Basil and the Ghost Panda

1718 AD. Somewhere in an unknown ocean.

It was blue, blue, blue. Water to his west. Water to his east. Water to his north. Water to his south. Water practically every other direction, too. Oh, except for up. There was no water up, because up was the blue, blue, blue sky. There was not a cloud in sight. There was not any land in sight, either.

This is even worse than Egypt, sighed Basil, flapping aimlessly above the ocean. The blue, blue, blue ocean. He was never going to look at blue the same way again. That amazing feather sword from Saito was strapped to his back ( Ghost had said to bring it in case of emergency. Since it was feather related, Basil had whole-heartedly agreed ). We are LOST and you're not doing much to help, Ghost! Why did you think you lived here?

   It was just an idea! I just thought maybe I lived during the golden age of piracy, so why not check?

   More like the blue age of piracy.

   Can you stop thinking about blue?

   Well, what else am I supposed to do? It's all we're surrounded by! Basil waved his paws madly at everything in sight. I would hate living here.

   Look, when I suggested we check out this time period, I didn't suggest we check out the open sea! We have to find a ship, or an island! Then I'm sure you'll never want to leave.

   I suppose you have a point . . . Pirates, after all, are certainly crazy-awesome. But are you sure we'll find past you here?

   Um – maybe. Maybe not. But you were the one begging me to try here.

   I was? Basil frowned, then blinked in realization. Oh. Suppose I was.

   Yes, now can you please find us a ship? Or an island?

Basil had no idea where to start looking for either, so he glided off in a random direction. It took a full hour before they reached a ship, which unfortunately was not a pirate ship, but still looked like a good place to rest. So he flapped down and landed on the railing of the ship - right in front of a human.

"Oh, dear,” Basil yelped, jumping over the sailor's head and scurrying for safety. The human stared in shock at the place where Basil had been.

"What? What was that? Some kind of furry ghost parrot?" the human said. Basil managed to duck behind some barrels and turn invisible before another sailor scrambled over, absolutely frantic.

"Parrot? Ghost parrot? Did it have a striped tail? And a blue feather behind one ear?"

   "I - I don't know. I think so? Didn't get a clear enough loo -"

"WE'RE ALL DOOMED!" the second human declared suddenly, making the first one jump. Several others stopped what they were doing and stared in fright.

"What - what do you mean?" the first sailor asked, nervously biting his lip.

   "You've seen the ghost panda! It means we're all doomed! There's a pirate ship heading our way right now, I bet you!" the second one proclaimed. There were worried murmurs from the crew.

Woah, when did I become some scary omen of oncoming pirates?

   Is that a paradox? Oh, no, will we have to time travel to all the ships about to be attacked by pirates?

   THIS IS SO COOL! I've always wanted to be a proper ghost. You know, haunt people and all that.

   You mean you wanted to be like the castle ghost.

   Exactly! That guy has the art of pranks mastered!

"AHEM," came a voice from somewhere near the wheel (was that called aft or stern or what? Basil's ship terminology was non-existent) and everyone turned to look at the ship's captain. "There's no reason to believe in silly superstitions like ghosts. Disregard it. We need to keep going - " He trailed off and stared at something across the blue, blue, blue ocean. Everyone turned to look. Basil poked his invisible head over the barrels to peek, and accidentally knocked a mop over (it was leaning against those barrels). Luckily, no one noticed. They were all too busy staring at . . .

A PIRATE SHIP! HOORAH! Basil mentally cheered.

"A PIRATE SHIP! WE'RE DOOMED!" the sailor who'd seen Basil shouted.

A pirate ship? We really are going to have to travel to every single ship to stop a paradox, aren't we? Ghost groaned.

That was when the first cannon fired and everything dissolved into absolute chaos.

- - - -

Sometime during the general craziness, Basil managed to sneak on board the pirate ship. Since all the pirates were preparing to board the other ship, they didn't notice when a door that led below deck opened and the ghost panda snuck down it.

What do you think is down here? mused Basil as he wandered down the below deck hallway.

   Is it wise that we go meandering down here in plain sight?

   Not in sight, Ghost! Invisibility, remember? Besides, I'm sure everyone's up there enjoying a spectacular naval battle.

   But what if someone trips over you?

   No one's gonna trip over me, I'm the ghost panda!

"IT'S THE GHOST PANDA!" came a shout from up the hall. Basil turned around to see a pirate pointing at him in horror. Then Basil looked down at himself to see that he was no longer invisible.

   “BASIL! protested a very annoyed Ghost.

   Whoops! thought Basil in return as he darted through the nearest open door. Once out of sight he stopped to listen as another pirate came thumping into the corridor.

“Dude, calm down!" Basil heard. "The ghost panda only appears if you're about to be attacked by pirates! And pirates don't attack other pirates!"

   "How do you know that? What if they do?" the first pirate said.

