will never be a part of it. However, what’s worse is pretending you don’t love at all.”

“I… don’t want to pretend, then. I want to be genuine. It’s scary. But it’s what everyone says is the right choice.”

“Is it the right choice for you?”

“I think so.”

“Then you should do it,” Creekpelt said.

Below, Petalcry could see Turtlepelt’s familiar striped fur. He’d finally come back. She gasped and her fur stood on end in anticipation.

Creekpelt nudged her. “Is that him?”

“Yes…”

“Then go for it.”

She felt courage follow her all the way down.

---

Turtlepelt had just dropped off the herbs he’d found back at the herbalists’ den when Petalcry padded up to him. This was her dream and her nightmare all at once. She had to confess to him sometime…

And yet, when he gave her that smile again, she felt her courage cower.

Yet, her courage cowering reminded her of something. Their friendship had been full of little steps. Gradually growing trust. Hearts creaking open.

She would say her true feelings someday. But for now, she had to choose the right time, and place.

She wouldn’t forget all the advice she’d heard. Now it was time to prepare.

“Are you done for the day, Turtlepelt?” Petalcry asked.

“Yeah. It took longer than expected, sorry about that,” he meowed.

“Don’t be. It’s an important job, and the weather’s making it scarce.” She could tell he was beating himself up over it. So, she changed the subject. “Now that you’re back, want to… uh… go do something?”

“Like what?” Turtlepelt asked. His pelt fluffed up a bit. He was probably taken aback by Petalcry being so forward (relative to how Petalcry normally was).

“Not sure… what do you like to do? I know I met your friends, but I haven’t gotten to know a lot about what you like to do around camp the most,” she replied.

“What I like to do most? Well…”

The rest of the day was spent hanging out with Turtlepelt. She was only more certain of her feelings.

Now, lying in the grass and staring up at the stars with him, she was content.

She didn’t have to be lovesick. She just had to be Petalcry.

Now, and whenever she let her true feelings into the open air.