I Love You, Mijo

 I

The afterlife is a rather complex place. Like many western depictions, it is split into Heaven (run by Carina, otherwise known as “God''), Hell (run by Lucifer, or the “Devil”) and Purgatory (which is controlled equally between the two). As per traditional ideas, Heaven is where the good go, Hell is where the bad go, and Purgatory is for people who fall in between; it serves as a kind of sorting system where people are eventually placed in either Heaven or Hell. 

There are more than just sinners in Hell, however. Alongside the sinners live the workers of Hell. These workers are former humans, now turned demons, whose circumstances were deemed unique enough to warrant a sort of second chance at “life.” In exchange for working in various facets of Hell, which ranged from doing paperwork to torturing sinners, you are allowed to live a life similar to your life on earth. 

II

In Hell, there once lived a demon named Kieran. Kieran had lived in Hell for as long as he could remember, with no memory of his life on Earth as a human. He figured this was normal for demons working in Hell and never had any qualms about it. He simply accepted it as the way things were.

For as long as he’d been in Hell, Lucifer had always treated Kieran like a son. He always seemed to keep the young demon close by, treating him kindly and guiding him through the afterlife. And while it was a bit strange to Kieran at first, he gradually began to view Lucifer like a father. 

Kieran was a charismatic person, which proved to be very useful in his job. He worked as a guide, escorting sinners to Lucifer for their brief meeting, and then taking them to the main city where sinners could party until their inevitable judgement. While many sinners feared it, Kieran’s smile would, if just for a moment, make people forget they were about to face the most brutal torture possible. Even though he was generally content with his life in Hell, he couldn’t help but feel like something was...off. Of course, he never thought anything of it. It was Hell after all. 

Over the years, Kieran began to notice his coworkers offhandedly mentioning their lives on Earth. He initially didn’t think too much of it- his coworkers suggesting maybe some people don’t retain their memories upon death. However, as the years continued to pass by, the number of demons with memories that Kieran knew began to grow. A disconcerting feeling grew into a pit in his stomach as he realized he might be the only demon in Hell who didn’t have his memories. 

“But, that couldn’t be, right?” he’d tell himself. Because, if only he was missing his memories, then that meant something, or more likely, someone, did something to them. And the only person who could do that would be Lucifer. But, Lucifer would never do such a thing...

Right?

One day, after years of putting it off, Kieran decided to approach Lucifer about his memories. 

“Um...Tata?” Kieran asked, reluctance clear in his voice. 

“Hm?” Lucifer hummed back, distracted as he organized a messy bookshelf. “What do you need, mijo? Did you need me to approve any paperwork?” He paused, stared the bookshelf down, and grew a smile, content with his organization. He turned to fully face Kieran, and spoke again. “You should really go through one of the interns for paperwork; it’s a lot less work on you.” 

Lucifer’s weary smile seemed to light up the room, which made Kieran smile back. The old man was tired, but damn, did he make the most out of an eternal office job. But Kieran’s smile waned as he remembered why he was here. Right, he had to ask about this.

“No, no. It’s nothing like that. It’s just that...” 

Lucifer noticed the hesitation in his voice, and walked closer to him. “Hey, you know you can tell me anything.”

After a short silence and an inhale, the crow spoke, dropping his gaze.

“Um…I’ve been wondering, how come everyone seems to remember their life as a human...except for me? I mean, I don’t mean just a few people. I mean...every person I’ve spoken to since I’ve been here has their memories.” He paused, and looked Lucifer directly in the eyes. “So...why don’t I?” 

Lucifer’s smile didn’t falter, but somehow the air in the room felt heavier. The two of them stayed quiet, maintaining their gazes on each other as the moment of silence seemed to stretch on endlessly. Finally, Lucifer spoke, his intonation eerily the same as before.

“Kieran, we can talk about this another time.” 

“...What?” 

“I don’t think right now is a good time to talk about this. I think it can wait.” 

Before Kieran could respond-- he was too shocked to form a response anyway-- Lucifer pulled him into a hug, with an I love you, mijo. But Kieran remained silent. Lucifer’s words continued to repeat in his head. Another time? I think it can wait? What could wait? All this conversation did was leave Kieran with more questions. But it did confirm one thing: Lucifer knew something about his memories. And that alone was enough to cause his heart to drop. 