Suddenly the sounds of cannons firing, swords clanging, people shouting orders, and other general battle sounds stopped and Basil heard a faint cry of "AAAAAAAHHHH! NOW WE'RE REALLY DOOMED!" Perhaps that was the guy who'd gotten all worried over the ghost panda in the first place. Or perhaps it was someone else. But either way, Basil started to run back up the hall, realized the way was still blocked by those two pirates, and instead teleported up onto the main deck. He landed on the railing and looked where everyone else was looking.

There, across the blue, blue, blue ocean, an even BIGGER pirate ship was swiftly approaching, all its cannons pointed at the two ships and a black flag flapping in the breeze.

   THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! Basil declared. Ghost, we have to see that ship up close!

And then the general chaos began again as everyone prepared to fight the oncoming ship (strangely the pirates and average sailors were working together now) and cannons started firing (again) and Basil tried to navigate a path to fly to that new ship.

- - - -

Once aboard the Even Bigger Pirate Ship, Basil was mainly ignored as pirates hurried to prepare to board the Smaller Pirate Ship and the Small Not A Pirate Ship. He flapped over to the pirate captain (as said captain had a feather in his hat and Basil was hoping to steal it) . But before he could steal any feathers, he overheard the captain talking.

   "Keep vigilant, lads! If we take both the Smaller Pirate Ship and the Small Not A Pirate Ship, we'll have plenty of loot to take home with us!"

   "But Captain," a smaller pirate frowned, "Don't we already have enough to take home as is? I mean -"

   "Quiet! Our newly stolen exotic bird collection may be superb, but don't you want some gold and jewels, too?" the captain interrupted.

   The smaller pirate may have said something in reply, but Basil was too excited to listen. GASP! GHOST DID HE JUST SAY WHAT I THOUGHT HE DID?!

   . . . yes, Basil. Ghost answered after a sigh.

   Let's go check out this exotic bird collection! FEATHERS FOR ALL! grinned Basil, having forgotten about the feather in the captain's hat. He charged for the door that led below deck.

- - - -

Sometime later, a random pirate tugged on the captain's sleeve and said, "Pardon, Captain, but do you know who opened that door?"

   "What - the door? But we're all up here attacking those two ships. GASP! It must be someone trying to steal all of our treasure! After them!" the captain ordered, and a moment later three pirates were in pursuit.

- - - -

Back to our two brave time travelers. Basil had no idea they were being pursued by pirates (and neither did Ghost). He was opening every door they came across in search of those birds, with little success. How hard can it be to find a room, anyway?

   I don't know! Just try this one, Ghost suggested. Basil opened the next door, and . . .

   Success! But this success was only felt for a moment, because the plight of these poor birds was very sad.

Birds in a rainbow of colors were all crammed in this tiny little room, in even smaller cages. Basil figured everyone in the room could use an actual meal. And also a bath. "Oh, no! Are you guys okay? Sorry - bad question. Let me rephrase it - can I help at all?"

   A very grumpy looking owl answered. "You can get a key. Free us all. That would be nice."

   "A key! That's great! Um - where exactly do I find one of these keys?"

   The owl sighed. "From what I've heard, every pirate has a key. But how are you going to snatch a key? No offence, but you're really small and fluffy. Not the kind of person I'd expect to fight a bunch of pirates over a key."

   Basil frowned, stopped, and thought. He thought until Ghost frantically thought his own thought. Basil . . . hurry up, I think someone's coming this way!

   Right. I think I've got something! Basil laughed and grinned at the birds. "You guys think I'm small and fluffy? Well, while that certainly might be true, I'm from the future! And I can wield a feather like a sword!"

   That's because it's a feather sword. complained Ghost.

   “Which is because it's a sword that looks like a feather," Basil agreed. "But the point is, I got here and found out that my reputation precedes me. I'm the one and only ghost panda! And I just had my biggest crazy-awesome idea yet!"

- - - -

The three pirates the pirate captain had sent after the treasure stealers barged in to the room and almost ran right into a sword. It was a feather sword, and it was . . . floating in mid-air? The sword was pointing at a sign, which also was hanging in the air, with nothing visibly supporting it. How weird.

   I AM A TIME TRAVELER, THE KING OF FEATHERS, AND THE EXTREMELY SPOOKY GHOST PANDA, the sign read. AND I NEED THE KEY TO FREE THESE BIRDS. IF YOU DO NOT HAND OVER SAID KEY, I WILL SUMMON TWENTY BILLION SHIPS TO COME AND DESTROY YOU.

"What are we supposed to - to do?" the first pirate squeaked nervously.

   "Do - do you think it's actually the ghost panda?" the second added.

   "What are we questioning this for? Whatever this thing is, it's certainly dangerous if it's able to do that! Just throw the key over and let's get out of here, quick!" the third ordered. The key was quickly thrown at the sign's feet (did signs have feet?) and the three pirates were also very quick to get out of there.

An invisible Basil, who'd been flying and holding the sword and sign, listened as the swift footsteps slowly faded. When he couldn't hear them anymore, he threw aside the sign (and almost threw aside the sword, too, but managed to stop himself) ,  became visible again, and shouted in triumph -

   "VICTORY!"[/color] he cheered, and the shout was quickly taken up by all the birds (except for that grumpy owl, who instead just looked very pleased. Said owl reminded him of Saito) . After sticking the feather sword back in its holder, he swooped down, took the key and started unlocking all the cage doors.

