—> Lighthouse

"Morning, ah you are eating? Great! Was worried you were going to skip another meal" A charming voice echoed from down the hall, it always sneaked it's way into my brain and making its self at home. His voice enough to light my eyes up and almost make me drop my butter knife. This was all before I could reach his eyes, staring back with constant playfulness.

I stead my nerves and shrug off his comment. Smart assed but it more flustered me than offended me. He stepped in front of me and looked over the counter as he fixed his collar on his shirt. I looked down as his hands distracted me, then I found myself thinking why the hell he has to wear such a tight shirt.

"Is something the matter? Honestly." he had began to sense something was off based on how quickly I was to back down. I was never to shy for a confrontation usually, playful or not. He rests his elbows on the counter and moves his face closer to mine. Enough I could smell his cologne. The scent, I remembered it. Not from him but from my own collection. It was expensive. Best money can buy. The thought of him going out of his way to buy-

I pause. I stop my train of thought and look back at him. Placing the butter knife on the side of my plate. The clink makes him look down and that's when I let out my breath.

"Why are you here? Why make time to come and see me? Ask questions and act like you fucking know me. I don't get it. Leave me alone, I don't remember inviting you in," The words leave my mouth with a hiss, narrowing my eyes to add to the impact of it. "You should leave. I don't know who told you I gave a shit about you but I don't. I'm still fucking pissed at you, Neo!"

Before I storm off he gently touches my shoulder once I brush past him to stop me in my tracks. I growl in annoyance and look at him with defeat in my gaze and he smiles in reply.

"You know I'm only down the hall. Only a knock away for anything you need." Another smile but this was different. I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck and I move from his hand.

"Don't even.. D-don't even fucking say that," I growl again and turn away just before I can hide the pink tone in my face. I open the door for him and don't even look at him now. "Listen, leave. I need time alone"

I can't catch his expression and I think it's for the best. He walks out and I hear him saying something with the playful tone once again. I block it out and close the door behind him, pressing my back to the door and rubbing my brow. I flick my hair back from my eyes after a minute to process and continue with my breakfast of eggs and toast. Sunny side up of course.

It was now about 11:59pm. The fan on my ceiling making small clicks as it turned on medium, it came to the point that it was all I could hear. I started counting it while playing with a loose thread of my sheets by my pillow. My eyes wouldn't close for the life of me. Deep inside I was restless even if my body was exhausted. That was it. I couldn't sleep and it was stupid of me to try any longer. I sat up and the mattress let out a small squeal. Sluggishly grabbing my phone and checking the time again.

I slipped on a black tee from my floor and I pulled on some sweats. I couldn't care less what I had on. Waking to the kitchen with just my phone screen to light my way. I almost make it into the lounge room but something rushes over me. I turn my head and there it is, the door.

I hold my breath and close my eyes. I know the darkness in all that's around me but I still close them, greeting more into my body. Foggy, it's foggy in my mind. It feels too full yet it feels empty. Too many things to just concentrate on one thing, but not enough things to concentrate on.

I snap from it in an instant, my phone vibrates in my hand and almost makes me jump from my skin. I click the power button and the screen lights up my face. My eyes scanning the notification bar on my lock screen.

"Hey, I know you don't want to speak to me, but just do this one thing for me? keep driving till you smell the the sea. Don't stop. Just keep driving. I need to see you."

I stare at my phone for a while, completely dumbfounded. I'm not sure how to reply. It's as if I forgot English and my fingers wouldn't work. Curiosity fills me, so does anxiety. He wants me to drive till I smell the sea? Why the sea?

I look up to the time on my screen, 12:13am. I shake my head at the thought of acting doing what he asked of me. He must be insane. I shove my phone in my pocket and grab my keys to make my way down the hall, I close the door and lock it behind me. My thinking is he obviously is playing a game. He wants me to run on some wild goose chase at the dead of night, for what I'm not sure. I step to his door, Number 12, and start knocking roughly on the door. I press my cheek to it and listen for movement as I call to him.

"Stop toying with me. It's too early in the fucking morning for cryptic texts like this. I'm sick of your games," I growl after I speak and continue to knock. Still no answer, surprisingly. By habit I slip my phone out my pocket and keep an eye on the time. I give an audible sigh and shake my head. He would have answered me to tease me by now if it was really just to get my attention. He would play off something like this as a cute flirting technique, I'm sure of it. Not matter how much he annoys me he plays it off as cute shit. He really would answer me by now.

It has to be the real thing then. He really expects me to drive to the seaside at this time of night? I'm not even sure of the directions from here. I hope he knows I'll be pissed once I see him. I'm not going to give him a chance to even explain why he thinks these games are fine. If I get lost and my GPS doesn't work I'm blaming him, this area is still new to me.

I get into my car around 20 minutes later after thinking my decision over. Having no idea whether or not to meet him. A part of me wanting to see him again, curious to what he has planned. Yet I can't shake the feelings I have for him and what he has done. All the thoughts circling my head and devouring each other like demons. My hands get slippery on the wheel even with the breeze pushing in from the car window, nerves get the best of me. Every heartbeat takes a second. Each heart beat ticks by like a clock, getting closer and closer till the ocean air hits my nose.

You are waiting for me to admit it, I know you are. You've been expecting the big release of emotion. To know what i feel for him and our history, am I correct? I'll tell you I don't know how I feel. I hear his voice and it brightens my day, fills me with butterflies and attacks my heart with hope. I hear his voice and I crumble, I feel weak. Nothing he has done of course. But he brings out my insecurity. I'm just a weak man at the end of the day. I'm scared he can see that too.