Kieran tried over the next few days to start the conversation up again. But every time, Lucifer would dodge the topic, or dismiss it. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years, and it became  clear to Kieran that Lucifer not only knew something, but was actively hiding it. 

The crow only became more weary as time continued. Weary of not knowing who he was on Earth, weary of trying to get information out of the one person he was supposed to trust, and weary of living like a part of him was missing. He became cold, distant and reclusive. After 300 years had passed, the happy, charismatic Kieran became nothing but a memory to the other demons. 

III

Kieran woke up at his apartment and was, as per usual, disgruntled. He tossed and turned, trying to go back to sleep before eventually giving up. He reached over for his phone, and checked the home screen. Great, he thought, awake at 2am again. Not that this was new, of course. His sleep schedule had been a wreck for years at this point, and he had long grown accustomed to waking up submerged in complete darkness. That didn’t make it any less annoying though.

He sighed and looked at his phone again. June 16th, 2180. Today’s...his birthday, huh. He had nearly forgotten that today was when the demons celebrated Lucifer’s birthday. Of course, no one knew how or when Lucifer came into existence. But a few years back, the demons thought it would be fun to throw a party for him anyway, deciding to celebrate on June 16th. Kieran absolutely hated it though. He couldn’t stand how highly everyone spoke of Lucifer-- he hated hearing how he was such a great boss, leader, and god forbid that he was so thoughtful. Right. Thoughtful. 

He also hated how much he missed talking to him. He missed being able to go to someone and just talk to them, trust them with anything. But he refused to see him outside of work unless he absolutely needed to. Because while he missed having a father, being around him just made him angry. Angry that Lucifer knew something about his memories and refused to tell him. 

Before he even realized it, the sun had risen, and it was time to get ready for another workday. So he showered, got dressed, and headed to work. The feelings seemed to disappear. Though, they were never gone for long. 

IV

Kieran clocked in for work early. He had been up for hours already and didn’t see the point in waiting around. A few other guides waved at him, and he waved back. He didn’t know his current coworkers very well, but they were all at least kind enough to greet him every day. He appreciated it; he knew he wasn’t the most approachable. 

Guides had a relatively simple but important job: Guide the sinner to Lucifer for a meeting, and then to the city where they await judgement. Most importantly, do not lose track of them. This was easy for Kieran though. He’d done this job a million times over, he could probably do it with his eyes closed. The only thing he really disliked was having to take them to Lucifer, but he usually just waited outside for that.

Guides would also receive condensed profiles of the sinner, just so that they knew general information about them. Kieran walked over to the schedule for today to see which sinner he was assigned to guide for today. He opened up today’s profile to see a photo of a girl with braided hair. 

Name: Nina Macías.
Age: 22.
Pronouns: She/Her.
Occupation in life: Assassin.
Cause of death: Human experimentation.

Kieran winced reading the cause of death. Despite having worked the job for thousands of years, there were some causes of death that always seemed to make him feel a little sick. The feeling quickly passed, however, and he continued. 

Despite being quiet, she is very agile and well-trained in combat. She should not be a problem as long as you track her with the third eye. Keep a close watch on her. 

Kieran’s eyes returned to the occupation. Assassin, huh? No wonder she’s down here. He was a bit shocked that someone like her would take on that profession, but it wasn’t the strangest case he’d seen. In any rate, he closed the profile and began heading over to the motel to pick the girl up. 

As he made his way over, the bad feelings started to flood his head again. Feelings of being lost, feelings of being tired, like a part of you is empty, like no matter what you do, nothing will ever make these thoughts go away. These feelings were typical, and he was used to them. But, something about today finally pushed him past his limits. He was sick of feeling this way. He had to do something. 

He glanced over at the sinner's profile again. Assassin. He wouldn’t need her to kill, but she could still be useful. 

Before he knew it, he was outside of the motel, as was the girl. 

V

“Hey, Nina right?” the demon asked, his voice clearly exhausted with a twinge of rudeness. 

The girl stood silent, staring at him. She looked him up and down, as if to analyze him, and then shifted her attention to her surroundings. It made sense; any sinner would be bewildered at the sight of Hell and demons. However, the girl maintained her composure and seemed to remain calm. 

“Where am I?” Her voice was surprisingly soft-spoken.

“Damn, didn’t even answer my question. A bit rude, don’t you think?” 

She squinted her eyes at him, and then repeated her question with a bit more emphasis. “Where am I?” 

