In Spring, We Bloom

Ever since he was a child, Laurent wondered about the festivals they’ve held in Luiren. He’s heard rumors about them, the lights, the decorations- the food. Sometimes, he fled just to get a peak- even just a little one- before he was dragged off again back to the orphanage. He remembers this vividly. It’s weird, even now, he thinks. Being able to walk around...freely. Having people kneel before him, bow their heads- speak with such light. Ever since he was adopted, he’s felt strange about these instances. He hadn’t known what respect felt like until he was adopted by the queens. Changed. From an lowly orphan- to the next crowned prince of Luxryllis. 

Sometimes, he can’t believe this. Sometimes, he thinks it’s still a dream. Even now, hand-in-hand with Perseus. He’s courted to another prince. Maybe it is a dream. Though for now, maybe he should just enjoy it. Deep down, Laurent knows it’s not a dream- but sometimes he thinks it would be easier if it was. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” 

Laurent feels something squeeze his hand, and he’s snapped out of his own thoughts. Yeah. That’s right. He’s taking Perseus to the festival. He forgot.

Taking a deep breath, he nods his head- squeezing the hand holding his in return. He gives him a reassuring smile. But then- Laurent’s always been a bad liar. When the subject isn’t pushed, though, they move on from that. If he wanted to talk to him, he would. He trusts Perseus- but sometimes, there’s things he’s not sure if he’s ready to face yet.

Underneath the warm glow of the setting sun, the decorations of the festival still shine brightly. The candle-lit lanterns, all the bright colors against white. The light chattering of people, children laughing. Even though he’s been to many before after being adopted, this one...it’s different. It’s different having someone at his side again. 

“I’m glad you’re here with me. It’s been a while when I’ve gone to a festival with someone. I usually just walk around, talk to some guests...now I can show you around,” the dainty says, his grin widening- genuinely. He is happy about it. It’s another happy memory he can have with him, until the other leaves to go back to Agula for a while. They do live in other countries, after all. But now that they’re together, hopefully he doesn’t have to wait more than half a year to see him again. Maybe he can travel with him somewhere…

“I’m glad too, it sure is lively around here during festivals, isn’t it?” Perseus smiles just as sweetly, glancing over at Laurent who nods in response.

“Always. It was a bit overwhelming at first, since Luiren isn’t usually this lively on a regular basis. But you get used to it...though I will say, I do prefer being in the comfort of the castle. I’m still not sure how I should act around these people…” 

“You should act normal...like yourself. You shouldn’t change for other people. You’ll make a fine king, Laurent. You should stop doubting yourself,” Perseus says quietly, and then he squeezes the other’s hand- pulling him towards one of the vendors in order to get something to eat. 

He’s right. Perseus is always right...and sometimes, Laurent doesn’t know if he actually deserves him. If he’s good enough- to be a proper partner and a proper ruler. He can’t help but have these doubts. 

“I know...thank you. We should enjoy the festival, it’s why I brought you here,” he murmurs, and when he turns around to see what Perseus was ordering- there’s something being shoved in his face. A small cake.
“Yeah. But I know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately, with your upcoming ceremony. So eat,” his partner chuckles, proceeding to pop it into Laurent’s mouth. He loves sweets.

He loves Perseus, too. 

But he’ll save that for another time.

Even later that evening, when the festival has calmed down- Laurent can’t help but think. He’s not entirely sure why tonight has to be one of those nights, especially when Perseus is with him. He feels bad he can’t push aside those feelings to enjoy the time he has with him. He hates how his heart weighs down on him. He hates how he has these doubts.

Perseus notices it too, how much quieter Laurent is than usual- and he’s worried. Even though he hasn’t known the other dainty for long, truly- he’s spent enough time with him to know when something’s wrong with him. When everything he says might be light, but there’s a hidden note of something...darker. He can’t help but worry. 

He’s reaching for the other’s hand, and once he has it in his grasp- he squeezes it. When Laurent looks back at him, eyebrow raised- ears twitching curiously- Perseus gives him a small smile. He’s sad, though. There’s no doubting that small look in his eye.

“Let’s go back, ok? It’s getting late,” he whispers quietly, and Laurent isn’t stupid. He knows that tone. The other’s worried about him. It makes his chest tighten, and his ears flatten briefly against his head. There’s a flash of emotion that crosses his face, but he nods in return. 

“Can you stay with me tonight?” Laurent’s then asking quietly.

Perseus only squeezes his hand in return.

The ride back to the palace is in silence, but while Laurent knows why, he’s not sure if he enjoys it or if it unsettles him. He knows he can trust Perseus- open up with him, but there’s always that feeling that he’ll say too much. That he’ll scare him away. That he...discovers things about himself he didn’t want to know. He’s afraid, if he has to be truthful. He’s endured more hardships than anyone he’s known. Ever since he accidentally saw the old orphanage with Perseus, he’s been thinking about it more and more. Remembering his anger, his sadness- his grief. Those memories...he wishes they could disappear. He wants to live his happy dream. 

“I keep thinking about it.”

The next time they speak, they’re in the comfort of Laurent’s room. He’s propped up against the headboard of the bed, now dressed in his nightwear as he sighs- feeling the darkness fall upon the room once the last candle is blown out by Perseus- who then settles into the bed with him. Crawling over, Perseus seats himself in front of Laurent, going to take his hands into his own. He doesn’t need the light to know what kind of expression is on the prince’s face.