Eventually, the scent hits my nose like a brick. The foul smell of seaweed and saltwater. The crushing of waves making its way to my ears as I get closer. I pull up in the parking lot, the small lot near the edge of a not to high drop. The water down the end of it harshly crashing against the rock. When my headlights are off, I'm left with the main attraction to light up my view apart from a few dim street lamps. Standing at a frightening hight is the old light house. The light is barely working now, over years of mistreatment I'm guessing. Remembering how treasured they made it sound on the maps and advertising makes me laugh to myself. The peddles and grave under my feet crunching while I pull out my phone to text him.

"Neo, I'm here. Where are you? I'm near the lighthouse. You better not be fucking with me."

Its not even long enough for me to move my eyes from the screen before I get a text back.

"Aw Shiki, You actually came? Go up the stairs. I'm at the top."

I scrunch my face and look up at the towering light house, the screen lighting up most of my face. I question myself for a moment. I'm pretty sure the place isn't guarded, that's not what I'm worried about. It's the fact he is all the way up there waiting for me. He has to be kidding.

"The lighthouse?"

I text back and watch for a reply. This time taking a little longer than before.

"Yup. Meet me up the top."

I growl to myself and shove my phone back into the pocket of my sweatpants. Studying the handle from a distance, it's more hard with a lack of light but it seems rusted beyond belief. As I grab it, it almost completely snaps off. I loose my footing and fall right on my ass, the pebbles sticking into my palms as I try to get up. At least my phone is fine. I dust myself off and notice it the door budged a little. Gripping the sides I pry it open and make my way inside. Having to use my flashlight on my phone this time. The bricks on the inside of the walls that accompany the spiral staircase are cracked and somehow vines have managed to force their way into them. I listen for any movement above me but I don't hear anything. The light at the top is a bit blinding as I make my way up all the stairs, going on forever it seems.

I reach a room, strangely it's furnished. Decorated with oil paintings, the brickwork here is completely undisturbed compared to what I saw moments before. It's unlike anything I've seen before, not in movies or in person. The smell of an old library. An intricate wooden bookshelf, the books spines look worn and older than myself. A lot of wear and tear but the aesthetic is breathtaking.

A hand touches my shoulder again and I spin around fast, grabbing them by the collar and raising my fist and drawing it back. I sigh when I recognize the eyes, then the nose, the hair, the everything.

"Fuck man. Don't just touch me. A fucking hello would be good enough. Why the hell are we here? What's the point?" I growl out my words and cross my arms. He tries to give me a kind smile but I'm too exhausted to care.

He sits down on the wooden floorboards, his eyes not leaving me.

"I want to show you this place. I've asked to go out with you before but.. You always seem sad. You get angry at me and I never get a chance when it's just me and you talking about things. I thought maybe you would be intrigued haha.." he laughs and I watch as he moves his hair from his face. The scent takes over the room, still wearing the same one from this morning and I can't concentrate. "You came though. I wanted a chance to look out into the sea with you. Share a moment when everything isn't so crazy. A moment for us."

I close my eyes while slowly taking a seat beside him on the floor. My palms still hurting from the little chunks of gravel in them I didn't brush off completely. I pick at them and avoid his eyes.

"I'm sorry alright. It's nice of you to want this with me. To.. To I suppose want something with me. You aren't as bad as I paint you out to be alright.. But you can't expect me to be fine with the past." I shoot out my words and move my head to the side to the bookshelf hoping I can't feel his gaze, but I can.

A feel a hand on my leg and It draws my attention back to him. It's a gentle caring touch. I study his eyes and like I was scared of, it calms me down. It brings the feeling of home. It's scary. I blink fast and fight the tears. Looking away fast.

He replies in a softer tone now and takes my hand. He stands up and helps me to my feet, reluctantly i get up with him and glance at his face. Not his eyes, just his face. "Come with me, this is why I brought you out here. You won't regret it, swear on my life"

He seems so sure of himself. The view right? He wanted to see the view with me. We make our way up and his hand doesn't leave mine. My palms sweating from nerves but he doesn't mind. Not even letting go to wipe it.

The breath of ocean air forces its way into my lungs once more. Breathing in the emotion in the air and letting it sink in through my body. Whether I like it or not the feeling is here and it flutters uncontrollably. Not a cloud in the sky, stars reflect off the water, Looking like a whole other set of stars. Twinkling amongst the guard of the moon. The moon holding them up with wise words. This phenomenon, it puzzles me. Not the sky but the feelings that grow inside me just by this new view.

"... Why did you choose the lighthouse? Out of all the places to meet up, why did you pick this?"

He took a moment, the silence meant more than he thought it did. Perhaps I was overthinking it. I shake my head and look at the time. 1:30am. I look up at him only for a second and give him a half smile.

" it was fun. The view is beautiful, I just need to get going. It's late" I make my way to the stairs before I hear him call to me.

"The lighthouse. It once guided those that might get lost in the unforgiving sea. No matter how rough it got out there, they would know salvation isn't far away. Hope isn't lost. It can save a life as long as it's taken care of, sheltered from the worlds wrath. It's a beacon. It reminded me of how I never can get lost as long as I think about you, know you are always bright for me. Even on the days you aren't being kept from the rain you still shine. You just can't see it because how lost you are. I want to be your beacon, guide you home. Home to me, Shiki"