fear of getting hit in the tuckus

today was the day id been dreading all week. my stomach was a knotted mess and the very last thing i wanted to do was untangle it to speak to the guy next to me- sugar. he seemed to be absorbed in texting someone else and god i hope its not his girlfriend. i tried to keep my peeking on his screen subtle, though all i could make out was a contact name and what app he was on. i didn't know any akiras so i half buckled over with relief and just laid (ok, closer to bonked) my head on the table.

"geez, foods takin a whiiile," sugar whined, replacing his phone face down on the table. "ya fallin asleep there bro?" he poked the top of my head curiously. i let out a labored sigh and picked my head back up. this joint sucked, but it was loud. loud enough that nobody would hear me and sugars conversation. steeling myself for probably the 80th time this hour, i opened my mouth creakily.

"su-sugar. im gay." i blurted, now wishing id kept my head down so i wouldn't need to see his face, his reaction. 

he only nodded, leant over and patted me on the shoulder. "oh, no sweat dude. uh, me too. im bi, i mean. its all cool, don't worry about that."

eeek...! him touching me right now was one thing, but while telling me he was gay? can you say chemistry? i tried to keep my mouth shut so i wouldn't either look like a dying goldfish (hm, i kinda look like that anyway) or blurt something dumb. he sat back and shot a crooked grin. 

"was that really all? is that why we came here?" he asked, probably not aware of how much that stung- i wanted to say something like, that's all? that's only my deepest secret! but whether i was being logical or defensive, i shook my head. 

"i said there were three things, remember?"

sugar made a show of counting on his fingers. "i. am. gay. i thought ya were about to pull somethin like that."

i groaned but just kept moving. "er... i got offered a job somewhere else. if i take it, im gonna move there." 

now sugar lost his ribbing attitude and his face totally fell. "nooo, ya really gonna take it? id miss you!" his demeanor was weirdly raw like he hadn't taken a single second to think about what he was saying. "we're like best friends! we hardly spent enough time together."

i nodded nervously. "i-i-i still might...not take it. i might just stay here. but it pays pretty well, i guess. and i cant stay stuck with a shit job and..."

sugar nodded again, taking a big swig and flipping his phone just a tad to peek at any notifications- ouch.

"did i piss you off?" i asked bluntly, but he shook his head quickly. "no, of course not. not your fault you're so skilled, hehe." 

i nodded a little, taking another sip of my drink as to not acknowledge the silence.

"y'know i can support cha right? i got more money than i know what to do with, really. if you like it here you can stay. really." he looked away a tad, sliding his phone back over to his grip and idly refreshing it.

i tried not to lose my composure at an offer like that- both almost degrading and a total fantasy. "sugar, you don't need to waste your money on me." not that he would even want to after this.

"the third thing! um..."

he didn't bother looking away from closing random notifications, but gave a nod. "yeah?"

"i um... im saying this to be honest, n-not because i expect anything, or i guess even want anything to come of it. um... yeah."

he nodded again and looked back at me. "...yeah?"

"li-like, i don't want it to bother you, um. it made more sense to tell you this when i was more sure about the job..."

"yeah?"

"and im not t-trying to pressure you or gross you out or..." i was totally rambling now, trying to delay the inevitable while he placed his phone down again. 

"yeah?" he egged on, now clearly curious and, worryingly, probably already knowing what i was gonna say.

"i ah. i... like you?" i wanted to follow it up, but speaking something like that totally froze me up. i focused a wiggly gaze onto a styrofoam cup on the floor.

sugars expression wavered a little, though i couldn't really place what it meant. it was a weird look and i only got a nervewracking glace before adjusting my gaze back to anything else.

he got up and walked around the booth, wrapping his arms around me. "no sweat, dude. my offer still stands. luv ya too."

i didnt have the will to hug him back.