“Well, if you must know,” the crow began, “you’re in Hell. You died, and your actions on Earth have led you here. You are what we call a sinner.” Kieran paused for a reaction, only to receive silence. He continued. “So, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to take you to the Devil’s office, you’re going to have a short meeting with him, and then from there I’ll take you to the main city where you can drink until your inevitable judgement. Unless you don’t wanna be completely wasted, but most people prefer it when faced with inescapable torture.” 

The crow looked over at the girl, trying to gauge a reaction. He realized though that Nina was very hard to read, which made sense given that her field of work required a certain level of emotional disconnection. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder what exactly was going through her head.

“Alright,” she finally responded, walking closer to him.

Alright? Really? That’s it? He expected more of a reaction out of her given the circumstance, but again was not shocked. Kieran shrugged it off, and began walking away from the motel motioning Nina to follow. The two made their way through the twisted and chaotic streets of Hell, with neither saying a word. The silence was eventually broken by Nina.

“Have we met before?” 

“Hm?” Kieran stopped and turned around. “I mean, unless you’ve been in Hell for thousands of years, I highly doubt it.”

Nina tilted her head a bit, continuing, “Well, of course. I know I have never seen you before. But your voice seems oddly familiar to me.” 

Kieran shrugged. He had never heard or seen her before, so he found the exchange a bit strange. Nina eventually just shrugged it off, commenting that she’d met many people during her life, so she wouldn’t be shocked if he just reminded her of someone from the past. Kieran took this as an opportunity. 

“So, I would imagine you traveled a lot, huh?”

“You could say that, yes.” Nina said, becoming a little more emotive. “My work, among other things, required me to move to different countries- Argentina, the U.S, and Russia to name a few.”

“And what was your work again, exactly?” 

“Shouldn’t you know that already?”

“Touché,” Kieran chuckled. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a smoke. He continued, “So, I wanna offer a deal to you, little miss assassin.” 

Nina cringed. “I am not a child, and no. I don’t make deals with people.” 

“Fiiine, fiiine. Then, think of it more as a job contract- one that’ll get you out of eternal punishment.” 

There was a brief hesitation, but the girl’s curiosity got the best of her. 

“...Elaborate.” 

Gotcha. 

“Interested? Well, it’s rather simple.” Kieran began pacing as he explained, “I think, no, I know Lucifer is hiding something from me-- my memories-- and I wanna get them back. And the easiest way for me to do this would be....” he paused for dramatic effect, “...to rip out a piece of his heart, and eat it. Now, any normal demon would be out of their mind to do this; Lucifer is the most powerful demon in Hell and could easily send someone to their second death. But, I know he trusts me. And we can use that to our advantage.” 

Nina seemed puzzled. “If he trusts you, why do you need me?”

“...Let’s just say we don’t see each other often, so this is an excuse to see him.” Which was half true. He visited the building every shift, he just avoided Lucifer at all costs. “Plus, with your agility and training, you could easily restrain him while I have him off guard. And then, I can get a piece of his heart. Simple!” 

“...And what do I get out of this?” 

“Well, you got two choices here. You either, a, decline my offer and face brutal torture and second death, or b, accept my offer, help me out, and I’ll make sure that you won’t have to face judgement. You won’t have the third eye mark tracking your soul, and you can do whatever you want down here.” He took a moment to put out his cigarette, “...Though, I can’t guarantee what’ll happen to you after that, nor that people won’t be looking for you. But hey, better than torture, right?”

Kieran’s tone seemed to annoy Nina, but it was hard to tell. Either way, she sighed and nodded.
“Well, I suppose it would be in my best interests.”

The demon offered out a hand. “Knew you’d make the right choice, little miss.”

“Ugh.” She took his hand, sealing the deal. 

VI

Under the pale crimson sky stood a skyscraper. It was elaborate, with a sleek, modern appearance decorated with gothic ornamentation. Although it seemed somewhat lifeless from a distance, sinners, guides, and other workers would come here to speak to the Devil, Lucifer. Nina and Kieran entered the building, moving through the quiet halls of the establishment. They made their way to an elevator, selected the highest floor, and waited to arrive at their destination. 

At first, the ride was deathly quiet, with only the rumbling of the elevator filling the box. Then, after a minute, Nina broke the silence.

“Kieran,” Nina began, “are you sure that you want to do this?” 

