Sorry

I can still hear you. I feel you clawing at my leg as I give in to my thoughts, I hear you when you beg me to let go, I see you pulling at my fingers desperately trying to separate them, to unclench my fist. I can feel how useless your efforts are. Your energy is wasted, the feeling ruins me. I am too confused to be sorry, but I'm conscious enough to realize you.

And you are still here, except I bare them now.

I tolerate my tendencies, I wield them the way you used to. I have copied you, unlearning. I have stolen from you. I wield these intrusive ideas as you did, desperately begging myself to unclench my fist, clawing at my own leg. I remember these tendencies, I remember these reactions. They were your's.

Sorry
In the misery
I think I'm sinking slowly
I won't take you with me but I think you're coming too
And I'm not scared to be
Shifting living happily
I don't understand what anyone could see in you
Your name is haunting me
Thinking of it ruins me
I'm losing what I took from you and I'm too confused to be sorry

Drifting carefully
Distracting me from anything
I don't understand what you think I'm supposed to do
And I'm not scared to be
Slitting living miserably
Taking you down with me but I'm just so scared of you
Destruction is built into me
The same way you held it recklessly
And all I do is hate it because that's all you taught me to do