“We don’t have to talk about this now if you don’t want to. But I’m here if you want to tell me as little or as much as you want. I support you, all of you. You don’t need to carry this burden alone. I can tell it's been weighing down on you for the past week or so,” Perseus whispers quietly, squeezing his hands to reassure him that he’s real. 

“It’s been over twenty years, and I still have these feelings. What kind of king will I be if I can’t do something as simple as letting go?” Laurent says quietly, lips curving into a frown in the darkness. His ears flatten against his head, a lot of emotions running through his head. “They already doubt me. Everyone does. I’m not sure what to do.”

It hurts seeing Laurent like this, but Perseus supposes he can’t understand what the other’s thinking. He’s never gone through the stuff he has. He couldn’t understand, could he? He can’t. So all he can do is reassure him and be there for him. No matter what happens. 

“You’ll be a great king,” he starts lightly, voice soft- gentle. “I can’t tell you I understand...or know what you’re thinking. I don’t. Sometimes you’re hard to figure out- I can’t tell what you’re thinking...but I know that you need to try to let go. It’s hard to let go of your past...but you need to try to let go of your demons. I can tell it’s been upsetting you ever since we saw the orphanage on one of our walks. You can’t let your past control who you’re going to be.”

Taking a deep breath, Laurent leans forward- kissing the other softly. His lips feel soft against his own, fitting perfectly together. He needs this right now- just to feel whole. Perseus is right...he knows he needs to let go. It’s hard but he needs to. He just...can he really let go? Forgive his past? Forgive those who hurt him...he’s not sure if he’s capable of that. 

“You’ll make a great king,” is the first thing Perseus says when he pulls back, hands cupping the other’s face lovingly. To make sure he’s there with him. 

Nodding slowly, Laurent pulls back, processing.

He’ll try.

---

Flowers are supposed to bloom in spring. 

Not fire.

He’s not sure how to react to this sight. Laurent actually isn’t sure if it’s fully processed yet in his head, anyway. Right now, he’s staring at it. The flames are hissing, licking at his hooves. He has to be pulled back by Perseus- who he’s sure is talking to him, but he can’t hear him. All he’s staring at is this.

His old home burning before him. 

Suddenly, all the memories are rushing back of this morning.

“My lord!” he remembers how his advisor came into the room. Immediately Laurent had set down his fork to his meal, looking at Luciano with a raised eyebrow. He had been in the middle of a conversation, so he hoped it was important. 

“The orphanage...it’s up in flames.”

He remembers having flashbacks to his childhood- of a rough mattress- of  woman’s voice- the stinging sensation across his cheeks- the cries of younger children. He remembers running away, sleeping outside under the comfort of the night. He remembers wanting to run away and never return. He remembers being told he’ll never escape, that no one will want him. 

He should have been the one who stayed.

When Laurent opens his eyes again- snaps back into his thoughts, the fire is put out- but all that remained was burnt wood, and a pile of ash. He felt his chest tighten once again.

“They’re...all dead, aren’t they?” he feels himself whisper, and he feels his hands begin to shake.

He feels warm hands take his own, someone move closer to him- and then someone’s hugging him. He feels the tears flow freely now, trickling down his cheeks- tasting the ash in the air. He doesn’t need an answer to his question, because he already knows.

They’re dead.

---

Everything past that has been a blur. He’s not sure how many hours, how many days tick past. 3, at the most. He remembers thinking a lot. Perseus comforting him, his mother’s comforting him- everyone. He remembers not leaving the palace- wanting to stay close. 

His memories are bothering him. He’s been having nightmares- of fire, smelling ash. He remembers crying again in Perseus’ arms- wanting nothing more to have switched places with those kids. Why did they have to die? Why did he get to live?

Life wasn’t fair. 

In the silence, in the comfort of his room- he remember’s Perseus’ words ring in his head. 

You have to let go.

Is Laurent even capable of that? Letting go? Letting go of his anger, his grief, his thought for revenge against those who wronged him- who doubted him. Is he even capable of that? He didn’t know. But as time slowly dragged on into the darkness of the night, he thought about it more and more. Was it worth it…? Was it worth hanging onto it for this long?

Deep down, he knew the answer, too.

---

Kneeling down, he takes a deep breath. Perseus is at his side, as always. He’s important to him, and he wants him to be there with him. Always. 

Laurent doesn’t remember the last time he’s felt such strong emotions running through his veins, even at his darkest of times- he doesn’t think he’s felt like this in a very long time. He doesn’t remember- but he supposes that could be either a good thing or a bad one.

It’s ok if he doesn’t remember.

Setting the flowers down, Laurent puts his hands together, and whispers his last goodbye. 

A goodbye to his past, a goodbye to the children he’s played with- even if he was a little mean to them at times. They were his family. His past family.

Standing up, he nods in Perseus’ direction- and in hand, they walk away from the graves.

When flowers bloom in spring, so do the finest of opportunities- so do the wildest of dreams. 

When flowers bloom, so do people- in all shapes and forms. 

Sometimes, it’s hard to let go. Laurent knows this- but he can’t keep holding onto it forever.

He’s born to rule.

In spring, he finally learned to let go, too.