Kieran raised an eyebrow at the girl. “I wouldn’t have asked you for help if I wasn’t sure. Why, you suddenly afraid to take on a job?”

“I’ve killed people twice my size with my bare hands. I have no worries about restraining someone.” Nina responded bluntly. Ah, right. Assassin.

She continued, “I cannot help but sense that you are hesitant. Your words claim confidence, yet your eyes say otherwise. Besides being contradictory to your interests, it’s also a weakness for this job.” 

Kieran stared at the girl, stoic. Not because she said anything wrong. No, she was rather on the mark. He was hesitant. Deep down, he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to have to hurt the one person who, over his entire life in Hell, had been a Father to him. A small part of him wanted to just run away and continue to live as things were. But when he remembered just how exhausted and depressing this kind of life was, that hesitation would disappear. 

“What you see as hesitation, I see as motivation.” 

If he hesitated, he would continue this cycle, and he was tired of it. At this point, he would do whatever it takes to get his memories back, even if that meant betraying the one person he was supposed to trust. 

A ding played, and the elevator suddenly stopped. The doors opened to reveal a waiting room. Chairs were placed next to each other, although none of them really seemed used. At the end of the waiting room stood a doorway, with a nameplate next to it. 

Lucifer’s Office.

The two approached the entrance, looked at each other, nodded, and entered the next room. When they opened the door, they saw an older demon sitting at a desk, working on paperwork. He looked up at both of them with a stunned expression on his face.

“...Kieran?”

VII

“Hi, Lucifer.” Kieran replied, perhaps a bit crassly.

Lucifer’s smile seemed to falter slightly, but nonetheless he looked happy to see the younger demon. 

“It’s...been years, hasn’t it?” 

“It’s been a while, yeah,” Kieran said, walking closer to Lucifer’s desk, “I remembered it was your birthday and figured, hey, I have to come up here anyways! May as well say hello to the viejo.” 

Although Kieran often came to this building, he always waited in the waiting room for the sinner to be done with their meeting. This was the first time in hundreds of years he’d actually spoken to Lucifer. 

“Well, I’m happy to see you, even if it’s under work time- speaking of which…” He turned his attention towards the girl. “I would assume she’s the reason you’re here, correct?”

“Yep.” Kieran motioned her to come forward. “Nina Macías: 22, assassin, and today’s sinner.” 

Nina nodded, stating her presence wordlessly. Really though, she was waiting for Kieran’s cue. After all, they weren’t just here for a meeting. Kieran and Lucifer conversed, exchanging pieces of small talk, laughter, with perhaps some work gossip sprinkled on top. If one didn’t know any better, you’d think this was a genuine conversation on Kieran’s end. Perhaps it actually was, he wasn’t sure either. Eventually, the small talk came to an end. 

“Alright,” Kieran said, “I’ll be waiting outside.” 

“Ah, leaving so soon?” Lucifer replied, with a slight frown.

“Yeah, well, you know me. I like to give my clients the privacy they deserve.”

“Well, I haven’t known you as of recently.”

“...Right.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” Kieran finally said, now in front of Lucifer. Lucifer, who at this point was standing up, looked down at the boy, and smiled. 

“It was nice to see you again. Take care, alright?” Lucifer opened up his arms for a hug.

“Same to you.” Kieran looked at Lucifer, his words beginning to fail him. Fuck, he was really going to do this. Fuck. He took a deep breath, “...and, happy birthday.”

Now.

As if on beat, Nina sprang into action. She moved as fast as a bullet, immediately appearing in front of Lucifer. It was impressive to see how agile and effortlessly she restrained Lucifer within a second; it was no surprise that she was a damn good assassin in life. 

Lucifer wouldn’t die, he might wind up in a lot of pain, but he wouldn’t die. All he had to do was rip open his chest, take a piece of his heart, and then eat it, and he’d know who he was. At last, he'd know why he felt like a part of him was empty. This was all he had to do, and he would be free from the confines of ignorance. But before he could do anything, he caught a glimpse of Lucifer’s eyes, and he saw emotions he had never seen the Devil show before. Fear. Sadness, heartbreak, disbelief, and, most glaringly, hurt. Kieran stopped dead in his tracks. And he slowly had the realization that he was causing these emotions. He was scaring him. He was going to hurt someone important to him. 