As he was doing so, one of the birds asked him, "How did you make that sign so quickly?"

   “Well, there was already some wood in here, and then I conjured up some ink, and we wrote on the sign! That was actually really fun."

   "Fun?" protested the grumpy owl as Basil unlocked his cage, "You call that fun? I call it We All Might Have Died!"

   "But thanks to my excellent leadership, we didn't!" Basil said as he at last unlocked the final cage. "You're very welcome."

   "Thank you so, so much!" a small red bird chirped. "Is there any way we could possibly repay you?"

   Basil's grin got grinnier (if such a word existed at all. Always a good day to make up a new one, though).

   Basil, don't you dare!

   "Actually, there is one thing . . ."

- - - -

Basil charged down the hall, leading the giant group of freed birds, a giant bunch of feathers in one paw. Being held captive for so long, the birds had molted a lot of feathers, which they'd been more than happy to give to their rescuer.

   "Well, I've got to head on home, but for me home's crazy far away from here. So I'll lead you up on to the deck, but after that you're on your own. Watch out for angry pirates," Basil explained.

   The grumpy Saito owl spoke up again. "But where are we supposed to go? Which way from here is land? Being stuck in here for so long, I don't know where we are."

   Basil shrugged, skipping along. “Pick any direction you like. I'm sure you'll find land sooner or later."

   "What kind of answer is THAT?!" the owl squawked.

   "It's code word for I have absolutely no idea where land is. Sorry," the red panda chuckled awkwardly.

   "You're so helpful," the owl grumbled.

   Just then the three pirates from before thundered back down the stairs with backup. Apparently they figured they'd be able to figure out the situation if there were a lot of them. Basil gasped in surprise, the birds gasped in surprise, and the pirates gasped in surprise to see their birds escaped and being led by a flying panda.

   Still tightly gripping his feathers in one paw, Basil unsheathed the sword and waved it around, trying to look very scary. "Um . . . ROAR!"

   The pirates turned around and fled, the birds and Basil in pursuit. When they reached the deck, the battle was still in full swing, with lots of chaos everywhere. Which was great, but all this adventuring was getting tiring. He kind of wanted to go home.

The birds flew off in a hurry (in the end they’d agreed on a direction to fly in) . Basil followed them for a while, but slowly he fell behind until the birds were gone, and the ships were tiny specks on the horizon. It was just as they had started, with the blue, blue, blue ocean. Basil actually enjoyed it now, though. Ghost? Are we going to go back now?

   Sure, if you want to.

   But we haven't found past you at all! You were just - nowhere!

   Well, I have to be somewhere, don't I? Just think of all the adventures we can have while looking.

   Yeah. It is really fun. But I thought all my running around really annoyed you?

   It did, at first, but . . . not anymore. Just please don't go on any more midnight feather hunts.

   Fine, I'll go on less midnight feather hunts.

   Wonderful.

- - - -

Blackheart Rogue castle, present day

Basil stumbled in that afternoon, very tired but very pleased with the recent adventure. As things turned out, the place he teleported into was the library. He put down his newly collected feathers and the feather sword. "I could just sleep for a year, Ghost," the winged red panda yawned, blinking his eyes as if he was about to fall asleep then and there.

   "But you can't do that yet! I only just got here!" a very familiar shout could be heard, and Basil immediately perked up.

   "FUTURE BASIL! How are you doing! You haven't come to see yourself in forever, what's up with that?"

   Future Basil jumped up onto the nearest table and sat down with a thump. "Cause I didn't see future me visit me, so how could I go back to see you without causing a giant paradox?"

   "True, I guess. We don't want paradoxes, do we? Anyway, why are you here today? Got some news for me? A new feather? Something I should be doing?"

   "Well, I just figured I'd give you some recommended reading!"

   "What - no! No, not now! I'm really tired, we just got back from -" he picked up the feather sword and waved it in the air "- pirates!"

   "But I think you'll really like this!"

   "Basil . . ."

   "Please?"

   Basil sighed and got to his paws. "This had better be one good book."

   "Of course it is! Come on, come on!" future Basil said, scurrying away already.

   Seeing as you're recommending reading to yourself, I'd say it's safe to assume that this is a very good book. Ghost added.

"BASIL!"

   "COMING!" Basil abandoned the feathers and feather sword for the moment and trotted after his future self. When he got there future Basil was already pulling out a book. Pirate Myths and Legends, the cover read.

   "Page . . . 54, I think . . . aha! Look at that!" future Basil grinned triumphantly, shoving the book over to not future Basil, who glanced down at the page.

   "The legend of . . . the ghost panda?! I'm in a book?" he asked, not believing his eyes.

   "Oh, yeah you are!"

   "YES! HIGH FIVE!" Basil shouted, and the two Basils high pawed. He'd gotten feathers, Saito's feather sword had been useful, and now he was in a book! This was turning out to be the most crazy-awesome day of them all.