Ice Cold Dreams
Fields of soft yellow, warm grass comforted the paws of a black cat as she ran. She was chasing an older, larger cat. Not out of anger, it was joy. They were playing. The younger cat picked up the pace, closing the distance between the two before launching herself into the air. With a great leap she landed square on the other cat’s shoulders, knocking the breath out of him. Laughing, the tom cat rolled over as his apprentice stood triumphantly on top of him.
“Great job, Crowpaw! You learn so quickly.” The blue and tan cat said with a smile that seemed too good to be true. “You are doing fantastic, I’m so proud of you.” Crowpaw’s eyes gleamed with pure glee.
She leaned down and nuzzled him. “Thank you… Dad.” She cautiously peered back up at him, checking for approval. Would Autumnstar accept her? She was not his flesh and blood, but she hoped…
Crowpaw was pulled into a hug. “You are a wonderful daughter, Crowpaw.” Autumnstar’s words made her heart leap, finally. As she returned the embrace, the world around her began to swirl. The sunny grass became cold, it darkened slowly into a consuming mass of frost. Crowpaw gripped the cat she wanted so badly to be her father, but it seemed as though he was no longer there. Giving up the fight, the apprentice let herself become encased in ice. Whatever. Crowpaw knew better than to wish for this.
Awake again, her fantasy world shattered before her eyes. Crowpaw was not amused with the sick games her mind played on her… Did she really want Autumnstar to call her his child? She pondered silently, still sitting in the spot she fell asleep in. When she had taken her nap in the warm shade of a bush, the sun had been bright and shining… Now the sky was a miserable gray, rain was on its way and Crowpaw did not want to be caught in it. As she walked back to camp alone, the word dad lingered heavy on her mind. Daughter…
The young cat did not have to walk too long to reach camp, she was not one to travel far. She always hoped that by sticking nearby, perhaps someone would come across her and stop for a chat. Though, logically speaking, if she wanted someone to talk to her, the chances would be higher if she napped inside the camp. Crowpaw loitered on top of the walls to her home, observing what was going on down below. Immediately spotting her sister… Nightpaw. Her older sibling was not alone, a taller black and white cat stood behind her with his paw on Nightpaw’s shoulder. He was grooming her gently while Nightpaw’s mouth moved rapidly. Must be blabbing nonsensically about her day. Scoffing, Crowpaw’s gaze continued on.
She wanted to find her mom, Monkeyclaw, but she was not among the cats in the clearing. Movement near the top of her line of sight caught her attention, her glance darted up as quickly as possible. She regretted this instantly. I don’t know why I even bother doing this. The cat on the other side of the camp wall was Firepaw, and his mentor Urchintail. She knew she was glaring at him with heated hostility, but she did not care. Firepaw stared back, he didn’t seem to know what her problem was. She would never tell him. Crowpaw kept her eagle vision sharp on him until he jumped down to join the others below.
Now that he was gone, she turned around to watch the sky. How long did she have before she needed to hunker down in the apprentice’s den? The dark gray clouds moved slowly but steadily on the horizon. Crowpaw admittedly did not know how to tell how soon it would rain. As she tried to figure it out, the thoughts returned to her mind… Father. Crowpaw’s right eye twitched, this was annoying. She wanted to choke the part of her that kept bringing it up. So what if she was jealous that her older sister’s dad loved her? So what if Firepaw is Autumnstar’s legitimate son? So what if she had no idea who her dad even was?
The jealousy that had been burning in her heart was snuffed by a wave of grief. Crowpaw had asked Monkeyclaw once who her father was, and Monkeyclaw only gave a weary sigh in response. She had told her daughter that her sire was unimportant, and that she would be the only parent Crowpaw needed. Crowpaw would not ask her mother this question again. If she wanted to reveal her father, then she would have by now. The black cat felt very heavy at this moment, she was glad no one was looking. Crowpaw never cried, she will never cry. Yet she sure as hell felt the pain that would make most other cats cry.
Taking a deep breath and regaining her composure, she looked on the horizon towards the forest. She would go hunting. Just a quick catch, then she will have something to snack on while it-
Her thoughts were cut short as a fat raindrop landed on her eyebrow. Crowpaw felt like shouting at the sky, but she was not about to make herself look crazy while standing on the edge of camp. This was just like her dream, she had to give up. Crowpaw was learning that life was about surrendering the things she wanted. She would eventually stop yearning for a father figure once her child brain matures more. She jumped down into camp with such confidence that would never betray her brief moment of vulnerability. Grabbing a piece of lukewarm prey before retreating into the apprentices quarters to wait out the rain. Sharing a den with Firepaw and Nightpaw was like taking bitter medicine. It was difficult, but she would get over this.
She will get over this.