What the fuck am I doing… He thought to himself. Why am I doing this? I know why I’m doing this but...I can’t do it. I can’t. 

Seeing Kieran hesitate caused Lucifer’s instincts to finally kick in. He quickly unrestrained himself, pushing the girl off him with incredible magic, the force of the impact also pushing Kieran away from the Devil. As the smoke of the magic cleared, Lucifer stood up, staring at Kieran. He wasn’t...angry, no. But, he undoubtedly felt betrayed. He didn’t need words for that to be clear. 

There was only silence from Kieran at first. He refused to look up at Lucifer, not out of malice, but out of shame. The shame he felt for betraying the trust of someone who cared for him was a weight on his heart he had never quite felt before. Quiet sobs began to echo throughout the room, a sound Lucifer had never heard from the crow, but was very familiar to Kieran. Through stifled breathing and tears, Kieran finally managed to speak.

“I’m sorry.” He began. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why I thought it was okay. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Kieran…”

“I just...I’m so tired, Tata. I’m so tired of waking up and living this way. Every day feels like I’m fighting this looming darkness just to survive. And I thought that, if I did this...I would know who I was, and would finally be normal. I’m so tired of feeling broken. I just want to be okay.”

Lucifer approached the boy cautiously, kneeling down in front of him. Kieran slowly looked up, but avoided meeting his gaze.
“Mijo,” Lucifer pulled him into a hug, “it’s okay.” 

Kieran looked up, teary-eyed and surprised. 

“Why are you being so kind to me...?”

“Because, I know you didn’t mean it. I’ve been hiding things from you, but I just wanted to keep you safe. But, I know now this wasn’t the right way. I still don’t know how to talk to you about it, but...I’m sorry. You deserve that much at least.” 

“...Thank you.” Kieran sobbed into Lucifer’s shoulder. For the first in years, the two trusted each other.

VIII

As the two demons shared a moment of tenderness, Nina laid on the floor, eyes closed, still recovering from the impact of the blow. She was used to pain during jobs, but she certainly wasn’t used to demon magic being a part of the mix. Regardless, it seemed she was right about Kieran. Nina eventually opened her eyes, looking over to see Lucifer pull Kieran into an embrace, and she began tuning into the conversation. 

‘Mijo’...ah, right, that’s his.... His hesitation made sense, now-- of course you would be hesitant to do that to your father. But, something about the exchange...bothered her. It started off just as a feeling, a feeling that grew into a thought she couldn’t avoid. One that was echoed by Kieran himself. Why was he being so kind to him? Why wasn’t he being reprimanded for disobeying? Why was...he being treated so nicely? She was never treated like that, so then...why…?

Is...this how she should have been treated? 

These thoughts grew back into emotions, emotions that she had always stopped herself from feeling. Sadness, confusion, anger. Her entire life, she had been used as a tool for other people. Even now, she was used, and ultimately going to be discarded, again. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

Why does...this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve to be treated like this?

“I’m sorry.”

Why couldn’t it have been me?

Whether out of impulse, anger, sadness, she couldn’t tell, but before she knew it, she stood behind Lucifer, forcing her arm through Lucifer’s back. Her arm broke through the Devil’s body, and her hand grabbed his heart. In an instant, his heart was ripped out. 

“T...Tata?”

Lucifer’s body fell into Kieran’s arms, lifeless. Kieran looked in disbelief. He couldn’t be dead. There was no way he was actually dead, right? But these hopes were crushed by the sight of Nina holding his blood-covered heart. Tears fell down her face, with a mix of anger and sadness on her face. And in a final move, she put the heart to her mouth, and bit down, eating it until nothing of it was left. 

In an instant, the former Devil’s magic coursed through her veins. Her eyes were painted with a deep crimson as a powerful aura formed around her. Kieran stared, terrified of the scene that had just played out in front of him. 

“This…this wasn’t part of the plan,” Kieran managed to choke out, “…why? Why did you do this?”

Nina looked at the blood on her hands, then at Kieran, and wiped her tears off with a chuckle. Well, this definitely wasn’t part of the plan. 

“Oh, did I mess it up?” She replied, “I guess it’s just too bad.” Her words were said with a smile, but her voice trembled. For the first time in her life, she truly felt all of her emotions. The sadness, confusion, and strongest of all, anger.  

And for once, she wasn’t going to stop herself from feeling them.

Welcome to the new Devil.

Fin.